Meadow Perkins, Trusty Sidekick (13 page)

I snapped back to reality and ran off to wash the brushes.

Twist was in a really bad mood when we got home. 

“We will definitely be ready to start the hang by Wednesday at the latest. I want you to there before we start so you can give us some insight as to the direction you want us to go in.” Twist glowered at Mom while she prattled on. Mom, used to moody artists, ignored her glower and went on, unfazed. “Maybe the more intense pieces should be in the back room. That will pack more of a punch.”

I glanced at Twist whose brows were furrowed and lips pursed. Right before she exploded, the phone rang. “Hello?” Mom wandered off into her bedroom pulling off her silk scarf as she went.

Twist’s glower turned into a wobbling lip. “I don’t know if I’m ready,” she wailed.

I sat down at the kitchen table next to her. “Twist, of course, you’re ready.”

“Meadow, I’m freaking out,” she said, dropping her head onto the table with a thud.

“Of course you are.” I rubbed her back. “I would be too.”  

She raised her head. “Will you come to the barn with me? I want to ask your opinion about some things.”

“Sure.”

We got up and walked to barn in silence. I grabbed Twist’s hand. The downstairs studio in the barn was lined with Twist’s paintings. Seeing them all lined up struck me.  

“Oh Twist,” I said, both enthralled and terrified by her work. “These are so beautiful. Really.”

“Is it going to be cohesive?” Tears brimmed in Twists eyes threatening to spill at any second.

“Yes! Yes of course!” I said with great enthusiasm. “This is amazing! I love it so much!”

“Okay,” she said and nodded. Being an artist could involve a lot of self-doubt. The tears spilled then. “I’m having a moment of crisis is all. I’m not a hack right?”

“Dude. Not at all.” I knelt down to get a better look.  

“I wish it wasn’t happening at Mom’s gallery,” she blurted out and then clapped her hand over her mouth, stricken. “Please don’t tell Mom I said that.”

I nodded, still entranced by her work. “I won’t. I know what you mean.” It was not totally different from going to an art school where your mother sat on the board.

“Of course you do.” Twist wrapped me up in a big hug. “Meadow, you are so talented. Do you want to paint with me? Just for a little while?”

I wiped my sweaty palms against my jeans. “I don’t know.” I wanted to run screaming from the barn and to go hide under my bed.

“Come on.” Twist let go of my hand and pulled a fresh canvas out of her stack. She moved a spare easel next to the painting she was working on and placed the canvas carefully on it. “You can share my paint.”

I stood in front of the canvas. It was as blank as I felt. I’d never had this problem before. I used to just paint without thinking about it very much. I just got inspired and then painted. I ran my fingers over the textured canvas, feeling the bumps on my fingertips.

I felt Twist’s eyes on me. Next to me, she dipped her brush into Prussian blue and took it to her canvas. Her painting looked almost finished. I knew she would deepen the color until it was so vibrant it stood off the canvas and became real.

I had no idea what to paint. I looked at the colors Twist had on her palette: blues and greens mostly, to match her mood. I took some blue paint and started swirling it on the canvas. It was funny. I hadn’t picked up a brush or even thought about painting in two months, and it felt strange and yet completely normal all at the same time. I kept swirling blue. Sometimes I’d add some green. After a bit, I forgot Twist was there. Jack drifted through my thoughts, and Alejandro. Guilt bubbled up in my stomach. I tried to paint it away, but I couldn’t forget I was doing something with someone that had a girlfriend, my friend supposedly, all while there was a perfectly good boy right in front of me. Swirl, swirl, dab. I got lost and drowned in a sea of blue. They say that drowning is peaceful. My breathing steadied and peace filled me slowly, beginning at my toes. Only vaguely aware of the rest of the world, I sunk deeper into the blue. I stared at my anxiety from the bottom of the ocean while it floated, lingering, at the surface.

Eventually, all thoughts of HSA, boys, parents, schools, and bitchy ex-best friends drifted away. I was far below where they couldn’t touch me. I just kept adding more layers of blue and green. I didn’t think about where the painting was going. I didn’t wonder about when it would be finished and how I would know. Covering the whole canvas in blues and greens was my only concern. I was completely calm for the first time in a long time. 

“Hey.” Twist stood behind me and rested her chin on my shoulder. She had to stand on her tiptoes to do that. Sometimes I felt like the big sister in our relationship, but only because I was actually bigger. I stopped painting.

“I’m starving,” she said. “Do you want to eat or something?” 

“How long have we been here?” I asked.

“About two hours,” she said. “That is very beautiful and sad, Meadow.” 

“It is?”

“Yes.”

We stood, both covered in splatters of blue paint with her chin on my shoulder for a long time.

“I love you, Twist,” I whispered finally.

“I love you too. Let’s eat.”

I floated back to the house and through dinner. Each one of us was lost in our own world. Mom broke every rule of dinner while we ate. She had her phone out and her iPad. Her smartphone dinged constantly. Normally I would call her out on that, but I wanted to be alone with my thoughts even though I was with two other people. Twist was quiet too. She was nervous. I didn’t eat much and just shoved food around on my plate. I knew exactly what I needed to do to finish the painting. I hoped I would have time tonight to add some white crests to the waves. I would make some of the waves into faces. Not obviously, but they would be there if you really looked for them.

“Meadow?” Mom snapped her fingers in front of my face.

“Yeah?”

“Are you okay?” she asked.

I was surprised she noticed. “Yeah, I’m fine.” 

“You seem kind of . . . distant. You both do, actually.”

“Just thinking.” I stabbed a cucumber slice with my fork.

Mom frowned. “Well, I was just saying to you both that I am going to act like an adult at the show.”

“What are you talking about?” Twist asked.

Mom turned to Twist. “Dad is bringing a woman to your show.” 

Twist’s lips formed a surprised ‘O’. I guess everyone had forgotten to tell her. 

“Um, okay?” she said, glancing at me.

“She’s nice,” I said.

“You met her?” Twist asked.

Mom pursed her lips.

“Yeah,” I said. “I had dinner with her and dad. She’s okay. And she’s an art dealer.” 

Mom tried to look magnanimous. “That could be very good for your career.”

Mom’s being really mature.
I smiled.

Then she added, “Your father certainly does have a type.”

After dinner, I painted for three more hours until my right arm ached and my vision went blurry.

“Time for bed.” Twist yawned took her brushes to the sink to wash them.

I covered my palette with tin foil and followed her to the sink to rinse my brush. I left it to try and wandered back to the house with a heart full of color and hope.  

Mom was in the living room drinking wine and giggling on the phone. I stopped to stare from the kitchen. Giggling was unusual behavior for her. While it was not unheard of for Mom to drink wine, it was certainly unheard of for her to drink wine and giggle on the phone. 

“That sounds wonderful,” she said, her voice breathy. She giggled again, sounding like a twelve-year-old girl. My eyes got big as it dawned on me that my mom was on the phone with a dude! Or a man, I guess. And she was giggling! 

Mom finally noticed me when I opened a cabinet to get a mug for tea. 

“Meadow? Is that you?” She sat up and turned around. She was flushed and her hair was ultra-frizzy. 

“Um, yeah,” I said. 

“Are you going to bed?” Mom asked innocently.

I got the feeling she was trying to rush me out of there. There can be downsides to a completely open floor plan.

“Yeah,” I said, “after my water boils.” And I was very thankful for the fast-boiling burner on the stove.

“Okay, goodnight,” she said. She went back to her conversation. “Sorry about that.” Followed by more murmuring.

I dropped a tea bag into a mug and waited. The boiling water drowned out her conversation. As soon as the kettle whistled, I poured hot water into my mug and went to my room.

I closed the door to my room and flipped the light on. Hank was parked in his new favorite spot, on my pillow. 

“Hi, Hanky.” I put my mug down, rubbed his head, then stretched and sat down on the bed. My text message alert went off.

I’m coming over.
It was Alejandro.
B there in 5.

I jumped up and looked in the mirror. I was covered in paint, but there was no time to fix that. I had a streak of blue across my cheek and I still had on the jeans and tank top I’d worn to work. 

Okay
, I replied. 

I didn’t stop to think about Jack or Emilia or anything at all. I just thought about Alejandro’s hair, his arms, and his eyes. I waited by the back door. Excitement or nerves, I wasn’t sure which, bubbled up in my stomach. The back gate creaked open and I walked around to meet him. He pulled me to him immediately and kissed me. No one said anything for a long time.

“Let’s go inside. I’m getting paranoid,” I said finally.

He followed be back into the house and up to the loft. 

“Hang on.” I crawled to the window and peeked into the living room. My mom was still lounging on the couch talking on the phone. 

“My mom is out there,” I said, still whispering. “We’ll have to be really quiet.”

Alejandro didn’t say a word as he wound his fingers through my hair. 

Much later, I sat up and pulled my shirt back on and sat next to him.

It was dark, but I could still see his eyes flash. We kissed for a big longer before I snuck him out.

After he left, I lay in bed, unable to fall asleep. I got online to see who was being passive aggressive. As soon as I saw Jack, my stomach lurched and I shut my laptop. 

I had never really had a chance to be confused about boys. Especially two boys. This was well outside of my range of experience. I felt shitty, but kind of thrilled too, which made me feel shittier.
I like Jack but does he like me? Where does Alejandro fit into any of this?

Chapter 13

I had a headache and a guilty conscience when I woke up. I took a shower and enlisted Twist’s help with my hair since she was up early too. I refused to let her draw cat-eyes on my face with heavy, black eyeliner. 

I groaned. “My regular makeup is fine. I’m just going to work.”

“It would just go so well with your hair,” she said, disappointed. She’d tied my hair up in a scarf. I thought I looked a little like Rosie the Riveter.

“Mom told me about Jack.” She winked.

“What about him?” I said too loud and too fast.

Twist blinked. “Oh, it
is
like that then.” 

“No. I mean, I don’t know. I have to leave.” I grabbed my stuff and rushed outside. I was in the car waiting for Mom when she came out. She went over my task list for the day while we drove.

The opening was upon us. Mom, Gabe, Jack, and I spent the morning hanging the paintings. The lighting guys were scheduled to show up after lunch.

We still had to sweep, mop, set up for the caterers, and then we’d be finished.

The gallery was beautiful and Twist’s work looked amazing in it. I kept getting goose bumps, partly because her work was scary and partly because I was so stinking proud of her.

The week had been completely surreal. My days were spent with Jack, my nights with Alejandro. He’d snuck in three times over the week. I felt eaten up with guilt. Isla had been super busy registering for school and helping her mom get set up in a teensy apartment downtown. I was glad that I didn’t have to try to hide it from her. I hadn’t told her, or anyone else, anything.

Though I tried to push it down, the reality that school would start soon niggled at me. I still felt completely torn. Jack and I worked on opposite sides of the gallery. 

When I finished hanging description tags, I went to find Jack. We’d planned to escape from my mom and her kombucha and go out for a late lunch. I found Jack in the back room where he’d just returned from taking out the trash.

“Lunch?” he asked.

“Yep. Finally,” I said. “Wait here while I break the bad news to my mom?”

“Sure.” He grinned.

I finally gave up on the idea that I didn’t like Jack. I did like Jack. A lot. I liked him more every day.

Mom was not hard to find. I could hear her shouting from the back room. As I got closer, I gathered that she was yelling at the florist for not having what she ordered. 

“I just don’t know why you didn’t order enough calla lilies for the wedding
and
the opening! I don’t know why I have to change my order just because you don’t have enough lilies.” I could practically see steam shooting out of her ears.

“Whoa,” I whispered.

“Just find some,” she snapped and ended the call with as much violence as she could muster, considering you can’t exactly hang up with conviction on a cell phone.

“Uh, Mom?” I preferred not to deal with her when she was screaming at other people. I didn’t want her to remember all the reasons she had to yell at me.

“Hi, doll.” She didn’t even look upset.

“Are you okay?” I asked. “That florist thing sounded—”

“I’m fine, Meadow,” she said. “It’s not personal. I just want what I want, or I want a major discount. Is it time for lunch?”

“Actually, Jack and I were thinking of grabbing some pizza. Is that okay?” I waited for her to shoot me down.

“Totally fine! I have a lunch date. Take the whole hour!” Mom kissed my forehead, wiped off the red lipstick she’d left there with her thumb, and breezed by me smelling like Chanel. 

I stood still, shocked for at least a minute when Jack appeared. 

“Ready?” he asked.

“Yeah.” I must’ve had a funny look.

“You okay?”

“Fine. Just confused.” That part was definitely true.

“Confused about how to eat pizza?”

“Yes. Should I eat it with a fork?”

“No. No. That is the wrong way to eat pizza.”

We exited the gallery and headed down the street. Jack was so easy to be with.

“Meadow?” Jack asked. 

“Yeah?” I felt my cheeks head as I waited for what he was going to say. 

“You are about to walk by the restaurant.” He pointed. We were right in front of The Pizza Palace. 

“Oh, yeah.”

We went inside, found an empty booth, then ordered. We were waiting for our pizza when Jack said, “You seem a little distracted.”

“I am.” I giggled, nervous as a cat. “I think my mom is on a date right now.” I was almost afraid to mention dates. I didn’t want to imply that I thought we were on one, or that we weren’t. 

“Wait, what? Right now?” he asked.

“Yes. Right now!” 

“With whom?” he asked.

I swooned over the proper use of grammar. “No idea.”

I remembered last night and how weird she’d been acting, and then I immediately thought of Alejandro. I was really glad when our pizza showed up before I had time to act weird.

“Then how do you know?” Jack asked.

“She’s wearing Chanel. She only wears Chanel when she goes on dates. Otherwise she smells like all the essential oils,” I said, a little bewildered. 

“She’s on a date then. But a lunch date? That can’t be a first date.” Jack raised an eyebrow. He was probably right, of course.

“But she always makes such a big deal out of making us feel informed and comfortable about her dates.” 

“Yeah, when you were seven. You’re all grown up. You’re old enough to go on lunch dates of your own,” Jack teased.

I managed a laugh. I realized that I should maybe stop hijacking what could potentially be a lunch date. I immediately panicked and knocked over my water. Jack swooped it up before much had spilled. I wasn’t usually the clumsy type, but I appreciate how cute his stealth made him since I am sometimes the knocking-over-the-water type.

“Your mom invited me to the show,” Jack said and then took a huge bite of pizza.

“She did?” I asked, surprised.

“Yeah, she told me she invited some of your friends too,” he said around a mouthful.

He managed to talk with his mouth full in a non-disgusting way. The boy was talented.

“Um, she did?” I asked.
What? What did she do?
“Did she say who?”

“I think Alejandro and Isla,” he said. “She seems to think those are your friends. Hey, are you okay?”

I was choking on water. “Fine,” I croaked. 

“I can give you the Heimlich, but it might ruin the mood,” he teased.

“I’m okay. It was just water. I don’t think the Heimlich works with just water.” I wiped my mouth with a napkin. Things had gone all-to-hell, and quickly. I took a deep breath. “Thank you, though. It’s good to know that you could have saved my life if I were choking on food, but could you save me from drowning?”

We managed to talk about other things and I managed to stop having calamities long enough to have a conversation.

“I like working at the gallery,” Jack said. “It beats the heck out bagging groceries. It’s fun. And interesting.”

“I guess so.” I shrugged. “It’s old hat for me.”

“Twist’s art is . . . weird,” he said. “Is she like really goth or something?”

I laughed a lot. “No, she isn’t goth at all. Not even a little. I’m not going to tell you what she’s like because I can’t wait for you to meet her and see for yourself.”

“I’m looking forward to it.”

When the hour was up, we walked slowly back to the gallery. Mom wasn’t back yet. No one was there and the doors were locked. We sat on a bench out front and talked some more. 

Mom finally showed up looking flushed and happy. I guess it was fine for her to date without telling me. It was just different. And why all the mystery?

We worked late. At some point, things got too silly for us to really be effective. All that was left to do was steam mop the entire place and make sure the furniture was arranged the way Mom wanted it. 

“Meadow? Let’s go!” Mom chirped.

I was exhausted and I knew my hairdo was suffering, but Mom was still perky and enthusiastic.

“Yes, Mom.” I giggled. Exhaustion had gotten to me. It was getting to Jack too and he laughed as well. We laughed until we were both doubled over.

“What are we laughing about?” he asked.

The question made me snort. “I don’t even know.”

I grabbed my things and followed him to the back door.

Jack ran his hands through his hair until it stood up. “Want to walk together?” 

“Yeah.” I told Mom what I was doing and she gave me a knowing smile. It was really annoying. I didn’t know that it was anything more than just a walk. I pushed away some anxiety that was creeping in to remind me about Alejandro, and that this situation was possibly getting a little bit more complicated than I could handle.
I’ll worry about that tomorrow.

We strolled past all of the now closed shops on Fourth Avenue, where my mom’s gallery was situated between a stationary shop and an ice-cream parlor. 

“So tomorrow’s the big day,” Jack said finally.

I shivered. “I’m nervous for her.”

“I kind of am too. I feel invested.” 

It made my heart beat faster to hear that he cared about my sister and her show. He’d never even met her. 

“It’s gonna be amazing.” I was sure of that. “I’m glad you’re coming.”

“I wouldn’t miss it.” He reached out and grabbed my hand. I was so surprised I almost stopped walked.
Be cool
, I told myself.

“I’ve had an amazing week with you,” Jack said when we got to my street. 

“Me, too,” I squeaked. It was all I could manage. 

He stopped under a tree that hung over the sidewalk. Streetlights filtered down through the leaves. It was there in that perfect setting that Jack leaned forward and kissed me. 

He pulled away wearing a goofy grin.

I know I had one to match.

“Go out with me Sunday?” he asked. 

“Okay.”

He dropped me off at my front door, and I watched him walk down the street from the front stoop. When he was gone, I turned and went inside.

Later, Alejandro texted and I let him in.

Morning brought great confusion. I felt like I had a hangover even though I couldn’t possibly have one. I was guilty and confused and had chewed my fingernails down to the quick. “I’m a kissing slut,” I told Hank.

I wandered into the kitchen where Twist had her hair in rollers. She was going for a bubble flip for the opening. 

I gave myself a pep talk or the opposite of one.
Today is
her
day. Don’t be an asshole. Act natural.

“Good morning, Twist.” I plastered on a smile. “Are you excited?”

She surveyed two dress hanging from bar stools. “I’m strangely calm. I just can’t decide what to wear.” She turned to look at me. “What are you wearing?”

“I went shopping with Isla and got a great dress. Very un-Meadow-like. I hope I can pull it off.” I had been inspired with a fit of confidence when Isla and I had gone shopping. She’d assured me that it was the perfect dress and that I looked amazing. I swallowed and pushed a fit of nerves deep into my stomach when I thought of Jack and Alejandro in the same room. Emilia was still in Spain so that was one less thing to worry about.

“I can’t wait to see it.” Twist flashed me a serene smile. 

My hands shook when I poured a bowl of cereal. All we had left was hippie cereal, as I liked to call it. It tasted pretty terrible. I poured in the milk and made a face when I took a bite. 

“Where’s Mom?” I asked.

“Gallery. Which one do you like?”

The first dress was white with yellow roses. It had a yellow belt at the waist and elbow-length sleeves. It was perfect. The other dress was also amazing, white with white embroidery. 

“I like the one with the yellow roses.”  

Twist nodded. “Me, too. With red heels and red lipstick.”

“Yes.” I would never have come up with that combination. It would be daring and gorgeous. 

“I’ll drive you to the gallery when you’re ready,” Twist said. “I want to look at everything before tonight.” 

“You nervous?” I abandoned my disgusting cereal on the counter and found a banana.

“Yes. I’m completely freaking out.” She appeared to be completely calm, stoic even. 

“Oh, me too,” I said.

“Why are you freaking out?” She slipped on a pink cardigan and put a scarf over her rollers. Only Twist could get away with that in public. She looked like a perfect 60’s housewife going to the supermarket. 

“Just supportive freaking out,” I lied.

“Be right back,” Twist said and headed out to the studio.

My phone dinged. Jack.
Ur mom said she didn’t need me today but offered me a permanent job! Can’t wait to see you tonight.

My mom gave him a job?

I texted him back,
I can’t wait to see you too.
It was true. I was already smiling, between spasms of guilt. But somewhere deep down behind the guilt, buried in my secret evil heart, I was exhilarated. I was not the type of girl to have a secret like this and it was a doozy. Every time I thought about Alejandro, I got kind of weak in the knees. I abandoned the banana along with the cereal.

I felt like Twist was getting married. For someone like her, this was a bigger deal than a wedding anyway. There wasn’t really anything left to do except let the caterers and the florist in. I wondered if there would be calla lilies. I pulled on skinny jeans, a T-shirt, and a cardigan. Hair up, face washed, glasses on. Go time.