Measuring Up (15 page)

After we do the game thing for a while, we hit up some rides. In between each one, Tegan holds my hand and I’m starting to get used to the feel of my smaller one wound up with his. It’s like we’ve been doing this much longer than just one day.

Evening comes and goes, night settling in, little twinkles of light dotting the sky. The night is ending too fast.

“We have time for one more. I’m going to be cheesy with this one, but Ferris Wheel?” he asks.

“It’s my favorite.” Hand and hand, we walk over to it. As we’re in line I freeze. No. No, no, no. Billy Mason is standing on the other side of the ride. Patrick and crew, along with all their girlfriends. Just seeing them threatens to magically erase the fun of the night. What if they see us? What if they say something in front of Tegan? I think I’d die.

“What’s wrong?”

I shake my head.

“Come on. You know I won’t let it go until you tell me.”

He won’t and I want to end this part of the conversation as quickly as I can. “The kings and queens of Hillcrest High. I just…I don’t want to see them.”

Like always, he knows the perfect thing to say. “Fuck ‘em. They look like idiots anyway.”

He’s right. Billy keeps trying to grab Queen Cheerleader’s butt. Patrick is watching his moves and trying to photo copy them with someone else. They’re stumbling around like a bunch of losers. Somehow, our hands have come unlatched, but this time, it’s me who grabs his. “Come on. We’re next.”

Once we’re taking the rounds on the Ferris Wheel, I completely forget about anything but Tegan and this night. His arm is around me.
Me,
as we go round and round, taking in the sites of the fair and all the people below. Running the risk of sounding like a total girlie-girl, it’s perfect.

“My parents used to love the fair. They brought us a lot when we were younger.”

His words surprise me. It’s the first time he’s brought up more than his mom or Tim. “Can I ask, where he is? If you do
n’t want to answer, that’s okay.
” I hope my words don’t ruin our night. We’ve tried to steer clear of the bad stuff.

“Typical thing.” His grip on me tightens. “Didn’t want to deal with his responsibilities so he left.”

So many pieces of Tegan start to fall into place. Why he’s so fiercely loyal and protective of his family. He won’t let t
hem get hurt again, even if that
means doing everything he can for them rather than himself.

But no apologies. “Sucks.”

He gives me another squeeze. This one seems to say, thank you.

Too soon it’s over and we’re getting out of the ride. I don’t even know if Billy and his gang are still here because I don’t take the time to look. The fairgrounds are emptying out, the rides closing down and we’re walking hand in hand to his car.

When we get there, I try to open the passenger door, but Tegan stops me. It’s a replay of our moment by the bears.

My hands are shaking as Tegan steps so very close to me. I’m probably the only almost-eighteen-year-old girl in the world who has never kissed a boy. I wonder will I be different. After the next minute, if my life will shift from before kiss to after kiss.

His hand is in my hair again, but this time, he’s not just putting it behind my ear. He’s threading his fingers through
it like he does with our hands. His palm’
s buried deep, resting on the back of my neck.

Yes, I think this kiss will definitely make my life different.

Even though it’s dark there’s a streetlight making it so I can see him. Who the heck knows what else is around us, cars, people, an atomic bomb. All I know is us.

“I like you, Annabel Lee.” I’m boxed in between Tegan an
d his car. His chest touches
me.

“Why?” I ask.

“Because you’re pretty…funny…smart…sarcastic... and you get it. Get me. Get my family.”

I don’t even doubt his words. How can I doubt anything he says?

“Can I tell you a secret?”
he asks.

I nod.

“I knew there was something different about you from the beginning. Even if I didn’t come out there to get you that first day, you would have made it in. I admire that, ya know? That you won’t let anything get you down. That you keep pushing through. Just like me.”

I want to tell him it’s a lie. That I’m not strong at all and I’m scared to death to fail, but it feels good to have him believe in me. For him to see something in me no one else does. And again, how can I not believe his words? The way he speaks them, how they tickle my skin and seep inside, fuels me. I
am
determined and I can do anything.

I can’t help it, I lick my lips.

Tegan’s face is slowly, way too slowly coming toward mine. “This time, I’m really going to kiss you so if you don’t want me to, you better stop me now.”

“Stop? You must be crazy.”

“That’s even better than your last compliment.”

Oh my God. Did I say that out loud? And then it doesn’t matter because his lips are on mine. They’re just as soft as they look, but strong too. Or maybe the kiss is just strong, eager, because it’s all I feel or know. It’s like I’m drowning in him.

When his tongue comes out and teases the seam of my lips, I’m done for. Sunken like a ship to the bott
om of
the ocean. It’s weird how I know what to do, like I’ve done this so many times before. My mouth opens, our tongues meeting, first tentatively and then with the eager need again.  I taste the mint. Smell the soap and ocean. Shiver when the hand in my hair pulls me closer to him.

In and out. Give and take, our tongues do a dance that’s foreign and familiar at the same time. When his other hand touches my waist, my arms wrap around his neck. I want him closer. Closer than anyone has ever been to me. And he is, but then after one, two gentle, tongueless kisses on my lips, he’s pulling away.

Tegan’s forehead drops forward so it’s resting against mine. “Why did that take us so long?”

***

It’s been a few days since our first kiss. I say first because …we’ve done it a lot since then. I’m always awkward and nervous, but the second his lips touch mine, everything else melts away. And I was right. There is definitely a switch from life before kiss and after. Needless to say, life after kiss is made of awesome, even though my head is still a little foggy that the whole thing is happening. That this gorgeous, sexy boy likes kissing
me
. That he likes spending time with
me.

It’s like winning the lotto. One of those things that would be cool if it happened, but you never really think it will and then bam!  Your whole life changes. 

The thing is, it’s not just because he’s a pretty face either. If that was all, I wouldn’t care. I wouldn’t want him.

Which I do.

A lot.

But in typical boy fashion, aside from kissing and hand holding, I have no idea if I have him. Are we dating? Is he my boyfriend? Am I the secret girl he likes to lock lips with in private? All these questions circle around in my brain creating a tornado so strong I’m surprised the National Tornado Center doesn’t issue an
all-points
bulletin.

Yes, I’m going that crazy.

Today is a gym day so we didn’t jog this morning. Oh, and it also happens to be my weigh in day too. It’s weird because I’m not even nervous. Don’t get me wrong, I’m hoping I’ve made some serious progress, but compared to the Tegan Limbo I’m in, I don’t have the energy to drive myself crazy, wondering what the number will say, or what he’ll think about it.

When I get there, Tegan’s waiting for me like always. There’s been no kissing on Let’s Get Physical premises. I’m not sure if it’s because he’s embarrassed of me, or because making out with your client probably isn’t the most professional thing in the world.

“Hey.” Tegan gives me that playful smile of his, one I’m hoping is my smile.

“Hey.” He holds the door open for me. This time I walk back to his cubby first, without having to be dragged there.

“Alright, are you ready for this? It’s going to be good. I know it. So don’t stress, k?” He’s standing in front of me in the black shirt with neon green lettering that reads, ‘Let’s Get Physical’.

“Actually, I’m not…” The extra walk I went on this week pops into my head. The time we spend jogging. The chances I had to cheat while eating and didn’t. I’ve worked hard.
He’s
made me work hard and no matter what the numbers say, I’m trying to make myself focus on that.

“Good. Let’s measure you first.” I fight a shiver when Tegan’s finger brushes over my arm longer than necessary as he measures. I don’t ask the numbers or look at the numbers, focusing on the way his skin feels against mine as he goes from one arm to the next. To my legs, waist…ok, the waist feels extra nice. Just like whe
n we kiss, all I feel and know
is him.

“I hope you’re eyes aren’t cl
osed because you’re freaked out.
”

My eyes are closed? I pop them open. “No…just tired.” Yeah right, hypnotized by his hands is more like it.

“You want the numbers?”

“I don’t know, do I?”

“I think you do. Come on. Tell me you do, Annabel Lee.”

I love the way he talks to me. How he’s always teasing and playful. Plus, it’s kind of cool that he has his own name for me and it sounds so hot when he says it. “Please, like I have the willpower in me not to know.”

Tegan looks down, then up at me through his thick lashes. His eyebrows raise and lower and then that Tegan smile. “You’ve lost three inches in your waist alone.”

Three inches?
Three inches?
I want to jump up and hug him, but I can’t. Not here. Plus, I’m still not brave enough to initiate the physical contact yet, so instead I clap my hands together, holding them at my mouth. “Three inches? Oh my God. That’s good right? It seems good.”

“Hell yes, it’s good! Now gettcha butt on the scale. I have a feeling you’re going to be happy with the results there too.”

Briefly I wonder if he wants to hug me too. Or kiss me. Does he want to celebrate with me the same way I want to with him? I hope so. Trying to focus on the whole point of this thing, I step onto the scale, watching Tegan’s hand as it slides the weight up and down the scale. What? Am I reading this right?

“160.8. All together you’ve lost five pounds exactly. How does that—umpf!”

This time, I can’t help it. I launch myself at him. Tegan catches me, laughing and hugging. It’s not record-breaking and I know I still have a long way to go, but holy crap. I’ve lost six pounds and over three inches!

“Umm, I guess it feels nice and as nice as
you
feel, we have an audience.”

I freeze, heat flooding to my cheeks. “Oh, sorry.” I pull away from him. “Was just excited.”

Tegan winks at me. “It’s all good. Come on, let’s go get physical.”

We are nothing but professional for the whole workout. Tegan pushes me through our leg routine today, counting off each of my pushes or pulls and telling me how good I’m doing. Each time he writes my progress down in his booklet and then we move to the next one.

Is he standing farther away from me than usual? Teasing me less? I’m overreacting. Or am I? Is he upset that I plastered myself against him like I’m a Hillcrest High elite and he’s Billy Mason?

“Good workout today and seriously, I’m proud of you,” Tegan tells me as we walk to the door. I’m about to tell him t
hanks and bye when he looks at Super
model who I now know as Molly and says, “I’m going to take a break. I’ll be back in ten, okay?”

Oh no. He’s mad. I screwed up and now whatever it was we had going between us is already over. Molly gives him a smile and we walk out. When we get to the parking lot, I throw my bag into the passenger side and close the door, trying to ignore the fact that I know what’s coming.

Because it is. The saying “it’s too good to be true?” Totally a fact. I lean against my car, crossing my arms like I don’t care. I don’t. I knew this would happen anyway.

Tegan steps closer to me. Close like always, but he looks nervous. “I was thinking and… well, maybe it’s not the best idea for me to be your trainer anymore.”

Chapter Fourteen

MY GIRL

“Oh…” I’m not mad at him, I’m mad at me. At the ache in my chest and the fact that even though I said I expected this, it’s broken something inside me. “Okay.” I turn and try to get into my car which I realize is about the stupidest thing I can do considering it’s the passenger side. I don’t get far anyway because Tegan stops me.

“Hey, where are you going?”

Is he for real? Like I’m going to sit here while he rattles off a list of why we can’t be together or throws the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ line my way. “Home. No need to explain. I understand.”

“Um, I’m glad you do, because I don’t.” Tegan turns me around so I’m facing him again.

“You don’t have to do that. I get it. I expected it. I…” You know what? I can’t do this. It’s not right or not fair. “Actually, I’m pissed. You pretend to like me and then one hug in
front of your gym buddies and S
upermodel and I’m out the door? Whatever.”