More Than Music (21 page)

I
wanted to invite Jared back to my room that night, but I had dinner with Julie and Carla after the show so we could catch up and we ended up drinking too much for them to drive back. They crashed on the extra bed in my hotel room, and I spent the night tossing and turning, partly stressing about whether our performance would be good enough to keep us on the show another week, but mostly replaying those stolen minutes against the fence with Jared.

My friends didn’t have tickets for the results show, so I returned to the theater alone the next afternoon. I’d slept in late and hadn’t spoken to the guys at all, so I had no idea what kind of reception our song was getting online. It was actually nice being oblivious; people on the Internet could be pretty damn cruel sometimes. But at the same time, it made my stress levels shoot through the roof. Had anyone liked our version of “Enjoy the Silence” or was it too different from the original? We’d picked such a classic, well-known song, and it was hard to know if people would love or hate our darker take on it.

I met the rest of the band in the lounge. Jared wore his black leather jacket again, and the wicked smile he gave me filled my head with naughty thoughts.

“Tonight,” I whispered to him as we walked to the stage. “After the show, my room.”

In response, he set his hand on my back, moving lower to rest on the curve of my butt. I sucked in a breath, heat building between my legs at his touch, but he released me before anyone saw. Or so I hoped.

We waited while Dan and Lissa finished their duo, their two distinct voices meshing surprisingly well, and then our team was rushed on stage. I held my breath as Ray called the names, but our band was saved first, followed by The Quiet Battles, leaving the Christian heavy metal band to be kicked off this time. Safe for another week, and now we were in the semi-finals. I never expected to get this far, and it only made me want to work even harder to make it to the finals next week.

We all ran off the stage and hugged, and when Jared’s arms wrapped around me, I had to restrain myself from kissing him in front of the other guys. It was getting harder and harder to keep up this friends-only charade in public, and I worried we were too obvious with all of our secret looks and quick touches. How could anyone miss the fire smoldering between us every time we were in the same room?

The show continued with a performance from a pop band whose song played every five minutes on the radio, followed by Team Lissa’s elimination. Naturally, Lacey and Fairy Lights were still safe. Ray talked about how sweet and wholesome she was while she ran off the stage, and I wanted to gag. I had a few choice words for the viewers about the real Lacey, not that anyone would believe me over her.

Last night, my glasses had been waiting for me on top of my guitar case at the end of the show. When I asked producer Steve, he said he’d talked to Lacey but she’d denied everything, and there was nothing he could do. I couldn't tell if he was lying or if he thought I’d just misplaced my glasses. But I knew it was her.

Team Angel went up next, and The Static Klingons were safe, too, which meant I’d have to deal with Sean sometime this week. Instead, the punk band was kicked off her team.

Mohawk Girl and I ran into each other in the lounge after the elimination.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I can’t believe you’re going home.”

She gave a one-shouldered shrug, like it wasn’t a big deal. “It’s fine. We knew we wouldn’t win.”

“You’re not upset?”

“Not really. I’m thrilled we got this far. I mean, a punk band with mohawks and spikes? No way the producers would let us win the show. But we knew we’d get more exposure and bring in a lot of new fans, maybe even get some gigs out of it. That’s all we wanted.”

I was impressed by how calm she was. If we’d been kicked off tonight, I’d be hiding in the bathroom and sobbing. “I hope things work out for you.”

“Thanks.” She leaned close and lowered her voice. “We never had a shot at winning this thing, but you do. Don’t let that Lacey bitch win, even if the show is practically handing it to her.”

“I’ll try.” I was floored she thought we could actually win. But beating Lacey, America’s sweetheart? That might be tough.

T
hirty minutes after I got back to the hotel, there was a knock on my door. I opened it to find Jared leaning against the frame. His eyes drank me in, skimming up and down my body, and then he gave me a slow smile. “Room service.”

He definitely looked good enough to eat. I shut the door behind him, and he pushed me against it, digging his fingers into my hair while he kissed me. I slid the leather jacket off him and ran my hands across his broad shoulders, down his hard back, along his strong arms. I pushed his shirt up, splaying my fingers across his stomach. Last night had given me a taste of how good it would be with Jared, and now he was wearing far too many clothes.

He pulled his shirt off, and I paused to stare at his toned chest and the dark hair trailing down into his jeans. I dragged a finger across his rough jaw and lower, tracing each letter of VILLAIN inked below his collar. When I saw him like this, tattooed and gorgeous and forbidden, I couldn’t believe he was real and in my room and taking his clothes off for me.

He unbuttoned my shirt slowly, like he was savoring each new reveal of skin. When it fell to the floor, he pressed his lips to the hollow of my neck, making me gasp. He tugged down my bra straps and his mouth moved to my shoulders, kissing a line along each one. I threw my head back as he continued lower, down my chest, to the spot between my breasts. He unhooked my bra with one easy gesture, reminding me again how experienced he was. As his eyes swept over my chest, I had to resist the urge to cover myself. He’d been with so many other girls—how could I possibly measure up? And was I just another in his long list of flings?

“God, you’re so beautiful,” he whispered, and then his mouth was on me again and all my worries were forgotten. He took his time with each breast, circling and licking each nipple, while I tangled my fingers in his hair and whimpered for more. His fingers dipped into the waistband of my jeans, tugging my hips to him, while his lips and tongue continued their exploration of me. He moved slowly, worshipping my body, and I couldn’t decide if I wanted to savor every second of this or if I just wanted to rip off his clothes and devour him.

He unbuttoned my jeans, his knuckles brushing against my waist. When he pushed them down, I stood before him in nothing but the lace panties I’d worn on purpose, knowing he might see them. He took me in with hungry eyes, lightly trailing his hands along the backs of my thighs, making me shiver.

“Beautiful,” he whispered again.

His mouth moved lower, across my stomach and the curve of my hips. He tugged my panties down slowly, until I stood naked in front of him. Completely exposed and on display while he still had most of his clothes on. And somehow that brought back all my worries, all my fears, all my insecurities about the two of us.

I dug my fingers into his shoulders. “Jared,” I said, my voice hesitant.

He pulled back to scan my face. “What’s wrong?”

I bit my lip and looked away. Kyle’s words came back to me: how his brother didn’t do serious relationships, how I’d promised not to get involved with Jared. Next came Lacey’s proposition to Jared in the elevator, followed by that text message from the girl wanting to hook up, and a never-ending stream of other girls I’d seen flirt with him. Jared might be mine tonight, but would he be mine tomorrow? And if not, was this night together worth the risk when it could cost me everything with the band and cost us all the win?

“We don’t have to do this,” he said when I didn’t answer.

“No, I want to. It’s just…” I tried to figure out how to word my thoughts without sounding completely lovesick and pathetic. If we weren’t in my room, this would be the point where I would run away. Instead, I moved to the bed and pulled the covers up to my chest, so I wasn’t quite so bare in front of him.

I took a deep breath and tried again. “I know you’ve probably been to a dozen other girls’ rooms while on the show and that you don’t want anything serious, but I don’t know if I can do a casual hook-up, and I don’t want this to ruin things with the band and the show and…”

He raked a hand through his hair, his mouth twisting. “Is that what you think this is? A casual hook-up?”

“No!” This was spiraling out of control fast, but now that it was out there, I couldn’t take it back. “I don’t know. You’re always surrounded by girls, and there are so many rumors, plus that whole thing with Becca… Even Kyle and Hector joke about all the girls you sleep with. What am I supposed to think?”

“All of that is an act, just part of the image for the band. I know what other people say about me, but I thought you saw past all that shit.” He shook his head, his voice pained. “Maddie, I haven’t so much as kissed another girl since I met you.”

“You…what?” Warmth rushed through me, a relief so strong it almost knocked me back.

Jared sat beside me on the bed. “Yes, I used to mess around a lot. But that’s over now. That’s not me anymore.”

I wanted to believe him, I really did. Maybe I was too damaged from my own parents or maybe it would be different if Jared and I could be together openly, but it was just so hard for me to trust him. He said he’d changed, but how could I know for sure?

He must have seen the hesitation on my face because he sighed. “In freshman year, I caught my girlfriend in bed with our first bassist. Between that and the thing with my parents, I just lost it. I did whatever I could to forget, to feel nothing, to escape myself. I slept around, I drank too much, I got in fights. It was so much easier to be the villain, and after a while, everyone just expected me to be that guy. Girls started coming to our gigs or hiring us for parties because they thought I’d sleep with them, and the band grew more popular as long as I kept up that image. But after Becca, I knew I needed to get my shit together.”

He’d never mentioned any of this before, and it made me ache for him. Suddenly I understood his obsession with villains and the meaning of the band’s name and the lyrics in “Behind the Mask.” He was wrong; the band wasn’t popular because of his image, but because of how much passion he put into everything he did.

I wrapped myself around him, dropping the covers, my breasts pressing against his bare chest. “Jared…”

He touched my lips to silence me. “That night at the party, when I saw you playing my guitar, there was something so raw and honest about the way you sang my lyrics, like you really felt them. Not like the girls who came up to me after a show and said they loved my music but didn’t know what any of it meant. You got it.” He circled his arms around my back, holding me tight against him. “From that moment, you were the only one I wanted.”

His words ignited something deep inside me. I did understand his lyrics. I knew all too well what it was like to keep a part of yourself hidden for years, pretending to be what everyone else wanted while you died a little inside. Jared had freed me when he’d invited me to join his band.

I lightly traced his forehead, his dark eyebrows, his jaw with its permanent five o’clock shadow. He was so beautiful, and I couldn’t believe he’d had feelings for me all this time.

“Jared, I’ve been crazy about you since I saw you perform at the Battle of the Bands. Or even before that, from the first time I heard you sing, when Kyle gave me your album. That’s why I know how to play all your songs.”

His eyebrows jumped up. “Really?”

“Oh, god, does that make me sound obsessed?”

“No, I’m just surprised. It always seemed like you were avoiding me. You’ve known Kyle for years, and yet we somehow never met. And once we did, you kept running off, like you were scared of me or something.”

“Of course I was scared of you. You’re the bad boy rock star, and I’m the awkward piano player who likes movie scores and geeky stuff.”

“I like geeky stuff, too.” He cupped my face in his hands and whispered, “I like everything about you.”

Our kiss was slow and tender, a caress instead of a demand. I poured everything into his lips, all the pent-up frustration, jealousy, and longing, all the misunderstandings and worries. With this kiss we wiped the slate clean. The past was over, and all that mattered was us, here, now. Together.