Loving Sofia (9 page)

Sofia

I’m not sure how long I sit on the floor with my back against the bedroom door. I keep my eyes closed and try to think of happy thoughts.  This takes me back to high school when my room was my refuge.  A refuge from my mom.  “
You are worthless and the reason why I’m not married.  You don’t want me to be happy, that’s what this is. You are just like your father. Yeah just like him.  Keep crying you stupid girl, but that won’t bring him back.  He’s dead, get it through your head, missy
,” she would say, yelling at me through the door.  And just like today, I would sit against the door, crying silently, trying to calm my shaking body, and feeling all alone.

And just like back in high school, I’m all wrapped up in the same feeling.  Maybe my mom was right.  Maybe I do deserve everything bad that comes my way. I ha
ve no right to be mad at Mark.  He’s done nothing but nice things for me.   So why can’t I stop crying?  I feel so cold and empty. 

The loud slam of a door makes me come back from my pity party. I slowly get up and decide to take a quick shower
, but get stopped by the buzzing coming from my cell. I take it out from my bag and notice I have several messages, all from Bradley.  I stare at the messages with mixed feelings.  Do I really want to get back to him?  Maybe he is the exact distraction I need.  With Mona out of town, who else do I have?

I send him a quick text back
, letting him know that dinner would be great.  Within seconds he replies, telling me to be ready by seven.  I have exactly twenty minutes to prepare.  One glance in the mirror tells me that I need a miracle to get rid of the dark circles and red swollen eyes.

The warm water soothes my aching body but does nothing for my broken heart. 
Think happy, think happy.
I take more time than usual with my makeup and dress in skinny jeans and a turquoise sweater, a gift from Mona.  She says it makes my eyes pop and I guess that’s a good thing.  Who knows?!  I grab my bag and jacket and plaster my happy smile on. 

The TV is on in the living room which means Mark did not leave with the bimbo.  From the bottom of the stairs I can see the sofa he’s sitting on and just as I’m about to answer the door, he turns and our eyes meet.  He starts to get up
, but I turn my back to him and answer the door.  Bradley is smiling, looking just as handsome as always, holding a big bouquet of roses.

“Hello beautiful.  Are you ready?” he hands me the flowers and our fingers touch for a moment.  I wish I could say that sparks went flying in that moment
, but that would be a lie. 

“Wow Bradley, they are beautiful.  Thank you. And yes I’m ready. Let me just put these in water and we’ll go.”

He follows me in the kitchen, walking so close behind me that I could smell his rich cologne.  Mark makes no attempt to come say hi to him, but that doesn’t seem to bother Bradley. 

“So what are you craving this evening
?” I ask before I realize I walked right into it.  The double meaning is not missed by Bradley.

“Sweetheart are you sure you want me to answer that?” he winks at me and gets even closer.  “I’ve been craving you for quite a while now
, but I don’t think you’re ready yet.”

Oh my
God.  Sick, sick, sick. 

“Ok
, down lover boy, you know what I mean.  I’m actually talking about food.  As in do you want Chinese, Italian, or what?”

“I was kidding
, baby.  Whatever you want, really.  I haven’t had dinner so I’m pretty hungry. Why don’t you pick the place this time?”

His voice is so soft when he answers and he actually looks sorry. Now I really feel bad. Underneath all that rich cover
, there’s a nice guy.

“How about we go to Pei Wei?  I haven’t been there since I lost my job
, and I really enjoy their food.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever
been there, but why not?  I’m all about trying anything at least once.”

The restaurant, if you can call it that, is packed
. Once we place our order, Bradley goes to fill our drinks while I find a table.  I watch him as he tries to figure out how to use the soda machine and it makes me smile.  He is so out of place here, but he doesn’t seem to care.

Eventually he gets the drinks and walks back to me, holding the cups and a container filled with fortune cookies. When I eye the container
, he just shrugs his shoulders.

“I saw someone do that and I just followed.  By the way
, have you seen that soda machine?  You need a degree to work that thing.”  We laugh and I decide that I like the relaxed Bradley.

“I got a job today,” I smile as I take a sip of my drink.

“Wow Sofi, that’s awesome. I thought you were going to wait for the center to open, but if you’re happy, that’s all that matters.  Are you happy?”

I have to think for a moment.  “Yes, I think I am.  I mean
, I even get to have my own office and all,” I say with a wink.

“There you have it, what more could one ask for,” he jokes.

The food arrives and it looks as delicious as always.  We eat and talk, and talk and eat, and for the first time in a long while I allow myself to relax and enjoy it all.  Turns out there’s so much more to Bradley.  True, he can be arrogant and, at times, oblivious at how others feel, but all in all he’s not so bad. 

When I ask him about his job
, all he tells me is that he works in commercial real estate and, as he puts it, “a little of this, a little of that.”  His entire family is into politics and his dad wanted him to become a lawyer.  He went to Harvard just like everyone in his family did, but after graduation he decided that being a lawyer was just not for him. This surprises me since I can’t imagine him not being good at anything.

After dinner we go for a walk at a nearby park.  The evening is cold and I welcome the crisp air.  Bradley touches my arm then moves his hand until our finger
s touch.  He holds my hand and looks at me for approval. I actually don’t mind it, so we continue to walk in silence for a while. 

“We better get back.  I just remembered that I have work tomorrow and one of my boss’ pet peeves is tardiness.”

When we get to his car, he opens the door for me and just as I’m about to put my seatbelt on, he leans over and gives me a small kiss on the lips.  It takes me by surprise and I can tell from the look on his face that he is afraid it was too soon.  I keep still as he closes the door and walks around to get in.

“I’m not going to apologize for kissing you,” he says after a few seconds without looking at me.  “I wanted to do that for a while and it felt right.  I don’t know what you want with me
, Sofia.  I feel like we have a great time together and just when I believe you’re all into it, you pull back. I’m not sure if it’s me or someone else.”

“You don’t have to apologize.”

He starts the car but doesn’t pull away.  The only noise comes from the heater and I’m wondering what he is thinking. I know I haven’t been fair to him, but we only went out a few times.  What he doesn’t know is that unlike most twenty four year olds, I haven’t really dated.  I don’t know what or how I’m supposed to feel.

“Look Sofi, I like you.  You have to know that by now.  The question is, are you willing to take this journey with me and see where it goes?”

Am I willing? Images of Mark and blondie come to mind and before I know it, I accept Bradley’s offer.

“I would like that.”  He smiles
. As he puts the car in drive, I feel his fingers lace with mine for the second time this evening. 

Sofia

I’m not sure if Mark is avoiding me or if he’s just busy, but if I’m honest with myself, I’m glad he stays out of my way.  So far the only way I know he’s still alive, is because he eats the food I leave for him every night.  I started my new job a month ago and Amanda is the slave driver I expected her to be, but I’m not complaining. 

Today I got my first paycheck and although I was mad as hell over all the taxes they took out, it still felt good to know I could once again buy the few little things I enjoyed, like coffee and books.  I bet you thought I was going to say shoes and handbags
, but hey, I just started working so it’s not like I can afford to go on a shopping spree.  I leave that to Mona.  Speaking of which, she will be back tomorrow from her never ending honeymoon and I’m ecstatic. 

We spoke a few times on the phone and we tried to keep in touch via text
, but that can’t replace actually being in the same room with her.  There is so much to talk about, not just my new job, but also my new relationship with Bradley.

He has been wonderful to me and that should be enough
, but something is missing; can’t point my finger on it but it doesn’t feel complete.  I try not to think about it because, after all, I was no expert when it came to love.  We always have a great time, and I am grateful that he does not pressure me into anything I am not ready to do.

I drove to the bank to deposit my check and as I was waiting in line
, my phone buzzed.

Mark – hey

That’s it?  Just “Hey”? Seriously?  The guy has not said a word to me in weeks and now all I get is HEY?

Me – hey

Mark – Jon and Mona are getting back tonight and wanted to know if we can meet them at Frank’s

Me – I guess.

Mark – k … c u later

What the hell was all that about?  I check my phone again to make sure I didn’t miss any calls from Mona.  How come she didn’t tell me she was on her way back today? After the bank, I stop by Starbucks for my one indulgence
. As I wait in line, I decide to give Bradley a quick call. 

“Hello sweetheart. I was just thinking about you,” I could tell he was smiling.  For some reason he always seemed happy when I call
ed.

“You always say that,” I laugh.  “Listen I know we were going to meet for dinner tonight
, but something has come up.  Mona is back in town and wants to get together.”

I should’ve told him that it was not just Mona but Jon and Mark too, but for some reason I couldn’t get myself to say it.  Bradley has always had this animosity towards Mark and we agreed from the beginning that we would never bring him into our conversations.  So far it worked well for both of us; until today.  I really hate lying to him.

“I feared that one day you’d blow me off, but never thought it would be for a woman,” he jokes.  “Sounds good babe.  Go have fun with your friend and call me when you get home so I know you’re safe.”

“You really are the best
, you know that?” That is the honest truth. 

“It’s you.  You really bring out the best in me.”

If you think I felt like a jerk for lying to him, think how I felt when I heard him say that.  I wonder what he would say if he knew I was about to go to a bar with Mark.  Deep inside I know I probably should’ve invited him, but also know it would be awkward with him and Mark in the same room.

I drive home and notice Mark’s car is parked in the front.  The door is unlocked and music is blaring from his room.  Lord please don’t let another bimbo be in there with him. Not today. I call his name and he comes out wearing nothing but faded jeans
. No shirt, no socks, just jeans.  I never thought it would be possible for someone to look so good in something as simple as a pair of jeans. But looking at him like this makes me weak in the knees and fuzzy warm all over.

“Hi Birdie.”

“Hey, good to see you’re still alive and out of hiding,” I yell over the loud music so he can hear me.

He goes back to his room and the house gets quiet. I decide it’s safe to follow him since no female specimen has come rushing out. The door is open and I can see his back as he’s looking through his dresser for something.  He pulls a black t-shirt over his head and all I c
an do is stare and marvel.
Don’t go there, it’s not safe
.

“See anything you like,” he says with a smirk.

“Why have you been avoiding me Mark?” We stare at each other, filling the room with tension.

“I’ve been really busy
, just like you.  You’re never home so don’t blame it on me.” 

“If you cared enough
, you would know that I got a job.  That’s why I’m never home.”  I could feel a headache coming and fighting with him over something this stupid was really not worth it. “Forget it.  I’m going to go get ready. What time are they going to be there?”

“Birdie, wait.”  I stop at the bottom of the stairs without turning. “Why didn’t you tell me you got a job?”

I turn slowly and pray for strength since the last thing I want right now is to lose it in front of him.

“You were the first person I wanted to tell Mark. Unfortunately for me
, you were too busy with Barbie girl when I got home that day.   So instead I called Bradley.  He was more than happy to celebrate with me.”

“I’m sure he was,” he murmurs soft enough so I won’t hear it. 

“What was that?” I snap angrily.  “Seriously, you’re going to talk crap about Bradley again? What exactly has he done to you that was so bad to make you hate him?”

“I’m not doing this right now.”

There was that pain in his eyes again.  What is that all about?  How am I supposed to know what’s going on when we no longer talk?  We went from being best friends to complete strangers; all in a matter of weeks. 

“Whatever.  Like I said, I’m going to get ready.  Let me know if you still want to ride together or
if you’d rather I took my car.” 

I don’t give him a chance to respond and storm to my room.  We’re both acting childishly and it pains me to leave it this way
, but I’m not sure I can do anything about it.  I’m scared that the more we talk about it, the farther we move from each other.  Tonight is not about me or Mark, but about Mona and Jon.  Just the thought that I get to see her in a bit makes me happy once again.

Mark

I watch her go up to her room and I can’t help but smile. I know it’s really not the time to make fun
, but she looks to freaking sexy when she’s pissed.  She’s not one to have tantrums, so this is a first. And I’m enjoying every minute of it. 

I feel like a bastard for not knowing she started a new job.  Where the hell have I been for the past few weeks that I didn’t get to talk to her?  Who am I joking; I’ve been avoiding her
, just like she said.  I was too embarrassed after she found me with Linda, and I figured that if I let some time go by, it would all get fixed on its own.

Wrong move, jackass
.  My grandma always said that I tend to avoid confrontations and because of that I miss out on some very good things. As usual, she was right. 

I have mixed feelings about tonight
, and I really hope it won’t get awkward between us. All I want is for Birdie to be happy. If that means I have to accept that she’s with Bradley, so be it.  I can’t do anything about it, because like an idiot I took my time to come up with a plan and missed my chance. 

I just hope I don’t kill the dude since I have to work with him for a few more weeks.  Shit, what a mess. I put my chucks on
, grab my jacket and head out, only to be stopped by Birdie.  Damn is she trying to kill me?  She’s dressed in black jeans that look like they are painted on her body and some sparkly white sweater that hangs low on one shoulder.  Her hair is down and frames her face just perfectly, and she’s actually wearing makeup. She’s beautiful without it but with it, she’s about the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.  I’m probably drooling but I really can’t help it.  Her boots are high enough that she comes up to about my shoulder and I wonder what it would be like to have those legs wrapped around my waist. Ok someone just slap me now before I do something stupid.

“I’m ready,” she tells me and turns to put her jacket on.  I grab it from her hand and hold it out for her.  Our fingers brush for just a millisecond but it’s enough to get me hard again.   I clear my throat and try to play it cool
. I take my keys out and we walk in silence to my car.