Marriage Seasons 01 - It Happens Every Spring (31 page)

"I like you." She shrugged. "I used to like you, anyway."

"You called me a bum."

"Well, you called Cody a bum."

"What's a bum?" Cody asked.

"Never mind," Brenda said, "just go on upstairs. This has been
an exhausting afternoon. Esther and her gaggle of women came
barging into the house, and the next thing I knew, they were shaving you and everyone was screaming."

"We all screamed because of the mice in my hair."

"Lice.. . oh, never mind. Just go." She gave him a gentle shove,
and he stumbled onto the staircase.

"Don't hug Nick anymore, okay?" Cody told her over his shoulder. "He's not as nice as Steve. He doesn't share, and you shouldn't
let him kiss you. Steve is like my daddy, because he wants to cook
hot dogs on a fire with me, and we can eat them even if they're
black. That's like Jesus. `And he commanded the multitude to sit
down on the grass, and took the five loaves and the two fishes-"'

"Cody, stop!" Brenda ordered as they reached the foyer. She
could hear her heartbeat hammering in her ears. Her cheeks felt
blazing hot. "Stop talking and just get out that door. Sit on your
swing, and be quiet. Stop blabbering all that nonsense, Cody. I
mean it. Don't say another word, because if I hear you, I'm going to
stop bringing you soup and sandwiches. I told you before-just
leave me alone!"

She shouldered him through the front door and shut it behind
him. Sinking to the floor, she hugged herself around the stomach.
Cody had said the words! He had told Steve about Nick. Her worst
fear.

How could she convince Steve that Cody had been confused ...
or that he had lied ... or misinterpreted what he had seen? She had
to think of a way to cover it. Hide it.

This was what she had been dreading most. And yet, she had wanted it too. Let Steve know that another man desired her. Let
him hear how deeply he had hurt her by abandoning her day after
day. Let him understand how his apathy had choked off her hope
bit by bit.

If Steve knew the truth, he might leave her. Or turn her out of
the house. She deserved it. Maybe she even wanted it, didn't she? A
reason to turn to Nick. Or to flee to her parents in St. Louis. Or just
to leave this house-desert Steve the way he had discarded her.

"Brenda?" Her husband's voice drifted up from the stairwell.
"Will you please come down here a minute?"

She wouldn't go to him. She would leave now, and then she
would never have to discuss anything. Covering her eyes with her
hands, Brenda searched her mind for direction. Where was God at
a time like this? Where had He been all along? How could He have
allowed her such pain-a woman who had served Him faithfully
all her life, whose home had glorified Him, whose oldest daughter
had given herself to mission work on His behalf?

God didn't care! He couldn't possibly love her. He had known
this was going to happen, and He had permitted it.

"Hey, Brenda? Are you up there?" Steve's head and shoulders
appeared, and his eyes fastened on her. "I need to talk to you. Right
now.

"I don't want to talk," she ground out. "Leave me alone."

"I'm not leaving you alone anymore. I'm staying here in this
house until you talk to me. And you'd better get down here and
start talking, or I'll come up there and we can let Cody and Charlie
Moore and half the neighborhood hear us."

Brenda leaned her head back against the door. This was it. The
moment. She could lie, and lie again, and then do her best to cover
those lies with more of the same. Or she could tell the truth. Confess. Admit her guilt.

Before everything crumbled, her life had been open and free and
honest. But now ... now she hated herself, her world, and everything in it.

Rising to her feet, she faced her husband. She realized they could
never turn back time. There was no hope that things would be the
way they once were. The kids had gone away. Steve's focus had
changed. Brenda had allowed Nick into her heart.

"Don't you have a meeting?" she asked Steve as she started
down the stairs. She tried to keep the sarcasm from her voice, but
she couldn't. "Or a house to show? Or a dinner guest waiting for
you at the club?"

"No," he said. "Not today. Not now."

She stepped into the basement and perched on the stool where
Cody had been shorn of his matted hair and raggedy beard. That's
how this would end too, she realized. She and Steve would shave
their marriage. They would shear off all the layers, all the vermin,
all the hurt and spitefulness that had built up between them. It
would be painful ... and ugly ... and it had to be done.

Steve sat down on a chair and stared at her. He looked worn and
pale. Older. Tired.

Brenda drew down a deep breath. "Well, while you were out
selling houses from dawn till midnight, I started to care for Nick
LeClair. And he cared about me too. We had very strong feelings
for each other." With great effort, she held her head high. "There.
Isn't that what you wanted to know? Nick came to the house every
day; he talked to me; he liked me. After a while, I realized how
much I enjoyed being with him. He was funny and sweet. He
admired my sewing and painting, and I admired his carpentry. We
became friends, but we both wanted something more. On his last
day here in the basement, he held me. Then Cody came in. After
that, Nick left, and I haven't seen him since."

Not moving a muscle, Steve sat in silence. He blinked once.
Then he swallowed. "So that's what I saw the other day," he said.
"When I came home to change clothes and caught the two of you
in the foyer."

"You didn't catch us." She bristled. "We didn't do anything."

"Except fall in love."

"Why not? What did you expect me to do with my heart, Steve?
It was empty, and you didn't care. Nick filled it."

"He wasn't interested in your heart, Brenda. He was touching
you. I saw him, the way he was grabbing after you. He had his
hands on you!"

"And that night at the country club, Jacqueline Patterson was
touching you. What's the difference?"

"You know the difference!" He jumped up from the chair and
began pacing. "Jackie is a client, that's all. She's ... she's part of my
business. But you're my wife, and that loser had no right to-"

"I'm not your wife. You're married to your business, Steve.
That's your one and only true love. When you started selling real
estate, I supported you. I was proud of you and everything you
were accomplishing. But then you betrayed me. You fell in love
with your work, you married it, and you gave your whole life to it.
Jackie touching you was no different from Nick touching me."

"That's a lie, and you know it!" Clenching his fist, he slammed it
down on the stairway handrail. "I can't believe this! I don't believe
it! You and that handyman. That low-life weasel covered in paint.
You let him put his arms around you."

"I let Nick hold me."

"Brenda, how could you do that? You're my wife, and you let
another man hold you in his arms. The way I used to hold you. He
put his hands on you and ruined you." Steve's face was red now,
the vein in his neck pulsing. "Did he ... did he kiss you?"

No.

"Why not?"

"Because-"

"Because Cody came in, right? Would you have let him? Did
you want that man to kiss you?"

"At the time, I did. Now. . ." She shrugged. "I haven't answered
his calls."

"He's been calling here? Calling you on my phone?"

Your phone? Is all this yours, Steve?" she asked, holding out her arms. "Are these your possessions-the house, the furniture ...
me?"

"You are my wife. Mine! You made a vow before God to be
faithful to me! You gave birth to my children. You belong to me."

"What? Like a chair? Or a lawn mower? Or your car? I mean less
to you than that stupid hybrid, don't I? You take it everywhere.
You keep it clean and polished, you buy it things, and you brag
about it. What about me, Steve? What am Ito you?"

"You are my wife!"

"What's a wife? Can you tell me that?"

"I can tell you what it's not. It's not someone who sits around all
day long and never even bothers to get dressed. It's not someone
who shudders every time her husband tries to touch her. And it's
not someone who falls in love with an ignorant, worthless, slob
handyman."

"Nick has exactly the same amount of education as you, Steve
Hansen. But I'm not going to try to defend him. Nothing happened between us except a hug, and nothing will. What started is
over. It's finished."

"How can you say nothing happened except a hug? You
intended for more to happen. You just told me how you felt about
him! You wanted more. If Cody hadn't come in, what would you
have done? Would you have gone to bed with the man?"

"I don't know."

"Unbelievable!" He clenched a clump of his hair. "All this time
I've trusted you and provided for you. I've been faithful to you
while you pushed me away and refused to let me near. I stayed loyal
even though you hid from me under your blankets and bit my head
off every time I tried to talk to you."

"Don't elevate yourself, Steve. We both betrayed our marriage
vows.

"I stayed with you through sickness and health, through richer
or poorer-

"You started creeping away from me the minute you sold your first house. You fell totally and completely in love with your job.
You gave yourself to it, body and soul."

"It's a job, Brenda. You can't compare it to what you did."

"No? Why do you suppose I was vulnerable to Nick?"

"Because he's a sleazy con artist who-"

"Because you had left me-and don't give me your usual rigmarole about coming home every night and waking up here every
morning. You have been gone. Gone, gone, gone! If you had been
here, spent time with me, cared enough to honor me with your
attention and maybe even a little appreciation, I wouldn't have left
my heart wide-open. Our ruined shell of a marriage is as much
your fault as it is mine."

"That is bunk."

"It's the truth, and you know it. I've admitted my failure. I confessed everything. It was wrong, and I knew it, and I put a stop to
it." She paused and lowered her eyes before continuing in a barely
audible voice. "So ... can you forgive me?"

"Forgive?" he echoed. "Are you kidding? I'm not going to forgive you!" He stormed to the far corner of the basement and back
again. "You're trying to make your affair sound as innocent as my
dedication to my work. Well, do you know why I work? It's to provide for you and the kids. Don't tell me that's why you fell into
another man's arms. What you did was just good old-fashioned
lust, Brenda. A mixed-up kid walking in is the only thing that kept
you from having a full-blown affair with your grubby little handyman. And that same kid is the only reason you confessed to me
today. If Cody wants hot dogs, you better believe I'll get him some.
But if you want my forgiveness, you can forget it. You betrayed me.
Then you tried to blame me for your sins. And now you expect me
to just let it go?"

"I don't expect anything of you anymore, Steve. I've learned
you're never around when I need you. I have no expectations.... I
know I made a mistake and I'm just asking for your forgiveness,
that's all."

"No way. What you've asked for is a divorce-and that's exactly
what you're going to get."

"Strawberries!" Esther sang out, lifting high a pint of the red fruit
inside a disposable container. "Right out of Charlie's garden this
very morning. So fresh you'll just melt when you taste them!"

Brenda attempted to muster a smile. "Thank you, Esther," she
said. "You can put them in the fridge."

"I haven't seen you since we were here the other day, honey.
What have you been-why, you look lower than a dog's belly! We
got you up and out of that chair, and there you are again! At least
you're dressed." Esther set the strawberries in the refrigerator. "My
stars, child, these shelves are almost bare. What's going on? Is Cody
giving you trouble?"

"No, he's fine."

"Where's Steve? If you're feeling this poorly, he ought to be
home looking after you. I'm telling you, these men might as well be
wearing blinders for all they notice around them. Yesterday I cut a
beautiful bouquet of purple irises from the front yard, and then I
put them in a vase smack-dab in the middle of the dining-room
table. Do you think Charlie mentioned them? Not a word! There
they sat, right in front of his chicken-fried steak, and he ate as if
nothing was on the table but the salt and pepper."

Esther seated herself on the sofa across from Brenda. "I don't
know what I'd do without my Charlie, but sometimes that man
makes me mad enough to chew splinters. Do you ever feel that way
about Steve? The two of you look picture-perfect all the time, but
I'd have to guess you have your moments."

Focusing over Esther's head at the portrait of the Hansen family, Brenda had to suppress a surge of sadness. Had they ever been
picture-perfect? No. But there was a time when the world had felt
like summer all year round. They'd all been so comfortable with each other. So committed and supportive. Once upon a time, they
had all been together. And now . . . now Steve had vanished.
Brenda didn't know where he had gone the day he vowed to
divorce her and went storming out of their home after she told him
about Nick LeClair. She had left messages on his cell phone, but he
didn't return her calls. Had he disappeared forever? Gone like a
tuft of dandelion seed, leaving behind this bare, lonely stem of a
wife?