Loving Sofia (10 page)

Sofia

I watch Mark walk toward me and I swear I can hear Mercy by Duffy playing in my head.  He helps me with my jacket and the moment our fingers touch, all my senses awaken.  Before I have a chance to react, he moves away and whatever happened between us is gone. He likes what I’m wearing, I can tell just by the look in his eyes, and yet he says nothing.

As soon as we get in his car he turns on the music
, which tells me we won’t be talking much and that’s fine with me.  I’ll be doing lots of talking with Mona soon.  He parks the car across form Frank’s since the parking lot is full.  It is dark already, and I try really hard not to break my neck as we cross the street.  Mark notices and before I can object he takes hold of my hand, lacing our fingers together. 

For whatever reason
, this simple gesture brings tears to my eyes and I fight really hard to keep my emotions at bay.  He rubs his thumb over the back of my hand and sends little electric shocks through my entire body. 
Does he know the effect his touch has on me
, I wonder?

We walk inside and I welcome the warm and familiar atmosphere
. Although the place is much too crowded, I spot Mona immediately.  She jumps out of her seat and storms my way. I’m grateful Mark’s hand is supporting my back or we would both be flat on the floor.

“Oh my
God, I missed you so freaking much,” she says and gives me one of her signature hugs, squeezing the air out of my lungs. I can see Jon smiling behind her, his eyes full of love.  

“I missed you more
, and I can’t wait to hear all about your adventures.”

“Who had time for adventure, are you crazy?  We screwed like monkeys all day and night,” she laughs and Jon turns all kinds of shades of red.  “Come on lets go get drun
k… well me get drunk while you watch.”

“So you’re telling me that for almost a month you didn’t leave the hotel room? That’s a bit extreme even for you,” I laugh.

“Well maybe not for the entire month but close enough.  Next time I’m taking you with me.  Girl you would go crazy in some of the food stores.  Even I went gaga over this one particular place.  It had hundreds of kinds of cheese.”  Her excitement is contagious and I can’t stop smiling. 

We make our way to the bar and Frank is already pouring our drinks.

“Hey Birdie, long time,” he winks and I have to agree with him.  It’s been too long. The last time we were all here was before the wedding. I just didn’t feel right to come without them after that.

For the next hour or so we drink and listen to Mona’s honeymoon stories.  Mark uses every excuse to touch either my back or my arm
, and I know I should stop him, but I don’t. It is selfish and wrong considering I’m somewhat dating Bradley, but tonight I allow myself this one pleasure.  I look at my friends and I no longer hear what they’re talking about.  It really doesn’t matter what the conversation is about. All that matters is that we’re all here, together.  It feels like home once again and I realize I’ve been so lonely without them.  Mark is looking at me and leans over close enough that I could feel his warm breath against my cheek. 

“Are you ok
?” he whispers in my ear.  I rest my face against his and close my eyes. 

“Birdie?”

“Yes, I’m good.” I pull back and pick up my drink.  Mona is watching me. I can tell she’s wondering what the hell is going on between us.

“Listen
, why don’t we call it a night and I’ll give you a call in the morning,” she says and Jon is already holding her coat.  He has to be the most attentive man I’ve ever met.  Well aside from Mark. 

I try to get up and realize I’m buzzed.  I don’t really know how many shots we did
, and I lost track of all the Malibu pineapples. I feel like I’m floating on air, which is definitely bad since the whole room is spinning round and round.  We tell Frank goodnight and walk out in the chilly air.  The fresh air helps a little and I just hope I can walk to the car. 

After lots of hugs from Mona and Jon
, I grab hold of Mark’s arm and try to steady myself. He doesn’t seem to mind. He snakes one arm around my waist, pulling me close, while the other is holding my hand.  I lean into him and breathe in his aftershave.  Everything about his touch feels so right, like I belong there. 

The entire drive home I take steady breaths to help my churning stomach
. I really hate the feeling and curse myself for drinking so much. There was a time when I wouldn’t have even a glass of wine.  When did it all change? Mark parks the car and this time I wait for him to open my door. I’m too weak to even move, so I just wait with my head resting on the cold window. He unfastens my seatbelt and pulls me in his arms.  He carries me into the house the same way you would carry a sleeping child and I don’t object. Why would I?  I love everything about it.  Somehow when he’s around I no longer feel the need to be strong.  I want to be taken care of for a change.  Taken care of by him. 

We are inside the house and as he puts me down on my feet
, I circle my arms around his neck and our eyes meet.

“I miss you so much,” my voice is hoarse and unrecognizable.

He touches his head to mine and we sit in silence, holding onto each other for dear life, both of us scared to move away.  I’m drunk enough to have the courage to kiss him and I think,
the hell with it all
.  I touch his face and pull him closer until our lips meet.  He tastes like lime and tequila and I want to drink him in until the last drop. I want to get drunk, well drunker, from his lips.

His hands are in my hair now and he deepens the kiss
. His tongue caresses mine, sending chills through my entire body.  We are making out like two high school kids at the bottom of the stairs, not one care in the world.  His kiss is raw, hungry, and hot enough to start a fire. When I don’t think I could get any closer, he pulls me up and I circle my legs around his hips. He spins us around until my back is resting against the wall. Someone moans loudly and I’m not sure if it’s me or him.

My phone rings, and we suddenly pull apart
. Mark and I try to steady our breaths.  I can feel his arousal pressing against me and instantly feel guilty for leading him on.  The phone continues to ring. I know it’s Bradley.  Shit, I promised to call him when I got home and it was already almost two in the morning.  I try to put some space between us and Mark finally lets me go. He watches me closely as if trying to figure out what’s going through my head. Part of me wants to go back into him arms.  I miss it already. But as much as I want, I know it’s best to get away.

“Hello?”

“Hi sweetheart, did I wake you?  I’m sorry for calling so late but I was worried when I didn’t hear from you.”

I watch Mark turn around and decide it’s best to go to my room. “Sorry
, I totally lost track of time.  It always happens when I’m with Mona.”

“No worries
, babe, I’m just glad you’re safe.  Did you have fun tonight?” 
Yes, and I was about to have even more fun
, I want to say.

“Lots of fun.  Is it ok if we talk tomorrow?  I had a few drinks and honestly I’m not feeling that great right now.”

“I can come over and take care of you.”  I can tell from his tone of voice just how he would like to take care of me and I’m about to get sick. 

“I just need to rest but thank you for the offer.”

“Ok sweetheart.  You have a great night and I’ll call you in the morning.”

“Sounds good.  You too.”

As soon as I’m off the phone, I break down, burning tears flowing freely. I’ve made such a mess of things with my stupidity.  My mom’s words are coming back to haunt me.  Once again she was right, I was good for nothing and no one. 

Everything feels like it’s rushing by and I can’t make sense of any of it.  The job, the drinking, Bradley, Mark.  This is just ridiculous.  I went from being so in control to letting is go and I’m not sure I like it.  And Mark… holly cannoli.  We almost did it, like right there in the hallway.  I would’ve totally let him.  And his kiss… God, his kiss was like the kiss of all kisses.  The kind of kiss that had the power to make you hot and bothered even thinking about it.  The scary part was that I wanted to more.  Seconds and thirds and yeah… for as long as I lived.  One thing was for sure: I wasn’t going to forget what just happened between us.  Nor did I want to.
I wake up the next morning still wearing the same clothes, my face sticky from the mix of makeup and tears.  At first I can’t tell what the loud noise is, then I realize it is the doorbell.  I slowly get up, feeling groggy and confused, wishing the noise away.  

Where the hell was Mark? Whoever is outside the house is very persistent
, so I force myself down the stairs just as Mark is about to open the door.  He is dressed in last night’s clothes also, and just like me, looks like hell.  Hearing my footsteps he turns around and we look awkwardly at each other for a moment. 

In that instant I remember everything from the night before and I try really heard not to pass out.  Oh my
God, I kissed Mark! Not just kiss him, but full out ate his face. I did it and I liked it and I wanted more. He doesn’t say anything but doesn’t need to. His facial expression tells it all.  He feels just as bad as I do. I wonder if we’ll ever recover from this. Mona bursts through the door looking like a million bucks, holding two Starbucks coffees and a bag of bagels.

“What the hell is wrong with you people? I thought you were dead or something.  Do you know how long I’ve been sitting outside that door,” she fumes and pushes past Mark toward me.

At this point all I see is the coffee so I throw myself at her and grab one from the carryon tray. 

“You’re my lifesaver
, as always,” I take a sip and wince. 

“Yeah I know it’s frozen
, but don’t blame me. As for you,” she says turning to Mark, “did you forget you were supposed to meet Jon at the house?”

“Shit,” that’s all he says and glances in my direction one last time before leaving.

Mona follows me to the kitchen and I put both coffees in the microwave to warm them up.  She takes the bagels out and slides them in the toaster.  She’s watching me and I can tell she’s waiting for me to tell her what’s wrong.  She can always tell when something is bothering me.

“Out with it.”

The microwave beeps and I bring the coffees to the table, taking a seat across from her. 

“What?”

“Don’t give me that shit girl.  Something’s up with you two.  I can’t tell.  So let’s hear it.”  I take a deep breath and cover my face.  I’m not ashamed of what happened but I know she’s not going to approve.

“I screwed up Mona.  Big time,” I say and fresh tears start falling.

“Hey it’s ok, it can’t be that bad,” she gets up and puts her arms around me.  Instead of giving me comfort, this only makes me cry harder. 

“Why don’t you tell me what happened and we’ll see how we can fix it.”
  I shake my head and sob louder.  “You know I can fix everything.”  At this I laugh through the tears.

“Last night I kissed Mark,” I say without looking
up.

“Aha, and?  Come on now, we’ve been friends for so long, it’s no big deal.  Besides you were drunk and so was he.” 

“Mona you don’t get it.  It wasn’t just one simple kiss.  If Bradley wouldn’t have called I think we would’ve gone all the way.”

“Ok I’m confused.  What’s Bradley got to do with all this and what do you mean all the way?”

I take a deep breath and tell her everything about my dates with Bradley, and my confused feelings for Mark.  She just watches me, her eyes getting bigger and bigger with concern.  Saying it all out loud sounds worse than I expected and I can just imagine what she’s thinking. When I’m done, she just sits back in her chair and takes a sip of her coffee. 

“Ok give me a second to digest everything.”  She takes a bite of her bagel and I swear I can hear the wheels turning in her heard.  “This is what you’re going to do,” she says at last.  “You are going to forget all about last night.  You were both drunk and horny and not thinking straight.  You will never mention any of this to Bradley
, and from this moment on, you will put all your efforts into your relationship with him.”  She smiles, proud of herself, like she just solved world’s hunger problems.

If I wasn’t so miserable
, I would probably laugh at the way she said it all. It was like she was trying to hypnotize me and all there was left to do was snap her finger to wake me up.

“Why do you think Bradley is the one for me?”

“Birdie, you know I love you and you’re like a sister to me.  I just want you to be happy. And Bradley can make you happy.  Just think about it.  How long have we known Mark?  If he wanted to have a serious relationship with you, he would’ve done something about it by now.  Better yet, when was the last time he had a serious relationship period.”  

She watches me and when I say nothing
, she reaches for my hand. “Bradley is a man while Mark is still a boy.  I love Mark dearly, but he is not the one for you babe.  If I was single and had to choose, I would pick Bradley.  One hundred percent. Listen, Bradley is the responsible one.  Mark is way too relaxed and I’m not talking just about his relationships, but his work also.  Instead of taking more jobs to build up his business, he’s just happy with what he has. He’s more than ok with taking a few projects here and there, just enough to survive. He lives life a day at a time; no future plans.  He doesn’t have what it takes to make a great husband, and you are getting at that age where you have to start looking at a man as a potential husband, not just a boyfriend, if you know what I mean. ”