Mirror Image (31 page)

.. He would never let himself feel that again for anyone, not even her
sister. Susan had taken that part of him with her. "Let me learn to love
you, " he whispered, but Victoria knew instinctively that all he wanted
from her was her body, and her life .. . to love, honor, and obey him.
And she would obey no man, not even this one.

He made love to her that night, as gently as possible, and it wasn't
quite as bad as it had been. But there were certainly no illusions about
her feelings for him, or any bond that might have formed between them.

There was none at all, and they both knew it. If anything, their
repeated attempts, infrequent though they may have been, only seemed to
drive them further apart. And even tonight, Charles realized that there
was no magic between them, and they fell asleep at opposite ends of the
bed in total silence.

The time Olivia had given them was spent in lectures and the library for
her, and at the office for him. He had dinner at his club with John
Watson and his partners the following night, and kept busy preparing for
a trial all weekend. In fact, they scarcely saw each other, and never
spoke when they did. They weren't angry at each other, just bereft, and
unable to bridge the distance. And when Geoff came home with Donovan on
Sunday night, it was actually a relief to hear voices in the house
again, and for Charles to have someone to speak to.

Olivia had sent him home with some new toys, a thermos of hot chocolate
for the ride, and a huge box of cookies that they had made together.

It made Victoria's heart ache just to see the familiar signs so typical
of her sister. He even had a handkerchief in his pocket with her perfume
on it, and it brought a physical ache to her heart knowing that only
hours before the boy had been with her. If anything, it made her jealous
of him, and she snapped at him about why Olivia hadn't come home with
him.

"She wanted to, " he said, looking instantly wounded by the tone of
accusation in Victoria's voice, as though he had kept Olivia away, which
he hadn't. "But Grampa has a cough again, and she didn't think she
should leave him. It's only bronchitis the doctor said, and not
pneumonia, but we made him lots of soup, and Aunt Ollie wanted to make
him some special poltergeists or something." '"Poultices>> his father
corrected him with a grin, but Victoria looked bitterly disappointed.

She had hoped to see her twin, and now she had no idea when Olivia would
come again, particularly if their father wasn't well, which seemed to be
happening more and more often.

In fact, the cough dragged on, and she never felt right leaving him, and
Olivia discouraged her from leaving Charles and coming to Croton
herself. The twins didn't see each other again until Thanksgiving.

Their father was back on his feet again by then, although thinner and
pale, and delighted to see the Dawsons. Victoria always felt as though
he were talking about someone else when he said her name. She couldn't
get used to wearing a different name than her own, and could never
understand why a woman should take a man's name just because they were
married.

The weather was spectacular the whole time they were there, and Geoff
rode his horse with Olivia every day, even on Thanksgiving morning.

She was very proud of him, he had become quite a skilled little rider.

He showed Charles what he could do in the ring that day, and announced
that when he was bigger he was going to play polo.

They were all in good spirits later that afternoon when they sat down to
Thanksgiving dinner, except Victoria who seemed tense. She had spent
most of that morning in the kitchen, talking to Bertie. There was always
something soothing about being with her, and Victoria seemed to be
starved for remnants of her old home life. It was all she could do to
sleep in the guest room with Charles. All she wanted to do was climb
into bed with Olivia and Geoffrey. But he had usurped her place.

In fact, he seemed to be the object of everyone's attention, Olivia,
Bertie, Charles, even her own father, and when everyone said later that
night, after he had gone to bed, how good he had been, Victoria startled
them all by lashing out about him.

"Oh for Heaven's sake, stop wailing about him like a bunch of old cats.

He's almost eleven, and should be able to behave himself. What's so
remarkable about that? " she snapped, and for a long moment there was
absolute silence, and then even she looked embarrassed. "Sorry, " she
said, and swiftly left the table as her father stared at her, and
Charles looked deeply grieved by what she had said about Geoffrey.

Olivia went to her as soon as she could, and found her in their room, as
Geoff slept peacefully in the bed, with his monkey and his dog, waiting
for Olivia to join him.

"I'm sorry." Victoria looked up at her, mortified by her own
performance. "I don't know what happened. I just get so tired of hearing
how adorable he is." It startled Olivia to realize that her sister was
jealous of him.

"You ought to apologize to Charles, " Olivia said gently, sorry for both
of them. They seemed to be in so much pain. Even Geoff had commented on
it. He said that Victoria and his father fought every day at breakfast
and every night at dinner. He didn't even seem amazed by it, he just
said it like something they did, like saying grace at meals, or singing.

"I will." And then she sighed and lay her head back against the chair
with a tired glance at her twin. "I suppose it will be like this
forever. Angry strangers trapped in a small house with a rather
irritating child, and absolutely nothing in common." Olivia couldn't
help but smile at what she had said. It sounded rather extreme to her,
but that was obviously how Victoria saw it. "You certainly paint a
pretty picture."

"It isn't, Ollie. Not for a minute. I have no idea what we're doing
together. And neither does he, if he's honest."

"Maybe you'd better give that some more thought, " Olivia suggested, and
then hand in hand, they both went back downstairs to Charles and their
father. And as they walked into the room, Charles looked straight into
Olivia's eyes and smiled ruefully at her. The directness of his gaze
almost made her heart ache.

"Feeling better? " he asked when she stood closer to him.

"I .. . yes .. ." She didn't know what to say, and Victoria laughed at
the confusion.

"She's feeling fine. I'm the dreadful one you're married to. And I
apologize for my bad behavior." His confusing them had served to lighten
the moment, and Olivia blushed, realizing what had happened.

They had worn the same dress, as usual, and had done their hair exactly
the same.

It was still far too easy to confuse them, and the newly characteristic
sullenness of his wife, which would have identified her easily,
disappeared the moment she was near her sister.

Every one was in a better mood after that, and they all had a pleasant
weekend. But Victoria looked particularly bleak when it was time to go
home again. She had spent hours talking to her father about the Battle
of Ypres in France, and it had been so comfortable being there with him
and Ollie. She hated to go home now and leave them.

She and Charles got in the front of the Packard and Geoff in back with
Chip, and Henry the monkey, and all their bags, and for a long moment
Olivia stood looking at them, wishing that she could keep them there
forever.

"Be a good girl, " she whispered to her twin. "Or I shall come to town
to beat you."

"Promise me you'll do that." Victoria smiled at her, looking so sad
again, wishing she'd come with them. Every time they left each other,
she felt a little part of her the, and so did Ollie.

And as Charles watched them silently, he could see the bond between them
that always fascinated him, it was a bond which he knew he would never
have with her, if they lived a hundred years together. A bond no one
else would ever have, with either of them. It was something that had
formed between them long before birth, and would go on long after.

They were made of one cloth, like two dresses made of one bolt of
fabric, with no seams, no tears, no differences. There was no place
where one began and the other stopped. In his eyes sometimes, even as
different as they seemed to be, or said they were, they were almost one
person. And yet, the woman who rode beside him to New York had none of
the gentle softness of her sister. She had all the hard edges and bright
ideas of someone very interesting but very different. Like two sides of
the same coin perhaps.

Heads you win .. . tails you lose .. . and he knew that for the moment,
he had lost the flip of the coin. Victoria was never going to be easy.

"How do I know which twin I have in the car with me? " he said playfully
as they drove home, in somewhat better spirits after a very pleasant
Thanksgiving, Olivia had gone all out for them. The meal itself had been
extraordinary, as had all their dinners, all the wines, their room had
been perfectly set up for them, and the servants had attended to their
every need from the moment they arrived till the moment they left.
Olivia ran a perfect household.

"You don't know which twin. That's the fun of it." Victoria played with
him, and they both laughed. He was still embarrassed at having confused
them on Thanksgiving night, and he had always thought it would be truly
embarrassing to make a mistake like that, or a worse one. It made him
especially careful what he said around the two of them, whenever they
were in Croton, or at his house in New York. He would have felt like a
complete fool if he'd said something indiscreet, and he didn't want to
embarrass Olivia. But Victoria liked the idea of causing people
embarrassment and she told him yet another outrageous story of their
switching in school when they were children.

"I don't know why you think that's so funny, " Charles chided her.

"I think it would be very embarrassing, and really awful. What if
someone said something you didn't want to hear? " The very thought of it
unnerved him.

"Olivia and I have no secrets."

"I hope that's not still true." He eyed her carefully and she shrugged
with a smile, and then Geoff piped up from the back and told his father
all about his horse, and a horse show the following summer Olivia had
said he could ride in.

The weeks after Thanksgiving fairly flew, with preparations for
Christmas, and buying presents and making things, and a number of
parties they went to. It was somewhat embarrassing when they went to a
Christmas party at the Astors' and Toby and his wife were there, but
with the exception of a few minutes alone in the garden with him,
Victoria seemed to avoid him completely.

Toby had tried to speak to her, and she had been quietly smoking a
cigarette when she turned and saw him. She began immediately walking
away from him, but he grabbed her arm and pulled her back to him.

And just his touch sent a long, slow thrill through her.

"Toby, don't .. . please .. ." Her eyes filled with tears and implored
him. Without even knowing it, he had already ruined her marriage.

I I "I just want to talk to you .. ." He was more handsome than ever,
and she could see that he'd been drinking. "Why did you marry him? " he
asked, looking hurt, and she wanted to scream at the top of her lungs
and hit him. It was all his fault, if he hadn't said anything,
everything might have been different.

"You left me no choice, " she said, trying to sound cold to him, but
feeling things she hadn't felt in a year and didn't want to.

"What does that mean? You weren't .. ." He looked confused.

He hadn't heard anything about a baby, and he knew she hadn't gotten
married for several months afterwards .. . it was just too bad the way
things happened .. . it had been fun .. . for him .. .