Meant to Be (13 page)

My sobs woke both of us up an hour later.

Sam got up and sat beside me. I felt comfort
flow through me just by her presence.

“Was it the same?” she asked quietly.

I nodded my head. “Yeah, it hasn’t changed.
It just seems that with each passing night the pain from the
separation has gotten more intense. I don’t understand why we’re
going through this and you and Shawn never have.”

“I don’t know,” Sam said with sympathy, but I
could tell she was relieved she had never experienced it. Shawn and
Sam’s relationship was not as complicated as Mark and mine. They
had known who the other was almost instantly when Sam had run into
him while he was working at the Boardwalk. She of course had never
seen his features, but she had embraced her
lighting moment
,
and believed Shawn the instant he told her who he was. Their dreams
had never taken the turn that Mark and mine were on, so Mark’s
theory that ours had changed because of the move didn’t seem
feasible now.

I was interrupted from my thoughts by the
buzzing of my cell phone. I glanced at the caller I.D. already
knowing who it was.

“Are you okay?” he asked as soon as I
answered the phone.

“Yeah, it’s just getting harder each
time.”

“For me too.”

“I’m glad you called, Sam and I were just
going over it.”

“I’m glad she’s there with you, I worry about
you after the dream ends each night.”

“I’m okay. I just wish I knew why our dreams
have changed and theirs haven’t. We’re all looking for what ties us
together, but the more we get torn apart, the less likely it
seems,” I said as Sam got up to use the bathroom. I felt a small
guilty twinge; I knew that Mark and my dream twist stressed her
out. I didn’t want her to think I was wishing the cruel twist on
them, it just felt grossly unfair to me.

We talked for a few more minutes until I
started to yawn and began to feel drowsy. My body needed rest after
the emotional upheaval it had suffered throughout the day.

“I’ll let you go,” Mark said as I stifled
another yawn. “I’m picking Shawn up, and we will meet you and Sam
by the entrance.”

“Okay,” I said, dying to say the three little
words chanting in my head. “Sleep well,” I said, chickening out at
the last second.

Chapter 8

I woke with Feline lying on my face. Pushing
him off gently, I sat up and looked over at Sam who was snoring
softly on the trundle bed beside me. I was glad to see that she was
able to go back to sleep after I had woken us both up with my
dream.

I wasn’t as lucky. I had badly wanted to see
nothing but darkness when I closed my eyes, but instead was flooded
with the images of Mark being pulled away yet again. I had hoped
that since Mark and I were growing so close, that the bad turn the
dreams had taken would have stopped, but actually they were getting
worse. It always feels like Mark is taken against his will, but
maybe that’s just me being naïve. Of course the torment that has
shackled me my entire life from being abandoned by my real parents
didn’t help; add to that the grief from my adoptive father dying,
and all I could think was that maybe I was cursed somehow, and
doomed to spend my life alone.

Since sleep was no longer an option, I
decided to quietly get up, taking care not to wake Sam. The sun was
just beginning to rise as a soft pink hue crept through my blinds.
Feline left the room with me and waited for me to settle in one of
the chairs in my loft area before he leaped onto my lap. I stroked
his soft fur absently. It seemed selfish to feel so melancholy when
I had literally met the guy of my dreams. I should be jumping for
joy at my good fortune, but instead I was filled with doubts about
the stableness of our relationship in light of the dreams. Could
the dreams really mean that he was going to leave me? Maybe I just
wasn’t what he was expecting after dreaming about me for so long.
Maybe I should break it off to protect my heart before it was too
late? Just the thought of ending it left me cold. It was way too
late for that now. I loved him; I have always loved him, I just had
to trust my heart that he loved me also.

Frustrated that I was ruining a day I had
been looking forward to, I set Feline on the floor and headed off
to the bathroom to take my shower. I showered quickly and within
minutes I was blow drying my hair. Instead of my usual ponytail, I
opted to pin the sides back with a couple of bobby pins. I added a
dab of foundation and a touch of peach lip gloss to my dry lips.
With one last glance in the mirror, I switched off the light and
headed back to my room to wake up Sam.

She was already up. I recognized the small
secretive smile on her face that I myself had worn hundreds of
times over the years before my own dreams had taken their sudden
dark turn. It was the smile of just waking up from a dream where
you had been with the guy you love all night.

“Is it okay if I go take a shower?” She
asked.

“Of course, you never have to ask, what’s
mine is yours.”

I took a few minutes to straighten up the
clutter from our late night. I made my bed and folded Sam’s
blankets before stowing the trundle bed away. I clicked on my IPod
and scrolled down to my favorite play list and then docked it on my
stereo. Music flowed out of the speakers and I danced down the
stairs with Feline once again at my heels.

I popped a couple of whole grain bagels into
the toaster and grabbed the cream cheese and OJ from the fridge.
While I waited for our breakfast to finish, I filled Feline’s food
and water dish and poured two tall glasses of juice.

The bagels popped up and I reached for them
without thinking, burning my fingers on the hot metal on the side
of the toaster. A few choice curse words ran through my head in
quick succession as I stuck my throbbing fingers into my mouth and
sucked on them as I struggled to open the freezer door with one
hand. Right about now, I missed the fridge with the automatic ice
dispenser from our old house. I pulled the ice tray out with my
good hand and made the futile attempt to disengage the ice from the
plastic holder one handed. Giving up in frustration, I struck the
edge of the laminate counter with the plastic ice tray sending four
cubes scattering across the kitchen. One bounced into the sink,
another skidded across the floor landing under the ancient stove,
and two slid across the counter. I rescued the two on the counter,
wrapped them in the middle of a paper towel, and placed them on my
still throbbing fingers looking for relief.

I did the best I could, gingerly spreading
the cream cheese on the bagels. “None of this would have happened
if I was eating a cupcake,” I muttered to Feline. I hated the days
that I had to eat healthy. A brownie would have hit the spot this
morning and I wouldn’t have burned the tips of my fingers like an
idiot. I scowled when I saw the angry blisters that had risen on
three of my fingers. “Great I look like a mutant freak.”

I headed back upstairs juggling the bagels
and OJ for each of us and heard the shower click off as I set the
plates and glasses on the table.

My mood lightened when I realized that in a
few hours I would be with Mark again. The other stuff I would work
out later. For now, I just wanted to be with him at whatever cost,
even if it meant another blow to my fragile heart.

After breakfast, we finished cleaning up and
then headed downstairs. I walked to my mom’s studio at the back of
the house and tapped on the door quietly.

“Come in,” my mom called out.

“So, you guys are off?”

“Yeah, we ate breakfast and now Sam’s ready
to tackle some rides. Do you think I can have some money for the
day?”

“I left a couple of twenties on the counter
for you. Be careful and stay together,” she said as I headed out
the door.

I grabbed the car keys and the money my mom
left out for me, and Sam and I headed out the door.

We rolled the windows down and cranked the
music up as we drove to the Boardwalk. We couldn’t help but belt
out the words to the music as the warm sea air ripped into the car
blowing through our hair. I sniffed in appreciation. The smell of
the ocean was definitely one thing that I loved about living
here.

Mark and Shawn were waiting for us by the
entrance as promised, and my doubts were put to rest as I gazed at
him. What had I been thinking? There was no way I could ever let
him go. If he ever decided to leave me, I would just to have to
deal with it, but for now, I was going to live in the moment. I had
spent my whole life so far over analyzing every decision. This time
I would let my heart lead the way.

Mark and I slowly followed behind Sam and
Shawn as we quietly talked about our dream from the previous
night.

“What do you think it means?” I finally asked
after a few seconds of silence.

“I don’t know, but we should definitely be on
guard, I’m not happy about the alteration of our dreams, and all
the other things that are going on. It’s cool that we all share
some kind of bond, but I’m concerned about the ramifications of
what it all means.”

“I am too. I’m scared you’re going to leave
me,” I admitted in a quiet voice.

Looking down, I wished I could retract the
words, but they were already out there. What was wrong with me? I
had always been such a private person, and here I was spilling out
my darkest insecurities with the one person that I wanted to keep
them from.

Mark reached out and grabbed onto my hand,
lending me the reassurance that he was here now. We walked hand in
hand behind Shawn and Sam who was practically bouncing with
excitement over the rides. She was like a kid on her way to meet
Santa. Her excitement was contagious and mine and Mark’s somber
mood were lifted as we watched her.

The first ride Sam wanted to go on was enough
to make my head spin just looking at it. The attendant helped us
into the car after high-fiving Shawn.

“Hey man, what’s up? You don’t get enough of
this place when you’re on duty?” Shawn laughed. “What can I say,
I’m a glutton for punishment,” he said as his friend closed the
door to our car.

Before I knew it, we were spinning out of
control. Sam gripped the steering wheel in the middle of the car
and increased the spinning even more. The momentum of the spinning
sent me crashing against Mark’s rock hard side. I gasped in
awareness as my body touched his from shoulder to toe.

Sam laughed at me as I staggered off the ride
like I was drunk. Of course little did Sam know, it had nothing to
do with the ride. I chanced a look at Mark and was surprised that
he looked like he was suffering from a case of vertigo also.

“Boy you guys are lightweights. That ride was
nothing,” Sam said, laughing at us.

By the knowing look on Shawn’s face, he knew
that it wasn’t the ride that had messed with Mark and me.

I felt my face begin to heat up. Instead of
answering Sam, I followed meekly behind her as she dragged us
toward the next ride. The next ride must be one of the favorites at
the park if the long line was any indication. Shawn used his
connections to get us to the front of the line.

Sam cracked up at the disgruntled mumbling of
those waiting in line. “This is so cool,” she squealed. “I feel
like a V.I.P.”

We chattered about mundane things while we
were walking to the front of the line. I studied the ground under
my feet as we walked to conceal my continuing embarrassment from
before. Sam seemed oblivious to anything and kept the conversation
flowing.

“Have you been on this ride before?” I asked
Mark, finally able to look at him without fearing I would embarrass
myself again.

“Sure, lots of times. Like Sam, I’m kind of a
speed freak.”

At his words, I started to question the
sanity of riding the roller coaster. High speed acceleration did
not sound like something I wanted to try. I searched my head trying
to come up with a valid excuse to skip the ride, but not wanting to
look like a wimp, I saw no way out.

Sam’s excitement grew as we boarded our cars.
I felt my heart jump to my throat when I saw the steep incline,
followed by the even sharper decline. The roaring sound of the cars
combined with the screaming riders as they rocketed by was enough
to make my forehead bead with sweat. There is no way I can do this,
I thought to myself.

The others seemed unaware of my inner torment
as they compared notes on the wildest rides they had been on. I
looked at them like they were speaking a foreign language.

I shifted in my seat; it was now or never, if
I didn’t say something quick, I would be stuck riding. Mark reached
for my hand as we sat in our seats. His touch was as soothing as
ever and most of my nervousness faded away. Maybe I could do it.
The ride wasn’t that long; if I kept my eyes closed, it would be
over before I knew it.
Then he will never know what a wimp you
can be
, I thought. I gripped his hand tightly as another
attendant came by lowering the lap bar. My palms started to sweat
and my legs started to shake from nerves as the lap bar was lowered
over us. Finally sensing my dread, Mark reached over and placed a
strong arm around me, pulling me tightly against his side. He
placed his other hand on my knee to calm my quaking and leaned over
and whispered in my ear.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize rides scare
you,” he said softly.

“I’m not scared I’m just really…”

As the ride began to move forward, I blanched
realizing there was no turning back now. Mark pulled me even
closer, whispering in my ear. Sam turned and looked at us as the
ride picked up speed. She looked at me questioningly, but I stared
right through her. The car picked up speed and before we turned the
first bend, Sam looked like she was trying to ask me something, but
I heard nothing as the roller coaster started its slow chugging
climb to the top of the first drop.