Lovely (34 page)

Twenty-five long minutes later, Nadine comes out wearing blue scrubs and a plastic cap over her head. “You’re all welcome to go in and see him now. The doctors have been in and they’ve prepped him for surgery, so they’ll be taking him down in a few minutes. I do want to let you know,” she says gently, “that they’ve shaved his head for the procedure. I just don’t want you to be alarmed when you see him.”

Delilah gasps and puts her hand over her mouth and I think I might vomit right in front of the Nurse’s Station. Nadine leads the way down the hall. I feel as though I’m walking in slow motion. Part of me doesn’t want to see him like this, even though I know I have to. I don’t want this to be the last memory I have of him. I squeeze the bridge of my nose.
Fuck
.

Nadine pushes open the door to his room and we step in. I freeze when I see him. It doesn’t look like Colt. He’s wearing a hospital gown and he’s bald. I can’t let on the panic I feel crushing my chest right now, suppressing my every breath. All I want to do is fall to my knees and wail … but I can’t. I have to do everything in my power to be strong for him.

We walk over to the side of his bed. Mom’s sitting down next to him and Delilah takes one of his hands. Cara and I stand on the other side of the bed. He faces me with weary eyes.

“Stop thinking about how you’re going to get your hands on my baseball card collection when I’m gone,” he deadpans.

I smack him on the arm. “That’s not funny. You’re an ass.” I realize that
I’m
the ass because I don’t want those to be the last words I say to Colt.

“Yup,” he says, trying to be cheerful, “and a bald one at that.”

I laugh, but it holds only sadness. “I like your new do, bro. It suits you.”

“They actually only needed to shave part of it for the surgery,” he says, “but I told them to just get rid of it all.” He holds his head high. “Bald is beautiful, right?”

My gaze snaps to Mom and Delilah. They’re trying so hard to hold back the tears that are threatening … for Colt’s sake. No one is making eye contact and we sit in an uncomfortable silence for what seems like hours, the minutes pulsating loudly in my ears.

I have no idea how much time has passed when two nurses walk in.

“We need to take him down now.”

A horrible feeling tears through me … the same one I had when I said goodbye to Dad. I try desperately to squelch it, but it won’t go away. I throw my arms around Colt and squeeze him as hard as I can. “I love you Colt,” I whisper. “I love you so much.”

Mom and Delilah and even Cara take turns hugging him, then Delilah runs out of the room and Cara follows after her. I grab Mom’s hand and we watch as Colt is wheeled away.

“We’ll be in the waiting room!” Mom calls out. “We’ll see you when you’re in recovery!” She sounds like she’s trying to convince herself.

“Yeah, okay,” Colt replies, his voice weak.

The moment he disappears down the hallway, Mom’s knees buckle and her body slumps to the cold, sterile floor. “My baby!” she wails, pained tears running down her face.

I crouch down and pick her up by her elbow, steadying her as we go back to the waiting room to find Cara sitting beside Delilah, holding her hand and rubbing her back. It touches me in so many different ways it’s hard to put into words. Cara’s so loving, so giving. It hits me just how much she reminds me of Mom.

Nadine comes over holding a couple of bottled waters and hands them to us. “If you’d like, I can take you down to the surgical waiting area so that when the doctors have any news, they can find you immediately.”

“Yes, please,” Mom says eagerly, her face drained of color.

We take the elevator down to the third floor waiting area and wait … and wait. I glance at the clock non-stop. Each second is ticking by slower than the last. Apparently, the surgery can take anywhere from three to eight hours. It’s only been 75 minutes and I’m already going out of my mind.

My hands won’t stop fidgeting and my leg is bouncing around like a crazy person. How am I going to last through several more hours of this?

Cara places both her hands on mine and squeezes. “Why don’t we go down and get something to eat, Ash? It’s going to be a while before we hear anything. You didn’t eat this morning and you need to keep your strength up.”

“I’m really not hungry, Cara.”

She interlocks her fingers with mine. “Okay, then let’s take a walk. Stretch our legs a little bit.”

That I can do
. “Okay.” I shuffle over to Delilah and Mom, who are hunched together on a couch, Delilah’s head resting on Mom’s shoulder, her eyes closed. “We’re just going to take a walk,” I murmur. “Do you want us to get you anything?”

Mom jerks her lifeless gaze up to mine. “No thanks, sweetie.”

I study her, her green eyes lacking their usual sparkle, her winkles more pronounced. I swear she’s aged ten years this past week. “Okay. We’ll be back in a few minutes.”

I link my arm through Cara’s and head down the hall, gently running my fingers down her arm as we walk. “I can’t stand hospitals,” I say, attempting to have a normal conversation when I’m feeling anything but normal. “They’re so depressing. The smell of antiseptic, the sound of those monitors beeping, cold permeating the air, all of the sickness … it’s awful.”

Cara stares down the hall, enfolding her arm tightly around mine. “It’s not my favorite place to be, either, but they do save people’s lives here and make people better.”

Turning my head to face her, I roll my eyes. “Why do you have to be so right about things all the freaking time? And how did you get to be so wonderful, anyway?”

She laughs and I cherish the sound. It gives me hope, the one thing I need more than anything right now.

“I don’t know … I guess it was all those years of therapy,” she jokes nervously.

I stop in the middle of the hallway. I can see her biting her lip from the corner of my eye and sense she’s probably just as anxious as I am about Colt.

“Well, I do,” I say firmly. “You. Are. Fucking. Wonderful.” I sweep my lips across hers. “By the way, I missed those last night.”

“What?” she asks, batting her eyelashes.

“Your plump, amazing lips. I don’t think I even kissed you once.”

Her mouth turns up into a coy smile. “We’ll find a way to make up for lost time. I’m sure of it. Actually,” she says, her eyes speckled with mischief, “how about we go find a janitor’s closet?”

That makes me chuckle, and for the briefest of moments, takes my mind off of Colt. “Don’t tempt me, baby.”

She gives me a chaste kiss and we continue walking. “Did I ever tell you about my love for beluga whales?”

“What?”

“Well,” she says, “even though we never got to the beach, my dad took Nadine and I to an aquarium once. I fell in love with a beluga whale named Henry. I remember pressing my nose up to the glass and he came over, his giant body suspended in the water. He was huge but he had the kindest face. It was love at first sight.
He
was my first love,” she teases.

“You mean
I’m
not your first love?” I pout.

She startles me by flinging her arms around my neck and kissing me tenderly. “You’re the only love that matters.”

I smile against her lips. “That’s the right answer,” I say, gentling her with a kiss. “Okay, let’s go back. Maybe they’ve heard something.”

We return to the waiting room and find Jason and Delilah nestled together, Jason’s hand folded over hers. I eye their woven fingers as I walk up to them.

I scowl at Mom over their shoulder but she just shakes her head and smiles. I won’t get any sympathy from her. She’s Team Jason and always has been.

Jason stands up and hugs me. “Hey, man, how ya holding up?”

“Hey.” I hold onto him tightly for a moment before I pull back. “Like shit, actually. I’m glad you’re here. Thanks for coming.”

He puts his hand on my shoulder and grins. “Absolutely. I snuck some doughnuts in … thought you guys might be hungry.”

I eye the remnants of chocolate stuck to the corners of his mouth and smile. That’s Jason … thoughtful, supportive, and a bit of a slob.

We all grab a doughnut and Jason sits back down next to Delilah, picking up her hand again. I grab the chair next to Cara, offering her a couple of bites.

She stops chewing and glares at me; she already knows what I’m thinking. “You can’t help who you fall for,” she whispers.

I pull her face to mine and find her lips. “Or who captivates your heart.”

Four hours later, we’ve still heard nothing. Mom and I are about ready to plow through the operating room doors. I can’t sit still and I can’t stop my mind from thinking the worst.

Cara’s doing her best to try and calm me down. “Ash. No news is good news, and besides, the doctors said the surgery could take a lot longer depending on what they discover. If you want, I can go look for Nadine and see if she can find anything out.”

“That’d be great. Thank you.”

“I’ll be back.” She gives me a quick kiss and heads upstairs.

I find Mom and sit beside her. She clutches my hands and squeezes them tightly, panic streaking her pink-rimmed eyes.

“Mom, Cara went upstairs to see if Nadine could find anything out for us.”

She stares at me, dazed, her eyes verging on more tears. “I just don’t understand why they haven’t told us anything yet. I just want to know something … anything.”

I wrap a loving arm around her shoulder. “I know, Mom, I know.”

Sitting this close to Delilah gives me a bird’s eye view of the admiration fest that she and Jason have going on. I’m not sure how I missed it before; I guess I’ve been a little too wrapped up in other things—well, one thing in particular. I don’t realize I’m staring until he looks up and gives me a little smile. I actually smile back because I suddenly realize I’m being an asshole right now. Delilah needs him and I’m glad she has someone to help get her through this … just like I have Cara.

An hour later, and five hours into the surgery, a guy with brown spiked hair, blue scrubs and eyes to match walks into the waiting room. He looks too young to be a surgeon. I hope to hell he knows what he’s doing.

“Mrs. Taylor?” he inquires, surveying the room.

We all stand and Mom makes her way over to him. “How’s Colt?”

“I’m Dr. Stanley.” He holds out his hand after wiping his brow. “We’ve still got a ways to go. We had a bit of a complication early on, and he had some excessive bleeding, but we gave him two transfusions and things seem to be progressing nicely at this point. It’s probably going to be another couple of hours, though. Once we finish, assuming all goes well, he’ll be transferred to the Intensive Care Unit.”

The breath that Mom was holding releases from her chest causing a wave of relief to spread through the air. “Thank you, Dr. Stanley.”

“I’ll be back out to speak with you once we finish,” he says, before turning and heading back to the operating room.

Then we wait … again. I’m not sure how much time passes, but I feel myself drifting off. I’m awakened by a familiar smell … strawberries. Cara fell asleep, too, and my face is in her hair. When I shift in the chair, it causes her to stir and she lifts her head.

“Hi, baby.”

“How long was I asleep for?” she asks in a gravelly voice.

I chuckle. “I couldn’t tell you. I fell asleep, too.”

When I look around, I see Mom dozing with her head resting on her elbow and Jason and Delilah cuddled together, Jason snoring lightly.

Cara notices my eyes boring holes into them and it’s like she can read my mind. Again. “Why does it bother you so much that Jason and Delilah are together?” she whispers.

“Well, we don’t know if they’re together,” I reply sharply, almost regretting my words when I see the grimace on her face.

“Of course they’re together, Ash. From the looks of it, they really care about one another. Why is that a problem?”

I heave an exasperated sigh. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m relieved she has someone to get her through this, but … Delilah’s my sister and he’s my best friend … If my best friend ever hurt my sister, well, it wouldn’t bode too well for him.”

Cara strums her fingers over my knuckles. “I think it’s great that you look after Delilah and want to protect her, but she’s a big girl, Ash. It’s not up to you who she wants to date.”

I rub my nose against hers. “And there you go, always having to be right again.”

She tosses her hair back, a strand tickling my cheek. “It’s what I do.”

I uncross my legs and massage the back of my neck. My eyes make their way to the clock again. It’s six o’clock and Colt has now been in surgery almost eight hours. I’m getting worried, my stomach tense and twisting in knots. “What’s taking so long? Shouldn’t they be out by now?”

Cara sits herself up and takes my face in her hands. “This is a complicated surgery, Ash. You want them to take their time.”

I nod my head and return to staring at the clock again.

A few minutes later, Mom cranes her head in my direction. “Oh gosh, I can’t believe I fell asleep. Any news?”

I see the worry etched like pencil lines all over her face. “No, Mom. Nothing yet.”