Lovely (29 page)

“Ash!” she cries out as she lets go, yanking on my hair and pulling me up to her, planting blistering kisses on my mouth.

Our bodies are pressed together tightly when she suddenly rolls on top of me, her breasts bouncing, her hair tumbling down her back. Once the condom is on, she lowers herself onto my erection and starts moving her hips, rocking back and forth, arching her back to absorb my length. Lifting her arms, she places them on top of her head while she rides me, a mixture of love and lust pouring from her eyes. She’s the hottest fucking thing I’ve ever seen. I tease her nipples until they become tight buds beneath my fingers. Her swollen lips open, moans leaving them as her breathing picks up, her eyes close, and she tips her head back. We let out dazed screams of pleasure as we come together. She collapses onto my chest, kissing me again and again, her tongue licking the salt off my sweat-covered body.

She climbs off of me slowly and lies down on the bed, facing me. I lean up on my elbows and just stare at her. Her smile is happy, her eyes sparkling with joy. The words fall from my lips. “I want to make you smile every day for the rest of your life … I love you, Cara.”

She lets out a huge yawn and lays her head on my chest. “I love you, Ash.”

I startle awake in the darkness to a strange sound and I can feel the bed moving underneath me. When I sit up, I see Cara rocking back and forth at the end of the bed, her legs pulled tightly to her chest, her arms wrapped around her body, covered in sweat. Tiny cries are leaving her mouth, tears staining her face. She’s talking to herself. “No, don’t touch me … stop …” Strangled moans and whispered words spew from her mouth. “That hurts—Mom! Please, Mom! Help me … It wasn’t my fault …” Cara’s shaking violently and I know she’s asleep.

I gently pull her to me and cradle her in my arms. Her skin is clammy. “Cara, it’s me. It’s Ash.”

She pounds my chest relentlessly with her fists, struggling to break free from my grip.

I hold her tighter to me whispering repeatedly, “It’s, Ash, Cara. It’s Ash. Shhh … I’m here. You’re okay.” I continually stroke her hair, pulling her forehead to mine. “You’re okay.”

Her shakes begin to subside but she’s choking on sobs. “Ash?”

“Yes, baby. I’m here. You’re safe.” I rock her in my arms, the wetness from her tears soaking my chest.

“She wouldn’t help me … She didn’t help … She left me with him …”

I stop the rocking motion and freeze, my arms tight around her. “Cara, what are you talking about? You were having a bad dream.”

She pulls away from me, shaking her head in a frenzy. “No, Ash …”

I reach behind me and turn the side table light on, take her face in my hands and smooth away her tears and the hair stuck to her face. The waves of devastation in her eyes are too much to bear. “I don’t understand.”

She stares at me, but I can tell she no longer sees me. She takes a deep shuddering breath, her body trembling. “All I wanted was for someone to l-look at me, to p-pay attention to me … Patty … she was m-my friend in high school, my only good friend, really; her m-mom had dropped us off at the movies, b-but after she left we walked to someone’s house for a party.” She shakes her head erratically. “We weren’t even s-supposed to be there because it was for seniors and we were only s-sophomores. Patty wanted to go because this guy Jack she had a crush on was there. He was with his friend, T-Tom, who we also knew from school.” She squeezes my arm, her fingernails digging into the skin. “He never noticed me before … but that night, when my m-mom was drunk out of her mind, I had put on makeup and borrowed some clothes from Patty … He paid attention to me; he said I was pretty … he said he’d make me feel good …”

Oh fuck
. I’m not sure I want to hear what she’s about to tell me.

“I knew my mom was passed out drunk so I snuck him into the house … and to my room …” Her eyes are glossy. “We started doing things … and then before I knew it he was grabbing at me … my panties … and I told him to stop … but he kept going, holding me down tighter, telling me I must want it because I brought him to my room …”

“Oh, God, Cara.” My gut feels like it’s being twisted, my blood boiling, a knife being plunged into my chest. I can’t bear the thought of anyone hurting her.

Cara’s hands begin to shake and I grasp them tightly in mine. “I told him to stop … I did … I kept telling him to stop … but he wouldn’t … and then,” she sputters, tears crawling down her cheeks, “I heard a noise and looked up to see my mother’s shadow standing behind the door, and I yelled for her to help me, but she just stood there, watching …” She takes a deep breath, her next words a whisper. “And then … she walked away … and … h-he r-raped me.”

“Jesus fucking Christ … Oh, baby … I’m so sorry …” I pull her against me and squeeze her tight while she cries in my arms, rocking her back and forth with the beat of my heart. I want to know who he is, because I’m going to fucking kill him.

“I never told anyone, not even Nadine or my dad, because I knew nobody would believe me. But my mom knew and the next day she walked up to me, reeking of alcohol, saying awful, hateful things, telling me that I got what I deserved.”

Taking her face in my hands, I caress her cheeks, my words coming out more forcefully than I intend. “Cara, no. You didn’t deserve that and you didn’t ask for it. You said no and your mom should’ve protected you.” My jaw clenches as I recall something. “Was that the guy in the black Mercedes?”

She looks away, staring at the yellow wall, more tears falling down her cheeks, while I try and control the rage coursing through me. “No. That was someone I knew from high school; someone who was a part of all the rumors. That happened my sophomore year of high school and thankfully Tom moved away my junior year so I never had to look at him again. That didn’t stop the rumors about me, though.” She hangs her head. “I thought moving away would make all the difference. I don’t even know what he was doing around here. I hope I never run into that guy again.”

Her eyes make their way back to me and she wipes her tear-stained face with the back of her hand. “I never told anyone, but I went to a clinic and starting seeing a therapist once a week for four years. Then, when my parents passed away, Nadine and I decided to move away from Colorado and come here. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, Ash … I just … well … I was afraid … of what you’d think of me … I thought if you knew you wouldn’t want me …”

“Cara.” I look at her, my eyes filled with only sadness … for her. “That wasn’t your fault. Your mother had issues that had nothing to do with you … She might have made them about you, but it was never you … no one can ever blame you for that. God, Cara … you’ve been punished enough. Your mom punished you your entire life with cruelty when all you deserved was love. I love you, Cara. Nothing you can say or do is ever going to change that.”

I coax her back down on the bed and pull her snug against my chest, kissing her head again and again, whispering gentle words of love into her hair until she finally falls asleep. I lay awake all night watching as her breathing becomes deep and even and a sense of peace lights her face. I wonder how she was able to survive all of that without a hardened heart. She’s amazing, really. Her heart is warm and soft, and filled with hope … a beautiful heart.

The next thing I know, I hear a radio and it jars me awake. Looking at the clock, I see it’s after nine and we’re seriously late for class. Then I remember it’s Saturday and I lie back down on the bed, studying her; her brown curls are feathered against the pillow, her cheeks a faint shade of pink, her lashes like delicate butterfly wings. She stirs and rolls over, her eyes blinking a few times, adjusting to the light.

“Good morning, beauty,” I greet her as the sun shines softly through the window, casting an angelic glow on her face.

“Good morning,” she says with a sleepy smile.

I drop a kiss on her nose. “How do you feel this morning?”

She yawns and rubs her eyes. “Exhausted, but … relieved. I don’t know, I thought that once you knew … Well, I didn’t expect you to be here when I woke up.”

I grasp her chin between my fingers. “I’m not going anywhere, Cara. If anything, you telling me just showed me how strong and brave you are.”

She leans up on her elbow and rests her head in her palm. “At the time, I guess I just accepted that as my life and held out for the day when I could escape and find more. And I have found more, Ash. I found you.”

“I think it was me who found you,” I respond with a playful tug of her hair.

She inches closer and presses a soft kiss to my lips. “I’m just glad we found each other.”

I pull her in for another kiss. “I want to make you breakfast. Do you have eggs and milk in the house?”

A smile lights up her face and she rubs her growling belly. “Yes … what’s on the menu?”

“I’m going to make you some of my mom’s special pancakes. They are simply irresistible.” I drop my lips to my fingers and make a kissing sound.

She sits up, the sheet falling away, baring her breasts. “Like you,” she says sweetly, touching her lips to mine.

I rain kisses from her neck to her jaw, returning to her lips when something occurs to me. “Wait, what about Nadine?” The thought distracts me, which is a good thing. As much as I want to get lost in her right now, she had a long night, and … she’s hungry.

Cara falls back against the pillow, releasing a happy sigh. “She works until three on Saturday, so she’s not home.”

I remove my lips from her skin and slide off the bed. “Okay. Then your personal chef is going to whip you up a special breakfast.”

She eyes me and my morning erection with an approving glance. “I’m not arguing.”

I throw on my pants, give Cara a quick peck, and head downstairs. When I enter the kitchen, I don’t even know where to begin to look for what I need. I’m used to our kitchen, where Mom has everything organized and alphabetized right down to the forks and spoons. I laugh because she’d go crazy in this kitchen. She wouldn’t be able to find anything. Opening a couple of cabinets, it takes me a few tries before I finally find the one with the mixing bowls, then grab the eggs and milk out of the refrigerator. I’m singing “Hook” by Blues Traveler as I get the pancake batter ready when I feel tiny arms snake around my waist from behind. I turn around to find Cara in nothing but my dress shirt. I wrap my arms around her. “That look becomes you,” I say, easing my hands under the cotton so I can feel her smooth skin.

She stares up at me, a twinkle in her eyes. “I like it. It feels like I’m wearing you.”

I tease the corner of her mouth with my tongue. “You can wear me anytime you want.”

My face grows serious for a minute and I gently run my fingers up and down her arm. “I just want to make sure you’re okay. I’m worried about you.”

Cara leans her head forward on my chest, letting out a sigh of relief. “I’m okay, now that you know. I feel like I can breathe again.”

“I really love you.”

She lifts her head, her lips pulled up in an easy smile. “I love you, too.”

I pull a chair out for her at the table and hand her a glass of orange juice, resuming my scavenger hunt for ingredients. “Sit down, beauty, so I can cook for you.”

I search several cabinets before I’m able to locate the sugar, salt, and baking powder. Once I find them, I whisk all the ingredients together and fire up the stove.

I set the plates and napkins out on the table, grab another glass of orange juice and try and locate the maple syrup. We take a seat at the small table for two that typically seats only Cara and Nadine. It’s quiet for a minute, but after a couple of bites of pancake and a drink of juice, I have to ask the question. “I remember a while back you were talking about teaching English. I was wondering where you were thinking about doing that?”

“Yup,” she says.

“Yup, what?”

A mysterious grin turns up the right side of her mouth. “I’m not telling you.”

“What do you mean you’re not telling me?”

“I’m just kidding,” she says, bumping my shoulder.

“So …”

“I student teach next year, and then I think I’ll look for teaching jobs around here.”

My whole body relaxes; I can breathe easy. “Me, too,” I add, relieved. Although, little does she know I’d follow her to the ends of the earth.

After we finish eating, we plop ourselves down on the couch and Cara lays her head on my shoulder. I let out a tired sigh. “You okay?”

I feel a gust of air hit my skin. “Yes, I think so.”

We snuggle close and watch TV, drifting in and out of sleep. We awaken as the door unexpectedly flies open and Nadine walks in to the sight of Cara in my shirt and me in just a pair of pants. Her eyes are a dull brown, her hair a wild mess on her head. She seems unaffected by the sight in front of her.

“Hey, lovebirds.” She greets us with a broad smile and Cara and I turn five different shades of red.

“Hi,” we both respond at the same time.

“Wow, now you’re even speaking together,” she laughs, sliding her shoes off and placing them by the front door.

Cara pulls my shirt down as far over her legs as she can manage. “How was your day? You look exhausted.”