More Than I Wanted (11 page)

After
a few minutes, I collected myself and went back to the table. The
waitress was dropping off the check, and I knew I’d be out of
there soon. I had to get home, had to be alone and think. Not like
thinking would change the obvious, but I needed to clear my mind. I
was in a dark place.

Driving
me home, Nick listed a handful of reasons why sex would make this all
better. I thanked him for his time, but told him I just wasn’t
feeling it. Amazingly, he didn’t try to push himself on me, and
wasn’t a total ass. He simply said that he was around if I
wanted to give things another try in the future.

With
my key in the door, I knew I’d be able to unwind in the privacy
of my home. All I wanted was to be alone. Closing the door behind me,
I tossed my keys and purse on the table. Kicking my shoes off as I
walked through the living room, I found my way to my bed and stripped
my clothes off. Climbing into bed, I snuggled in and closed my eyes.
The pain was so real, so excruciating, and I couldn’t turn it
off. My mind wouldn’t let up, that first look between us, his
coming over, walking out…and then he was gone. I did this,
there was nobody else to blame but me.

The
knock came the following morning. I’d slept in, and it was
easily past eleven. I quickly dressed, not knowing who to expect.
Dragging myself to the door, I checked out the peep hole. What the
hell, I wasn’t expecting anyone. I hoped Nick wasn’t back
looking for last night’s sex, because I was in no mood.

My
heart stopped. I took a deep breath and opened the door.

“Can
I come in?”

I
nodded, not saying anything.

Austin
walked past me and headed to the living room. “Is he here? I
didn’t see his car.”

I
shook my head no, “We didn’t…he didn’t come
in.” My voice was barely audible.

“I
know you still love me; this is insane. I can’t sleep, I can’t
stop thinking about you, and as pissed as I am, I’m not ready
to walk away, not yet. Seeing you last night made it crystal clear. I
still love you, and the idea of you being with him, or hell, anyone
for that matter killed me. Is this truly what you want? You can’t
truly believe we don’t belong together. I know you still love
me, this is a huge mistake…we need to give this a chance.”

I
didn’t know what to say. I was stunned. I expected hatred,
anger, and pain to be spat at me, but instead he was telling me he
loved me.

The
words barely came out, and in a tiny whisper I admitted my true
feelings, “I still love you. I don’t know what to do.”

“Just
love me, why does it have to be harder than that? Listen, I’m
not a player; I can’t just go out with girl after girl. I
haven’t felt something this real in a long time, and I think
it’s a mistake to not at least give it a fighting chance. I
know what you’re worried about, I know you’re scared, but
for the love of God, don’t let go out of fear. Stand up to your
fear and fight for what you want.”

I
felt the tears streaming down my cheek, and nodded. It didn’t
change the fact that he’d be leaving again, but if we were
together and I was with Austin, it meant that all was right in my
world.

His
arms were strong, and as they wrapped around me, holding me close, I
felt the ice melting around my heart. He was all I wanted, all I
needed, and once again I was back in his arms where I belonged. A
sense of relief washed over me.

There
was lust in our eyes, a burning desire, but we took things slowly. He
leaned back and looked at me, slowly running his fingers across my
face, and then cupping my chin. Tilting my head up the slightest bit,
Austin kissed my lips tenderly. I needed his kiss as much as I needed
to breathe. I wanted to feel him again, feel him holding me, kissing
me, and taking me as his own.

He
drew his hand across my forehead, and ran his fingers through my
hair. It was as if he wanted to touch every bit of me, absorbing it
as a memory. A sudden urgency had him pulling me in tightly again, “I
love you, Kate. I want this to work,” he whispered.

“It
will,” I said, begging myself not to cry again. I didn’t
know what else to say. It didn’t matter; he was here with me
now and that was the only thing I cared about. I was back in Austin’s
arms.

Finally
letting go, he stepped back only far enough to be able to move more
freely. Tracing the length of my arms, his fingers stopped at my
hands, pressing his fingers through mine. It was as if this tiny
distance between us was a great divide, within moments he pulled me
back tighter, almost embracing me in a bear hug. “We’re
good for each other,” he said softly, “we’re meant
to be together.”

I
knew he was right. Honestly, I was terrified of losing him, and yet I
didn’t know how I’d handle the pain of him leaving for a
year. I’d have to take it one day at a time, because deep
inside I knew Austin and I were better together than apart.

Kissing
my forehead, he loosened his grip and led me to the bedroom. There
were no more words left to speak, we knew exactly where we wanted to
be.

This
won’t change my fears, and it won’t change my loneliness
or pain while he’s away, but we have today. That has to be
enough for now. There was still time, I’d worry about it later.

Standing
before the bed, Austin pulled me back into an embrace. Nudging my
head to the side, he whispered
I love you
as he kissed my
neck. The warmth of his breath gave me goose bumps, as I pressed into
him hungry for more. His tongue slid along the curve of my neck,
leaving me desperate for more.

I
reached for the edge of his shirt, tugging it up over his back, and
slid my hands beneath it. “Off with this,” I whispered
and helped him pull it over his head. I wanted to see him, feel him,
and taste his sweet skin.

I
returned the soft kisses to his neck, his chest, and then back up to
his lips. What started as a gentle softness was now a passionate
desire. Our mouths ached to fill a need, and as our tongues explored,
our hands skimmed over one another.

His
fingers gripped the material of my shirt, and slowly inching it
higher, I held my breath waiting to feel his touch. My breasts were
partially exposed, hidden in my bra and showcasing my cleavage.
Tucking his face between my breasts, he tenderly licked my skin
before finishing the task of removing my shirt.

Soft
moans and gasps bounced between us, a powerful lust sneaking out.
Reaching around he helped me release my bra, and slipping it off I
tossed it gently aside. His mouth and hands were attentive, wanting
to please me. I sucked in as he wrapped his lips around my nipple,
and sank into the feeling of my body’s pleasure.

His
breath was warm and his actions soft. Closing my eyes, I lingered in
the sensations he offered. My flesh was alive with electricity.

We
moved back to the bed and sprawled across the covers, desperately
needing one another. Our body heat sizzled. Licking his skin, he
tasted salty, and I bathed him with small kisses.

We
weren’t in a hurry. There was no rush to strip off the
remainder of our clothing, instead only a slow, sensual burn that
pulsed from inside. Embracing my lover, everything felt right.

His
hands rested on the small of my back, but slowly inched lower until
his hands were cupping my ass. A gentle squeeze, a grope, and our
kisses great more heated. Softly grinding into him, my hips took on a
life of their own, wanting to move in a steady rhythm. I desperately
wanted to feel him inside of me.

Heal
me, take away my pain, and make it all better.
I still had today,
and I wasn’t letting go – not this time. We would bond
our reunion, coming together as one, and test our faith as a couple.

I
rolled off of Austin onto my back and unbuttoned my jeans, pushing
the zipper lower. Lifting my hips, I shifted out of my clothing,
pulling my panties off with the denim of my slacks.

Austin
did the same, and together we crawled under the covers, lifting them
over us and snuggling in close. Pressed together in a naked embrace,
we wrapped around one another.

“I’m
so glad you’re here,” I said, grateful he saw past my
earlier conclusions. “I’m so glad you’re giving us
another chance.” I didn’t know if I was saying enough, or
too little. I had little control over the thoughts spilling out of
me. “Please don’t let me do something so stupid again.”

“Shhh,
I’m here now. It’s behind us. We can weather this
together.” His words soothed me, and I was finally comfortable
that this wasn’t a dream. He was truly here.

“Together,”
I said. Leaning in, I kissed his sweet lips.

Our
bodies knew what to do, and with our legs tangled under the sheets,
we shifted just enough to bond intimately.

Austin’s
strong arms lifted me back onto him, and slowly I pushed myself up,
sitting on him. Sharing together, slow and steady movements, enjoying
the pleasures of the flesh, our hips met, pressing, grinding, and
taking us closer to the edge.

I
watched his eyes, not wanting to look away. The connection between us
was deep, and I felt like our relationship was moving to another
level. We both felt the love; it was obvious that something had
changed.

We
planned a weekend away, a romantic rendezvous at a little bed and
breakfast at the shore. It was easily within driving distance. We
decided to leave on a Friday night and would have until Sunday
afternoon before we’d have to leave. Poking around online
together, we found a charming place called The Sandcastle. We planned
around his schedule and it looked like we’d be able to go the
following weekend.

Driving
down to the beach was relaxing; the normal summer crowd was nowhere
to be seen. It was off season and cooler weather, so a lot of the
area was closed. That made it even more special, knowing we’d
have a lot of the area to ourselves.

Pulling
up to the bed and breakfast, I smiled. It looked exactly like the
pictures, which was a relief. I wasn’t sure how old the
pictures were. The large sand-beige building offered picture sized
windows and balconies jutting out in different angles. There was a
blue sign with the name of the establishment written in gold letters.
The building housed eight separate rooms available to rent out. We’d
chosen one that faced the ocean for the best view.

Austin
pulled onto the pebbled parking area and hopped out to get our bags.
As I went to step out of his car, I turned my ankle and went down.

“Ow!”
I said, having taken a misstep and landed squarely on the ground.

Austin
ran around to my side, “Are you okay? What happened?”

I
bit my cheek and tried to make light of the situation. “I
tripped getting out of the car.” I felt like a fool, but my
ankle wasn’t feeling great. I went to stand up, and realized I
couldn’t put a lot of weight on it. “This isn’t
good,” I groaned.

He
came in close so I could lean against him. “Let’s get you
inside so you can sit down. I’ll get some ice before it
swells.” He hesitated and choked on his words, “Did you
really trip getting out of the car?”

I
rolled my eyes, “Yes.”

He
was trying not to laugh, really he was. He felt badly that he
couldn’t stop, nervous laughter was slipping out. “Are
you okay?” Before he could stifle it, he burst into a fit of
giggles.

“Hey,
it hurts!”

“I
know, I know, I’m so sorry. I’m not laughing at you,
well, not because you’re in pain. It’s just that you
literally fell out of the car,” he bent over in a full belly
laugh.

I
couldn’t help but laugh with him. It became contagious, and it
did sound funny. I literally tripped getting out of the car, but it
didn’t change the fact that my ankle felt like crap, and I
needed to ice it sooner than later.

“Okay,
Mr. Suave, think you can help me inside?”

“I’m
sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to,” he was
regaining his composure. “It just hit me, and I couldn’t
help myself. Better be careful in the future, that first step out of
the car is a rough one,” and he was back into fits of giggles
again.

“It’s
fine,” I sighed, “story of my life. I always end up doing
weird stuff like this.” I said.

Helping
me into the building, he set me up on a bench as he checked us in.
The owner was wonderful and had a bucket of ice and a bag to us as
soon as we got to our room. I settled into the arm chair in the
corner of the room. Austin folded up a couple of towels raising my
foot on the ottoman, and we put an ice bag on the offending area.

“I’m
quite the sexy vision, eh?” I winked at my suitor. “Not
quite what we had on the agenda. I’m sorry; I tend to be an
accident waiting to happen.”

“There’s
nothing to apologize for. Besides, when you’re finished icing
your ankle I’m going to get you horizontal, and you won’t
have to put any pressure on it,” he smiled.

“Oh
are you now?”

“I
am, and I’m going to get you naked and run my hands all over
your body, kissing every inch of you.”

“Ooh,
I’d like that,” I cooed.

“I’ll
bet you would, my little minx.”

“Your
little minx,” I started laughing. “Is that your attempt
at talking dirty, because you’ll have to do better than that if
you want me to take my clothes off,” I teased.

“Mmhmm,
I can do better,” he was grinning like a schoolboy. “You
just rest up there, cupcake. You’ll need your strength.”

I
smiled at Austin. I’m a lucky girl. I love that man.

“I
think my biggest issue is shoes. I don’t think I’ll be
able to get my foot back into my boots to go out for dinner,” I
sighed.

“We’ll
get take-out,” he smiled, “and we can eat in. Besides -
horizontal, kissing, remember what I mentioned earlier, you won’t
need your boots for that.”