More Letters From a Nut (6 page)

Dear Ritz Carlton Reservations Desk,

I would like to check into your resort for a week starting October 30th. I have a problem which I like to address to hotels when traveling. I eat my bedding. I chew my mattress, I eat my pillows. Can you give me a flat rate so that I will not be charged an excessive amount for the bedding I chew and nibble on? Or should I bring my own bedding? I have heard that the Ritz Carlton goes out of its way for its guests. I am sorry that I eat through my mattress. This is something I have to deal with. Believe me it’s tough. I have to travel though. That’s why I would like a set fee on what my charge would be for the room, and for the chewed and partially eaten bedding. Please take a credit card imprint from me when I check in.

If the Oct 30th start date is unavailable, can you offer me another date? I really like your hotel and I want to be honest with you regarding my dilemma. Thank you very much for your response. I would like to make reservations as soon as possible, (If I can), as I am making my travel schedule now. Thanks.

Sincerely,

Ted L. Nancy

February 17, 1997

Dear Mr. Nancy,

Thank you for your request for room availability. The rate I would have available for March 9-15, 1997, is $250.00 per evening for an Executive Suite.

Please advise if you would like to book your reservation. We can also be reached by phone (404)237-2700 or facsimile (404)240-7191. Again, thank you for your interest in The Ritz-Carlton, Buckhead.

Sincerely,

Christie Cammack

Room Reservations

Dear Sara Lee,

I want to tell you an incident that happened to me yesterday. I have enjoyed your cookies, cakes, and goodies for years. I weigh quite a bit from eating Sara Lee. (500). I know your slogan is “NOBODY DOESN’T LIKE SARA LEE.”

Yesterday at my mosh party I put out one of your fudgie swirl cakes. A female guest (also heavy - 600) said to me “I don’t like this.” I said, “What do you mean? Nobody doesn’t like Sara Lee.” She said, “Well, I don’t like it.”

One thing led to another and she came at me with a shrimp fork. (She punctured my arm. Didn’t break skin – luckily).

My question: She accused me of using poor English by saying Nobody doesn’t like Sara Lee. Is this poor English? Who is using poor English? You and me or her? Can you tell me?

Also, can you give me a list of your cakes that I can send her so she will find A SNACK SHE LIKES. To me, everybody do not like something, but NOBODY can say they will do not like Sara Lee.

Thank you for clearing this English thing up.

Sincerely,

Ted L. Nancy

Dear Mr. Nancy:

Thank you for taking the time to contact Sara Lee Bakery. Your comments will be passed to the many people involved in developing, producing, and marketing our baked goods.

The slogan has been “Nobody Doesn’t Like Sara Lee” since 1968. It was just a catchy phrase that stuck with us. It is meant for product recognition, not as a teaching tool. We apologize for any confusion this has caused.

We would like to show our appreciation for your time. Enclosed are coupons for you to use on your next shopping trip.

Sincerely,

Tracie McCarthy

Consumer Services

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