Moonlight Murder: An Inept Witches Mystery (23 page)

Maria cleared her throat.
“
Tia is walking up to the door right now, Emily.
”

Emily stood up and turned just as the bell
’
s jingle sounded Tia
’
s arrival.

Ingrid smiled and whispered,
“
Interesting.
”

Maria looked panicked. Emily was pretty sure the only reason Ingrid wasn
’
t was because she was insane. But then again
—
she might be drunk again.

Tia locked the door behind her and then began closing the blinds in the front of the store.

That was ominous. Emily felt a flash of something…concern maybe.

“
Well, hi, Tia. What can we do for you? Looking for a spell that will change your taste in baby poop green? I
’
m afraid we can
’
t help you with that.
”

Tia pulled out a gun and pointed it at Maria.
“
Shut up or I
’
ll kill Sheldon
’
s sister.
”

“
That
’
s not nice,
”
Ingrid said. She patted Maria on the arm but she didn’t look comforted.

“
Oh for the love, Tia,
”
Emily said.
“
Another gun? Where did you get that one? The one you killed Sheldon with is in police custody isn’t it?
”

“How do you know that?” Ingrid asked Emily looking over with surprise.

“Text from Hazel. Told me to leave things alone and let Gabe investigate. Wasn’t worth mentioning,” Emily said.

“Yeah,” Ingrid nodded, sipping the wine, “I mean. We’re investigating now to make Gabe pay. Or something.”

“
We have tons of guns around the house,
”
Tia replied, still waiving the gun around the room recklessly.

“
Have you talked to your husband lately? It
’
s amazing he didn
’
t come home and use one of those guns to shoot your cheating self. As for me, I
’
d have considered just running you down. That was always my plan with Dickhead, but his brother beat me to murdering him.
”

The shades rattled and Tia stepped back, alarmed.

“
Don
’
t mind Dickhead. He
’
s really mad about being dead,
”
Ingrid said comfortingly, taking a sip of her serum-laced wine. There was a different sort of buzz that came from truth serum. Ingrid seemed to be getting too fond of it.

“
I knew it. I knew you would tell him. And now he
’
s leaving me. And it
’
s all your fault, Ingrid.
”

“
My fault? You must be a delusional dove if you think that your cheating with Sheldon and having terrible taste in kitchen design is somehow my fault. You got your own dumb self into trouble. Also, Emily told him, not me. I was too busy being yelled at by Gabe. The jerk.
”
She swirled the wine in her cup and then took a sip of her Bailey
’
s-laced coffee. Even with the ghost and the murderer in their midst, Ingrid looked more distressed by Gabe. She had it bad for the sheriff. It was a good thing Emily liked him most of the time.

Emily followed suit. Ingrid really was incredible at making coffee.

Tia sounded insane and very tightly wound, so Emily needed to be fortified.

Tia sniffed,
“
Whatever. I don
’
t even know what Sheldon saw in you in the first place. You aren
’
t even that interesting.
”

Ingrid snorted.
“
Yeah, if by interesting you mean clinically insane, then yes. I
’
m boring and uninteresting. Sheldon, my naive dove, saw a jackpot when he looked at me. You
’
d think he
’
d have known better after I accidentally cut off his thumb.
”

“
He shouldn
’
t have snuck into your room while you were sleeping,
”
Emily said. She was idly looking around for a weapon and thinking, once again, that they should have learned something more useful magically. A champion wrestler or kung-fu master would have been helpless in Hazel
’
s presence.

“
You stole him, you bitch. You took him from me. He loved you, for some stupid reason, and so I had to kill him. And you. I
’
m killing you next before I leave this wretched island for good.
”

Emily casually stepped in front of Maria.
“
I think Ingrid is a little crazy myself, Tia.
”

“
Hey,
”
Ingrid complained, but Emily kept talking.

“
In fact, you should point the gun at her, not at Maria. She
’
s already lost her brother, you know? Take your anger out on Ingrid.
”

Emily smiled at Ingrid
’
s tortured face.
“
Emily Brown,
”
Ingrid said.
“
I swear on the body of your dead grandmother
—”

Tia was momentarily confused at Emily
’
s apparent betrayal of Ingrid, and as soon as she started to turn her attention to Ingrid, Emily pushed Maria to the floor with one hand and then leapt at Tia, tackling her to the ground. Emily noticed that Ingrid used her magic to pry the gun out of Tia
’
s hand just seconds after Emily jumped. Emily really should have thought of that seeing as how levitation was her thing. Damn it.

“
Aah,
”
Tia screamed.
“
You two are crazy.
”

Emily sat on Tia and Ingrid picked up the gun, putting it out of reach on a dusty bookshelf.

Ingrid mocked Emily.
“
I think Ingrid is a little crazy myself...are you kidding me, Emily? That was your strategy. Get her to point the gun at me? Seriously?
”

Emily shrugged.
“
Well, it worked, didn
’
t it? She was distracted.
”

Ingrid sighed.
“
I
guess
. I
’
d prefer a different plan next time.
”

The temperature in the room plummeted, and Ingrid and Emily reacted simultaneously.

“
Oh great,
”
said Ingrid. She looked a little freaked out. More than she had at the gun being pointed at her. But Owen always had hated her.

“
Owen. He’s getting better at this haunting nonsense,
”
Emily sighed in frustration.

Before they could react, all the books in the shop flew off the shelves and toward Emily and Ingrid.

Ingrid shrieked.

“
Damn you, Owen,
”
Emily said as she ducked and rolled off of Tia to avoid being knocked unconscious by a flying encyclopedia of magic. Tia took that opportunity to kick Emily in the gut. Emily gasped for air. The murderess had knocked the wind right out of her.

“
Ingrid
—”
Emily called breathily, unable to speak. Or breathe. I
’
m gonna kill that psycho bitch, Emily thought. Just as soon as I can breathe again. And I have
got
to get rid of this damn ghost.

Ingrid took a step toward Tia before she was pushed by an unseen force against the bookshelf where the gun rested.
“
Let go of me Owen,
”
Ingrid shouted.
“
I swear, you moron, I will find a way to make you pay for this.
”
Ingrid looked at Emily.
“
I can
’
t move, Em. And, this ghost is making we want to crawl into a hole and hide.”

Tia cackled, sounding as insane as they thought she was. She began walking around the shop, looking crazed. Her eyes shone with the crazy kind of crazy. She really had none of Maria
’
s charm. Emily and Ingrid were held fast by the ghost of Dickhead, and they knew they were screwed unless they could figure out how to deal with the damn ghost. He was getting exponentially smarter. He’d been bound, but they hadn’t been able to hold him there. Tia disappeared into the back room, leaving Tia and Emily alone with her ghost helper. It was like they
’
d planned to work together.

Just then, someone tried to open the front door of the shop. Emily
’
s hopes raised. Maybe Gabe, who she knew was super pissed at them, had come to yell at Ingrid.
“
It
’
s good he decided not to wait to yell at you, Ingrid.
”

But it wasn
’
t Gabe. It was Sam. And as soon as Emily realized who it was, she also realized that the door was locked.
“
Damn it, Tia,
”
she grumbled under her breath. Then she called out.

“
Sam. The door is locked. Just break in. We could use a little help.
”

“
Emily?
”
She heard Sam
’
s muffled voice though the door.

“
Yeah, who else? Come in. We are locked in here with a psycho killer.
”

She heard some rustling and scraping, and then he was burst through the doors. Her hero. That was a little surprising. He was inside just in time for Tia to walk back in the room. Tia had picked the gun back up and now pointed it at Sam, who held up his hands in instant surrender.

“
Oh, for crying out loud.
”
Ingrid sighed.
“
So much for your fireman being your dove in shining armor.
”

That
’
s more of what I expected from him, Emily thought.
“
I was really hoping he would surpass my expectations, but I should have known he wouldn
’
t. His obsession with his own muscles was a pretty solid clue that he was not gonna work out for me long term.
”

“
Sit down, right there, with your hands in lap. Where I can see them,
”
Tia demanded, shakily waving the gun around the room, mostly in Sam
’
s direction.

Sam looked terrified but did as Tia commanded.

“
I think his hands are shaking, Em. I told you to dump him.
” Emily could see Ingrid’s hands shaking. But Sam didn’t even realize there was a ghost yet.

Tia had a bunch of twine in her other hand.
“
Emily, get up. Tie up your fireman.
”

Emily responded, trying to keep her voice light.
“
Well, I
’
d love to. But two problems. First, I
’
m being held against my will by a ghost.
”
She shrugged.
“
He won
’
t let me up. And second, and this is probably the biggest thing, Sam and I aren
’
t really at a point in our relationship where we are tying each other up. I
’
m not ready for that kind of commitment. Also, I don’t think it is very ethical for you to use my own twine against us. It’s designed for binding boxes, not for the torture of innocents.
” Emily batted her eyes at Tia.

“
Ugh,
”
Tia screamed.
“
You guys are all ridiculous. I have a gun. You should be listening to me.
”
That last bit was much whinier than it should of been, given the fact that she did, in fact, have them at gunpoint.

She approached Sam, apparently she was going to tie him up herself, but Sam knocked her over, lunging into her stomach with his shoulder as Tia bent down. He was just about to take the gun from her, his fit 200 pounds clearly having the advantage over her tiny, insane frame, when Sam suddenly was lifted in the air. Emily watched in horror as the bulky fireman was tossed to the other side of the room, where he landed in a crumpled form. Owen again.