Mister Distraction (Distraction #2) (9 page)

Sunday was my first day back at church since Jacy’s funeral and that was nine years ago. It was uncomfortable, and I stood in the back—paced was more like it. I saw her family walk in, everyone but William. They took a seat near the front. I took off my tie and unbuttoned the first two buttons. I couldn’t seem to breathe. I began to sweat. I tried to listen to Pastor Dan, but I was distracted. Jessica came to stand next to me. She had Jasmine in her arms.

“How are you holding up back here?” I let a nervous laugh slip. “I am proud of you for coming.” I glanced at her, my sweat rolling into my eyes, making them sting.

“I think I should leave; I don’t belong here.” She grabbed my hand, her eyes filled with worry.

“If you leave, I leave.” My eyes shifted to Jasmine in her arms. A tiny little smile played across her face. Shit, the girl had my smile and she owned it. I melted at that one tiny smile. She reached out for me to hold her and I looked at Jessica. I never held Jasmine. She crawled into my lap on occasion, but hold her, carry her—never. I took her in my arms and she wrapped her tiny legs around my waist. She giggled in my ear and it was a wonderful sound.

I listened to the rest of the message with her in my arms. The pastor focused on the power of prayer. He was very convinced that it was the only way to be close to God. The service ended and I made my way over to Jacy’s family. I made eye contact with her father first and stuck my hand out. “Mr. Ronald, it’s good to see you.”

Mrs. Ronald gave me a big hug before she spoke. “We miss you, Jason; you need to come see us more.” Jenny, the sister that was a couple years younger than Jacy, came up to me next. She was a spitting image of Jacy. I stopped breathing for a moment.

“Hey, handsome.” I raised a questioning eyebrow at her and quickly glanced at her parents to see if they heard her, but they were too busy visiting other people to notice.

She came up to me a bit too closely. “I am home for the summer. We should get together and catch up.” I stepped back.
That’s not going to happen
—at least that’s what my mind said, but my body said ‘game on’. I made a mental note to stay clear of Jenny. She looked way too much like her sister, and it would be way too easy for me to convince myself she was an angel and my second chance to be with Jacy.

Monday, as I left work, I called Bettina. My plan was to meet her and apologize. She didn’t answer, and I didn’t leave a number. I had Bo all weekend and dropped him off Monday night. He didn’t want to get out of the Jeep, and I didn’t blame him, but I managed to coax him. I opened and closed the door to the apartment, leaving him inside and striding to my Jeep at record speed.

Tuesday was the same, except when I left work and called Bettina, she answered.

“Hello, Jason.” She had a sneer in her voice.

“Hi, Bettina. I would like to meet you tonight if it’s possible.” She was quiet.

“All right, meet me at the club eight o’clock.”

“I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.” I ran my fingers through my hair thinking about the sex that would be happening inside the club that I wouldn’t be part of. I wanted sex badly; it was all I thought about, obsessed over.

“Please, Jason, meet me there and I’ll talk to you about anything.”

“Okay, eight. No games, Bettina.” That was it; she hung up. And I couldn’t help the feeling that I was a recovering sinner walking into the house of temptation.

At eight o’clock, I walked through the elevator doors at the tenth floor. Strikers, the Men’s Club was full for a Tuesday night. I took a seat at the bar. Over the last couple days, I had begun wearing t-shirts and jeans. The jeans seemed to hide my constant hard-on, and the t-shirt kept me cool. I was so fidgety and angry. My dick was in pain, but I welcomed the pain, as it was a reminder of how in control I was.

Alex approached me first. “Hey, man. I saw Bettina with a guy. Did you know that redhead we fucked the other night had a boyfriend?” I shook my head. “Well, Bettina’s in there right now with the boyfriend.”

I pushed my way through the crowd to the playroom they were in. “What the fuck?” Both Bettina and the boyfriend, Red, turned to me. “Bettina, did you set this up?” She smirked and I knew I was in for a show.

“Use your safe word, Bettina; he’s not like me.” She ignored me, nodding at Red to get started.

“Don’t do this!” I was shouting. I knew that soon, very soon, I would be escorted out for interrupting. “Please, Bettina, what I do to you is nothing like what he’ll do.”

Trevin, the bouncer, approached me from behind. “Is there a problem?” I took a step back, and Red tied her hands above her head, attaching them to a swiveling hook. He tied her feet together and put a blindfold over her eyes.

Trevin tried to talk to me again. “Jason come talk to me at the bar.” I ignored him again. The crowd grew big around the scene. Red grabbed a long-tail whip and began swinging it. He was getting the feel of it. I turned away before I could see him hit her with it. I couldn’t stand the scream she let out. It was worse than the squealing of an abused animal.

I stormed to the back offices and knocked on the door. Brad answered. I began my pacing back-and-forth in his office.

“She’s got a problem, Brad. She needs help, and I can’t be there for her anymore. She’s out there right now, and Red is revenge-fucking her. She’s trying to drive me insane and instead she is going to get herself
killed. Please help her.” He fixed his stare straight into my eyes and I felt his anger towards me.

“We both know what she is doing, Jason. If we stop her, she will just use someone else to get your attention. She is drama, Jason, and this is how she plays everyone around her.” He took a drink out of the small glass he had been swirling. “She is a single lady now, so I’ve heard.” His eyes fixated on mine again and raised an eyebrow, letting me know he was upset I didn’t inform him myself. “She can have sex with whoever she wants to.” Anger laced his words, and I begged him with my eyes to punch me first. My fists curled into tight balls, and they itched to pound his face.

“If something happens to her, Brad, I know you will regret it.” I couldn’t hold back my infuriated, loud voice. He immediately rose to his feet, crossing the room to open the door.

“Bettina’s a big girl, and she is no longer your concern.” His body faced away from me, and I knew right then we were done, not only with this conversation, but with our friendship. I took the hint and left. I made my way to the men’s room. I looked around for something or someone to unleash my anger on. I felt powerless to defend her. I glanced at myself in the mirror as I splashed water on my face.
Fuck, what can I do?
I stared at myself, waiting for the
me
in the mirror to answer. I closed my eyes and bowed my head, and for the first time in nine years, I said a prayer to God, the universe, to any listening angel:

“God, please give me strength to rescue her without hurting anyone.” I relaxed myself as I repeated the prayer over and over.

I opened my eyes and walked back to the scene. He had finished the whipping and was fucking her. She was weeping loud enough for all the people watching to know it wasn’t pleasurable for her, but no one stopped it. She was self-destructing right in front of everyone. It was like watching a bloody car accident where no one wanted to step in and help. They were all enjoying the sight of blood too much. Red was clearly enjoying himself. He was worked up and pounding her hard, his grunts louder than her whimpers. He was behind her and had her pulled toward him at a weird angle. Instead of lifting her tied legs up, he held them steady. That’s when I noticed he was fucking her in the ass.
Fuck
. Rage boiled inside me, and I felt the veins in my neck pulsating. My fists were suddenly light. My breathing was uncontrollable, and I moved my way to the front of the crowd. I heard people whispering as I bumped past them. He whispered something in her ear when he finished. He was a true jackoff, not bothering to untie her right away, making her pain and humiliation linger as he disappeared. A few long strides later, I was at her side, knowing it was a complete violation of club rules. I moved quickly to untie her, and swept her into my arms. He came back moments later dressed, disgusted by what he was seeing.

“I am finished with your trash now.” I considered dropping her to beat the shit out of him, but Bettina’s sobbing made me focus my attention only on her. I carried her to a private room and set her on a chair, then went to the corner to get a towel. I sat with her as she cried.

“Bettina, why didn’t you use your safe word?” She let a nervous laugh break through. “And why didn’t he stop when he heard you crying?”

“I wanted it to hurt. He wanted me to cry. He said he got off when he heard females crying or begging him to stop. He told me in front of everyone that’s what he wanted from me. He said my only out was my safe word.” I was silent after that. Bettina and I were together for three years and had anal sex only a handful of times, but I was never that violent with her. I knew by the brutal force that he was giving her, she was going to be in pain for a while.

“Let me take you home.” I was trying to stand her up, but she was still too weak. I walked back to the playroom and grabbed her clothes. I dressed her and carried her to my Jeep. I loaded her up, got in, and started talking.

“The reason I came here tonight to see you, Bettina—” I heard her groan, irritated by me, and I continued, “I want to tell you I am sorry for the way I treated you all these years.” For some reason, this was harder than I thought. “You deserve someone who will treat you right, Bettina. I am sorry, really, really sorry.”

“Pfft. What do I say now? I forgive you? Because I don’t.” We pulled in to the apartment, and I got out first to help her out. She pushed me away.

“I’ll do it myself.” I looked her in the eyes and noticed they were glassed over. I stepped back and watched her get out. She was staggering.

“Bettina, are you on something again?”

“Yes, Jason. You left, and the drugs help me not miss you.” She huffed her answer, like it was a stupid question. Her voice was laced with loathing. “What the fuck do you care? I could die and you would still love her more.” I knew she was referring to Jacy. I regretted every day that I told her about Jacy. It was at the beginning of the relationship, and I was drunk. She was telling me how much she loved me. I told her I was in love once, and I tried to make her understand I would never love again.
Fuck, if only I could take it back now
.

We were walking through the lobby, almost to the elevator. She continued, “If I did OD, you would have killed me, just like you killed her.” I felt hate spread throughout my body. The doors closed and I gave up trying to steady her. The urge to gag her and tie her down to dominate this foul-mouthed creature was so strong I could barely deny it. My anger boiling again, I closed my eyes and whispered, “Please, Lord, don’t let me hurt her, not with words or by my hands. Please.” She was still ranting about how much damage I had caused to her, but I repeated my prayer.

“I am not going to fight with you, no matter how hard you try.” She pulled away from me. We reached the apartment and I opened the door, and that’s when she lost it.

Bo came running to me.

“Jason, I hate you!” She walked over to me and began hitting me with her fists.

“I know, Bettina. I am sorry.” I let her hit me for a while without reaction. She began screaming incoherently and breaking things, lights and glasses. She was yelling nasty obscenities and throwing things at me.

I just kept repeating, “I’m sorry.” Then she walked over to Bo and kicked him hard. Bo’s yelp echoed in my head, and that’s when I reacted. “Stop, Bettina, or I will call the police,” I yelled as I ran up behind her as she repeated her brutal kicking. I picked her up, immobilizing her, tightly wrapping both arms around her. She was flailing in my arms, but
I held strong. I set her on the couch and called the police department. I maneuvered myself on top of her until the police got there. I called her brother too. She yelled at me, finding it hard to catch her breath.

“Tonight was for you, Jason—the tears, the fucking—it was all for you.” She was sputtering words out, trying to gasp for air. “You watched your girlfriend get whipped, beat, and fucked in front of everyone and did nothing, but the moment someone touches your precious dog, you get protective. What the fuck, Jason? Did you lose you balls?” It took her a while to get it all out, and she fell silent afterwards.

I was relieved when the cops came through the doorway. I stood up immediately. They took one look at the room and at Bettina, sizing up both of us. I raised my hands signaling surrender, and Bettina began hitting and kicking me again. She was crazed; her hair sticking up at all ends, swinging at the police officers. Her words were vulgar and harsh as she screamed at them and me, so it didn’t take them long to decipher the problem. I explained the night’s events, knowing that as soon as they got her downtown and undressed her, they would see the whip marks. They let me know that I had the right to press charges because this was my home. I paid for everything, and she was only a guest. I gave a statement and didn’t feel the need to press charges. She walked past me in handcuffs on the way out of the apartment. I was checking Bo, making sure nothing was broken, and I heard her voice in a whisper.

“Why are you doing this to me?” I looked up, and her soft hazel eyes met mine.

“You need help, Bettina. I am worried for you. I am sorry it ended like this.” I followed them downstairs and through the lobby. Brad showed up a few minutes later as they were reading her rights and putting her into the police car. She looked beyond crazy, make-up running all down her face. She was still yelling things to anyone who looked in her direction. She was thrashing around, using her body as her only weapon, throwing her weight, trying to pull away. Brad was pissed, and his anger was all directed at me. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath as I saw him striding over to me.

“What the fuck, Jason? You couldn’t have called me to pick her up? Is this your way of getting her mad? Getting in the last dig? This is what
you both do. She pisses you off, and you remind her who’s in charge. Is that what this is?” He was spitting in my face as he was shouting.