Moonlight Murder: An Inept Witches Mystery (22 page)

“
As is coffee creamer,
”
Ingrid added as she lay down on the floor, setting her glass next to her and pointed her feet at the ceiling.

“
Is she wearing Joker underwear? And thigh highs with the feet cut out?”
Maria whispered to Emily.

“
She had an incident with her underwear wherein she set all of them on fire since Gabe dumped her. I can
’
t explain it. Reasons. Insanity. We love her anyway.
”

There was the sound of disembodied laughing.

“
Dickhead,
”
Emily said.
“
We can read poetry again and buy scotch you cannot drink.
”

“
I want Indian food,
”
Ingrid added.
“
Like for real. Maybe some more paneer and that pretty green rice.
”

The sound of Dickhead shuffling things around and scratching at the window was really starting to get on Ingrid
’
s nerves. She was laying on the floor of the book store, glass of wine in one hand because she felt like she
’
d been run over by a train. This whole murder investigation and being dumped had left her feeling
…
well
…
broken.

And also, there had to be a way to get rid of the ghost without having to ask Hazel for help. Perhaps they should just sacrifice their pride?
Supernatural
and random verses from the Bible had, after all, failed them.

“
Here
’
s an unfortunate truth,
”
Emily said.

Ingrid cracked open her eyes and looked over at her friend before closing them again. The unfortunate truth was that she was in love. That wasn
’
t supposed to happen again. Harrison had left her a wreck. She was going to live off the money, enjoy her life, and have a lot of naps. Not this
whole falling in love thing and having to care that her love was so mad at her his eyes might cross just looking at her. It was
exhausting.

And her love was so mad at her he may never speak to her again.

And she was probably going to be arrested for murder.

“
What is this unfortunate truth?
”
Ingrid asked with a sigh.

“
Maria didn
’
t do it.
”
Emily sounded as irritated as Ingrid felt. They liked Maria well enough. But if it was Ingrid or Maria, that weepy dove was going down.

“
Hey,
”
Maria whined.
“
I might have killed him. He was a horrible brother. But someone beat me to it.
”

“
It
’
s vicious and evil-dove thing to kill a sibling,
”
Ingrid said, opening her eyes and standing to dust off the espresso machine and see what was possible with the ingredients in the book store. It was slim pickings down there considering they hadn
’
t been back in the shop since St. Maarten
’
s until the last couple of days, but even still. Espresso shots were better than nothing. Maybe they had some old Bailey
’
s Irish Cream.
“
To murder siblings we must wait for karma.
”

“
You gave your sister money just last month,
”
Emily said, poking her head into the little coffee area to say,
“
I want one.
”

“
Yes, darling dove, I know. Also if I give it to her, she stops calling me for at least 2-3 months. Some things are priceless.
”

”
Plus,
”
Emily said,
“
there
’
s that whole part where her husband has gotten super soft around the edges and Gabe is
…
oh
…
ouch sorry.
”

“
You are a terrible best dove,
”
Ingrid said. Of course, Emily had said it just to poke at Ingrid. But she was tired and lonely for Gabe and the case had come to a complete stand still. She wanted to solve it, make him apologize to her even though she was pretty sure she was the one who should apologize and curl up with him in her bed. She
’
d been sleeping on the couch. It had to stop. She loved her bed. She had, of course, set it on fire. But she could get the same kind again.

It took her a couple of minutes, but she produced a cup of coffee that tasted like liquid gold.

“
Let
’
s rehash,
”
Maria said. She dug through the stationary section to find a pad of paper and a pen.
“
I didn
’
t do it.
”

Ingrid and Emily
’
s gazes met and they looked, as one, back at Maria.

“
Is she taking notes?
”
Ingrid asked.

“
And like
…
making a list.
”

“
She might check it twice.
”

“
We
’
re not ready for this level of effort,
”
Emily replied.
“
It makes me uncomfortable and I feel inept.
”

“
Possibly to quote all of the coven, we
’
re both the worst witches on the island and the worst sleuths.
”

“
We figured out who killed Dickhead.
”

“
Did we? Or did we just survive the last murderer? That
’
s what Kay said.
”

“
Whatever we did,
we lived. And we
’
re not in jail.
”

They tapped cups and grinned.

“
So,
”
Maria said, having ignored their conversation,
“
I didn
’
t do it. Kevin said he didn
’
t. Under truth serum?
”

“
Yep.
”
Emily sighed.
“
He said Tia has a good alibi, too.
”

“
But,
”
Ingrid said.
“
But
…
I don
’
t like Tia.
”

“
She is terrible,
”
Maria said.
“
Even Sheldon could see she wasn
’
t a good long term bet. Plus she didn
’
t have all your money.
”

Ingrid snorted. Sure, she shared with her sister to make her stop calling and Emily because of all that best friend forever love. But Sheldon? Ingrid loved Gabe and the most he
’
d gotten out of the deal was a lot of takeout food.

“
Wait a second,
”
Emily added.
“
You can
’
t lie under truth serum. But you can say what you truly believe.
”

“
So,
”
Maria asked,
“
what does that mean?
”

“
Do you believe that Ingrid and I are idiots?
”

“
Well
…
no
…
.I mean y
—”
She couldn
’
t finished the word.
“
But not really.
”

Ingrid rolled her eyes at Emily.
“
She has conflicted feelings about us. Why?
”

“
Well
…
Gabe. If it were just Sam, absolutely. But Gabe. I mean,
before this he spent all of his time with you guys. He isn
’
t someone who would enjoy the company of morons. I knew his last girlfriend. She was manipulative and psycho-mean, but she was smart.
”

“
I don
’
t want to talk about people that Gabe has slept with.
”
Ingrid was feeling weepy now. She would not give the ghost of Dickhead the satisfaction of seeing her cry over Gabe. Oh man,
oh man, she thought. Be a good dove
—
keep it together.

“
Back to Kevin and the list,
”
Maria said, quickly and possibly too earnestly. She was like a puppy, Ingrid thought, wanting their approval too much.

“
Yes, Deputy Dumbass. I hate him.
”

“
He has eyes of jerkiness and stupidity,
”
Ingrid said.
“
He
’
s a horrible human being who, if nothing else, is a detective who didn
’
t realize his wife was cheating on him.
”

“
Yeah!
”
Maria sat up and made big slashing movements on the pad of paper.

“
Well that jackhole-dove has been giving Gabe crap about me this whole time, and I bet his
wife
is the murderer. We never truth-serumed her.
”

“
Oh,
”
Emily said.
“
Oh. Oh, duh.
”

Ingrid took a sip of her perfect coffee and considered on what Emily was thinking. Tia. Tia that mad-dove, Tia.

Emily picked up Ingrid
’
s phone and called Gabe.

“
Ingrid?
”
Gabe
’
s voice carried through the empty bookshop.

She had to admit, she was lonely for the sound of it.

“
Deputy Dumbass is Tia
’
s alibi, isn
’
t he?
”

“
Emily,
”
Gabe said.
“
Ingrid, I know you
’
re listening. You need to stay out of this case.
”

“
We
’
re just asking,
”
Emily said defensively.
“
We can
’
t help having thoughts.
”

“
Yeah,
”
Maria said.

“
Who is that?
”
Gabe asked.
“
Is that Maria Peters?
”

“
Maybe,
”
Emily replied.

“
Are you kidding me right now?
”
The fury in his voice was thick.
“
You are going to get yourselves murdered. If not by the killer, then you will drive me to it. For the love of
—”

Ingrid hung up the phone.

“
He
’
s mad,
”
Maria said.

“
Yup,
”
Ingrid replied. She had a bit more snap in her step. Gabe yelling at her was just what she needed to get out of her mope.
“
He
’
s super mad.
”

“
You
’
ll have to make him pay extra hard,
”
Emily said.
“
For yelling at me, too.
”

Chapter 11

True Colors

“
Uh, guys?
”
Maria stammered.
“
So, you were thinking that Tia is the one who killed my brother, right?
”

Emily answered, still setting up what was supposed to look like a pentagram made up of furniture and books and coffee cups.
“
Probably. It
’
s the last thing that makes sense. It
’
s not you. Or me. Or Ingrid. Or even Deputy Dumbass. So unless it
’
s Gabe, which it isn
’
t, it has to be Tia. And I need to go Prague. Very soon. So it really has to be Tia. Then we have to get this ghost out of here. Hey, you said money
’
s tight, right? Maybe you should work here.
”