More Letters From a Nut (32 page)

U.S. Department of Justice

Federal Bureau of Prisons

Federal Correctional Institution

Danbury, CT 06810

Dear Mr. Nancy,

Received your letter requesting to perform a Free Show at Danbury Federal Correctional Institution, Danbury, Connecticut.

We are interested in having your group perform for our female population.

Please contact Robert Porcaro, Recreation Supervisor at 203- 743-6471

Extension 490. Please provide your telephone too.

Robert Porcaro, Recreation Supervisor

560 N
O
. M
OORPARK
R
OAD
                            236
                                       T
HOUSAND
O
AKS
, CA 91360

Dear Hyundai,

I have just been told of a FOLDING CAR that you make. This is a standard size Hyundai that folds up and fits in your pocket when not in use.

What a great idea! Is it heavy? I want two!

Thank you for years of possibly the best car, van, and mail truck out there. Everyone should drive a Hyundai. I own nothing else.

When will this folding Hyundai be out? My dealer knows nothing of it but we did go out and examine a car to see if we could fold it up. We got the front end up and tried to bend it but that’s about it.

Please write with a picture of your new car. I will put it up on my cork board and buy one when I get my next check. Thank you.

Sincerely,

Ted L. Nancy

Hyundai Motor America
10550 Talbert Avenue
P O Box 20850
Fountain Valley, CA 92728-0850
Telephone 714 965-3000

November 18, 1996

RE: File # 347712

Dear Mr. Nancy:

Hyundai Motor America regrets to inform you that we do not manufacture a folding car that fits in your pocket when not in use. Although this sounds like a novel concept, HMA has not yet developed the technology to make such a practical vehicle.

We do appreciate your avid interest in our developing technology and hope you enjoy this small gift as a sign of our appreciation.

If you should have furthur questions, please feel free to call our 800#.

Sincerely,

E. Aquino

National Consumer Affairs

(800) 633-5151

Dear Building Permits:

I am writing to secure a permit to build my restaurant: “THE RIDICULOUS BELLY.” The entire restaurant will be shaped like a large man’s stomach.

I am the former owner of Imbeciles, fine Italian dining. It’s part of a chain. This is Northern Italian fare including squid braccckkk.

Prior to that I owned Morons, home cooked Irish food. Our specialty here was boiled potatoes, deep fried cabbage blart, and rum strips. I also managed the Captain’s Belch, seafood fare. We specialized in fish ticks. Also, for 1 year I was day manager of Putz’s Deli. This was next door to a sewage treatment plant. We lasted only 3 months.

In addition, I
may
open Dolt’s ice cream shop with my partner Letis Dullard. He will sign ALL papers.

Please tell me what permits I need to start building “THE RIDICULOUS BELLY” - Broken Arrow’s premier dining spot for scrod in a cup. If I have not reached the correct department, could you please tell me who I write to?

Thank you,

Ted L. Nancy