Moonlight Murder: An Inept Witches Mystery (20 page)

“
Extra cheese, Em. It
’
s gonna be one of those days when we will need gooey cheese. And I
’
ll open a red wine.
”

Emily laughed.
“
Better open two bottles. Between your hopeless non-love affair with he who shall not be named and our deciding to harbor a murderer, we are going to need some liquid courage.
”

•••

“
Uh,
”
Ingrid said,
“
maybe you want to take it easy?
”

“
Un, no. Definitely not. This particular red blend is amazing. And it
’
s gonna go perfect with the pizza.
”

Ingrid took a sip,
“
Oh, I see. Yeah. This is really good. Okay, do you have a plan, Em? I can see by the look in your eyes you
’
ve been scheming about more than which wine to pair with the pizza.
”

Emily took a mouthful of hot pepperoni pizza with extra mushrooms and nodded, sucking in air to cool her mouth.
“
Yeah. So, I was thinking about Sam and I had an idea.
”

“
Your fireman? How
’
s he gonna help us deal with Maria?
”

“
Well, yeah. But no. Not really. I thought of him first, but then I was thinking about
Supernatural
Sam. And not about Maria. About our ghost. The one in the car, and the one in the bookshop.
”

“
The TV show Sam? Seriously?
”

“
What? They have an old car, are frequently expected to solve funky supernatural type stuff and they don
’
t really know what they are doing. At least not all the time. Just like us.
”

Ingrid rolled her eyes but didn
’
t speak. Her mouth was jammed full of food.

Emily went on.
“
So, anyway, I was thinking of how they trap the demons by drawing special shapes that trap the bad guy. Maybe something like that would work?
”

Ingrid shrugged.
“
I guess it
’
s worth a try. But Maria
…”

“
I know. We
’
ll help Maria as soon as she gets here, but until then, we
’
ve got to deal with Owen. I don
’
t want Dickhead in my bookstore, Ingrid. It messes with my juju.
”

Ingrid choked on her lunch.
“
Juju? Seriously, Em. What are you, into voodoo now?
”

“
Hey, don
’
t mock me for being open-minded. And desperate. I refuse to be haunted by my ex. He
’
s dead. I want him out of my life.
”

Ingrid poured Emily more wine, a sure sign of her remorse.
“
I get what you mean about exes sticking around. Harrison has been dead and gone for a long time now, but the memory of him is still messing with this thing I
’
ve got with Gabe.
”

Emily chewed her pizza and listened, pausing to ask,
“
He really did a number on you, didn
’
t he?
”

Ingrid gulped the last of her wine.
“
I thought Harrison and I had something, you know. And by the time I figured out we didn
’
t, the damage was done. Plus he always acted like I was an idiot. Just a pretty face and a trophy wife. I don
’
t want it to mess with me and Gabe, but I can
’
t help it. I don
’
t want to get too close, and the idea that we might not have what I think we have is too close to what happened with Harrison.
”

“
Ingrid, do you love Gabe? Like for real, all the way?
”

Ingrid nodded, her eyes welling up.
“
Yes. But he got so weird with this investigation and looking into Harrison
’
s death. Like he
’
s too suspicious of me. And if he doesn
’
t trust me, then he doesn
’
t really know me. If he doesn
’
t really know me, then how can he really love me?
”

Emily refilled Ingrid
’
s glass this time and took another long pull off of hers, too.
“
Okay, so we will deal with the ghost, and figure out how to get Maria to Canada, and then we
’
ll get to the bottom of this stuff with Gabe.
”

Ingrid laughed.
“
Canada will extradite to the US, Em.
”

“
Oh, okay. Right. Maybe Zimbabwe. Isn
’
t that the place where the American dentist killed that poor lion? I don
’
t think we have any kind of deal with that country.
”

“
So, you want to send Maria to Zimbabwe to keep her out of jail?
”

Em nodded.
“
Yeah. Seems reasonable to me.
”

Ingrid smiled.
“
I
’
ve got a few ideas about how we can get Maria off the hook without shipping her to Africa. I
’
m pretty sure she wouldn
’
t be happy there.
”

“
What
’
s taking Maria so long to get here? Why do we care if she
’
s happy?
”

“
The presents for foster children, obviously. I like your supernatural idea. Let
’
s go draw a pentagram on the concrete around the car. Maybe that will trap your sicko uncle and give us control over him. We
’
ll see Maria when she parks in the garage.
”
Ingrid picked up her phone and typed a message.
“
I just texted her. Told her to meet us in the garage.
”

“
All right. Let
’
s do it. It
’
s good we try on my uncle first, since he is just a pervert and not actually dangerous. Then if it works, we can try it on Owen. If not, we
’
ll get that grimoire again. That should tell us.
”

Ingrid smiled.
“
We should totally get points from Hazel for being creative and original, not going straight to the textbook for answers. Using our head. Taking initiative.
”

“
Yeah, initiative while we are well on our way to drunk.
”
Emily held up the two empty bottles of wine.
“
I thought I was feeling relaxed. Perfect. I don
’
t want to be tense for our magical debut.
”

“
It
’
s not a debut, Em, dove. We
’
ve done magic before.
”

“
Yeah,
”
she said, leading the way down to the garage after grabbing a can of whipped cream from the fridge.
“
But this is the first time we
’
ve used the hot guys Sam and Dean from
Supernatural
to help us do it. If this works, we should totally binge watch all ten years of that show.
”

“
Before or after Prague?
”

“
Before. I
’
m going to need a break from all this stress. Also, we
’
ll need manicures again. And a full spa day. Solving murders is exhausting on its own. Now that we are adding obstruction of justice to our list of skills, we will need extra down time.
”

“
Emily, what is the whipped cream for?
”

“
We have to draw the pentagram with something, right? And I don
’
t want to stain the concrete of our garage with a pentagram. I mean, seriously, that
’
s super creepy. Anytime a customer parked here, they
’
d think we were Satanists or something.
”

Ingrid laughed out loud, like doubled-over, bent-in-half laughing.
“
As opposed to them thinking we are satanic because we are witches?
”

“
I
’
m just saying. I don
’
t want a pentagram permanently on the concrete down here,
”
Emily said as she exited the elevator and approached the car.

It took three tries because they kept drawing the wrong shape.

“
Is it like a star of David? Or more like, I don
’
t know. How many points does a pentagram have, Emily?
”

“
I don
’
t know, but we are going to run out of whipped cream. Then we
’
ll have officially failed, and we
’
ll have to check the grimoire or possibly call Hazel, and I
’
d rather not have to do that. Again.
”

“
I think it
’
s five, right? That
’
s what pent means, right? Bi is two, Tri is three, quad is four, I
’
m pretty sure pent is five. And six is sex. Hahahaha. Sex.
”

Emily looked sideways at Ingrid.
“
I think the fumes are getting to you, Ingrid.
”

“
What fumes? There are no cars running down here.
”

“
Well, whatever. Okay, I think I
’
ve got this right. Now, you should say something. Something Sam or Dean would say.
”

“
They wouldn
’
t say anything Em. They
’
d just banish the demon to hell with some sort of demon bullet. Or an archangel would show up to help them.
”

“
I
’
m fresh out of bullets and archangels.
”

“
Okay, take off your shoes,
”
Ingrid commanded.
“
And let your hair down. We need to connect with the earth, I think. Maybe.
”

Emily grumbled as she slipped off her boots and socks.
“
We are standing on concrete. How is this connecting with the earth. And how does letting my hair down have anything to do with anything?
”

“
Well, concrete is made of sand, gravel, water. Touching that with your bare feet is totally connecting with the earth. The hair thing, I just made that up. I don
’
t really like it when you wear your hair up.
”

“
What?!
”

Ingrid shrugged.
“
What? Would you rather I let you walk around looking like your grandma did your hair?
”

“
Okay, my shoes are off. And this is not the last time we are talking about this. I might chop your hair off in your sleep.
”

Emily watched as Ingrid lifted her hands, summoned the wind, and then very dramatically extended both her middle fingers up in the air.
“
Emily
’
s creeptastic uncle, I hereby command you to get the hell out of this damn car, or I
’
m going to force her to burn it. If you loved your car like Emily says you did, you best get out of here and on to the next life, or you
’
ll regret it.
”

Emily giggled.
“
I don
’
t think it worked, but it was fun anyway.
”

Suddenly the temperature dropped, the car started beeping and the lights were flashing. Uncle spoke, causing both Emily and Ingrid to jump and scream.
“
I
’
m not going anywhere, Emily. Ingrid, darling. You know you love me.
”