Men After God's Own Heart (17 page)

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Authors: Dijorn Moss

BOOK: Men After God's Own Heart
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Chapter Thirty-two
Titus
Beethoven's “Ode to Joy” came from the satellite stereo and blended with the sound of the Range Rover's air-conditioning. Carlos was a valuable employee not only for his ability to navigate around Southern California, which allowed Titus to sit back and work on his sermons. Titus also valued Carlos's ability to put up with classical music, soft jazz, and occasional gospel music. Titus loved gospel music, but he found it hard to concentrate on his messages when music with lyrics was playing. Classical and jazz spoke without words, and Titus's mind was able to focus.
“Is it too cold in here, Pastor?” Carlos made eye contact with Titus through the rearview mirror.
“I'm good, Doc. Thank you,” Titus said as he worked on his sermon notes on his iPad.
“We're here, Pastor,” Carlos said as the truck came to a complete stop in the driveway.
Silver Brook Senior Community had the decor that one would expect of a luxury senior community. Its postmodern design, along with its pools, state-of-the-art fitness center, and community room, put most senior homes to shame. People paid at least thirty-five hundred a month so that their loved one could have both comfort and companionship.
“Thanks, Doc. Pull around the side. I shouldn't be long,” Titus said as he grabbed the flower vase of Casa Blancas and exited the car.
“Will do, Pastor,” Carlos said as the passenger door closed.
Titus walked through the double doors and rested the flowers on the reception desk as he signed in.
“How are you today, Pastor?” Tiffany, the afternoon receptionist, asked.
“I'm fine, Tiffany, and yourself?”
“I'm fine. Thank you for asking. She is in her room.”
Titus gave Tiffany a wink, and she in return gave Titus a smile that brightened her mocha complexion. Titus grabbed the flowers and made a beeline through the community room, filled with elderly men and women engaged in an assortment of activities, from board games to reading to playing the grand piano. As Titus walked, he whistled “Ode to Joy,” which was stuck in his head. Titus exited the community room and made his way down a long corridor of rooms until he arrived at 119. The door was always unlocked, but Titus knocked, anyway, as he opened the door.
“Hello, beautiful.” Titus entered the room. He saw the forty-two-inch flat-screen TV on, but from his angle he could not see if anyone was on the couch.
“Come in, son,” Victoria, Titus's mother, said.
Titus passed the kitchen counter, which blocked his view of his mother. He stopped near the TV to observe his mother, who sat on the couch with her legs crossed, as if she had been expecting him.
“What are you watching?” Titus asked as he looked back.
“Oprah's
Behind the Scenes
,” Victoria said as she muted the TV.
“Here you go, Mom.” Titus handed her the vase filled with Casa Blancas.
“Oh, you didn't have to do that. You gave me Casa Blancas for my birthday.” Victoria took the vase and sat it right in front of her.
“Do I need a reason? The Casa Blanca is a rare, beautiful flower, just like a woman I know,” Titus said as he reached into his pocket and removed a rectangular card in an envelope. “Here you go, Mom. Buy yourself something nice.”
“Honey, I don't even go anywhere,” Victoria replied.
“I know you have excursions. That's what I pay for.” Titus had a seat on the couch next to his mother.
“I don't really go. I'm not that much into going out.” Titus wished that excuse would suffice, that it would explain his mother's absence on his wedding day. Titus considered himself a strong man, but he was not made of solid oak. The fact that his mother was not there during one of the most important moments of his life caused Titus to ache inside. God had waited until Titus was in his mid-forties to bring him Grace. God had waited for Titus to be ready to throw off the stigma of the past and embrace love. No matter how much Titus tried to rationalize his mother's actions, the word
why,
followed by a huge question, would come up.
“You want some coffee?” Victoria asked as she stood up.
“Sure. Let me help you with that.” Titus stood up to give his mother a hand.
“Oh no, you make yours too sweet. I'll go into a diabetic coma.” Victoria walked into the kitchen, and Titus walked over to the counter and rested his forearms on it.
“I saw Dad,” Titus said.
Victoria stopped dead in her tracks. “Really? Where?”
“He showed up at the men's retreat to apologize.”
For a moment, Victoria acted like she hadn't heard anything. She just continued to put fresh coffee in the dispenser of the coffeemaker Titus had bought her last Christmas. “I guess he decided to come back out here and take the senior pastor position.”
When his father left, Titus knew about his whereabouts only through word of mouth, one of the disadvantages of being born in the precomputer age. “I thought I would never see him again.”
“Son, your father is a pathological liar. If you haven't figured that out yet, then I don't know what to tell you.”
The years had not reduced the disdain that Titus's mother had for his father. Titus still felt love for his father, no matter how much he tried to suppress his feelings.
“Did he ask about me?” Victoria asked.
Titus could only shake his head. His mother acted like she didn't care, but the truth was, it hurt her that Lemont did not ask about her.
“I think he knows not to come within fifty feet of me,” Victoria continued.
“Do you forgive him?” Titus asked.
“How's Grace?” Victoria tried to change the subject.
“Do you really want to talk about Grace?” Titus asked.
Victoria stopped midway through taking the coffee cups off the counter. “Why would you say that?”
“Because we're not talking about Grace.”
“Well, I don't want to talk about your father, okay!” Victoria brought her fists down on the counter like a hammer.
“Mom, since I told you that I met someone, you have met Grace only once, and you haven't inquired about her, other than asking how she is. Grace is my wife, not some stranger.”
“You're still mad about the wedding. I told you that I wasn't feeling well, and I'm sorry that I couldn't make it.” Victoria slammed the cups down on the counter.
“Mom, I know you. We took care of each other when Dad left. I know you didn't want me to become a preacher, but I did, and I can't understand why you're not happy for me.”
Victoria did not respond immediately. She just poured black coffee into the two cups and went into the refrigerator to grab cream and sugar.
“It's hard for me to be happy for you when I can see down the road.” Victoria returned to the counter and began to mix cream and sugar into the coffees. “Your father and I were together for less than four months when we got married. He was the talk of the town, like you, only you've gone a lot farther than any other Dawkins male. I can imagine that Grace feels like how I felt, the envy of all women.” Victoria handed Titus his coffee.
“Thank you,” Titus said as he sat the coffee on the counter to cool. “Grace has been getting the cold shoulder from the sistas. I've lost some members as a result of my marriage.”
Victoria was quiet, as if a thief had stolen her tongue. She pointed at Titus in an accusatory manner. Finally, she said, “I hear Lemont in that. I hear him. Lord Jesus, please protect my son.”
“I'm nothing like my father. The devil is a liar,” Titus replied.
“Yeah, and you're lying to yourself if you think you're not. Don't be foolish and think you're above the same failings as your father and the other men in this family. You have to confront it and pray that God will drive it out of you.”
A chill swept over Titus. His mother was not the reserved, graceful woman he had always known. She had turned into a profit of doom, and Titus wondered if he was doomed.
“I took one look at Grace, and I saw the woman I used to be. I used to be hopeful, happy, and loving. Your father and that church bled all of that out of me, and now I'm all alone,” Victoria said, her voice cracking.
“You're never alone. You have God, and you have me.”
“I have God, and I have you when your schedule is open. In the end I fear that when God calls me home, you'll be somewhere halfway across the world, preaching. Let me tell you this. If you don't put your wife first, ahead of that church, then you're no better than your father!”
Victoria's words made a home in Titus's psyche. The outward displays of disrespect toward Grace from the women of the church were unacceptable. Mysterious phone calls throughout the night were all a sign that Titus needed to regain control of the situation. Titus knew exactly where to go.
 
 
The sanctuary of Greater Anointing was empty with the exception of a few dozen women who filled out the first few rows. Titus sat beside Grace as they faced the small group of women.
The reason for the gathering was simple. The event was supposed to be a girl talk hosted by First Lady Grace, and the attendance reflected just how much the women of the congregation wanted to spend quality time with Grace. To everyone's surprise, Titus was present, and he knew that some of the first lady's biggest detractors would be present as well. This event would give them something to talk about.
“I feel like this was long overdue,” Grace said before she cleared her throat. “I wanted to talk with you ladies and get a chance to be real and talk about how you feel and how we can make Greater Anointing a much more inviting place.”
“I've always felt like Greater Anointing was a very inviting place,” Tamika said.
Grace begged to differ. “Well, I have to be honest. I didn't get that kind of feeling.”
“That's because . . . You know what? Let me be quiet.” Tamika put her hands over her mouth.
“It's okay, sister. Say what's on your mind, because I'm going to do the same,” Grace said.
“We are a church family, and you know that with a family you can say what's on your mind,” Titus said as he took Grace by the hand.
“I'm just saying, this is our pastor and I love him like a father, and all of a sudden you came out of nowhere and up and married him,” Tamika said to a chorus of head nods in agreement.
There was no turning back. Tamika had laid her cards on the table, and it looked as if everyone else held similar cards. Grace had to walk a fine line between delicate and firm.
“So you feel like I took your pastor away from you?” Grace asked.
Tamika shook her head. “Not like that. I'm just saying that we always felt like if Pastor was going to get married, it would be to one of the women from Greater Anointing. And when he married you, someone from another church, it was like saying that we weren't good enough.”
“Of course you're good enough, and finding my husband at a men's retreat was the last thing on my mind. But I was open to what God had for me and not to what I wanted for myself. You have to do the same. God has an awesome man for you, and he'll be a better man for you than my husband could ever be, because he will be the one chosen especially for you,” Grace replied.
Tamika wiped both the tears and the bitterness from her eyes. Titus didn't want to hurt anyone, and it pained him that some women felt inadequate because he didn't marry them.
“I just have a problem with not being able to have access to my pastor like I used to,” Sister Pam said.
“Well, last I checked, Pastor still has office hours and that has not changed,” Grace said.
“I know, but sometimes, in the middle of the night, I been going through it and I need to call—”
“Oh, Jesus!” Grace said, and some of the women chuckled.
“Sister Pam, you're one of my most faithful members, and I appreciate that, but that doesn't mean that you have round-the-clock access to me. I need time for myself and time to spend with my wife,” Titus said.
“I just wish you would preach more, because some of these other ministers you got up here, uh-uh.” Paula contorted her face, as if she had just eaten something sour.
“Every minister I bring up here has been handpicked by God, and He's a better judge of character than I am. There's a Word that could minister to you in every sermon, but you have to stop looking at the messenger and start listening to the message. God forbid I might make a colossal mistake and fall flat on my face. What are you going to do then? If you have a healthy belief system, then you'll probably pray for me and pick me up. If you don't have a healthy belief system, then you're going to move on to the next hot new pastor, who seems to walk on water but is really human.” Titus paused to take a sip of cold water, allowing it to run down his dry throat.

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