Minecraft: Diary of a Minecraft Zombie Book 3: When Nature Calls (An Unofficial Minecraft Book) (2 page)

Friday

Man, it was awful.

As soon as I got to school, everybody was staring at my new clothes.

Nobody was saying anything, so I thought, they must love my new “duds.”

Then one kid started laughing, then everyone else started laughing.

My worse daymare came true.

Worst of all, I had to walk around school all day with these clothes on.

At lunch, Slimey and Skelee came by to see me and they gave me a nod like they could understand what I was going through.

“Man, I don’t get it.” I said. “I was sure these are the clothes that all the cool kids at school are wearing.”

“Naw, those are the clothes that the cool kids at school are wearing.” Skelee said, pointing at Big Mouth Jeff as he walked into the lunchroom.

I was so confused. Everything I thought about the universe came crashing down at that moment.

When I looked at Big Mouth Jeff, he was wearing all of the clothes my Mom picked out.

Life is so unfair…

Saturday

Today, I was going to ask Mom to take me back to the store, so I could exchange my clothes.

But I felt like if I did that, then she would use it as an excuse to pick out my clothes till I was thirty.

So I didn’t say anything.

I just had to get rid of these clothes before Mom made me wear them again.

So I had an idea.

I went to go visit Mutant at his house. But when I got there, he wasn’t home.

But I didn’t go to find Mutant.

As soon as I got there, I took out my new clothes and I put them in a bucket. Then I poured out the largest bottle of carrot juice I could find, all over them.

Then I stuck some twigs in them so that they looked like me.

I started making noise like I was walking around, when all of a sudden, Fluffy the Killer Rabbit came out.

I wasn’t sure if Fluffy would take the bait, so I started saying mean things like Mutant’s older brother, “Why are you playing with those rabbits you dumb Ogre? Urrghh, Urrghh, Urrghh!”

All of a sudden, Fluffy’s eyes grew bright red and he tore my little stick zombie statue apart.

Man, I’ve got to remember never to make Fluffy mad at me…

When Fluffy was finished with the clothes they looked like spaghetti.

I quickly put them on, because I was going to go home and tell Mom I got attacked by a Killer Rabbit.

But then, Fluffy comes out again…

Oh Man, I thought. I think he wasn’t finished yet…

His beady little eyes glowed red, and I was sure I was dead.

Then all of a sudden, Fluffy jumps on my head and rubs his face next to mine.

Whew! That was a close one.

Well, I guess when my Mom smells me now, she’ll really think I got attacked by a Killer Rabbit.

When I got home, I told my Mom and Dad that the Killer Rabbit attacked me again.

It worked like a charm. I even got Mushroom milk and cookies for all my troubles.

My Mom took me to the store to get more new clothes.

“You know, Mom.” I said. “I don’t show you enough appreciation. I think I’m going to follow your advice on what clothes I should wear.”

My Mom was so happy that she bought me an extra shirt.

Man, it’s good to have a Killer Rabbit around when you need one.

Sunday

I went to go see Steve today to tell him about my plans for Spring break.

I found him in some caves playing with some TNT.

“BOOOOOOMMM!!!”

I went in to check on him, but all I found were his tools floating around the cave.

Next thing I know, Steve comes into the cave.

“How did you?…But you were?…Never mind.” I said.

I was so excited to tell Steve about my plans I didn’t have time to ask him how he did that disappearing trick.

“Hey guess what?” I said. “I’m going on scarecation with my parents to the coolest biome ever!”

“What’s a scarecation?” Steve asked.

“A scarecation is when you skip school to go someplace fun with your family…You know, scarecation.” I said.

“Ohhhhh. We have those too. We call them vacations.” Steve said.

Vacations? Why would anyone go somewhere to vaca? I thought.

“Anyway, me and my family are going to the Jungle Biome for Spring break. Isn’t that awesome?” I said.

“That’s really awesome.” He said. “And guess what?”

“What?” I said.

“I’m going to the Jungle Biome too!” Steve said. “I was planning on exploring the Jungle Temple about the same time you’re going.”

“Wow, that’s great! I’m trying to get Skelee, Slimey and Creepy’s parents to go too. Man, were all going to be there together.” I said.

“Do you guys want to go exploring in the Jungle Temple with me? Steve asked. “It’s supposed to be the resting place of the Wishing Emerald.”

“What’s that?”

“Well, the Wishing Emerald is supposed to make anything you wish for come true. I’m not sure it’s real, but I want to go explore the Jungle Temple to see if I can find it.” Steve said.

“Count me in.” I said. “That sounds awesome.”

So I walked away thinking about how our Spring break is going to be ten times better, now that Steve’s coming. 

Also, the Jungle Temple sounded tight.

Man, this is going to be the most amazing Spring break ever…

Monday

I saw all the guys at school today, and they told me they were all coming to the Jungle Biome!

“Thanks for having your Mom and Dad call our parents.” Skelee said.

“Guess what?” I said. “Steve is coming to the Jungle Biome with us, too.”

“Whoa, that’s awesome! But what are your parents going to say?” Slimey said.

“Oh, actually he’s just coming to explore the Jungle Temple, and he asked us to come too.”

“Man, that sounds tight! I heard the Jungle Temple is like the scariest place in the Jungle Biome.” Skelee said.

“I hope it’s not too scary.” Creepy said.

“Steve said he’s looking for the Wishing Emerald that makes your wishes come true.” I said.

“Whoa…” Everybody said.

“Slimey, you can wish for a new pair of parachute pants.” Skelee said.

We all burst out laughing.

“I’m going to wish that I wasn’t so scared all the time.” Creepy said.

“I’m going to wish that I can breathe under water. I always wanted to visit the Ocean Biome.” Slimey said.

“I’m going to wish for an enchanted bow and arrow.” Skelee said. “What are you going to wish for, Zombie?”

“I don’t know yet. But I’m going to make it big.”

“Coooool.” All the guys said.

Tuesday

I saw Mutant at school today.

He was busy rebuilding the Gym, because he accidentally destroyed it after our last Dodge Ball game.

“Hey Mutant!” I said.

“Uuurrrrggghhh!”

“It’s good to see you too.” I said.

“Hey, I wanted to see if you wanted to come with us to the Jungle Biome for Spring break. All the guys are coming, and I wanted you to come too.”

“Uuurrrrggghhh!”

“Really? You can’t come?”

“Uuurrrrggghhh!”

“You have to spend Spring break rebuilding the gym?”

“Uuurrrrggghhh!”

“And you don’t have any clothes to wear, anyway?”

“Man, that’s a bummer.” I said. “It would’ve been really great if you could come. I wanted to introduce you to my human friend, Steve. He’s real cool. I think you would like him.”

“Uuurrrrggghhh!”

“How does he taste?!!”

“Uuurrrrggghhh!”

“Oh, what is his grade?”

“I think he’s in middle school like us, but for humans.”

“Uuurrrrggghhh!”

“Yeah, I think he’s cool too.” I said.

RRRIINNNGGGG!

“Oh, there’s the bell. I’ve got to get to my class. I’ll see you later Mutant.”

“Uuurrrrggghhh!”

Mutant gave me his finger to give him a high five. But this time he gave me a high five.

I had to pick my arm off the floor and run to class so I wouldn’t be late…

Wednesday

Today at school, we had a special guest speaker come to our school.

He came to speak to us about Mob safety.

I guess they must’ve heard about our minecart ride from our last field trip.

I think the guy must’ve been from the Zombie Police because he was really stiff.

His name was Officer Ricky D. Bones.

He talked about how we need to stop doing all the usual stuff…

You know, no going out during the daytime, no playing with torches, no tipping over spiders, no bothering silverfish, NO RIDING MINECARTS, no getting close to Golems…

You know, all the fun stuff us mob kids really like to do.

He especially said that we should stay away from humans, because they can be real dangerous. He even said that humans have medicine that can cure all the cool diseases that we have. So we should stay away from them.

The last thing he said was, “I would hate any one of you to become human.”

Wow, I didn’t know humans can turn Zombies into humans…That’s insane.

I need to ask Steve about that one.

Come to think of it, I wonder if Zombies can turn humans into Zombies?

Whoa! I wonder who would know that?

I thought I could ask Mom and Dad, but I changed my mind because they might think I want to be human like Steve.

I decided to ask the witch that lives in our neighborhood.

I know she’s retired now, but I’m sure in her younger days she used to turn humans into Zombies, or frogs or something.

So after school, I went to the witch’s house.

“What do you want?” She said, as I knocked on the door.

She answered the door with that mean look on her face.

I tried to answer but I just couldn’t stop looking at her big nose with a mole on it.

“Uh…Ms. Witch…Um, I had a question for you.” I said. “Today at school I learned that humans can turn Zombies into humans. I was wondering…Can Zombies turn humans into Zombies?”

“They sure can…All it takes is one bite from a Zombie to turn a human into a Zombie.” She said.

All of a sudden she started to cackle, “AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

I also think I heard some lightning and thunder in the background, and even the lights flickered a little bit…

“Can they ever turn back?” I asked her.

“Yes, but only with the most powerful magic.” She said. “The only witch I know who has that kind of magic lives in the middle of the Swamp Biome. And she can only be found during a full moon.”

“Really?”

“Yes, and you would never want to go visit her, because she has a particular taste for rotten flesh. AHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

Again with the cackling. Sheesh.

“Why are you asking anyway?” She asked me as she gave me her evil eye.

“Just curious.” I said. Then I said good bye and walked away.

“Goodbye. AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”

Wow. No wonder she doesn’t have any friends.

Thursday

Me and the guys decided to go to the Zombie Cafe next to our school for lunch today.

They sell all kinds of food there.

Some of the kids at school say that the place is really clean, which kinda made me a little nervous.

But, they also said that the place is full of rats and bugs, which made me feel better.

The real reason I go there is because they have my favorite food in the whole world…Cake!

I got a big, giant cake and I was going to eat the whole thing.

But I could see that Skelee didn’t bring any money with him, plus he was looking really skinny lately.

“Want some cake?” I asked Skelee.

“Naw thanks.” He said. “Cake usually goes right through me.”

“I could use some Mooshroom Milk though. My Mom says it’s full of Calcium.”

I gave Skelee a few bucks and he got himself a carton of Mooshroom Milk.

As he drank it, I was a bit confused about how he gets the Calcium part.

Creepy got himself some Pop Rocks.

Kinda made us all nervous every time he ate some.

Slimey got a mucus shake.

It was green, because I think it was Mint flavored.

“I really like coming to the Zombie Cafe.” I said. “They have the best food.”

“Yeah, me too.” Skelee said. “It sure beats the Chinese restaurant next door, The Woking Dead.”

“My favorite restaurant is Drool and Gruel.” Slimey said.

“I like Bombastic Pizza.” Creepy said. “Me and my family always go there.”

I didn’t know how I felt about that…