Love Inspired November 2014 #2 (29 page)

He looked puzzled. “Are you sure?”

“Positive. And I have a lot of work for you to do in the morning.” As she handed the glove to him, she saw the realization dawn on his face, the light returning to his eyes.

“Nicki, I'll understand if you—”

She shook her head. “I'm sure about that, too.” Walking back to her apartment, she found herself wondering again what it would be like to kiss him. Ethan had started to invade her thoughts. His quiet confidence and soft-spoken tone reminded her of her father. Ethan was a compelling man, a strong man in character and in body. It would be so easy to let him fight her battles. But that was not in her nature. Which was why she needed to focus on her task and keep all romantic, nonsensical thoughts about her employee in the far corners of her mind.

* * *

Ethan knocked on the partially opened door to Nicki's apartment. They had been going back and forth between the two dwellings so often the past few days, they'd taken to leaving the doors open. He'd started helping with the baby, mostly keeping her entertained so Nicki could cook or work. He'd even mastered diaper-changing. Bottle-feeding was best. He liked holding the little girl close.

But he was worried about Nicki. They were behind schedule due to the rain. The sidewalk sale was two days away and they still had a lot to do. Nicki was overworked and trying to hide it behind her smile, but he could see the fatigue. When he didn't get a response to his knock, he tried again and heard Nicki shout from the bedroom. “I'll be right out.”

He smiled as he walked into the living room and saw Sadie lying on the floor under the baby gym, the music and bright moving objects capturing her attention. He hunkered down at the edge of the quilt. “Hey, Lady Sadie. Do you like your new toy?” The baby blinked and looked in his direction and smiled at him. His heart warmed. Reaching out, he touched his finger to her little cheek, then her tiny hand. She grasped it in her fist, kicking her legs and cooing. Did that mean she was happy to see him?

“She adores that thing.” Nicki emerged from the hallway. “It keeps her occupied so I can get dressed and have breakfast.”

Sadie moved her head at the sound of her mother's voice, arching her back in an attempt to roll over. “Hey, she almost did it.”

Nicki knelt down beside Ethan and stroked the baby's head. “It won't be long. I can't wait to see her sit up and crawl and walk. I'm looking forward to every new phase.”

Ethan drank in the sight of his lovely landlord. When she looked at Sadie, or talked about her, a beautiful glow came over her face. He looked away. Watching her did strange things to his emotions. Nicki conjured up feelings he wasn't comfortable with. He bent one knee, holding it with his laced fingers. “Next thing you know, you'll be childproofing the apartment.”

Nicki glanced around the room, her expression turning serious. “I'll be gone by then.”

Ethan swallowed his disappointment. Nicki had made no bones about her leaving town as soon as possible, but each time he heard her say the words aloud, it stung. His foster-care upbringing had left him with a life filled with short-term relationships. He should be used to it, but knowing that Nicki would be leaving had put a barbed thorn in his heart.

“Are you sure that's what you want to do? You have your family here. Friends. People who care about you.”

“I know, but I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I like being independent. Is that so wrong?” Nicki stood up and walked to the kitchen.

Ethan followed Nicki and took the tea pitcher from the fridge, pouring himself a glass. There was more behind Nicki's fierce need for independence than she was telling him. “No, it's not. I think everyone should be capable of taking care of themselves. But being totally alone isn't all it's cracked up to be. I grew up that way, independent, making my own choices. It would have been nice to have someone to help now and then.”

“I appreciate what you're saying, but being on my own again is important to me.”

“Okay, but remember, you're not really alone.”

“I know, and I appreciate you being here for me.”

Ethan placed his glass in the sink. “I was talking about your faith.”

“Oh, yes. Of course.”

Her expression ignited another round of questions about Nicki's real motivations. He wanted to beg her to rethink her plan, but her mind was made up, and he knew he couldn't change it. “It's late and I know you're tired.”

Nicki followed him to the door, smiling at him. She rested a small hand on his chest, which sent his heart pounding.

“Thank you for everything. I can't tell you how much having you here has meant to me. I'm grateful every day that you walked into my store.”

Ethan looked into her eyes and felt himself sinking into the blue depths. She drew him like no other woman ever had. His gaze drifted to her slightly parted lips and he wanted to kiss her. Slowly, he lowered his head. Then common sense prevailed. Kissing Nicki would be a huge mistake for both of them. She had a goal and he wasn't going to be the one to throw her off track. It would also draw him deeper into her life and he was already worried he was in too deep.

With a slight shift of his head, he kissed her cheek. Then he smiled and backed out the door. “Good night.”

* * *

Ethan swiveled on the stool at the work counter when Nicki walked into the stockroom the next day. Her hair, which usually hung free around her shoulders, had been pulled back with a dark headband, clearly revealing the concern in her eyes. The stress of getting the store ready for the sidewalk sale was evident.

She stopped at his side, peering into the box he'd just opened. “Is that the designer stationery I've been waiting for? I told you to let me know the moment it arrived.”

He arched his eyebrows at her harsh tone. “UPS just dropped it off.”

She pressed her lips together and shook her head. “Sorry. I'm frazzled today. There's still so much to do and not much time left.”

“It'll get done.” Leaning to the side, he picked up the pricing gun. Maybe putting her in charge of the merchandise would make her feel more in control. He swung his arm toward her. She flinched, throwing her arms up over her head. “Nicki?”

She lowered her arms, but kept her fists at her neck. Waves of fear emanated from her body, shredding his soul. He reached for her again, but she shrank away. His stomach knotted. What had happened to her? He had a sick feeling he knew, but didn't want to believe it.

“I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.” He laid the pricing gun on the workbench.

She stared at him, her blue eyes filling with tears. “I'm sorry.”

He shrugged. “Nothing to be sorry about.” He saw her start to tremble and pushed the other stool toward her. “Why don't you sit down?”

She nodded and perched on the stool, staring at her hands a long moment. “I'm sorry. I thought...” She took a breath. “Never mind what I thought.”

Ethan reached out and stroked her arm. “You thought I was going to hit you.”

She nodded, head bowed. It was all he could do to maintain control of his anger. He willed himself to remain calm for Nicki's sake.

“Did your husband hit you?”

She didn't respond, only continued to stare at her hands.

“It helps to talk about it.” He waited, knowing it was best to let her tell the story in her own time.

Finally she looked up, her eyes moist. “How could I be so stupid? I thought I was an intelligent woman, but I let him take over until I had nothing left. I just didn't see it until he—” She drew a shaky breath. “Brad wanted me with him all the time. I even quit my job. His attention seemed so sweet and romantic at first, but then he began to cut me off from my friends and family until I was completely isolated and under his control. I couldn't make a decision or a choice without his okay.”

A sob escaped her throat, increasing the tears. “I didn't even know my father was sick.”

Ethan stood and pulled her close, resting his chin on the top of her head.

“The verbal abuse had been going on for a while, but when I got pregnant he changed and became more and more angry. When I was four months pregnant with Sadie, I told him I wanted to go home to see my parents, and he became furious. It was the first time he'd ever— I couldn't let him hurt the baby. I called my attorney and she made all the arrangements for my escape. I left that night. All I could take was a small bag of clothes. I didn't even take my cell phone so he couldn't track me down.”

“Did he come after you?”

“No. I found out later that my husband was under investigation by the FBI. I guess he decided to cut his losses and flee the country. A week after I left him, I learned he'd been killed in a plane crash trying to flee to the Caribbean.”

Ethan squeezed her hand. “I'm glad you and Sadie got away.” It all made sense now. Nicki's fierce determination to be on her own, the odd comments she'd made about her husband. She must have felt as if she'd left one confining life for another. Being trapped in her marriage, then coming home only to be trapped into saving her family's store.

“I should have left sooner. I suspected he was seeing other women, but he kept telling me how much he loved me. And I wanted to believe it because I had given up everything for him. It was only later that I realized I hadn't given up anything. He'd taken it all from me. And I'd let him.”

She met his eyes. “I'm sorry I reacted that way. I know you wouldn't hit me, but for a moment I was back there.”

“Flashback,” he said, and her eyes widened with realization. “You don't have to have been through a war to experience one.”

Nicki reached out and pulled a paper towel from the worktable. “I always thought of myself as strong, capable, smart. Now I'm not sure who I am anymore.”

He nodded. “The things that happened in the Middle East made me question who I was. I thought I was immune to the horrors of war. I liked being a photographer because I could see others' emotions, but I didn't have to experience them myself. I found out differently. I came to Dover to figure out who I'm going to be from now on.”

“Guess we're not too different. We're both having to redefine who we are.”

“Do your parents know about this?” Sometime during their conversation Nicki had grasped both of his hands, holding them tightly. He liked being connected to her.

“No. I never told them the real story.”

“Why?”

“They'd be so disappointed in me. My mom adored Brad. She thought I'd married so well. I couldn't tell her. It was the only thing I ever did that she approved of. And my dad would be heartbroken. He always said I was so intelligent and perceptive. He'd never understand how I could have allowed myself to be dominated that way.”

“Your folks strike me as understanding people. They might be surprised, but I don't think they'll be ashamed of you.”

Nicki released his hands and stepped away. “I'll tell them eventually, but right now I have to focus on saving the store.”

“To prove to yourself you are capable or to prove to them you're worthy of their love?”

Nicki frowned and swiped tears from her cheeks. “No, that's not it at all. But after being a prisoner for so long, I want to prove to myself that I can stand on my own and take care of myself.”

She sighed, running her hands through her hair. “What's wrong with me? How could I have been so blind?”

“There's nothing wrong with you. You're a loving, trusting woman.”

“Naive and gullible, more like.”

“No.” He pulled her into his embrace again. “Those are qualities to admire, not be ashamed of.” He inhaled the floral scent of her hair into his lungs. He wanted to stay here forever, holding her, being her champion. But he wasn't the man she needed any more than her husband had been. Nicki wanted a man like her father, a family man, a man who could be a father to little Sadie, and that wasn't him.

The doorbell sounded, and Nicki swiped at her wet cheeks again. “Customers.”

“I'll get it. You stay here.” Ethan hurried out front, marveling again at Nicki's strength and courage. He had no doubt that she'd make her dream come true and raise Sadie to be an accomplished young lady. But a small part of him wished she were a little less strong. Then she might need him in her life.

* * *

After Ethan left, Nicki returned to her office and slipped quietly into the back room, where Sadie was sleeping. Sinking to the floor, she gazed at her little girl, drawing comfort from the sight. She couldn't believe she'd told Ethan about her abusive husband. She hadn't planned on telling anyone. Ever. But his quiet strength, his understanding attitude, had given her a safe place to finally release the turmoil she'd suppressed all these months.

Drained and shaky, she was still aware of a profound sense of relief and renewed courage. Ethan was right. Talking about her pain did help. But he'd raised another question. Was she trying to prove her worth to her parents by saving Latimer's? Was she overcompensating for her failure by trying to prove she was capable and strong and not the weak woman Brad had dominated?

“You going to be okay?”

She glanced up at Ethan, who stood in the office doorway. The concern in his chocolate eyes chased away her doubts. “As long as I have Sadie, I'm more than okay.” She got to her feet and faced him. “Ethan, I'm sorry for falling apart. I'm just overly tired, that's all.”

“I know. We've been working pretty hard.”

“I appreciate you listening. I didn't realize how much I needed to talk to someone.”

“I'm here whenever you need me.”

His tender gaze reached into her heart like a warm hug, and she laid her hand on his forearm, needing the connection. She had a feeling she was starting to need him, too. His hands moved up her arms, gently pulling her closer. Her heart skipped a beat, anticipating what was to come.