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"Take care of yourself, " she said to Olivia, "I love you." She held her
tight and then pulled away from her, as Olivia looked worried.

"Take care of yourself too. If anything ever happened to you .

.

." She couldn't even finish her sentence as tears choked her.

"Nothing will. I'm going to spend the next three months rolling bandages
and serving coffee to unwashed men well behind the lines, " she said as
Olivia made a face.

"It sounds charming. I can't imagine why you'd want to do that.

" Rather than be here, safe and comfortable, with Charles and Geoffrey.

It made no sense to anyone but Victoria who was willing to risk her life
to leave them and do something she thought was important and useful.

"Someone has to do it, " Victoria said quietly as she changed into a
plain black dress and then left her bedroom to go up to the attic, where
she had concealed her one sensible suitcase. She brought it back
downstairs, and took a somber-looking hat with a heavy black veil out of
her closet.

"What's that for? " Olivia looked puzzled, and she thought it unlike
Victoria and surprisingly ugly. It was obviously meant for a widow, and
the veil was so thick you couldn't see her face behind it. She was
completely obscured by the thick veiling.

"There will be photographers at the ship. It's quite a nice ship, I
hear. Even nicer than the Aquatania." And this would be better than a
honeymoon for her. It was her trip to freedom. She had reserved a simple
stateroom in first class, nothing like the one she had shared with
Charles on the Aquatania, and she had carefully withdrawn some of the
money her father had given her when she got married. Charles had
suspected nothing. She had five hundred pounds on her in cash now, but
she didn't imagine she'd need a great deal working behind the trenches.

She had taken rough warm clothes, except for a few proper dresses for
the ship. She was planning to stay in her stateroom for much of the
trip, in case anyone recognized her, and talked about it later.

"You thought of everything, didn't you, " Olivia said sadly. It broke
her heart to see her go now, worse yet to see her so cheerful.

They took a cab to Pier Fifty-four on Fourteenth Street, and Olivia and
Victoria held hands nervously in the taxi.

There was the usual furious hubbub of activity around the ship, music
blared, people laughed, and shouted to friends, champagne flowed as the
first-class passengers came aboard, and the widow in the heavy veil went
quickly up the gangplank with her sister behind her. They found her
cabin easily, and the porter had already put her bag there.

And for a long moment they stood looking at each other. There was
nothing left to say now. It didn't need words. Victoria had left her
life in her sister's hands, and she was going off to war now. And Olivia
would take care of everything in her absence. But Olivia could hardly
bear to leave her. She wanted to beg her not to go, but she knew her
twin would never have listened.

"I'll know everything you do, you know, right here, " she pointed to her
stomach, "so don't make me crazy with worry, please."

"I'll try not to, " Victoria laughed, knowing how true that was.

They had always had an uncanny telepathy between them. "At least I know
you'll be safe with Charles. Don't forget to fight with him night and
day, otherwise he'll miss me, " she teased, and Olivia hugged her.

"Swear to me you'll come back safe and sound."

"I swear, " she said solemnly as the ship's horn blew, and the warning
sounded for visitors to go ashore, as Olivia felt her heart pound.

"I can't let you go, " Olivia said, meaning it for the briefest second.

She wanted to cling to her suddenly and keep her from going.

"Yes, you can, " Victoria said quietly, "it's no different than when I
went on my honeymoon." Olivia nodded, and Victoria walked her to the
gangplank in the ridiculous black hat with the veil. It made Olivia
smile again just before she left her.

"I love you, you stupid girl. I don't know why I'm letting you do this."

"Because you know I have to." And the truth was she did.

Olivia knew she would have gone anyway. And it was better this way.

They hugged each other one last time, harder than they ever had before,
and Olivia could see her eyes through the thick veil. They were both
crying. This was far from easy.

"I love you, " Olivia said again, and Victoria crushed her to her.

"I love you .. . and oh God, Ollie, thank you for giving me my life
back." Olivia kissed her one last time, and whispered to her. "God be
with you, " and then walked slowly off the Lusitania and left her.

Chapter 20.

Olivia spent the rest of the afternoon feeling numb. She didn't know
what to do with herself, as she wandered aimlessly from room to room,
thinking about her. She knew that the ship would be out to sea by then,
and even though she was nervous about seeing them she wished Geoffrey
and Charles would come home so she wouldn't feel so lonely.

She felt so bereft without her twin, she had never gotten used to being
without her for any length of time. It was so much easier for Victoria.

Olivia would never have taken a trip far away, without her twin sister.

But Victoria had already done it once before on her honeymoon, and now
she had done it again. But Olivia felt lost without her.

And she knew that when they came home that afternoon she would have to
give the greatest performance of her life. She had the letters for Geoff
and her father ready for them, and even one to herself which pretended
to explain everything, and why she had run off to California.

She was supposed to have taken the train to Chicago that afternoon,
instead of sailing for Liverpool on the Lusitania.

But by the time Charles got home, she was ready for him, and he was
shocked when he saw her face as he entered their bedroom. He knew
instantly that something terrible had happened to her, and forgetting
all the arguments they'd had, he rushed instantly toward her.

"Are you ill? " She looked deathly pale, and she was reclining in a
chair with a desolate expression. What happened? "

"It's Ollie, " she said softly. He knew she couldn't have had an
accident, or his wife would have been at the hospital with her.

As heartless as she seemed to be with everyone else at times, he knew
how she adored her sister. "She left."

"She went home? " He looked surprised. "That's all? " Victoria, or the
woman he thought was his wife, looked as though someone had died, not
simply gone back to Croton. He knew something more must have happened.

"Did you have an argument? " She was fighting with everyone these days,
maybe even Ollie, but the real Olivia shook her head as she watched him.

And she was feeling so lonely for Victoria by then that it was easy to
look devastated. She was, so much so that she felt queasy, and she
looked it. "Is your father ill? " Olivia shook her head again, and
handed him the letter she had supposedly written to her sister. It was
in fact in her own hand, allegedly to Victoria, although no one could
tell their handwriting apart anyway, not even Bertie.

The letter explained simply that although it tore at her heart, she felt
she had to get away for a few months, that her life was just too much
for her at the moment. She was too lonely now that Victoria was gone,
she realized that she was far too dependent on her, that she felt
oppressed by the emptiness of her life in Croton, and she needed a few
months to think about all of it, and get away from them. She said she
was even thinking of joining a convent, since she knew she would never
marry.

"Oh my God, " he looked at her, horrified, "how awful." He began to
check his pockets then, and looked quickly in his wallet. "I wanted to
see how much money I brought home. I'll go to Chicago tonight, and stop
her. She can't do this. It'll kill your father." Olivia was afraid of
that too, and hoped he was wrong with his prediction.

"By the time you get to Chicago, " she said practically "she'll be on
the train to California." She sounded a little cavalier about her twin,
but she didn't want Charles running all over the country on a wild-goose
chase while her sister sat comfortably in a first-class cabin on a ship
to Europe. "You'll never find her." He could see the sense in what she
said, and sat down heavily beside her. He was , !

shocked at Olivia doing a thing like that, and couldn't imagine it, as
he stared right into her eyes and didn't know it. And if he had known
his wife better than he did, he would have seen her hand in all of it,
but he didn't.

"Do you have any idea where she's gone? Who she might have gone to?

What friend it could be? " He sounded as frantic as she would have felt
if the story were true, and her heart went out to him for caring so much
about his wife's sister.

"She's a very secretive person, " Olivia said, and started to cry,
thinking about her sister, steaming away from her for three months.

It was easy to cry when she thought of how much she hated her going, and
already missed her.

"Oh my dear, " he said, instantly putting an arm around her, and it
surprised Olivia. This was not what she had expected. "I'm so sorry.

Maybe she'll think better of it and come back in a few days. Maybe you
shouldn't tell your father anything for a while and see what happens."

"You don't know how stubborn she is, Charles, " Olivia complained
convincingly. "She's not always what she seems."

"Apparently, " he said, looking both worried and disapproving.

"Do you suppose your father's been very hard on her since you've been
gone?

I've always thought it was unfair that she was trapped there with him,
with no life of her own, no friends, no social life, no suitors. She
never goes anywhere, and he doesn't seem to mind it, as long as she's
there to take care of him. Maybe this is what it led to, " he said
sadly.

"Maybe." Olivia had never thought of it quite that way, but he wasn't
wrong entirely. She wondered if her father would see it that way too,
and feel guilty. She thought it unlikely. "But if she says a few months,
I'm sure she means it. She left Father a letter. I thought I'd take it
to him tomorrow." Tomorrow was Sunday.

"You don't think we should wait a few days? " He was very worried.

"Really, Charles, I know her, and I think it's only fair to tell
Father."

"I'll drive you, " he said solemnly and she nodded. "Did she say
anything to you last night? No hint at all of what she was going to do?"

"Nothing, " Olivia said, still looking bereft, and he didn't tell her
that suicides behaved that way too. Maybe it was just as well she had
only run away for a while and not done anything even more foolish.

But for the first time in months, he felt sorry for his-wife, she looked
so gentle and so broken suddenly that she almost reminded him of her
sister.

And when Geoff came home from his friend's, they were even more worried
about him. He sobbed openly when they told him Olivia was gone, and it
was even worse when he read the letter she'd left him.

"It's just like Mama, " he said, as he sobbed in his father's arms, and
tears rolled openly down Olivia's cheeks as she watched him.

"She's never coming back, I know it."

"Yes, she is, " Olivia said firmly through her own tears.

"Remember what she told you .. . that no matter where she ever went she
would always come back, and she would always love you." She had said it
to him herself only that morning when he was dressing, and he didn't
question how she knew it, but she instantly reminded herself to be more
careful.

"She's not lying, Geoff, " Olivia said softly, sounding as much like
herself, as her sister. "She really loves you, you're like a son to her,
the son she never had and never will have. We just have to wait for her
to come back now." But he refused to believe she would, and later that
night, Olivia pointed out to him that his own mother would have come
back too, if she could have. Olivia was lying on his bed, playing with
the dog, feeling the unfamiliar feeling of Victoria's rings on her
fingers, as she said it.

"My mother could have come back, and she didn't, " he said angrily.

He was angry at Olivia too, for leaving him, and she didn't blame him.

But she was surprised by what he had said about his mother.

"What do you mean, Geoff? " she asked in confusion. Susan had died.

She hadn't left him.

"She didn't have to give her seat up, she could have gotten in the boat
with me."

"She saved someone else's life, that's a very brave thing to do.

" He looked at her hesitantly and then he shrugged and two lonely tears
slid down his cheeks.

"I still miss her, " he whispered. It wasn't the sort of thing he would
normally have confessed to Victoria, but he was so distraught over
Olivia, he let himself go with her, and Olivia reached out and touched
his fingers.

"I know you do, " she said softly, "and I know you miss Ollie.

I do too .. . but maybe we can be friends now." He looked at her
strangely then, and there was a question in his eyes, but she turned
away from him and reminded herself not to go too far, and a few minutes
later she kissed him and left his room, and went back to his father in
their bedroom. It had been an extremely difficult evening, and she
didn't thank her sister for it.

"How is he? " Charles asked with troubled eyes. He was worried about his
son losing yet another mother figure in his life. And so far over the
past year, Victoria had been very little comfort to him, although she
had been nicer tonight than she'd been in months and he was happy to see
it.

He would have been furious with her if she had left the boy grieving.

At least there was some humanity to her.

"He's very upset, " she said quietly. "I don't blame him. I don't know
what got into her. It's as much a mystery to me as it is to him.

" She sat down on the bed, looking genuinely exhausted and hoping that
at that moment Victoria was violently seasick. She deserved it. And
Olivia realized again how crazy she had been to do this. And tomorrow
she had to tell her father.

"Do you suppose she was in love with someone and no one knew it?

" Olivia laughed at the idea he was proposing about her, it was
certainly creative. The only man she had ever remotely liked was
Charles, and he was married to her sister. She only hoped he didn't get
that idea into his head, and no one else did, that she was secretly in
love with Charles. That would be mortifying and disastrous.

"I don't see how she'd be in love with anyone. She's really not
interested in that sort of thing. She's very shy, " she said innocently
and he gave her an odd look.

"Like you, my dear, " he said sarcastically, and she was startled.

"What does that mean? " It was the kind of thing Victoria would have
said to him, and Olivia knew it, so she went ahead and said it.

"You know what it means. We haven't exactly had a life filled with
romance, have we? "

"I didn't know that was what you expected." Olivia tried sniping at him
on for size hesitantly, and he seemed to think it was normal.

"Well, I certainly didn't expect what we ended up with. But I suppose
you didn't either, " he said sadly, and she looked at him
sympathetically. He saw the look in her eyes and it surprised him.

He decided to change the subject then. She'd been through enough for one
day without their fighting too. And there was no point in it, and he
knew it. From that standpoint, their marriage was over. When do you want
to go up and see your father tomorrow? "

"It's a long drive.

We'll have to go up in the morning. Do you mind driving me? " She hoped
he didn't, because she didn't know how to, and, of course, Victoria did.
She would have to call Donovan in that case and say she was too upset to
drive to Croton.

"I'm happy to drive you. Do you mind if we bring Geoff? " He felt he
should ask her, he knew the boy made her nervous and she was already
upset about her sister, but Olivia was quick to answer.

"Of course not." He had noticed a subtle change in her all night, the
shock of Olivia running away seemed to have softened her imperceptibly.