Maybe This Life (5 page)

“What the hell’s your problem, Lena?”

Lena stumbled backwards, almost falling down the stairs, when she’d unlocked the door to her apartment and Vince was already inside.  “Vince.  What are you
doing
here?”

“Don’t change the subject, Lena.  What’s your problem?  You’re in another world lately.”

“Vince, what are you talking about?”  Sidestepping him to put her purse on the table by her front door, Lena couldn't avoid his shoving her against the wall. He pinned her to it by grasping her wrists.  “Vince, please.  Let me go.”

“Tell me what’s going on?” he demanded.

“Nothing’s going…I don’t
even know what you’re talking a…”

“Shut it,” he growled, pulling her away from the wall and pushing her across the room.

“Vince.  Why?”  Lena cried, before he picked her up and threw her flying through the air.

But he didn’t let her finish.  “You’re screwin’ somebody else, aren’t you?”

“What? No. Vince.  Where’d you get that idea?”  Lena scrambled to get to her feet, but Vince caught her and shoved her back against the wall.

“You can’t fool me, Lena.  Your mind’s somewhere else and if it ain’t on me, it’s gotta be on some effin’ other guy.”

This was true.  She definitely had her mind on someone else, but how in the world could Vince have known that?  Darn.  His intuitiveness scared her, but he had it all wrong.  How could she convince him?  “Vince.  No.  Not at all.  Please,” she begged.

But he didn’t care what she had to say.  He just concerned himself with his warped view of reality.  If he already had it in his mind that Lena had spent time with another man, then nothing she could say could stop those thoughts.  “You’re a bitch. Y’know that?”

Lena tried to propel herself forward to loosen Vince’s hold on her, but instead, it gave him more leverage to grab her around the waist and throw her onto the couch.  “You’re mine baby?  Then prove it,” he said angrily, while tearing her dress right off her body.

“Vince. No. Not tonight.  Please.  Another time, okay?”  Lena implored, pleading for him to get off of her. He would not.

She tried to fight him off, but he used his hand and slapped her in the face. Her head shot in the direction he hit.  Twisting to get herself out from under him, she failed.  He punched her on the other cheek, causing her defeat.  The mixture of black and colored spots entered her vision. He must have used all his might in his fist. She felt her consciousness slipping away. He tore off her tights and plunged himself deep inside her, bringing her back to her senses as she screamed out in pain.  Releasing himself, he pulled out, pulled up his pants and took off with nary a glance back.  Lena was left prostrate…violated and shaken.

Trembling with dismay and momentarily paralyzed, Lena remained curled up in the fetal position, where she stayed until the sun hinted at dawn through the gaps in the blinds.

Morning brought with its new day, the stark realization that Lena was engaged to a merciless and soulless human being.

**************

Lena’s absence from work the past three days wasn’t boding well in Rick’s mind.  He had the discerning feeling she was not sick.  In fact, the nagging ache in his chest signaled a much worse fate.  He needed to rescue her.

It took him about fifteen minutes to get to Haledon after hounding the Personnel department for Lena’s address.  He saw her car parked in the apartment complex’s parking lot.  Number 14.  He had the right place.  Though his nerves were standing on end, he had to do this, had to help her.  Without further thought, he rang the bell.

And waited.

After five long minutes of ringing the bell, he heard footsteps plodding down the stairs.

Unprepared for what he saw in front of him when the door crept open, Rick gasped.  The eyes peeking through the crack were of someone so familiar, his knees nearly buckled beneath him.   This could not be happening again.  It had to be better this time.  Destiny could not be this cruel a second time around.

He needed to get a grip.  “Lena,” he whispered.

She cleared her throat, then let out something inaudible.

“Lena.  Let me in.”

She shook her head.  “I’m sorry.”  But he barely heard her. Her soft voice sounded as if it hadn’t been used in days.

“Please, Lena.  I want to help.”

She shook her head again and pushed the door to shut it, but Rick used his hand to keep it from closing.  “Lena.” His voice unfaltering, he gently nudged the door open and stepped inside.  Exposed on one side of her cheek was a faded bruise.  Someone had hit her.

“No. No. Nonononono. Leave me alone,” Lena pleaded and then broke down.  Banging her hands against his chest and pushing him back, she screamed,. “Get out, get out. Out.”

Lena’s swollen eyes begged for tears, but it looked as if she’d been crying for so long that there were no more tears to cry.

“Sweetheart, it's okay,” Rick whispered, grabbing hold of her and pressing her head to his chest.  He slid his hand over her tangled hair and breathed, “Shhh.  It’s okay.”  He continued to stroke her hair.  “It’s okay.”

The gasps of breath Lena was offering in response proved she had been crying for far too long.  Rick closed the door behind him and picked her up, cradling her in his arms to carry her up the stairs.  He shoved blankets and used tissues aside and sat her down on the couch.  Kneeling on the floor before her, he took her hands.  “What happened?” was all he whispered, but all she needed to hear to allow herself to fall into his arms.

“I can’t.” The tears finally released.  And released.  And released.

“Then at least let me dry your eyes.”  Cupping her face in his hands, his thumbs wiped the tears that escaped her eyes.

Rick’s own eyes began to tear as he stared into her crestfallen brown eyes.  He thought he heard a slight chuckle between her sobs.  “What?”

“Why are
you
…crying?”  She laughed and cried simultaneously.

“When
your
heart breaks, mine absorbs the pain.”

Now Lena looked befuddled.  “But…you hardly even know me.”

Rick took his eyes off of her momentarily to look down, then he returned his attention to her sad chocolate eyes.  He wanted to tell her.  But now was not the time.  So he simply said, “I’d like to know you better.”  Which was the truth.

Lena shook her head.  “Why?  Why would you want to get to know
me
?  I’m so…messed up.”

“Well, I think you are perfect.” He continued to caress her cheek with his thumb.

She averted her eyes and grew silent.  But Rick saw her chest rise less noticeably and her breathing become less labored.  She was calming down, accepting his friendship.  That was a start.

“Lena, can I make you a cup of tea or something?” Rick broke the slight awkwardness of the moment.

“Oh. Sure.  I’ll get it though.”

Lena got up and Rick took her hand. “Show me the way.”

In the kitchen, Rick watched Lena fumble through the cabinets, searching for something. “Lena, do you not drink tea?” he asked, noticing the tons of single-serve coffee cups on the counter.

“Um, well, not really.”

“Let me guess,” Rick signaled to the big Keurig coffee machine sitting on the counter. “You like coffee,” he stated, not asked.

“Mm-hmm.” She smiled.

“Then why on Earth would you accept a cup of tea from me?”

She shrugged. “Because you offered.”

“Oh, my dear.  You
are
something.  Show me how this thing works and I’ll make you a cup of coffee.”

Lena offered a slight giggle and silently walked him through her single-serve coffee making process.  He made a second cup on his own.

“I like your apartment,” Rick said, as he led them back into the living room and onto the couch.

“Thank you.”

“Have you had it long?”

“Um…yes…no.”

“Okay?” He wondered.

Lena chuckled again and Rick’s heart warmed at the sound of her.

“My grandfather owns it.  He lets me live here…for free.”

“Ooh.  Very nice.”

Lena raised a shoulder, then dropped it. “I guess.”

“Did you grow up in this town?”

“Yup.  Been here all my life.”

“Oh.  Where do your parents live?”

“Right up the street on Belmont…next to Frank’s Liquors.”

“Right.  I passed that on the way here.  The liquor store? You’re right next door?”

Lena smiled. “Yeah, my dad owns the store.  Convenient, right?”

“Mmm.”  Rick looked at her and raised his hand to her tender cheek. “Did you put anything on this?”

“Mmm.  A couple days ago.  Ice.”

“Did anyone get a look at it?  Your nose could be broken.”

Lena’s head came down, suddenly looking ashamed all over again.

“Lena.  Who did this?”

“Why are you here, Rick?” she asked, ignoring his question.

Rick put his cup down on the coffee table, then reached for Lena’s mug and placed it next to his.  He maneuvered closer to her, lacing his fingers with hers.  “I knew something was terribly wrong.” He caressed her cheek. “And now I have proof.”

Lena closed her eyes and shook her head.  “But…how?  How did you know that?”

“Call it a sixth sense.  Lena, I could just…feel it.”

“But…how?”

Words caught in his throat.  What could he tell her that wouldn’t scare her away?  This time
he
shrugged.  “I just…know,” he intimated, then paused a few seconds.  “Do you wanna talk about it?”

Lena shook her head. “Not yet,” she said in a quiet whisper.

“Well, did you at least talk with your parents?”

Lena’s head shot up, and eyes wide, she blurted, “No. No I can’t,” and tapered off.

Rick covered both her hands inside his.  “Oh, Lena.  You can’t keep this in.  Whatever it is, whoever did this…and I’m sure I can guess… you can’t
not
tell someone.  And this can’t happen again.”

Lena removed her hands from Rick and slumped her head into them, leaning her elbows on her legs.  Rick let her cry it out again while he caressed her heaving back.

He wanted to rescue her from her troubles, but since she wouldn’t allow it, he’d have to settle for silently comforting her while she worked this out in her head. 

But he couldn’t sit idly by and watch her hurting.  He couldn’t let her down again.  This time…he wouldn’t let her down.

Lena drifted off to sleep that evening a little easier, thanks to Rick’s visit that afternoon. Even her dreams had a less haunting nature to them than usual. As a matter of fact, Lena awoke with a smile on her face. During the night, in her other world, she walked hand in hand with Rick down the perfect main street village. It was almost like a scene from an old movie. A smile was plastered on her face as she fussed with her gold heart locket, no longer broken.

Lena couldn’t remember many other details of the dream, but she certainly had recalled her emotions. Happy and suddenly carefree, she wanted to bottle up those feelings, because she knew they had been few and far between, both in her fictional dream and in her all too real life.

Her problems with Vince hadn’t disappeared, but she had managed to avoid him since that dreadful night, claiming to him that she had the flu, and he needed to stay away so he wouldn’t catch it as well. Her mother seemed to accept her excuse as well, but each time her mom attempted to visit or bring her chicken soup, Lena feigned sleepiness and averted the much-needed visits. Lena didn’t have the heart to tell her mother what Vince had done. It would kill her. Yet Lena really needed the comfort of her mother’s hugs…and her chicken soup.

Lena woke ready to return to work. Make-up could hide the faded redness on her cheek, and Rick had put the smile back on her face. It wasn’t deep enough to reach her heart, but it was close. Looking forward to seeing Rick at work, she pushed thoughts of Vince aside for the day. If only it were that easy to push him away for real.

The whole day went by in an instant. Lena had so much work to catch up on that she’d worked through lunch. Already five o’clock, she hadn’t even had the chance to walk by Rick’s office and thank him for sitting with her yesterday. She had barely talked, yet he stayed with her...even while she napped...on his lap. She hadn’t remembered falling asleep, but she woke up, her head on his lap, the back of his fingers stroking her cheek. For a brief while, Lena felt as if someone had unlocked the door to her heart and returned her home. She couldn’t explain it, but at that very moment, she felt that her whole life she had been waiting for Rick Murphy to welcome her home.

Of course, reality hit like a ton of bricks and recent events flashed back into her mind. Rick had been the indirect cause of Vince’s anger four nights ago. Lena didn’t know how Vince had guessed it. She assumed she had been so careful with her thoughts, but he intuited them anyway. Today was not about Vince though. Thoughts about Vince would be pushed aside. Today she wanted to thank Rick. She only hoped it hadn’t been too late.

After today’s assignments were complete, and her desk, cleared, Lena ventured down to Rick’s office trying to ignore the butterflies fluttering in her stomach. When she entered, he seemed to be expecting her. Not that he expected any gratitude, more like he had wished for her and here she was. His smile, warm and genuine, he stood and walked over to greet her.

“Lena.” Rick put a hand on the small of her back, causing another swift rush of flutters. “Sit down. I heard you were back today.”

“Oh.” Then why didn’t he walk by like he usually did, she thought?

“I figured you had a lot of work to catch up on," he said, uncannily answering her thoughts.

“Mmm. That’s an understatement.”

“How ya feeling today? Any better?” The deep concern on his face flattered Lena. But for the life of her, she couldn’t understand why he cared. Nor could she understand the intensity of her own feelings toward him.

“I’m better. Thank you.” She took a deep breath and fuddled with the broken locket that hung around her neck. “Rick, thank you so much for yesterday. I’m not sure why you showed up…but…I’m really glad you did.”  It took all Lena's mental energy not to jump up and hug him. Boy she wanted to, but she was still engaged to Vince. Though she knew she had to break that commitment soon, she hadn’t yet, and initiating any physical contact with Rick wouldn’t be prudent.

“Well, I’m glad I did also,” Rick assured her. “I wish I could do more, love, but…when you’re ready…I’m here.”

The tingles in her stomach were distracting, and Lena sighed before saying, “Thank you, Rick.” He’d called her love. Her heart became heavy once again. She could feel the weight crushing her chest. All of a sudden, she wanted to cry. With all her might, she tried to prolong the tears. Her throat tightened where the lump was forming, and her eyes widened to let the air dry the tears before they sprung. Words were going to fail her, so she stood and walked out. From behind her, she could feel Rick watching her rip through the hallway in a hurry to leave work...before anyone saw her break down.

In her car, she hastened to leave the parking lot. Once she was on the road, she allowed the tears that swelled up in her eyes to flood down her face. She wanted Rick so much. But she couldn’t have him. Not when she was still tethered to Vince. And she knew it’d be a difficult task to sever that link. His family was too big...too important to allow anything disparaging to be said about them. Who would believe her when she finally revealed the horrid truth about Vince Battaglia?
Her
family of course, but
his
family? The town?

Lena knew the Giordanos were just as prominent a family in the town as the Battaglias, but they had much more money to offer the town to keep any gossip at bay. How was she going to do this? When was she going to do this? It had to be soon. It had to be yesterday.

Lena stopped by her parents' house on the way home from work. She loved walking into her childhood home. Its Victorian charm was comforting in its prim and proper way, but the coziness and love that her mother Jules put into it added warmth and intimacy. Jules loved her large family, and it showed in everything she did for them. Even the coffee she perked over the gas stove had the aroma of love – its smokey, yet full-bodied taste shouted, ‘Come. Sip me. Stay awhile.’ Although it lacked the convenience of Lena’s Keurig, her mother’s coffee trumped convenience in smell, taste and enjoyment. Just like coming home to Mom and Dad trumped going home to her empty apartment.

What had she been thinking moving out on her own? She was much happier here at home. Big deal if she were twenty-five and still living at home. Many people were doing that now as a result of the poor economy. Why had she been in such a rush to leave?

Vince was why she was in such a hurry to move out. He kept insisting that if she wouldn’t move in with him, she should at least have her own place for him to stay over. Ironically, she’d never let him stay the night anyway. It just never felt right.

Now here she lived in her own apartment, more unhappy than ever.

“Lena, sweetheart,” Jules hailed when she saw her daughter in the kitchen doorway. “I’m so happy you’re here. How are you feeling? Any better?”

“Yeah, Mom, I’m better.” Lena slowly pulled out one of the high-back Victorian-style kitchen chairs and sat down, leaning her head in her hand.

Jules must have caught Lena’s silent sigh, because after preparing her daughter a cup of coffee, she sat it in front of her, sat down next to her, and placed both her hands over Lena’s free hand. “Sweetie. What’s the matter? Why are you so sad?”

Lena didn’t even try to stop this round of tears. She allowed them all to flow, like a weakened dam succumbing to the weight of the water. Yet, although the tears could freely tumble, the words would not. They remained prisoners in her mind, unable to free themselves from the torment.

“Lena, honey, what?” Jules empathized, unable to get hold of her own emotions while her daughter broke down in front of her.

Lena just shook her head, still leaning on her hand. Her breathing came out in clips. Little hiccups between cries.

“Baby... is it Vince?”

Still cradling her head, Lena nodded.

“Did he cheat on you?”

She shook her head.

“Was he fresh?”

A nod.

“Oh sweetie. What’d he say?”

What could Lena say? ‘Mom. He raped me. Twice.’ No. She couldn’t tell her mom that now. That bridge should have been crossed a year ago, the first time Vince stole her innocence. How ‘bout, ‘Mom. He beats me. Regularly.’ No. Another bridge untouched. What was left? Another truth. “Mom,” she cried into her hand, still being used as a support. “I don’t want to get married.” She finally dropped her hand and looked at her mother. “Not now. Not to Vince.”

“You are young yet,” her mom validated. “I never did think you were ready.”

Lena wiped her eyes. “Really, Mom? It’s okay to break it off?” Lena asked, with just the tiniest hint of hope.

“Of course, Lena. Your father and I would never want you to do anything you’re not ready for.
Especially
marriage.”

Jules’ reassuring support was like a beacon in the night. Lena finally could see happiness up ahead.

But how would she tell Vince? It wouldn't be easy. And she most definitely could not do it alone.

“Mom. Could you and Daddy help me tell Vince and his parents? I…really don’t want to do it alone.”

“Of course. Now,” Jules got up and went to the stove, “how ‘bout some pot roast?”

Suddenly, Lena felt famished. “Okay. I love your pot roast.” Lena got herself a plate and brought it to her mom. “Where is everybody? I mean…Daddy’s working, but what about Katrina and the boys?”

“Katrina’s at Joe’s house, Francis is working and Antonio is at school. Nicky and Christopher are with Daddy. Wrestling practice. Dad’s not working tonight.”

“Oh.”

“They should be home soon. Why don’t you stay here tonight? You know your room upstairs is still yours.”

Lena liked that idea. “Yeah. I will. I still have half my clothes here, so I don’t even need to go get anything.”

“Great.” Jules was perfect. Lena was so grateful that she had her for a mother.

Tomorrow, she’d be unengaged.

And finally free from Vince Battaglia.