Love Me Crazy (24 page)

Oh, shit. I swallow hard. The pain-laced mass on his chest is a conglomeration of sharp points appearing to squeeze into his heart. I imagine the pain would be similar to being crushed by a boa constrictor who swallowed a hedgehog. Sharp. Long lasting. Unforgiving. Yet his beating heart pumps on. Untouched.

He moves my hand back to the start and follows a spiral going toward his left side, across his ribs toward his back.

“
Ellie,” I whisper.

I long to erase the unease he has with his past, wishing my touch could fade the ink, thus fade his guilt. But it will always be there, never forgotten.

Is that what I should do, sketch my past? Maybe acknowledging makes it easier to stomach.

He traces another spiraling ink on his opposite arm he dedicated to his mom.

“You should tell them.”

“No.”

“It would change how they see them.”

“No. They’d see the thorns. The barbs.”

“And think they were the problem.” I realize aloud.

He nods.

“Then tell them the whole story.”

“The whole story,” he repeats sadly. He rubs his hand down my arm. “I don’t know if I can.” His lips turn down, making his dimple disapear. “The night my dad died, I told him I wasn’t going to college.”

My lungs cease working, freezing my exhale and making me flick my gaze to Quinn’s.

“He was so angry,” he continues. “His face was so . . . red. He threatened to financially cut me off. He said Covington money doesn’t pay for worthless careers, that I was throwing my life away and shitting on the family name. I lost it and said things I regret.” His fingers tighten over mine. “He was leaning against his desk.”

The breath in my lungs begs to be let out, but I can’t move. I hadn’t expected that.

“
I told him I didn’t care what he thought.” His word strains under pressure. “He grabbed his chest. Fell to his knees. I was so mad. So confused. He died hearing how much I hated him.”

Here I am, sulking over my parents’ behavior and my sorry-ass luck with love and he thinks he’s the reason he lost his dad. That’s serious misguided guilt and, God, the torture he’s put himself through because of it.

It takes me a minute to muster up enough courage to say something. “Ellie mentioned it was a heart attack.”

He nods.

“Then he didn’t die because of you, Quinn. Heart attacks happen.”

“I triggered it.”

I roll off him and lay at his side, hand on his over his heart. “He knows you didn’t mean it, just as you know he didn’t mean what he said.”

He shakes his head and blinks several times before rubbing his nose. “He died thinking I hated him.”

“Do you?”

“No, I just wanted him to understand. Business and law books were his way, not mine. I wanted him to see my potential in other avenues. I wanted to try out photography and take some courses. He raged when I told him. He said I did it to rebel.” He sighs heavily and rubs his chin with his knuckles.

I think back to the game in the kitchen. The two reasons he left. “So that’s the secret—the real reason you felt you had to leave.”

He nods.

“Have you ever said it aloud before?”

He
shakes his head.

“Then your Dad finally hears the truth now.”

His lips curve up a fraction, pursed under the pressure and intense declaration he’s just made . . . to me. “Yeah, I guess so.”

Knowing how hard this must’ve been for him, I trace the last two vines, having committed them to memory long ago. I use both hands and follow the different trails until they run toward each other and track parallel over Ellie’s wiry thorns near his left ribs. One barbed bramble curls around his navel.

“Your dad,” I say, tapping the end with my finger. The other bramble dips below it, exposed only because he’s naked. “And you,” I breathe.

His vine doesn’t end like the others, instead, it plunges through a heart, sharp and tipped like a blood-drawing sword. Five arrows also stab through the heart.

I grind my teeth together. “Are you Catholic?”

He rests his hand over the speared heart. “No, but everyone carries their own set of sorrows.”

“Sorrows? But there’s only six.”

“And I’m thankful for that.” He traces an arrow. “When Dad died, I took something from everyone. I gave them sorrow. This is how I give it back.”

“I don’t understand.”

“There’s a counterweight to everything. A balance. Comfort for Kat, peace for Dad, protection for Mom—not that she needs it—understanding for Ellie, and for our family as a unit, strength.” He identifies five of the six tips.

“What’s your saving grace?”

Though
the candlelight fights with the darkness surrounding us, the shake of his head is perceptible.

“You won’t tell me?”

“Come here.” He pulls on my waist until I sink beside him in the bed. “Sleep. I’ll wake you in an hour and we’ll head back. Just stay with me, okay. Let’s enjoy each other in the now.”

I press my back against him until he forms around me, cocooning me in warmth and protecting me from the invisible ghosts of my past and our future. The light brush of his hand against my check reminds me to relax.

“Sorrows hide in shadows. When my sisters forgive me, the shadows will disappear.”

“But your ink won’t.”

“Guilt is one heavy son of a bitch and weighs you down like an anchor, invisible to the world around you. Guilt feeds resentment and anger. It took me awhile to accept that, and once I had, I wanted a reminder. The guilt hasn’t gone away, but I don’t resent my dad and I’m not as angry as I was.”

I never felt guilty for walking away from Mom, I felt guilty for not being who she wanted me to be. Same with Preston. I felt I wasn’t good enough and thought my shortcomings were why he hooked up with my roommate. Quinn’s right. That guilt fed my resentment and made me hate Preston and every guy afterward.

Because of one awful experience, I changed my outlook on love. I should have dusted myself off, looked for better love, and not denied myself the pleasure of feeling
for
someone instead of
because
of someone.

Chapter
20

Quinn

“Left hand, pivot. Right hand, pivot,” I call out.

“This is too fast.” Cassie slaps her hands on her hips as my sisters continue to dance circles around her. Literally.

“Maybe we do it without the music?” I pause the song.

“Maybe we don’t do it at all. I’d rather be an intern than a guest.” She folds her arms and stares at me.

“You’re my guest if I say so.” Ellie grabs Cassie’s elbow and spins her around until she has her positioned. “My wedding, my rules. Stop complaining and just be glad you don’t look like a blueberry anymore.”

“Try, Cassidy. Just try.” Kat stomps her foot.

Ellie gestures for me, Dean, Kat, and Wes to step into place.

Teaching Cassie the quadrille was a bad idea. I should’ve probably let her sit the complicated dance out, but I want her for every song.

“What is it with you guys and ancient dances anyway?”

“An excuse to dance with a beautiful woman.” I take her hand and kiss the top.

Scarlet runs through her and she drops my gaze.

“
You’ll do fine.” Wes rubs her shoulders and laughs. “You’re catching on faster than I did.”

“Whatever. I’ll never use this crap.”

“Not if someone else gets their way,” he whispers before turning her toward me. I might like this Wes kid after all.

The music starts and two turns in, Cassie’s hand whacks Wes’s goods. The shock makes her kick her foot up giving Dean a nonfatal welt on his shin.

“Let’s call it a day before you make Wes and Dean cry.” I clap my hands, ready to have her to myself.

“About damn time. I need to e-mail my sketches before the party, anyway.” She tries to escape but I wrangle her wrist.

“You can ride with me.” Ellie kicks off her heels and trades them for flip-flops.

“I’ll drive y—”

“No. Bachelorette party, remember? No guys,” Ellie clips me off.

Cassie’s been busy with wedding stuff all day. All valid reasons to get rid of me, but that just made me ride her heels closer. Just to pester her and see how much she could take. I even took a shower in
her
bathroom. I left the door wide open as an invitation and she didn’t flinch, didn’t shake focus from her work. So I sat in a towel and promised to be invisible while she tracked down linens from France. I did give her a few minutes to herself when Lilian called, but I’m about out of patience.

“Wait,” I call out.

Cassie turns slowly.

I
walk up to the pair and hand my keys to Ellie. “Take my car. Dean and I have a few errands to run and need your truck. I’ll meet you in town and we’ll switch dates after the party.”

“Dates?” The smile on Ellie’s lips grows wider. “Are you hiding something?” She stares at Cassie, then me.

Kat runs up and pokes her head into something that isn’t her business. “Like something more than seeing your ass propped on Quinn’s shoulder in the stairwell the other night?”

“My ass? No!” Cassie spins on her heels and darts for the door.

I reel her back in, tucking her against me like a cat. “After I pick you up, we’ll have dinner. Then dessert better than last night’s.” I kiss the top of her head.

Her gaze flits from Ellie’s shocked face to Kat’s thumbs-up.

I plant a kiss on her lips and my sisters catcall and clap their hands.

“Go Cassidy,” Kat sings.

Cassie pushes against my chest. I wrap my arms around her, nip her lip, and my persistence pays off. She drops her guard, curls her arms around my neck, and pushes to her toes. I reward her eagerness with a little bit of my own, taking our kiss from G-rated to a panting, wet NC-17.

“Holy crap,” Kat enunciates slowly. “Are y’all about to do the nast—”

“Let’s give them the room.” Ellie’s footsteps fade with the others. “Leaving at seven, Cass.”

Giggles erupt on the other side of the door. I don’t care. I press Cassie against the wall, hands moving under her skirt to cup her bare ass. No restrictions? Now I have to have her. I trail my tongue down her neck. She tilts her head, catching her breath yet demanding more. Her breasts balloon toward me and I rip open her shirt, kissing the cluster of freckles leading south.
She
whimpers as I tongue along the ridge of her bra. The little yelp she emits when I take her pert nipple into my mouth sends blood flooding to my cock. And I didn’t think I could get any harder.

Last night was slow and perfect. Today, the way she’d made me chase her for one single glance, one little word, gave me a long-lasting—and painful—hard-on.

“Quinn,” she moans. “I’ve got to go.”

I lift her off the wall, still working her over, and move toward the circular table near the window. I lower her to the surface and track wet trails toward her navel. “You’ve ignored me all day. That makes me crazy.”

“I’ve got”—she whimpers— “to go, I think. I . . .”

“Tell me you want this, please.” I press my fists into the table near her hips. “Please, Cass.”

“Here? I don’t—”

“Here. Now. Please.” I drag my finger through her cleavage then wrap my arms around her back, pulling her to the edge of the table. She spreads her legs and straddles me, just as I’d hoped. “All of you.”

She liquefies in my arms, closing her eyes as I pepper kisses up her stomach.

“Tell me,” I whisper, voicing my needs with a growl.

“Now, Quinn.” She reaches for my waist and unbuttons and unzips me in two moves.

My cock burns against her warm hand. She massages the tip as I slip my hand beneath her skirt and caress her swollen, wet lips. “Damn, Cassie, I’m going to come just touching you.”

“A condom,” she whimpers.

“
Back pocket.” I smooth my lips across her ear and pierce her earlobe in desperation. “You pushing me away all day left me starving for you.”

“I didn’t want anyone to know.” She rolls on the condom and I’m glad for the help, because taking my lips and hands off her would’ve been impossible.

My tip presses against her warmth as I lean into her. “And I won’t deny how I feel.”

She wiggles forward, seeking with her arched back and trembling hips.

“Are you begging for something?” I tease.

She grabs my hips, digging her nails into my back.

“Tell me what you want.” I pull away, denying her contact.

“I need you. Mentally. Emotionally.” She claws at my ass through my jeans, drawing me closer. “And physically.”

I sink into her and bite my tongue to avoid coming on the spot. She calls out. I slide her back, then closer, rocking her into me, over and over, but my cravings aren’t satisfied. She wraps her legs around me, forcing me deep, and counters my thrusts with hers. She’s so fucking wet and I’m losing control, sliding in and out as she leans back and arches her head to the table in damn acrobatic sexiness. The more she back bends, the deeper and tighter she feels. My cock surges harder, ready to detonate.

“That’s the spot.”

Fuck yeah it is. I quiver and lean forward, warding off my blow to wait for her. I grab her nipple between my lips and suck hard, needing her to fucking come so I can release, too. She bites her lip and holds her breath, clawing at my shoulder and trembling uncontrollably.

“
Ahh
,” she yells as her back arches deeply.

I
claim a gulp of air as release works its way from my head down to my dick, relaxing my previously tensed muscles in the ultimate twitch fest. Pumping into her, she tightens her legs around me and reaches for another orgasm. Her body quivers seconds before she slams forward and buries her teeth into my shoulder.

She kisses my neck and drags her fingers over my heart, squeezing my shirt into a fist. “We can’t do this again.”

“Why not?” I whisper around hurried breaths. “That was fucking ecstasy.”

She rolls her eyes. “Because you unraveled me in front of your family.”

I wipe my brow, then work on her buttons, redressing her but refusing to disconnect. “What’s it matter if they know? Because we
will
do this again, regardless.” I smile, kiss her nose, and wink. “And again.”