Meadow Perkins, Trusty Sidekick (15 page)

The night got darker and colder. I tried to come up with a plan that involved getting me home, not getting in trouble with Mom or letting Twist down, and I had gotten as far as faking sick when Alejandro strolled around the corner.

“Hi.” He kicked at a rock and didn’t make eye contact.  

I didn’t say anything.

“Do we need to have a conversation?” he asked after a long and awkward pause.

“What about?”

He stuck his hands in his pockets and then took them out and ran his fingers through his wild mop of hair. “About us?”

I crossed my arms and cocked an eyebrow. “There is no
us
.”

He sighed with relief. “Good. We were just having some fun, right?”

“I guess.” I didn’t really want to let on how hurt I was. 

“Let’s not tell Emilia about this,” he said.

Emilia? I stared at him. Emilia was away for the summer and Alejandro was having a good time. He had no intentions of breaking up with her, for Isla or for me. 

“Whatever.” I knew I couldn’t say anything else. I might cry again, and I couldn’t let him see that. I stared at my feet.

“Well, see you around.” Alejandro started to walk away, but I couldn’t watch him go.

I tried to compose myself. “Go in, grab your shoes, and get the heck out,” I said to myself. No one would miss me.

I snuck around the front and stepped inside. The gallery was still crowded and the open was going strong. I saw Twist rocking her red shoes and dress. She smiled at someone she was talking to and the space around her seemed to glow. I blew her a kiss, but she didn’t see me.

My shoes were still behind the desk. I put them on, turned to slip out the door, and almost ran into Jack. He frowned.

“Where are you going?”

“Home.” I shrugged and stepped around him.

He followed me outside. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” I lied. “Just tired. Headache.”

“Umm, is there something going on with Alejandro and you?” Jack asked. “I heard you talking earlier when I came out to look for you.” 

Oh no.
I couldn’t look at him. Jack was so nice and I was so not. I started to speak, but nothing came out. Instead, I heaved a shuddering sigh.  

Jack groaned. “I see.”

We just stood there. I sniffled and tried not to sob. I had no idea what to say or how to fix the mess. 

After a long pause, he said, “See you around.” Then he left.

I stood outside on the sidewalk in tears for the second time in one night.

As soon as Jack was out of sight, I walked home without telling anyone I was leaving. I doubted they’d notice anyway. By the time I got here, I was freezing and my feet were killing me.  

I let myself in the back door with the spare key since my bag was still at the gallery. I did have my phone tucked into my bra. I tossed it onto my bed. It rang, but I didn’t answer.

Leaving my dress crumpled on the floor, I pulled on pajamas and crawled into the bed. With an aching heart, I watched my phone ring. Isla called five times before giving up.

“None of this is fair,” I told Hank. “I guess I never even told her about Alejandro. I’m still mad though even though I don’t have any right to be.”

Hank yawned and closed his eyes, falling asleep in the middle of my complaining.  

She texted me then.
Are u ok? Can we talk? I’m so sorry.

Idk
, I texted back. I didn’t really want to see anyone. I didn’t know how I felt about Isla right then or if I had a right to feel anything at all.

The doorbell rang. I tried to ignore it but whoever it was, was insistent. Finally, I sighed, heaved myself off the bed, and went to the door.

It was Isla. Her eyes were red and her face tearstained. “Can I come in?”

Seeing her there, looking so vulnerable, softened me a little. “Yeah. Come on in.”

We went to my room and sat on the bed.

Isla sniffed and pulled her hair over one shoulder. “I didn’t know.”  

“You knew that I liked him,” I said.

“Yeah, but what about Jack?” I started to reply to that, but she cut me off. “This apology is not going like I planned. Meadow, I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Isla was my friend. My best friend. She lifted me up and taught me how to have fun. I chewed on my lip until my pride disappeared. “I know. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry I got involved with him at all.”

She sniffed and wiped her eyes. “Me, too. Ugh. You mean a lot to me even though we’ve only been hanging out for a couple of months. You mean way more to me than he does.”

I managed a laugh. “Agree.”

She squinted at me. “Meadow, do you realize that we were both the other woman?”

“It’s true,” I said and rested my chin in my hand. 

“Ridiculous.”

It was ridiculous. 

“I’ve liked Alejandro for so long.” I sighed. “Well, until tonight, that is.”

“He
is
really good looking,” Isla pointed out. 

“Oh yes. And charming. That’s always been the problem. Can I ask when it started with him?”

“The night you had to leave the party,” she said. “I got kind of drunk and really bummed about my mom and there he was. And now you have to tell me.”

“A few nights after the HSA reception here,” I said. “He came over just out of the blue.”

Isla blew her hair out of her face. “I bet he’s been with half the town.”

“Most likely.” I hesitated but then said, “Did you sleep with him?”

She turned her head and looked at the floor while she nodded. 

“You?” she asked.

“No. I’ve never . . .” I didn’t want to finish that statement. No one said anything for a few minutes. I was pretty shocked that Isla had done that, but it made sense. She was more experienced than me in every way. “How am I going to face them both at HSA?” 

Isla looked over. “So you’re going back then?”

I bit the last chewable fingernail. “Mr. Egan said he wanted me back. I mean, my mom betrayed me and showed him a painting I’m working on. I’m mad about it, but he was impressed. To be honest, I want to paint. I
need
to paint. I’ve had an awesome, fun summer, but I didn’t feel complete without it. So, yes, I guess I’m thinking about going back. Even though I’ll have to face
them
.”

Isla smiled and lay down on the bed. She shifted the pillow and spread her golden hair over it. “Good. Don’t worry about them. Alejandro isn’t talking and neither am I.”

“My mom says these things always come out.” I pictured Emilia finding out and shuddered.

“Not always.” Isla giggled. “And speaking of your mom, you totally missed the part where my dad showed up and kissed your mom in front of everyone.”

“Seriously?”

Isla laughed. “Yeah. If they get married, maybe we can share a room.” 

“Tonight was one of the strangest nights of my whole life,” I said.

“Yep. Same here.”

“There’s more,” I said, settling down next to her. “Jack knows about Alejandro.”  

She gasped. “Oh no! Are you okay?”

“I just feel like the scum of the whole earth. Jack’s so nice and kind and funny. I blew it.” 

“I’m sure you can convince him to give you another chance,” Isla said, but I wasn’t so sure.

When Isla left, I went out to the barn. I grabbed a new canvas out of Twist’s pile. She wouldn’t mind. I could pay her back later. I stayed up painting long into the night.

Chapter 15

I spent the next few days painting. I wouldn’t let anyone, not even Twist, see what I was working on. Isla went to stay with her mom for a few days. We’d decided that we would be fine and that it would be dumb for us to let Alejandro get in between us, especially considering the circumstances. 

Our parents were dating. Mom finally realized that this could be awkward for us, and she said so. 

“Just don’t get married right away, Mom,” I said when we finally talked about it. 

She rolled her eyes like a teenager. “No one is getting married.”

“And don’t be weird. Isla and I are not interested in sitting through family dinners together. And we don’t want to share a room.”

Mom laughed. “Don’t be so dramatic.”

“How long have you been dating him?” I asked.

She avoided eye contact with me. “Not long. Just since the party.”

“What? When they first moved here?”

“I didn’t want to upset you.” She shrugged.

“Mom, that is so lame.”

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“Just . . . don’t be embarrassing.”

“Okay.” 

“Mom?” I asked.

“Yes?”

“Why did you show Mr. Egan my painting?” I asked and my voice broke.

“Because it’s great. He needed to know you could do that.”

“Could you ask me next time?”

Mom was quiet for a moment. She just looked at me. “You’re right. I should have asked. That wasn’t mine to show. I’m just really proud of you.” She hugged me, and I let her.

Painting consumed me. I painted through meals and late into the night. Every night, I fell into bed exhausted and covered with flecks of color. But I hadn’t felt so alive, maybe ever. Early one evening, I finally felt finished. I signed my name to each painting and went to find Twist.

“Come on. They’re ready, I think,” I said.

She jumped up from the couch. “They? More than one painting?”

“Three.” I led the way to the barn.

Twist tiptoed down the gravel path slowly in her bare feet.

I called back to her, “There was time to put on shoes.”

“Probably, but it’s too late now.”

Nervous, I opened the barn door and let her in ahead of me. I stood back and let her look. She concentrated on the paintings, her arms crossed and one finger against her lips. She moved around to see them from varying perspectives with a wrinkled brow.

My heart pounded, and I resisted the urge to run. I just wanted her to think they were sort of good-ish. When she didn’t speak, I sighed and puttered around rinsing brushes in the sink while I waited for the verdict.

The first painting was the study in blue, the waves. The second was kind of my version of an impressionist painting. A couple, a boy and girl, standing in front of water. They held hands and the light made them glow, but you couldn’t see their faces and the whole thing was kind of blurry. The third was a girl alone sitting in a chair facing the water, her toes digging in the sand. 

Finally, Twist spoke. “Meadow, these are really, really good. The best I’ve ever seen you do.”

“What?” I worried I hadn’t heard her correctly.

“Seriously.” She grabbed my hand. “Mom is going to cry. You’ve never used the light the way you do here. It’s beautiful. Really.” She paused then said, “I know you were seeing Alejandro.”

“How did you know?” I asked. 

“I’m not stupid. And I saw him here.”

“Oh.”

“I’m not going to tell Mom.”

I told Twist the short version of the sordid story. She nodded slowly, still looking at the third painting.

“So have you talked to Jack?” she asked.

“No, I have no idea what to say to him. What can I possibly say to fix this mess I’ve made?”

“I don’t know. Maybe you shouldn’t
say
anything.”

“Why did this happen to me?”

Twist looked me right in the eye. “You needed this,” she said. “You needed some pain. You weren’t living your own life, you were living in Emilia’s shadow.”

Her words hit me like a bucket of cold water over the head. Twist was right. I had done more and felt more this summer than I ever had. I’d laughed and cried and liked and been afraid. I hadn’t known what was coming for the first time. I’d needed to be pulled out into the sun. It didn’t mean I felt any less bad about what I’d done to Jack, and technically, to Emilia too. It just meant I was finally living.

I made a decision then. “I’m taking this to Mr. Egan. I want to be at HSA.”

Twist’s whole face lit up. “You are? You do?”

“Yes. If he changes his mind about me and sees that I really do have fire, I’ll go back.”

Twist squealed and tried to jump up and down while she hugged me.

I laughed while my eyes filled up with tears as she bounced. “Don’t get too excited, sister.”

“There is no way he won’t love them. When are you taking them? I’ll drive you.”

“Tomorrow?”

Twist grinned. “It’s a date.”

The next morning, Twist woke me up early. “Let’s get these to his office before he gets there. They should be the first thing he sees when he walks in.”

I rubbed my eyes, groggy. Twist and I had been out late the night before having dinner and seeing a show with Dad and Claire. I really liked Claire and so did Twist. Twist especially liked her because she’d brought in three buyers. It was a celebratory dinner. Twist’s show had gone really well. She’d sold a ton of her work and the reviews had been excellent. 

I yawned and tried to cover my head with a pillow.

“Stop it!” Twist yanked the pillow away.

“But how will we get them into his office?” I asked finally.

Twist, already dressed with her hair in a bouffant, surveyed me, tapping her foot. She held up her hand and there was a key dangling from her finger.

“Not hard to do when your mother is president of the board,” she said. 

“Fine. I’m getting up. But you gotta buy me a coffee when the job is done.”

Thirty minutes later, we smuggled my paintings into the art building. Mr. Egan’s car wasn’t there yet, so we let ourselves into his office. 

“Are you sure he isn’t going to be mad?” I asked.

Twist focused on arranging the paintings for maximum effect. “I’m sure.” She put one painting in his chair and propped the other two up in front of his desk so they’d be the first things he saw when he walked in.

I bounced on my heels while wringing my hands.

Twist stood back and surveyed the arrangement. “Calm down. It looks great and he will love it.”

After the errand was done, we walked around HSA a bit. Twist wanted to look around. She hadn’t been there since her graduation. 

“It’s so weird being back here,” she said. 

I snorted. “Well, it’s going to be weird explaining that to the police.”

She peeked into the painting studio. “I loved it here. The light is so good.”

“Not as good as the barn,” I pointed out.

“True, true.” She looped her arm through mine. “Let’s go caffeinate.”

Dinner was a family affair including Dad. He and my mom still got the four of us together for dinner once in a while. It was nice that even though they were divorced, they both still made an effort, especially since they were both dating now. Dad was pretty serious with Claire. No one would be surprised if they moved in together or got engaged eventually. Mom was casually seeing Isla’s dad Thomas. They weren’t super serious for now and I was grateful. 

During dinner, Twist made an announcement. “I’m going to get an apartment by myself. I want a bedroom and studio and that is all. No roommates! And no dating, for a while anyway.”

“That’s great.” Dad took a bite of couscous. Most of it fell off of his fork when the doorbell rang. 

Mom stood up and smoothed her skirt. “I’ll get it.”

“Men, er, boys are just a distraction,” Dad said.

Twist rolled her eyes at me. 

“Dad . . .” I said.

“I know, I know,” he said. “I’m the only one that thinks that.”

Mom walked back into the kitchen followed by Mr. Egan. Her smile was wide and her face glowed. I wasn’t sure what to do so I stood up.

“Hi, Meadow,” he said. “Hi Ben, Twist.”

Dad stood up and shook Mr. Egan’s hand. “Hello, Ted.”

“It’s nice to see you,” Twist said and gave him a hug. 

“Nice to see you all,” Mr. Egan said and turned to me. “Meadow, can I speak with you for a moment?”

“Sure.” I was unsure of where to go. It’s not like we have a study or a library to receive guests in this open floor plan.

“We’ll leave you alone,” Mom said and hustled everyone into her room, which was probably weird for Dad.

I stifled a laugh.

Mr. Egan sat down across from me at the table. “Meadow, I don’t even know what to say, except that I’d be honored to be your teacher this year.”

My heart leaped. I’d thought I wanted to leave HSA for good, but I knew I couldn’t. My heart was there. “Okay.” It was all I could say. 

“You belong there. I’m sorry I didn’t see it before. I’m just glad that you showed me before it was too late.”

I cleared my throat. “So you didn’t hate the paintings then?”

“Hate them? Oh no, I didn’t hate them.” He laughed. “They are beautiful and soulful and deep. I had no idea you were such an impressionist. Did you?”

I shook my head and blinked back tears. “I didn’t, no.”

“I take back everything I said. You have a great deal of potential and I’m glad you’ve rediscovered it. You might even have more potential than Twist did at your age. I’m asking you if you will be at HSA on the first day of school because you belong there.”

My face broke out into an enormous grin. “I’ll be there. I never really wanted to be anywhere else.” 

My parents were completely elated. I wasn’t going to be the black sheep and disgrace of the family. My dad could quit researching prep schools in the area and panicking about my future. We could all get back to normal. Well, a new normal.

“It’s a good thing,” Twist said. “You’d hate high school. They have cheerleaders.”

I called Isla that night. I was glad to be going back to HSA for senior year, but I was a little worried. “What happens if Emilia finds out?” I asked her.

“Nothing, because she isn’t going to find out,” she said. “Why would she find out? No one knows! Well, like four people know.”

I nodded. “That’s true. But can I really face them at school every day? Can I face
him
?”

“Yes, yes you can. They don’t get to ruin your life unless you let them. Just go to school every day and ignore them both. They can be miserable together.” 

“And they probably will be.”

Isla laughed. “It’s not probable. It’s inevitable.”

“Are you gonna be okay at Berkeley High?”

She cackled. “Don’t you worry about me!”

“I have another problem.”

“Jack?”

I exhaled a breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding. “Yeah. Jack.”

“Does he still work at the gallery?” Isla asked.

“Yep. My mom gushes about him all day long every day.”

Isla paused for a moment. “You should talk to him.”

I missed him a lot. I got online every night and kept my phone right by me just in case he texted, but there was nothing. Completely aware that I messed up, I tried to think of a way to apologize.

The next day, I went to the gallery. The butterflies in my stomach went from fluttering to raging while I waited for him to take his lunch break.

After a while, Jack came out the front door. His gaze was fixed on his phone and he didn’t see me at first.

I approached him filled with nerves and cleared my throat. “Um, hi.”

He looked at me, surprised.

For a split second, I thought he might smile.
Please, please smile.

But he didn’t. “Hi,” he said, his tone flat.

I closed my eyes for a second to gather my thoughts and then jumped in. “I’m sorry. I was an asshole and an idiot. Can we talk?” 

Jack shifted his weight from one foot to another. “I don’t know.”

Not the reaction I hoped for.
I stood in front of him, unsure of what to say or do and afraid I might cry.

Finally, he spoke. “I’ll think about it, okay?” He didn’t wait for my answer before he turned and headed off in the other direction.

I painted every night. I was working on a piece just for myself. It was obviously based on Jack. Two people, male and female in shades of gray, facing each other, leaning in for a kiss. Between them was a ray, like sunlight, reaching up toward the sky. Every color in the rainbow was there and they were bleeding into each other. It was chaotic and colorful and looked just like how I felt about Jack. Now that he was gone, I missed him like crazy. I wanted to kick myself for every getting involved with Alejandro.