Loving Sofia (4 page)

I found Jonathan waiting for me in the kitchen, keys in hand. “Everything ok?” he asked
, his voice full of worry.

“Everything i
s fucking peachy.  She won’t talk to me, so I have no clue what the hell is going on.”

“Let’s go get a beer.”  We walked out to my car for the short drive to Frank’s.  So much shit was going through my head.

The bar was almost empty and we took a table in the corner.  Missy, Frank’s wife, already knew what we were going to order and before we even had a chance to sit, the beers arrived. 

“Thanks Missy.  You’re a doll as always.  How are the kids?” Jonathan was so good at small talk
, so I just grabbed my bottle and took a long swig.  I tuned them out as they went on about the kids, engagement, and work and shit.  What the hell was I doing here? I should be with Birdie trying to make her feel better.

As soon as Missy was gone, Jon leaned back in his chair and gave me the “Let’s have it” look. “So dude when the fuck are you going to tell Birdie how you really feel about her?”  

I was shocked as hell.  Was everyone aware of how I felt? Everyone but Sofia? 

“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.  Sofia is my friend and that’s where it ends.  I’m just worried about her
. Something has obviously happened this week.  She’s been distracted ever since Mona’s party.”

“Mark how long have we known each other?  Would you say eighteen years or so?  Remember in fifth grade when you fell in love with that Maria something
? What was her name?”

“Kaminski.  Maria Kaminski was her name.  Shit
, I forgot all about her.” I laugh remembering how stupid I used to act around her. 

“That’s right. You were so in love with her and thought you were all cool with your little secret
, but you didn’t fool me.  Just like you don’t fool me now, man. Look. You are my brother and I want you to be happy.  So I’m gonna tell you this only once. Let Birdie know how you feel before it’s too late and some asshole comes and takes her away.”

We finished our beers in silence and I let his words sink in.  Was he right? And if he was, how was I going to do this?

Sofia

I rushed to my room and the instant the door closed I let the tears fall.  What the hell is wrong with me? The whole day I’ve been having this feeling of sadness and that was just ridiculous.  I’m about to get up and change when Mona walks in
. I can see Mark’s face in the doorway and his expression full of pain and anguish. 

Why couldn’t he just go home and leave me alone?  All I wanted was to take a shower and get some rest
, but I guess that was out now.

“What’s wrong
, baby girl?  Talk to me,” Mona says as she sits down on my bed and wipes away the warm tears.  “Did Mark say something to you today when you guys were out?”

“I’m ok really, just hormonal I think.  I have no reason to cry
. It’s just one of those days when I feel like shit.  The whole week at work I had to deal with a bunch of biaches, and Monday I have to go back to the same shit again.”

“Birdie
, I didn’t know it was that bad.  Why didn’t you say anything?  If it’s that bad, don’t you think it’s better to look for another job?”

I know she means well
, but I swear sometimes she just lives on another planet; a planet where you don’t have to worry about bills or keeping your bank account afloat. How could I tell her that I’ve already looked for another job but the economy sucked and there was nothing out there? 

“I think I will soon
, but right now I really don’t want to talk about it.  I just want to get some rest and tomorrow maybe we can spend the day doing something fun and talk about your wedding.  What do you say?”

As soon as she hears the word wedding
, she forgets all about my crying and huge smile fills her beautiful face.  She gives me a hug and after wishing me a good night, she leaves but not before telling me she’s going back to Jon’s place.  For the first time, I am happy she is spending the night at his place, giving me the entire place to myself.

I look out the window to make sure both Jon and Mark’s cars are gone, and after a quick shower
, I pull my warm sweats on and make my way to the kitchen.  Before I know it, I’m pulling all kinds of stuff out of cupboards and start making a pie crust.  You know how some women eat ice cream when they feel like crap? Not me. I don’t want anything cold. I want hot, warm chocolate buried under a pile of whipped cream.

An hour late
r, pie in hand—I don’t even bother letting it cool, I pop in the “He’s Just Not That Into You” DVD and I’m ready to go.  I stuff myself with chocolate, cream, and Bradley Cooper.  And for the next two hours, I forget all about work or the fact that I’m utterly alone.

My cell phone wakes me up in the middle of the night
, showing a new text message.

Mark – are you awake

Me – I am now

Mark – you gonna tell me what happened????

Me – nope

I wait to see if he’s going to press on and for a minute there are no more messages.

Mark – I don’t like it when you’re sad

And just like that, with one simple text, I feel all better.  We may be only friends
, but he cares and that’s what matters.

Me – I’m sorry
. I’m just a little stressed with work. but I’m better now

Mark – if you say so. I guess I better let you go back to sleep.  Call me tomorrow.  Night birdie

Me – night

The weeks to follow, work is really slow and with most of my co-workers gone on vacation I feel less stressed out.  I meet Mona, Jon and Mark at Frank’s on Fridays and things go back to normal.  The guys continue to come over almost every night
, and once again I feel relaxed around Mark.  Sunday dinners are as fun as they’ve always been, and I finally think that maybe my life is on the right track and everything will be just fine.

Everything was fine until about a month later.  I walk
ed in work and the first thing I noticed was that everyone was gone.  As I was about to turn on my computer, Mindy walked up to me, a worried look on her face.

“Sofia where have you been?  The meeting started thirty minutes ago and Brenda was going crazy that you were not there.  She kept asking everyone about a spreadsheet of some sort.  Do you know what she’s talking about?”

“Slow down, damn it.  What meeting?  I was not told there was a meeting today.”

“Well
, we are taking a small coffee break. You better get in there.”

With that
, she walks away, leaving me with a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.  This was not the first time they’ve done something like this.  Last time, apparently an email went out about the meeting and shockingly the person who sent the email forgot to copy me on it. 

I quickly print the spreadsheet I know Brenda is looking for and make my way to the conference room.  I get several dirty looks
, but I couldn’t care less.  I take a seat and once everyone is back from the break, the meeting resumes.  Brenda does all the talking as always and before long I tune her out because she really makes no sense, but no one has the guts to tell her so.

“Brenda what if we have a small workshop and hand out some samples?  It could really attract more clients,” Mindy says in a small voice.  Immediately the room fills with hushed whispers, everyone pretty much is scared for Mindy for speaking her mind.

“Well aren’t you the clever one,” Brenda says and I swear I feel like any minute smoke will start coming out of her nostrils.  “Did I ask for your opinion?  Do you think anyone really cares what you think?”

Mindy looks down
at her notepad, hands on her lap; she looks like a little girl who’s about to be sent to the principal’s office.  No one dares to say anything and the quiet is killing me. I know I should mind my own business, but I shoot up from my chair and address Brenda with full confidence.

“I care what she thinks.  What is the point of these meetings if you are the only one talking?  At the end of the day
, we are the ones doing the work so I believe we know a thing or two.”

For a few minutes no one speaks
. They are all watching Brenda and me, the fear noticeable on their faces.

“Meeting is over.  Everyone go back to work.” I try to walk away but Brenda calls my name.

“Miss Bianchi, you stay.”  She waits for everyone to walk out then picks up the phone and calls our HR director.  That’s when I know that I really did it this time, and there’s no turning back. A few minutes pass and I can feel her watching me, yet she doesn’t speak.  The conference room door opens and an older lady walks in; from what I can remember she’s the HR director, although her name escapes me.

She puts a thin folder in front of Brenda and
I realize I am officially screwed. 

“Miss Bianchi,” the old lady says, “it has come to my attention that you’ve been having some problems, from attendance to getting along with your co-workers.”

I take a deep breath contemplating if I should defend myself or just accept whatever the consequences are.  I’ve never been good with confrontations, but this is just ridiculous.  I’m getting fired anyway, so might as well let them have it, right?

“We both know that’s a lie.  I’ve never had a problem with anyone.  My work ethic has always been above reproach
, and not once did I miss a deadline.  As for my attendance I’m the only one that comes on time, but that really doesn’t matter, does it?”

The old lady looks really uncomfortable with the whole situation
. I know she’s just doing her job, so there’s no point in giving her a hard time.  The brain behind all this is Brenda.

“Regardless, I believe you will find the package we’ve put together satisfactory. I’ll just need to get some signatures from you and of course the office keys.”

That’s it
. Nothing else to do. I listen to her talking about Cobra, taxes, and some other crap that really doesn’t matter considering I won’t be able to afford any of the so called options.  I force back the tears, take the forms—including my check, grab my stuff from the office, and walk out.  I don’t even bother saying goodbye to anyone. I just keep walking, never looking back, not even once. 

After a few hours of mindless driving
, I stop on the side of the road, lay my head on the steering wheel, and sob.  I cry until there are no more tears left. Then I scream until my voice is gone.  First I’m sad, then I get angry, and then I feel numb. Before I drive away, I take a look in the mirror to check the damage I’ve done to my face. I look like shit, my eyes are bloodshot, and there is no way I can pretend I’m ok.  Mona is going to chew my ass and she’s going to worry.  I have to come up with some kind of story. There’s no reason to worry her before her wedding. 

I’m going to be just fine, I tell myself.  After all
, I’m neither the first nor the last person to lose a job. When I get home, I notice there are three cars in our parking lot. Honestly I’m not ready to face anyone, so I do the only thing I can think of. I turn the car around and drive away before anyone can notice.  Not far from our place there’s a park, and I decide to stop and go for a walk.  The play area is empty and there isn’t much daylight left, but I don’t really care.  I sit on the swing and let my mind go blank, welcoming the quiet. 

“Do you have a death wish? What the hell are you doing all alone in the park at this hour?”  Mark comes to a stop in front of me and lowers himself until our eyes are leveled. “Talk to me Birdie.”

“How did you find me?”

“I saw you drive away and I followed you. I feel that I gave you enough time alone.  Now we can do this the easy way or the hard way.  You either tell me what’s going on, or I swear I’ll sit on you and won’t let you go until you do.  So what’s it gonna be?”

“What do you want me to say, Mark?  Why are you here anyway?  Don’t you have some place to be?”  I sound like a bitch but don’t really care. I want them all to go away and leave me alone. 

“Birdie what happened? Why don’t you talk to me anymore? You used to tell me everything
, and now I feel like you’re avoiding me all the time.” He sits in the swing next to me and waits.

“I lost my job today
, OK?  I gave my all to that stupid place and it took them five minutes to dismiss me. And Mona is getting married and is moving, I have to renew my lease next month, I have no job, and so yeah.  That’s what’s going on.” 

Everything just rushes out. He looks at me and smiles
, making me wonder if he heard a word I said.  Is he laughing at me?  This was serious.  We are talking about my life for fucks-sake.  How can you laugh at someone who’s about to end up in the street?

“Well I was afraid it was something serious.  Like you were sick or something. Shit Birdie. So you lost your job
. No big deal. You’ll find another one.” He watches me for a moment then says in a low voice, “You can always move in with me.  You know how big my place is, and I don’t even use the second floor.”

Wait
, did I just hear him say I can move in with him? Is he serious? I can’t believe he thinks that I can just move in with him. The more I think about it, the more I realize that he is my only hope.  It’s either him, or move back with my mom.

“I can’t afford to pay you too much rent
, though.”

“Really Birdie?  My
God I don’t need your money.  However, you could maybe, let’s say, cook for me? Come on, it will be fun.  It won’t be any different than it is now since I’m always at your house anyway.  We’ll still spend the evenings together, just in a different house. Plus, during the day I’m never home because of my crazy schedule, so I’ll stay out of your way.  What do you say?”

“I guess that would work.  I don’t know how to thank you for helping me.” Fresh tears escape and he leans over to give me a hug. He places his chin on top of my head, my face buried into his chest.

“I’ll always be there for you, Birdie.  Remember that. Always.”

I wonder what Mona is going to say about the move
, but I guess I’ll just have to worry about it later.  Mark follows me home and gets out of his car to walk me to my door.  He gives me one last hug and waits until I’m inside before he walks back to his car and drives away. 

The place is empty and it takes me a while to notice the note stuck to the fridge: “Hi Birdie, sorry I couldn’t wait for you to get home.  I got a call from my mom and I guess my dad’s not feeling
well so I’m going to fly out in the morning to see them.  Spending the night at Jon’s. I love you and I’ll miss you.  Text me or call me.  Smooches Darlin
g
”

I grab my cell from my bag to send her a quick text.

Me – hey girly.  Got your note. Is everything ok?

Mona – hi there. Sorry I left in a hurry.  Everything is just fine.  Turns out my dad has been having some stomach problems and my mom was worried and wanted me there for support

Me – at least it’s nothing serious

Mona – no don’t worry.  I’m only staying until Sunday and I should be home on time to celebrate thanksgiving with you guys.

I decide not to tell her about my job or the moving plans.  After I shower, I put on my “granny” pajamas as Mona calls them.  They are cotton with little flowers, not very sexy but they keep me warm, and that’s all that matters right now.  It’s not like I have a man to get all sexy for. Sleep comes before long, and I dream about playgrounds, swings, and Mark’s arms around me.