Love Comes Home (17 page)

“Now
you
have a choice, Josh. You can choose to hold on to the bitterness and the pain or you can forgive her.”

He drew back. Something ugly and hateful twisted in his soul. “For…give her?” He could barely get the words out. “You want me to condone what she did?”

Compassion and sadness filled her eyes, lighting the blue depths like beacons in the night. “Not condone her actions,
forgive
her actions. Those are two very different things.”

“No, they're not. Not in my book.”

“In God's book they are.”

“How can you say that?”

Her eyes narrowed slightly. “Do you believe the Bible is truth?”

“Of course,” he said indignantly.

“Do you believe that your sins are forgiven?”

“Yes.” He snapped the word.

“We need to work on your perceptions,” she stated quietly.

“What are you talking about?”

“Do you think that when God forgives you He says, ‘that's okay. I know you didn't mean it. Go back to what you were doing'?”

He frowned. What she said didn't seem right, yet wasn't that forgiveness? “I don't know. I think so.”

A sweet smiled touched her lips. “When God forgives, He takes our sin and removes it as far as the east is from the west. Then He expects us to move on with our life, not looking back and
not
repeating the sin. He also demands that we forgive those who've sinned against us.”

He blinked, trying to wrap his mind around her words. “But how do I forgive her? I don't even know where she is.”

“Oh, Josh. She doesn't have to know.” She moved closer, her slender hand taking his, the gesture unbearably kind. “When God forgives, it's for us. When we forgive, it's for God. Forgiveness frees us to have a relationship with God and…with others.”

“Frees us?” Could what she said be that simple and so hard all at once?

“It'll take time. I'm not saying that if you say you forgive her you'll magically be healed. But have faith in God. Pray for your mother, pray for the strength to forgive. In time the little boy inside of you—” she placed her hand over his heart “—he will be able to
let go of the awful stuff. And you, the man, will be able to trust and love.”

Josh's mind resisted; the pain was too much a part of him to believe it could be so easily set aside. Thinking of her anger and bitterness toward those she held responsible for her mother's death, he asked, “Have you forgiven the doctors?”

There was a softening in her eyes. “I'm beginning to, thanks to you.”

“Me?”

“My mother died in the E.R. at Sonora Community. And until two days ago, I'd never set foot back in there. I didn't believe I ever could. That's why I'd never wanted to practice medicine in Sonora.”

Her softly spoken words floored him. He'd never made the connection, never realized the depth of her pain. “I'm so sorry, Rachel. I never…” He widened his eyes as a horrible thought occurred to him. “I asked you to go in there.”

She nodded, a confident smile playing at her mouth. “Yes, you did, and I'm grateful. Because if you hadn't, I would have never known that my life's work had made a difference, that my mother hadn't died in vain. I've faced my demons and have been set free. I want the same for you, Josh. You will find freedom in forgiveness.”

Pride for the woman she'd become filled him, restricting his breathing. He thought over her words. Could forgiveness release the fear? Could he learn to love without being afraid to lose that love? “I don't know if I can, Rachel.”

Her gaze seemed to frost over, like the car windshield after a winter's night. “Do you love me, Josh?”

She took a few steps away. Suddenly she was distant and untouchable again. She kept doing that, hiding behind an icy wall.

He realized with a start that
was
what she was doing. Hiding.

All the times he'd thought her cold and unfeeling, she'd been hiding. Hiding emotions that made her vulnerable. Hiding her feelings from him.

Inside the wondrously beautiful ice sculpture was a warm and loving woman waiting to be freed.

In forgiveness there was freedom, she said. Could he forgive his mother? Could he forgive God for allowing his mother to do what she'd done? His throat worked and his eyes burned as it dawned on him that deep down he blamed God for his mother leaving.
Oh, Lord, forgive me for blaming You.

He gives us free will,
Rachel had told him.

His mother made her choice. Josh now faced a choice to forgive and move on. His father had loved his mother enough to let her go. Josh hadn't understood until now how much courage that had taken. Did he have enough courage, enough love to let Rachel stay?

“Josh, I love you.”

Rachel's tender words brought him out of his thoughts. She was so beautiful, standing there bathed in the full moon's brilliance. Light reflected off her dark hair, creating a shimmering glow that surrounded her. Her blue eyes were big and bright and cool with emotion. He'd been thickheaded not to realize before that when she was her coldest was when she was feeling the most.

She pulled in a breath. “I want to build a life with you. I want to earn your trust, make you know in your
soul that I would never break my commitment to you. Love's a choice, Josh. Every day, it's a choice we have to make.” Her voice echoed across the pool water, sounding brittle and frozen. “I choose you, Josh. And if giving up medicine's what it takes, I will.”

“You'd hate that, Rachel. And then you'd end up hating me.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “I wish there were some way to measure commitment.”

“The only measurable thing I can do to prove my love for you is to give up medicine.”

Her words, so at odds with her icy tone, stopped his breath, trapping the air around his heart until he thought he'd pass out for lack of oxygen. She'd give up being a doctor for him. She'd make the ultimate sacrifice as a testament to her love.

He searched his heart, going over the things she'd said. Love was a choice to be made every day. Forgiveness brought freedom. Faith was believing and trusting in something you couldn't see but knew to be true anyway.

For him to find happiness, he had to step out in faith and trust Rachel.

In two long strides he closed the distance between them and took her in his arms. Her body felt rigid and straight in his hands. “Aw, Rachel. It's too much.”

She tilted her head to look up at him. Her eyes glittered like icicles. “What?”

A slow, sweeping joy filled him. He breathed deep of the love at his fingertips. “It's too much, but more than enough.”

She went impossibly colder.

A smile gathered at the corners of his mouth.

Her gaze narrowed. He felt the touch of frostbite and didn't mind.

“Why are you looking at me like a cat when he finds the key to a birdcage?”

His smile grew, and love, perfect love, drove out the fear. He caressed her cheek. “I'm smiling because I love you. And I won't let you give up being a doctor.”

“You do? You won't?”

“Yes, I do. And no, I won't. You are who you are, Rachel. And I love every inch of you the way you are.”

She blinked rapidly, but tears fell from her eyes anyway. The cold receded and a warm front moved in. “I promise you, Josh. You will always come first.”

“I'll hold you to that promise,” he said as his mouth moved closer, hovering, waiting.

She went on tiptoe and closed the distance into a heart-stopping, mind-melting kiss.

“Rachel,” he said against her mouth.

“Hmm?”

“I'll need lots of these.”

“Kisses of assurance,” she stated huskily and recaptured his mouth.

“Rachel?”

“Hmm?”

“Will you marry me?”

She stilled, her lips turning cool against his mouth, her breath hitched. Then slowly the essence of Rachel fanned out around him, enflaming them both. Her head tilted back and indescribable joy reflected in her gaze. “Yes. I'll marry you. Only you.”

J
osh followed Griff through the double sliding-glass doors of Sonora Community Hospital's emergency entrance. Rachel stood behind the administration desk, her dark hair pulled back in a simple ponytail that brushed across the shoulders of her white coat.

“Hi, Mom,” Griff called out as they approached.

She looked up from the report in her hand. Her eyes crinkled at the corners and her mouth curved upward into a welcoming smile that never ceased to move Josh deep down in his soul. Quickly she laid the file down before moving around the desk. Taking Griff in her arms, she held him close, as close as her protruding stomach would allow.

“How's she doing today?” Griff asked before kissing the mound that held his baby sister.

“Kicking up a storm,” she commented, and met Josh's gaze.

The tender love in her blue gaze stirred his blood, stoking the fire that always burned for his wife. In almost two years of marriage, the love between them
grew more intense very day. “Are you ready for lunch?”

She hesitated. Old apprehension surfaced, catching him off guard. But he quickly squelched it. They both had lives outside of each other.

He was so proud of her and he respected the importance of the work she did. He could see the differences she made and knew about the lives she'd touched. And she supported his career, never once making him feel guilty for the time he put into the forestry service. They both carried the weight of responsibility on their shoulders, but as a couple, as a family, they would always come first.

Together, their love was enough.

“A quick lunch, if I want to get out of here early today to watch Griff's baseball game.”

“Done.” Easy contentment and satisfaction filled him. As they left the hospital, Griff skipping on ahead and their baby girl thriving beneath Rachel's heart, Josh sent up a prayer of thanks for bringing love back into his life.

 

Dear Reader,

I hope you enjoyed my first book with Steeple Hill. I'm very excited to be able to share Josh and Rachel's story with you. These two have been talking to me for a very long time now. They had to learn the power and freedom of forgiveness in order to find their way to a deep and lasting love. A love worth fighting for.

I used my childhood memories of Sonora as well as some creative license in constructing the backdrop for this story. If you ever get a chance to visit the gold counties of the Sierra Nevada, make sure you visit historic Columbia. I know you'll grow as fond of the area as I am.

May God bless you always.