Love Comes Home (12 page)

She watched as he checked the boy for injuries. Josh's compassion for the frightened child touched her deeply.

Ben dissolved into tears, and Josh put his big, strong arms around the small boy. “Shh, it's all right. You're safe now. Where's Griff?”

Over the boy's head Rachel met his gaze. She saw fear, stark and vivid, in his hazel eyes. She stepped closer and laid a hand on his shoulder.

Ben gulped, his body shaking. “He—he fell. I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to leave him. And the fire…the forest's b-burning.”

“Show me where Griff is,” Josh said in a tight, strained voice.

The boy took Josh's hand and pulled him toward the lone tree. Rachel saw two legs jutting out from the other side. The side that bore the marks that Josh had carved into the trunk. Was that what lured him from his troop?

Quickly they rounded the tree and stopped short.

Griff lay prone and still. Rachel rushed past a frozen Josh to kneel at Griff's side. She fought a moment of alarm and forced her mind to focus. She immediately checked his pulse, which was strong, his breathing and then searched for injuries.

Josh knelt down beside her and very carefully took Griff's hand. “Griff, Griff.” His voice broke.

“He's breathing and his heartbeat's good,” she said.

“He's alive,” Josh breathed out, his relief evident.

“Yes, he's alive.” She laid a reassuring hand on his arm and blinked back sudden tears. She gained control of herself and turned to the boy. “Ben, how long has he been unconscious?” Her tone was amazingly cool, despite the hammering in her chest.

“I—I don't know. For a while.” The boy burst into fresh tears.

She looked up to see Josh staring at her intently. “His ankle's swollen, probably broken. He has a contusion on his head. We need to get him out of here.”

“I'll carry him back.” Josh moved to pick up his son.

Rachel squeezed his arm tightly. “You need to call for the rescue team to come take him out on a backboard.”

“No. That will take too long. You said he was okay, just a broken ankle.”

“Josh, my evaluation's superficial. We won't know if he has internal injuries until we can get him to the hospital. You could do more damage by moving him.”

Her stern and uncompromising tone rang with familiarity in her own ears. This was the voice that got
things done in the E.R. How easily and comfortably she slipped back into her doctor persona.

She could see he didn't want to comply with her assessment, but after a moment's hesitation, he acquiesced. From the pocket of the coat that she'd laid over Griff he pulled out a cellular phone and dialed. He quickly and tersely explained their situation.

Next he grabbed his walkie-talkie. “Dad, come in.”

“Here, son. Have you found Griff?” Rod's voice sounded breathless.

“Yes. Where are you?”

“Just cresting the summit now.”

“Take the incline to your left. We're here. Griff's unconscious, but alive. Rachel wants us to wait to move him. I've called for the rescue team. They should arrive shortly.”

“Copy that, thank God. Out.”

“Copy, out.” He turned to her, his expression grim and full of worry. “What can we do?”

“Wait.” The one word that was so hard to do. Part of the practice of medicine consisted of waiting and seeing. Sometimes God worked miracles where a doctor never could.

Josh stood and paced. “How did he fall, Ben?”

“He was trying to climb the tree.”

Josh groaned. “He knows better than to do that by himself. How many times have I told him that without supervision he could get hurt?”

“He's a boy exploring his world, Josh,” she stated quietly.

He whirled on her. “What do you know about it? You're not a parent.”

She drew back at his angry outburst, hurt by his harsh words.

Immediately his expression turned contrite. “I'm sorry. That was uncalled for. I didn't mean—”

She held up a hand. “You're right, Josh. I'm not a parent. I can only imagine the torment you're feeling right now.”

Though she'd only known Griff a short time, she loved the boy and had felt the same fear as Josh. She'd glimpsed the battle Josh fought every day with fear, the fear that something would happen to his son, one of the risks of family she wasn't sure she was up for. She forgave him his painful words. But the sting reminded her she wasn't welcome in Josh's life.

The sound of voices carrying down the hill was a welcome relief. Rod and Chris charged through the brush, quickly followed by three uniformed rescue personnel. Josh hastily detailed the situation.

“They snuck away from the rest of the troop and came up the hill from the shoreline,” Rod explained to Rachel as he came to kneel by Griff's feet.

A member of the rescue team knelt beside Rachel. She gave him her evaluation. The man, named Brian, placed a neck brace on Griff. The other two members of the team brought over a backboard.

Efficiently they secured Griff to the board and splinted his ankle, then lifted him and cautiously headed up the hill. Rachel picked up Josh's jacket and watched as Josh disappeared with the rescue team.

Rod's arm came around her shoulders. “Shall we?”

She nodded, feeling suddenly exhausted. They followed Chris and Ben up the hill moving at a good clip.

“There'll be an ambulance meeting us at the fire road,” Rod explained.

“That's good.”

“Thanks for staying with Josh. I know he appreciated your presence.”

Rachel gave Rod a sidelong glance. “I probably slowed him down.”

Rod shrugged. “You two worked together and found Griff. That's what matters.”

They'd worked together. Like a team. A couple. The pang that thought brought made Rachel stumble. Rod's hand on her arm steadied her. They weren't a couple. She would be leaving in the morning, going back to her life where she needed to stay focused on her goal. But the enthusiasm for the task didn't come, didn't fill her with the peace it usually did.

Rod cleared his throat. “You know, Josh still needs you.”

“Hardly.”

“The fire's still blazing. He's got a job to do. He's going to need your help.”

Rod's softly spoken words echoed inside her head. “My help?”

“With Griff, while he fights the fire.”

She doubted Josh would recant his demand for her to stay away from his son. He hadn't wanted her to come on the search. He surely wouldn't want her to stay with Griff. “They have you.”

“I'm needed out here, too. We're going to need every hand available to stop this blaze.”

In anxiety-ridden silence, Rachel digested her conversation with Rod. Josh had needed her, but did he still?
Lord, show me what to do.

At the head of the fire road, lights blazed. Two
people came rushing forward from one of the vehicles.

“Ben!” called Ben's mother. Ben hurried to meet his parents.

Rachel smiled to see the three hugging and kissing. Until recently, she hadn't known what that would feel like. To be so glad to see someone, to hold them close and be thankful for their existence.

But she'd felt that with Griff. She loved Josh's son, and she intended to continue to be there for him somehow, some way. Even if that meant staying a few days longer in Josh's world where she wasn't welcome.

W
ith Rod at her side, she headed toward his car.

“Rachel.” Josh's voice brought her to a halt. He stood at the open doors to the ambulance. Inside, a paramedic worked on Griff. She knew he'd hook him up to an IV to keep him hydrated.

“Go on,” Rod urged.

She moved forward on wooden feet. “Yes?”

“Ride with us,” Josh said abruptly.

She was astonished by Josh's request and by the thrilling glow that flowed through her in response. “Of course.” She climbed in and sat on the narrow bench next to Griff. She heard Josh tell his dad they'd see him at the hospital. The two men hugged. Josh climbed in and sat next to her.

When he gathered her hand in his, her brows rose in stunned surprise. Heat embraced her palm and traveled to her heart, making her aware of Josh's close proximity and of the need she felt in his touch. He
did
need her for Griff's sake.

“Thank you for being here.” His voice was thick and unsteady.

Her heart went out to him and a calming peace settled over her. “You're welcome.”

What would he think when he learned that she intended to keep her promise to Mom G., and that for the next few days it wasn't going to be from long distance?

 

“Can't you go any faster?” Josh grumbled, anxiety twisting in his chest.

“We're going as fast as we can, sir,” the ambulance driver replied with curt politeness.

Josh stared at his unconscious son. He looked so little and helpless lying on the backboard. Love swelled to overwhelming proportions, making Josh aware of how vulnerable his heart was where his son was concerned. If he lost Griff, he didn't know if he could survive life in one piece.

Do you trust Him?
Rachel had asked. Such a simple question yet not easily answered.

In placing his trust in the Lord, Josh was admitting he had no control over life. No control over whether his son lived or died. The out-of-control feeling nagged at his soul with frightening intensity. He'd had to call on every bit of knowledge he possessed about God to say yes with any conviction.

God was not some powerful being who took joy in His creations' pain, but rather a Heavenly Father who suffered with His children.

Faith, Rachel had reminded him, was more than just believing. Faith was trusting in something intangible, placing your life in God's care and being as
sured that He would work all things out for your own good.

The comforting pressure of Rachel's hand in his reminded him of her presence. He looked up to meet her gentle, blue gaze. There was nothing icy in the subtle look of understanding in her eyes.

This woman amazed him. She'd been there for him when he needed her quiet strength, her steady, reassuring presence. She'd kept her cool. Her doctorly, professional cool. And he was grateful.

Why she had insisted on coming to help search for Griff, he could only guess at the answer. He supposed the bond she and his son had formed had prompted her assistance.

Any other reason… He wouldn't go there, couldn't go there. Surely her determination to help had only stemmed from her love of his son and her experience as a doctor, not from feelings for him. Yet, as he held her gaze, he couldn't stop the ache that suddenly consumed his heart.

To divert his uneasy thoughts, he said, “You think he'll be okay?”

Her expression didn't change. “The fracture in his ankle seems to be a clean break but only an X ray will tell for certain.”

His gaze moved to the purple bruise on Griff's forehead. “What about his head?”

“Head injuries are tricky. We won't know what damage, if any, he has sustained until we run tests and he wakes up. But the size of the lump and the location indicate to me that at worst he may have a pretty good concussion. The forehead's the thickest part of the skull.”

Her soft voice worked like a balm to his tightly
strung nerves. Just as she'd calmly soothed his panic when they'd found Griff and for that agonizing moment when he'd thought his son was dead.

“I froze.” The admission tore from him.

She blinked. “What?”

He couldn't meet her gaze now. If he saw disdain in her eyes it would kill him. But he needed to get the words out. His self-loathing wouldn't permit him not to. “I froze. I saw him lying there and couldn't function.”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Even though I know what to do. I've been trained by the best. I've worked Search and Rescue. But when it mattered the most, I froze.”

“Don't blame yourself, Josh.” With her free hand, she drew his face toward her. When he met her gaze, he didn't see the reproach he'd anticipated. Instead he saw understanding and compassion.

“When it's someone you love who's hurt, it makes a difference. I can't tell you how many times I've seen the most competent doctors turn into a mass of jelly when their child or spouse is injured. Don't beat yourself up about something that happens to everyone in your situation. Doctors don't treat their own for that precise reason.”

He wanted to believe her. To believe
in
her. Her hand stroked his cheek. He'd willingly endure frostbite for her precious touch. He pressed a kiss to her palm. Her eyes widened but she didn't withdraw. “Thank you,” he whispered.

Her tender smile sent a deep yearning screaming through his tension-filled body. A yearning for what could never be: Rachel loving him and being his wife.

Rachel's career was important to her, so important
he couldn't ask her to give it up. And he knew she never would for him.

He frowned at the turn of his thoughts. She dropped her hand away and loosened her hold on him, as if giving him a chance to withdraw if he wanted. He tightened his hold.

He didn't want to go through this alone. He didn't like living a life by himself, not having someone to share the heartache and the joy with. He wanted a helpmate. He wanted Rachel, needed her, if only for now.

He forced his thoughts away from dangerous ground and onto the one love that he was sure of—his son.

What had Griff been thinking, wandering off from the troop like that? And going to that tree? He glanced up at Rachel. Their tree. Her eyes were trained on Griff, but she was miles away, lost in her thoughts.

“You know, I have no idea how Griff knew about the tree,” he said softly.

Her brows rose in response to his statement but she didn't turn toward him.

“Dad could have told him,” Josh said aloud, more to keep the silence from filling his head with farfetched thoughts he had no business thinking than from wanting any more of a response from her.

Thoughts like how much he admired and respected Rachel for pursuing her dreams, even at the cost to him, and about how good a doctor she must be if what he'd glimpsed today was any indication. She'd known what to do, had been efficient, yet caring.

When they arrived at the hospital, Josh jumped out before the vehicle stopped completely. Rachel's restraining hand kept him from pulling the stretcher out
himself. He wanted to help, to do something other than stand by helplessly and watch. He didn't like being pushed aside. He didn't like the images hovering at the sidelines of his consciousness, taunting him.

“Josh, let them do their jobs.”

Rachel's authoritative tone brought a halt to his chaotic mind. She was right. He was getting in the way. He stepped back and allowed the EMTs to do their job. They transferred Griff to a gurney and rushed toward the emergency room entrance.

He took Rachel's hand and followed the gurney into the hospital. An orderly moved forward, blocking the way. “Are you the boy's parents?”

“Yes.” Josh looked past the man to where they'd wheeled Griff behind a curtain. “I need to be with my son.”

“You can't go back there, sir. The doctors will take good care of your boy.” The orderly gestured toward the administration desk. “If you could step over to the counter and fill out some standard forms…sir?”

Josh ignored the young man. He couldn't see his son, couldn't see what was happening. He pulled Rachel forward. “This is Dr. Maguire. She's my son's doctor. She needs to be with him.”

The man frowned. “I thought you—”

Josh turned to Rachel and pleaded, “Please, go be with Griff. At least until I can call his pediatrician.”

She stared up at him, her complexion a pasty white. Something akin to fear shifted in her gaze. Josh didn't understand. She was an E.R. doctor and he was asking her to do her job.

The young orderly puffed himself up. “Sir, she can't. She's not part of our staff.”

Josh waited, ignoring the man's pronouncement. There was a struggle going on in Rachel. He could see the flicking emotions in her blue eyes. He didn't understand why she was hesitating.

Finally she blinked and straightened. Steely determination filled her gaze, crowding the fear to the edges. She focused on the orderly. “I'd like to speak to the attending.”

The man frowned. “He's unavailable. You can leave a message—”

“I'd like to speak to him
now,
” she demanded, her voice strong and cold.

The young man flushed and seemed to look around for help. “Uh, well. I—I think…”

Rachel started walking, her steps decisive. “Lead the way.”

The man stared at her retreating back, speechless for a second, then hurried after her.

Josh could understand the orderly's reaction. Rachel's cool, commanding tone was formidable. Clearly she was a woman used to being in charge. There was a remarkable strength in her petite form. He took a deep breath and the tightness in his chest eased somewhat, secure in knowing she'd take care of his son, though the fear he'd seen in her eyes nagged at him. What was that about?

 

As each step forward drew Rachel closer to the place where her mother died, her spirit groaned in agony. She didn't want to do this, she'd stayed away from this place since that day, but now she had to walk in there. For Griff's sake.

She pursed her lips tightly.
Be honest with yourself, Rachel. This is for Josh.
Because he needed her to go
in there. She couldn't explain how deeply his trust overwhelmed her and filled her with strength she'd not thought possible.

She approached the metal swinging doors leading to the restricted emergency care area and her steps faltered. A chill ran down her arms raising pinpricks of dread. Lifting her chin, she vowed to face the demons haunting her even if they destroyed her.

For Josh.

 

Josh was determined to do something, anything, to keep from rushing back to where they'd taken Griff. Nervous energy flowed through him as he moved to the administration desk. “What papers do you need filled out?”

The woman behind the desk smiled and handed him a clipboard and pen. “Here, sir. Fill in both sides, please.”

Taking the clipboard, Josh sat in the waiting area and filled out the forms. He focused on the papers in front of him, fighting off the memories of the last time he'd been in the emergency room filling out similar forms.

As the minutes turned into what seemed like hours, a feeling of helplessness settled over him like a blanket of fog. Pacing the waiting room like a caged tiger didn't help. Nothing did. All he could do was wait. He hated to wait.

Rod, who had arrived shortly after Rachel disappeared with the orderly, sat in one of the stiff chairs, his legs stretched out in front of him. “Sit down, son. You're making me more nervous.”

With an exasperated glance, Josh stopped and
stared out the window. His reflection looked back at him, accusingly.

Remembrance seeped in—memories and images of the night his wife had died. The gruesome reality of her death and his guilt struck at him, battering his already-weakened sense of self.

They'd brought her here to the emergency room; she'd undoubtedly disappeared down the hall on a gurney much the same way Griff had. She hadn't survived. He shuddered with the sense of loathing and uselessness that had plagued him for years. He couldn't change what had happened. No amount of penitence would bring her back.

He had to focus on Griff. That was the only thing that kept him sane, that kept him going. He had to be the best father he could be for Griff.

Abruptly he turned from the window and resumed pacing. It shouldn't take so long. Why hadn't Rachel come to tell him how Griff was?

“Josh.” A dark-haired man with gentle brown eyes walked into the waiting area.

“Dr. Michaelson.” Josh hurried over to Griff's pediatrician. Though the doctor was only a few years older than Josh, he exuded an aura of maturity and quiet compassion that appealed to Josh. Josh felt comforted by Dr. Michaelson's presence. “How is he?”

“He's awake and asking for you. Hi, Rod.” The doctor acknowledged Rod, who came to stand beside them.

“Doc.” Rod's good-natured reply elicited a smile from the doctor.

“And he's okay?” Josh asked, holding a breath.

“He'll have a nasty bruise and headache to match for a few days. We set his ankle in a cast, but it's a
fairly minor break. He'll need to stay off his feet for a while, but other than that he's fine.” Dr. Michaelson smiled.

Josh let out his breath. “Thank you, God.”

Rod clapped Josh on the back. “Let's go see the little tiger.”

Dr. Michaelson led the way to the elevators and stepped in with them. “He's been moved upstairs to a private room. He'll be released in the morning.”

When the elevator doors closed, Josh stuck out his hand. “Thank you, Dr. Michaelson.”

The doctor shook Josh's hand and gave a small chuckle. “You're welcome. Though I didn't do much. Dr. Maguire had everything under control when I arrived.”

Josh breathed a grateful sigh of relief to know that Rachel had taken good care of his son.