More Than I Wanted (14 page)

He
looked down, not saying anything. Finally he spoke, “They don’t
know about you.”

My
insides went reeling. “What? What do you mean they don’t
know about me? Like at all? How is that even possible?” I was
stunned, how could they not even know about me?
Really? Seriously?
Not at all?
I was shocked.

“I
avoid the topic of relationships with my parents,” he started.
“My mom thinks nobody is good enough for me, and my dad, well,
he’s just an ass at times, never took much interest in my life.
Sure he’s proud of me now that I’m a soldier, but as a
kid he was too busy working to care. I stopped taking an interest as
I got older.”

I
was stunned, “They really don’t know about me?” I
stood staring at him like he had two heads. This was a joke, right? I
didn’t want to start a fight, not now, he was leaving, and yet…
wow. “I don’t know what to say,” I kept as calm as
I could. Stay rational, stay rational, now is not the time…deep
breath.

He
didn’t want to look me in the eye. Austin more than sensed what
I was feeling in the moment.

“Were
you eventually going to tell them? I mean, it’s not like we’ve
only been dating a few weeks. Are you embarrassed or ashamed of me?”
I bit my cheek, trying not to be too confrontational, but I was truly
shocked he never even mentioned me – not even once.

“Of
course I’m not ashamed of you. I guess after our short split, I
just wanted to be sure,” he stopped. “I almost said
something before we split, but I didn’t. Then I just didn’t
want to when we got back together. Not yet, not until I know you’re
still here when I get home.”

“What
do you mean if I’m still here? Nice, of course I’ll be
here. I said I would, didn’t I?” My feelings were hurt,
but I guess he had a right to make that comment after our break up. I
deserved it, even though it stung.

“How
will I know if something happens to you?” I was horrified
realizing I might never know. I wasn’t his wife, how could I
possibly be on his contact list. It was a confirmed fact, his parents
were, and I was not.

“Scott
would know. My parents know to contact Scott and Jake in the event of
an emergency – so that they can contact other people, my
friends.” He didn’t know what to say or how to react. It
wasn’t to be hurtful, it was simply an oversight, and now it
was growing out of proportion.

“Your
friends,” I said flatly. I was numb. Scott and Jake were on his
list of people to contact, and I was not. In fact, his parents didn’t
even know he had a girlfriend. I didn’t exist in their world.
I’m sitting here promising to wait an entire year, but they
don’t even know I’m a part of their son’s life.

I
felt empty in that moment. It hurt. I mean, I get that he… no,
I’m not going to make excuses for him, it hurt.

I
didn’t know what to say, so I said nothing. I turned and sat
down on the sofa, walking away from Austin. He followed me, not even
trying to apologize, not saying he’d call them and tell them
now, he simply said, “This doesn’t change my feelings for
you.”

I
stared at him. How could he not know it would sting, hearing
something like this? I was torn; I’d wanted this to be a
romantic encounter, a time to remember, but instead, I sat here
stunned, realizing I was a ghost in his world. I simply didn’t
exist to his parents. Wow.

Sitting
beside me, he reached over and pushed my hair over one of my
shoulders. “Kate, you mean the world to me, I just… I
don’t have a great relationship with them. It would be more
hassle to say something than not. Sometimes I keep things to myself.”

“I
feel so irrelevant,” I said quietly.

“You’re
not. You’re the furthest thing from that. I can’t breathe
without you. You have to believe me, this is not about you, it’s
about my relationship with my parents.” His eyes said it all;
he hadn’t intended to hurt me.

“You’re
a grown man, and you’re acting like a child,” I said,
fighting the cause. I should have let it go – why couldn’t
I? I never let things go soon enough. I hated that about myself.

“I’ve
learned to choose my battles, and women are not something I enjoy
discussing with my folks. After my divorce, well my mom just became
bitter towards them. Nobody is good enough, it doesn’t matter
if you’re a saint, a perfect specimen, she’ll still find
a way to rip you apart, and you don’t deserve that. I don’t
want to hear it, and I don’t want to give her the opportunity
to do it.” He took a deep breath, pacing his words carefully,
“I love you too much to put you through that.”

“So
I have no say in this?” I sat, having to accept his words. Why
should it matter? He loves me, isn’t that enough? Why do they
need to know if he isn’t ready? But, if he didn’t tell
his parents I existed, what was that truly saying? He didn’t
believe in our relationship? He didn’t think we would last? Did
he think I’d walk away again? Was this about me or him?

“Not
now. What, do you want me to call and tell them? What does that
solve? For a second you’ll be glad, but when you realize all
the garbage and negativity that goes with it, it’s not worth
it. Let it be, baby. I’m here with you right now; that has got
to be worth something. I only have a couple of days left, and I chose
to be here with you. Isn’t that enough?”

“I
guess,” I said, lowering my head. I felt like the wind had been
knocked out of my sails. Yes, he’d chosen to spend his last
days with me, but I was a nothing in their eyes. I didn’t
exist. They don’t even realize I love him, I’m supporting
him emotionally, and that I care too. I hated how selfish I felt in
the moment, but didn’t know how to turn it off. Austin had
become my entire world, and I was invisible to them.

“Do
we really have to do this now?” He asked, his voice flecked
with frustration. His hand was stroking my cheek. “Sweetheart,
you know what you mean to me.”

“Your
sister, does your sister at least know?” He had to have told
his sister, right? I mean, I wasn’t this complete secret, was
I?

He
was silent. I was heartbroken. Nobody in his family knew about me. I
felt invisible.

This
was the wrong time to have this conversation. He’s right, it
shouldn’t matter. Our relationship was between the two of us,
and who knew or didn’t know about us was irrelevant.

I
took a deep breath and offered a compromise. “I’ll let it
go, on the condition that when you return you tell them about us.”
It was all I could offer. I wasn’t happy this way, but now
wasn’t the time to fight about it. I had to swallow my pride
and let it go.

“That
I can do,” he said, a small smile spreading across his lips. He
knew I was settling and not happy with the situation, but we had more
important things to worry about at the moment.

Looking
into Austin’s eyes, I saw his sincerity. He was in love with me
as much as I was with him. I reached over and traced one of his
eyebrows without thinking. I couldn’t turn away, a simple look
said so much. We held that moment, feeling the electricity in the
air, and after a few more seconds Austin reached in to kiss me.

Our
kisses were filled with questions of the future, love, passion, and
hunger. Would this be the last time we’d make love, or would it
be only the beginning of many years together? We wanted to believe
we’d end up united down the road, but there was really no way
to predict the future.

It
won’t change the ache of being alone for a year, but in this
moment we could grow together, building our intimacy to another
level. I wanted to live with him, and be his wife one day.

His
lips moved to the side of my neck, and I tilted my head to give him
better access. He gently brushed my hair aside. Sweet, soft kisses,
nuzzling, and passionate suckling of my skin sent a tingling
sensation through my body. What was it about that simple little move
that made me want to strip off all of my clothes and get naughty?

“I
love you,” I sighed.

Austin
pulled his mouth off, just far enough to blow gently on my skin, and
then moved up to my ear. His lips teased the tiny bits of my lobe,
but the warm breath near it sent me into a tizzy. I started to
giggle, but it felt so good. He laughed at my reaction, but held me
tighter. His mouth nibbled lightly on the edge of my ear, and then
exhaling, his warm breath went through me again.

His
tongue followed behind, and within seconds I was ready to tear off my
panties and sit on him. I held back, wanting our time to last, but my
body was on fire and ready to go.

My
eyes were closed, and my mind foggy. I was lost in the sensations. My
sighs turned into moans, letting him know he was doing everything
right.

Sitting
on the sofa with no urgency to head to the bedroom, Austin started to
unbutton my blouse, watching my eyes as he undid one button after the
other painfully slow. He was taking his time and letting me know it.

Slipping
the silky material of my blouse over my shoulders, it caught near my
elbows. I would have moved to take it off, but his mouth was back on
my skin, and I was mesmerized, drawn in to the sexual surge I was
feeling. His lips were soft and tender, his tongue teasing at every
movement. My breathing got heavier as I sank into the incredible
pleasures.

Austin
slipped his hand over my breast, my bra still in place, and cupped me
fully. Kneading my breast, he leaned in and kissed my nipple through
the material. It was a different sensation than I was used to.
Letting go, he quickly pushed my bra up over my breasts, and placed
his lips on me.

His
mouth connected to one of my breasts, licking, sucking, and I pressed
into his mouth not wanting him to stop. I was on fire, damp between
my legs, and desperate to feel him inside of me. I knew to be patient
and draw out the foreplay, but I was horny and feeling crazed with
all the teasing he was doing.

Finally,
he reached around and unhooked my bra, helping me remove it. I
shifted my arms out of my blouse and bra, and sat partially naked and
exposed before my boyfriend on the sofa.

I
drank in his cologne that had warmed on his skin. I loved how he
smelled, and breathed in deeply. It was as if something clicked
inside, and I couldn’t get enough of his essence.

In
a small growl he said, “Mmm yeah, who’s your daddy, baby
girl?”

I
burst out in a fit of giggles hearing him say that. I know, I know!
Talk about timing, but hearing the words I couldn’t stop
myself. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love a little dirty talk,
but it was too late. The damn had bust, and I was laughing full on.
Tears were welling up in my eyes from the laughter.

“Yes,”
he said, annoyed that I’d broken his stride. He was putting his
best moves on me, and I’d totally blown the romance of the
moment.

“I’m
sorry, I’m sorry, it just caught me off guard.” I kept
apologizing, but I couldn’t stop laughing.

Rolling
his eyes, he shook his head lightly and said, “Should I
continue?”

My
breathing was heavy, and I choked out, “With or without the
dirty talk?” I was cracking myself up. My sides hurt; I was
laughing so hard, tears were streaming down my face now.

“I’m
sorry, I’m sorry. It’s just…” and the
laughter continued. When I finally had it out of my system and calmed
down, I knew that I’d totally changed the mood.

I
swear that much laughter is like an orgasm! I was wiped out,
exhausted from my self amusement, and asked for a moment to recoup.
“Oh my gosh, oh my gosh,” I said, trying to catch my
breath. Finally, I exhaled deeply and seemed to have gotten it all
out of me.

“Amused?”
He arched his eyebrow and shook his head.

“A
little,” I said holding my fingers up, in a show of how little.
“I’m sorry, I know we were getting all romantic, but
let’s face it, there was this tension in the room, and after
that it’s all gone.”

He
pretended to not be amused, but I think he found it funny too, he
just hid it better than me.

“I’m
sorry that I’m not up on the latest dirty talk. I thought I’d
toss something in there, but obviously I made the wrong choice.”
His voice went up an octave playfully, “Maybe I’ll try
again later, maybe I won’t. Maybe you’ve scarred me for
life, we’ll see.” I knew he was mocking me with that last
statement.

Slowly
we made our way back to kissing, but the mood had changed and we both
knew it. We decided to take a break, and start again later. I pulled
my shirt back on, but left it partially unbuttoned. Carefully I
scooped up my bra and tossed it on the coffee table.

“Ooh,
I forgot, I picked up some champagne, give me a second,” I said
hopping up and heading to the kitchen.

He
showed up right behind me, “Do you need help with the cork?”

“Sure,
if you want to do it, there’s a towel over there so it doesn’t
go flying.” I got up on my toes and pulled out two glasses from
the cabinet. I could barely reach, but if I stretched my arm just
enough I could get them.

I
heard the large pop of the cork releasing, and placed the glasses
near Austin on the counter. After pouring the bubbly, he handed one
to me, and took one for himself. “To us,” he toasted.

“To
us,” I repeated, taking a small sip of the champagne. It was
the perfect combination of sweet and dry.

I
tilted my head looking at my guy. He was amazingly sexy. I flashed
back to the day I first met him, and broke out in a smile. I was a
lucky girl, because he was all mine.

“What
are you smiling at?” He asked, suspicious of my sudden grin.

“I
was just remembering when we first met. You looked so hot! I was
instantly struck by how handsome you were. And your body, mmmm.”
I smiled at my lover, “I kept trying to steal glances, hoping
you wouldn’t catch me.”