Love Inspired November 2014 #2 (31 page)

Ethan smiled. He loved to see her so confident. “It was all your idea.”

“But you helped.”

“Naw. All I did was follow orders, boss.”

Nicki's blue eyes softened as she held his gaze, sending tiny tingles along his skin. “No, you're more than my employee. You're my friend, and I—”

The back-door buzzer sounded, signaling someone had come inside.

“I'll bet that's my mom.”

“I'll start cleaning up.”

“No. We can do this tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow's Sunday.”

“Monday morning, then. I'm too happy to work. I want to celebrate.”

Ethan followed Nicki to the back, nodding to Mrs. Latimer before ducking into the stockroom. Nicki wanted to celebrate. So did he. He felt as if he'd been inside this store for weeks. She must feel the same. Maybe he should suggest they take in the events on the square. He'd like to spend time with her outside of the store.

As soon as Mrs. Latimer left, he sought out Nicki in the office. “Do you still want to celebrate?”

“I do. I'm so wound up I'm liable to burst.”

“We could walk to the square and try some of that prizewinning catfish. Maybe take in the concert?”

“I would love that. Sadie would, too. She hasn't been in her stroller for days.”

After locking the store and retrieving the stroller from upstairs, Ethan assumed pushing duties as they walked to the square.

Nicki inhaled a deep breath. “I love this time of year. All the flowers are blooming, the air is clean and sweet, and the humidity hasn't taken over yet.”

Ethan strolled beside her, delighting in her cheerful spirit. He'd never seen her this relaxed and carefree. Nicki absolutely glowed when she was happy. He let the sight of her make a deep impression in his memory. He would always think of her like this.

“So where do you want to eat? Or should I ask whose catfish do you want to try?”

She smiled up at him, bumping his shoulder playfully. “The winner's, of course. I heard Burt Kershaw won this year. He's set up at the other end of the square.”

Their journey through the courthouse park was periodically interrupted by old friends, all eager to comment on the new look of the store, inquire about her father and gush over the baby. By the time they arrived at the blue-and-white-striped awning over Kershaw's booth, Ethan's stomach was growling. He pulled out his wallet and handed the man a bill. Nicki reached over and tapped the empty cellophane photograph sleeves.

“Why no pictures?”

He shrugged and took the change the man handed him, quickly closing his wallet and shoving it into his back pocket. “No family.” He carried the Styrofoam containers of fried catfish, hush puppies and coleslaw to a picnic table near a giant magnolia. Ethan parked the stroller beside him so Nicki could eat in peace.

She took one bite of the crispy fish fillet and sighed with pleasure. “Oh, Burt definitely deserved the prize. This is so good.”

Ethan bit into his fish, nodding in agreement. The fillet was light, the batter tangy and crisp. But as far as he was concerned, spending time with Nicki was the real prize.

Dusk was settling in by the time they finished eating, and the sounds of the band warming up at the other end of the park drifted on the air. Ethan tossed their trash into the bin, then grasped the stroller handle. “Do you want to listen to the concert for a while or are you ready to go home?”

Nicki shook her head, sending her blond waves floating around her neck. “I'm having too much fun. It feels so good to not worry about the store for a change. Besides, my little princess has fallen asleep. We might as well take advantage of this golden opportunity.”

The band was beginning their first number, a country tune that invited anyone within earshot to tap their feet in time with the rhythm. As they passed the stately gazebo, a historic structure that had a deep place in the heart of the town, Nicki stopped.

“The music is really loud. Maybe we should sit here in the gazebo and listen for a while.”

“All right.” Ethan picked up the stroller and carried it up into the gazebo, careful not to wake the baby. Nicki and Ethan sat on the wooden bench that ringed the inside of the bandstand.

Nicki checked on Sadie, then settled back to listen to the band. By the time the third song was under way, darkness was falling and the lights around the roof of the gazebo had blinked on, casting a warm, cozy glow inside. Ethan looked at Nicki. She was even more beautiful in the soft light. All signs of stress had vanished, replaced by a warm glow of happiness. He wished he had his camera with him to capture the moment forever.

Now that they were alone together, Ethan could almost believe there was no one else in town but the three of them. For a brief second, he allowed himself to pretend that Nicki and Sadie were his. That somehow he could be a husband and father, a man who could provide all the love a family needed. Nicki smiled at him and his heart flipped over. He could easily fall in love with this amazing woman. Maybe he already had.

* * *

Spring evenings were still cool in late April, and as they walked the few blocks back to the apartment, Sadie needed her blanket. After stowing the stroller in the hallway, Nicki unlocked her apartment and glanced over her shoulder at Ethan. “I'm going to put her down. I'll be right back.”

When she returned to her living room, the smile on her face caused a small skip in his pulse. He needed to leave before he did something he might regret.

“How about a cup of coffee?”

He almost said yes, but caught himself in time. “It's been a long day. I'd better go.” The look of disappointment on her face both stung and buoyed his spirits. He didn't like to let her down, but he was glad she wanted to spend more time with him.

“But I'm not ready for the day to end.”

He smiled. “I have a feeling you'll crash pretty soon.”

She sighed and brushed her bangs off her forehead. “I suppose you're right.”

He walked to her door, keenly aware of her following close behind him. The gardenia scent she favored wrapped around him, muddling his resolve. When he faced her again, she was only inches away. Her blue eyes were warm and tender, and he found himself unable to look away.

“Thank you for suggesting we take in the fair. I should have been exhausted after today, but I'm too hopeful.” She held up her hand. “I know. There's still a long way to go, but it's a great start.” She rested her hand on his forearm. “I had fun tonight. It's been a long time since I've been able to forget my problems and just enjoy myself.”

“My pleasure.” He saw expectation bloom in her eyes and sensed the rising awareness between them. He knew it was time to leave. “Good night.” He left before he could rethink this decision.

* * *

The street below her apartment window sparkled in the afternoon sun. A few cars passed along the asphalt. A gentle breeze sent the street-lamp flower baskets swaying. A typical Sunday afternoon in Dover. Nicki turned from the window and glanced at her empty apartment. She loved her little home. It had become her refuge at the end of each day, a cozy place to unwind with Sadie.

And Ethan.

But without them, the rooms felt sad and lonely. She'd attended church with her parents this morning, then gone home with them for Sunday dinner. Her mom had offered to watch Sadie so Nicki could clean up the store from the sale. Nicki had jumped at the idea of stealing time alone in her apartment to read or maybe watch a movie. Instead, she'd wandered around like a lost puppy, not knowing what to do with herself.

Her gaze drifted toward the door. Ethan wasn't home. He was involved with some service project. Crossing her hands over her arms, she rubbed them, trying to chase away the lingering chill from last night. She'd thought he was going to kiss her. When she'd thanked him again and rested her hand on his arm, the contact had ignited sparks between them. She'd seen it in his warm chocolate eyes. He was going to kiss her. And she wanted him to. Instead he'd left with only a goodbye, leaving her confused and unsettled and filled with curious feelings.

She knew she was attracted to him and she knew he felt the same, but neither of them was willing to acknowledge it or take the next step. Maybe that was for the best. They were both discovering new directions for their lives. She certainly wasn't looking for a relationship. So why was she always so conflicted when she was with him? Sighing loudly, she grabbed her purse and headed for the door. There was no way she could relax here. Too many questions and too few answers.

Her mom looked up from the sink as Nicki walked into her parents' kitchen. “You're back early. Everything okay?”

Nicki bent over the baby swing holding Sadie, touching her lovingly. “I missed my little princess.”

“Understandable. She's a joy.”

“I can't wait until she gets bigger. There's so many things I want to experience with her. Reading stories, tea parties, playing dolls.”

Her mother joined her at the table. “I know. I looked forward to all that with you, too. But maybe she'll be like you and not want those things.”

Nicki stilled. The sadness in her mother's eyes sent a sharp pain to Nicki's heart. Her mother must have had dreams for her when she was a baby. But Nicki had only wanted to follow her dad around. Tears welled in her eyes. Why hadn't she seen that her mother just wanted to spend time with her? “Mom. I'm so sorry. I must have been a huge disappointment to you.”

Her mother frowned. “You were
not
a disappointment. Where did you get such an idea?”

“As long as I can remember, you never liked anything I did. You always wanted me to be more like Kyle.”

“Nichelle. I never said that.”

“Implied, then.”

Her mother took her hand. “I'll admit it was hard sometimes to have a child who was so independent and determined. So many times I wanted to do things with you, but you had your own way, and that was the end of it. Yes, I would have liked more mother-daughter time, but that doesn't mean I didn't love you or approve of you.” She smiled. “I just didn't know what to do with you sometimes.”

Nicki swallowed the lump in her throat. “I couldn't be like Kyle. He was perfect.”

“Hardly. But he was an easier child to raise. He rolled with the punches. If I told him to do something, he did it. When I told you to do something, there was always an argument, a battle.”

“Sorry.”

“You were always your father's child. Kyle was mine. We understood each other the way you and your dad do.”

“Did that hurt you?”

“Sometimes. But why would I be upset because my child adored her father?” Her mother sighed and glanced away. “It's been a rough couple of years. Losing your brother, then Dad getting sick and then you living so far away. I felt like I'd lost both my children. Kyle to death and you to distance. But I took comfort in the fact that you were with a man who could provide the very best for you.”

Guilt washed over Nicki's heart. It was time to come clean with her family about the past. “Mom, I think it's time I told you the truth about why I came home.”

Chapter Ten

N
icki breezed into the living room Tuesday evening, fastening an earring as she walked. “She's already had her bath, and she's ready for a little playtime. Her formula and bottle are on the kitchen counter. Just shake it up.”

Ethan chuckled, holding Sadie a little closer. “I don't think your mommy believes I can take care of you.” Nicki frowned. She looked stunning in a slim skirt and soft print top with sleeves that he could describe only as butterfly wings. The pale blues and greens in the pattern set off her blue eyes.

“Of course I do, but I don't know how long this Chamber of Commerce meeting will last. I wouldn't go at all, but I'm anxious to hear how the other stores did after the Square Fair.”

“Nicki, I've done this before. Go. You'll be late for the meeting. We'll be fine.”

Nicki kissed Sadie goodbye, smiled at him, then hurried out the door.

“Well, Lady Sadie. What should we do first? Want to practice rolling over?” Sadie looked at him and smiled, adding a cute little cooing sound for emphasis. Her eyes sparkled and her hands waved, one finding its way into her mouth. Ethan chuckled. “I promise, we'll celebrate the moment you do.” He started to put her down beneath her infant gym, but another idea took hold, one he'd been resisting for a while now.

He wanted pictures of Sadie. He wanted to capture the moment she rolled over for the first time and all her cute little expressions. He'd looked at his cell-phone photo of her a dozen times a day. He'd even added a few more. One shot of Nicki holding Sadie had become his favorite. Nicki's expression of love for her daughter was the most beautiful sight he'd ever seen. But that picture had only made him long for more captured moments.

His cell-phone camera took good pictures, but to get quality shots, he'd have to pick up his professional equipment again. The thought still caused a tightness in his chest. What would he see when he looked through the viewfinder?

Ethan paced the room, bouncing Sadie as he moved. Which did he want more? Pictures of the baby or protecting his emotional well-being? He hadn't had a nightmare in weeks. How did he know it was even at risk if he didn't try? But did he want it bad enough to try looking through the lens?

Sadie cooed and gurgled. He smiled. Maybe she was trying to tell him something. He wanted pictures. He wanted something to have after Nicki left Dover.

In his apartment, he went to the closet in the living room, tugging out the big black case with one hand while juggling Sadie in the other. Hoisting it up on the bed, he opened it and stared at the contents. Three cameras with extra bodies, batteries, converters, chargers, cables, memory cards, cleaning kits and adapters. He waited for the fear to come. It didn't. Encouraged, he pulled out the Canon, his favorite and the most versatile. “Let's see how this works, Lady Sadie.”

Back in Nicki's apartment, he laid Sadie beneath the gym, then turned his attention to his camera. His mind automatically analyzed the settings he would need for the amount of light in the room, and he made the adjustments without thinking, each step as familiar as breathing.

Sitting back on his haunches, he placed the camera in his left hand, the weight in his palm like the handshake of an old friend. His right hand folded around the side, his index finger automatically finding the shutter button. His hand trembled. He lowered the camera and turned away. No. It was too risky.
The Lord is my shepherd.

Taking a deep breath, he raised the camera again and looked through the viewfinder. A rush of air escaped his lungs when all he saw was a baby on a blanket. He pressed the button, capturing Sadie forever. A rush of exhilaration and freedom flooded through him. The world through his lens was under his control. He decided what to shoot, what to zoom in on and what to ignore. This time he was keenly aware of the subject of his photographs. There was a connection that hadn't been there before. A new layer of awareness of what was going on in front of the camera. He noticed when Sadie became tired and rubbed her eyes with tiny fists. Her first whimper pulled the camera away from in front of his face. He set it aside and bent down to pick up the little girl.

Ethan quickly grabbed her bottle and carried her to the rocker. Being a baby model must have worn her out because she took only half her bottle before falling asleep. Cradling her close, he stepped across the hall and placed his camera on the table before carrying Sadie to the nursery. Settling her into her crib, he gently stroked her little head. Did she feel warm? Probably just the heat from the lamps in the living room. He'd switched them all on to get proper lighting.

He spent the next hour looking at the pictures he'd taken, deciding which ones to give Nicki. One thing he'd discovered tonight: the desire to take pictures still lived within him. Not long after Sadie fell asleep, Nicki came home.

“How did the meeting go?” he asked.

“Great. Everyone had huge sales Saturday. We raised a nice sum for the charities.” She walked past him, into the bedroom, returning with a small smile. “I guess everything went okay while I was gone?”

“Yep.”

She kicked off her shoes and joined him on the sofa. “Flora Edwards was there.”

“My former landlady at the Dixiana?”

“Yes, she's starting a campaign to get Dover changed back to Do Over. She says she wants to preserve our heritage.”

“Might not be a bad thing.”

“But think of the cost of renaming our town. Not just the sign on the highway, but the legal hoops we'd have to jump through. State. Federal. Not to mention Google searches.”

Ethan chuckled. “You may have a point.”

She reached over and took his hand. His heart skipped a beat for a few seconds.

“Thank you for watching Sadie. You'll make a great father one day.”

He abruptly released her hand and stood. “I'm not cut out for the parenthood thing.”

“What? Why do you say that?”

He was surprised to see disappointment cloud her blue eyes. But he had to make her understand. “I learned something from every foster home I was assigned. Sometimes I learned useful things, like handyman skills or minor car repairs. Other times it was how to mediate or when to keep my mouth shut. One thing I learned from every home I was in—I knew nothing about how families worked and I never would.”

“But that doesn't mean you can't learn.”

Ethan rubbed his jaw. How could he make her understand? “All I know is photography. I turned eight the day before my mom died. She'd given me a little camera. She left me alone for just a few minutes to run to the store a few blocks away. She never came back. A car hit her crossing the street. When Social Services showed up later that day, they wouldn't let me take anything with me but some clothes and my toothbrush. I hid the camera in my jacket and I managed to keep it with me. It became my shield, my protection against the outside world. It was the only way I knew how to live until that moment in Afghanistan.” He inhaled a deep breath. “I'm still learning to live on the other side of the camera.” He rose and headed to the door, willing himself not to look back at Nicki, but when she called his name, he turned. His gaze fell on her sweet face and the sadness in her eyes.

“I think you're wrong,” she said. “You'd be a great father.”

He wanted to believe her. But how did a man who'd never had a father know how to be one?

Nicki rested her hand on his arm. “Ethan, Sadie loves you.”

Her words clogged his throat. “I love her, too. But there's more to being a dad than liking kids.” He took one last look into her troubled eyes, then left, reminding himself that Nicki had only one goal and it was to leave Dover.

Then he'd be alone again.

* * *

Nicki huddled deeper under the covers, trying to chase away the cold hollow in her heart left by Ethan's comments last night. While she could sympathize with his belief that his foster-care childhood had been a bad example of family life, that didn't mean he wouldn't make a good husband and father someday. She wanted to find a way to convince him that he was wrong. But she wasn't sure how.

Strange cries penetrated the lifting fog of sleep. Sadie was crying. Nicki forced her eyes open and glanced at the clock. She could have used another hour of sleep, but apparently Sadie had other ideas. Tossing off the covers, she swung her feet to the floor. Getting an early start wasn't a bad thing. There was still so much to do in the store. At least the tide had turned. She had to believe the weekend signaled a turnaround for Latimer's.

Tiptoeing into the nursery, she bent over the crib, smiling at her daughter. “Good morning, sweetheart.” Her hand caressed the side of her baby's head. Her skin was dry and hot. “Sadie?” She reached to pick her up, but Sadie's arms began to shake. Her legs stiffened and her toes pointed downward.

“Sadie!” Fear exploded into panic as she watched her baby shake. “Ethan!” She turned and ran to the front door. He must have heard her scream because he was already in the hall when she opened it. “It's Sadie. She's shaking all over. I don't know what to do.”

Ethan hurried to the crib. “We need to get her to the hospital. She's having convulsions.”

Nicki's mind went numb. Blindly she followed Ethan's instructions, holding Sadie, who had finally stopped shaking, but lay quiet and still in her arms. In the backseat of her car, she kept one hand on Sadie's chest, praying for her to keep breathing.

“Where am I going, Nicki? Which way to the hospital?”

Her brain refused to cooperate. “Uh. Union Street. Follow it out to the highway and go toward Sawyer's Bend.”

Her prayer became a hypnotic plea. Over and over she prayed for Sadie's life, begging God for mercy. Nicki was only vaguely aware of the drive to the hospital and of Ethan helping her into the E.R. Time passed in a haze. Insurance. Paperwork. Questions. All she knew was that Sadie was in her arms.

It wasn't until they were led into a small exam room that her mind began to clear. Ethan was at her side, his arm around her shoulders, muttering words of comfort.

The doctor finally entered and introduced herself as Dr. Wells. Nicki struggled to answer her questions.

“How long did the seizure last?”

Ethan's voice responded before Nicki could. “Minute and a half, maybe two. No longer.”

Dr. Wells scooped Sadie up. “She's running a high fever. We're going to get that down, and then we'll examine her to see what's going on. We'll run a few tests.” She started for the door. “Don't worry, Mrs. Collier. I'll take good care of little Sadie.”

Nicki nodded, thinking how odd it was to hear her married name again. She'd stopped using it when she'd left her husband. The moment the door closed, Nicki's knees buckled. Ethan pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her, resting his chin on the top of her head. She clung to him, unable to think.

Ethan eased her into the chair, keeping her hand in his. “What if it's something serious?” A surge of fear closed her throat, forcing her to gasp in a breath of air.

“Nicki, I think you should call your parents.”

She balked at the suggestion. Her mom would probably blame her. She didn't need that now.

“Listen to me.” He forced her to look at him. “I'm going to have to leave and get the store open soon. But I can't leave you here alone. Unless you want to close the store today. I'm sure the customers would understand.”

“No. We're too close to turning things around. We have to open up.” But she didn't want to call her mother.

“Nicki, honey, you need her at a time like this. Sadie's her granddaughter. She'd want to be here.”

He was right. Slowly, she pulled her phone out of her purse. Before she could make the call, the door opened and a nurse looked in.

“Dr. Wells said Sadie's fever is coming down, but she wants to run a few tests.”

Relief made Nicki light-headed. Burying her face in her hands, she muttered a thankful prayer then glanced at the nurse again. “My baby is going to be all right, isn't she?”

“We'll know more when the tests are completed.”

The nurse left and Nicki dialed her parents' number with shaky fingers.

The sound of her mother's voice released the tears she'd been fighting. When her parents walked into the room a short while later, Nicki threw herself into her mother's arms. “Oh, Mom, I'm so scared.”

“Tell me what happened.”

Nicki explained and then they settled in to wait. Finally, the doctor entered the waiting room.

“Sadie is doing well. I don't think it was anything serious. Her fever spiked. It's not unusual in small children. When it happens so quickly, it can cause febrile seizures. A terrifying thing to witness, but not usually serious. I'd watch her for the next couple of days. She might be coming down with an infection or a cold. If she runs another fever, call your pediatrician right away.”

“Can we take her home now?”

“Not yet. I'd like to get the test results back before we send her home. Are these your parents?”

Nicki made a quick introduction.

“Have any members of your family ever experienced these seizures?”

Nicki looked at her mother.

“No. Never. Why?”

“A child is more likely to have febrile seizures if either of his parents had them when they were young.”

Dr. Wells looked at Ethan. “What about the father's family?”

Nicki crossed her arms over her chest, avoiding Ethan's glance. “The father is deceased. I don't know anything about his medical history.”

“I see. Well. If you'll follow me, I'll take you to Sadie. You can stay with her until we get those test results.”

She grabbed her purse and started from the room, followed closely by her parents. She glanced back at Ethan. He wasn't moving. There was something odd about his expression, but she didn't have time to think about that now. “Aren't you coming?”