Music Notes (Heartbeat #3) (20 page)

*     *     *

From my hospital bed, the nurse told me that there is a chapel where all the candles are aglow for me to get well. I reach and pull Madison to me without a sound. She must have slipped in when I was sleeping earlier and I can see she was busy cleaning up the room. All my cards are displayed so orderly, and the floral baskets are lined in a row. She curls up tighter next to me and tucks her hands up under my hospital gown. “Love, let me sing to you. I have wanted to put this to music, and I will as soon as I’m able. I don’t want to miss the chance to give you this song.” I saw the tears begin to fill her eyes. I begin to sing to her softly the song I’ve titled,
Three Loves I’ve Found.
Sometimes there are no words for the incredible moments in our lives. Having her here with me and me pouring my heart out to her the best way I can in song, is one of those incredible moments.

Madison props herself up gently and takes my chin and places a kiss to my cheek. She holds me there for several seconds. She rises and then walks to the window. The nighttime light surrounds her like an angel. I think I have died and gone to heaven. She is now weeping steadily. I want to climb from this bed and wipe her tears away, but I am all hooked up and all I can give her is my apology. “Madison I am so sorry I upset you, I meant to make you feel better.”

“No Babe, these are not tears of sadness, but of relief. I was so scared of losing you. I don’t know what I would do without you. I am so hopeful now that since some wonderful person was selfless and donated their kidney to you, that we have been blessed with this chance to continue our life together. I will not let you leave me, not now unless it is at home to take out the trash.” She was becoming firm with her words. Then she laughed in relief at her last comment. I too, knew that I had a fight ahead but I would fight like hell to stay here with her for the rest of her lifetime. I had just made it through the first step as the surgery was successful. Now it was on to the doctors who would monitor me to see that everything was functioning inside my body. I could never thank the noble individual that gave me life, sharing theirs with me. This person chose to remain anonymous. I had to respect that in order to accept their kidney.

*     *     *

Even as I watched the color slowly return to Rand’s face, I realized that I never doubted that he was going to fully come out of this and be stronger in the days ahead. I had escaped a bit to catch a cup of coffee in the hospital lunch room, and overheard that it was touch and go for a bit with Max Rand, and that they heard he died on the table. Then someone else said they believed he lived. I didn’t want to interrupt the conversation that was going on amongst the staff, but I wanted to set this right.

Stories began to appear this morning on a large scale that Max Rand died during his kidney surgery. Fans were showing up at the hospital crying and holding flowers. After my previous conversation with Kent on this subject, I had already reached out to a well know local blogger. I asked her to come to the hospital to meet with me to have her hear the truth and set the media straight. My first surprise was that of Tabby herself. I guess I had certain expectations given her name but the blogger’s voice on the phone was very mature and extremely professional. I knew she was young, but she certainly didn’t sound it. I told Rand I had to talk with the doctor for a little while to get instructions about him. I didn’t want him to hear any of the media buzz, let alone hear that they thought he was dead. He didn’t need to have any stress on him. So here I was, seated in the waiting room with an extra coffee I picked up for her. I heard the elevator doors open, and off the elevator came this young, lovely girl. At first glance I noticed she had long, jet black hair and it was highlighted with a few random electric blue streaks. The blue of her hair popped the blue of her eyes. One arm and hand were completely covered in ink in random patterns and colors. “Not what you expected?” she asked as she put out her plain hand to gesture a shake.

“No you are lovely Tabby Rae, very refreshing and quite colorful. I try never to presume anything. As an author I have learned never to judge a book by its cover. Actually if I had jumped to conclusions with my husband and listened to the fans that he was a womanizer and a player as they stereotype most musicians, he would have never gotten a chance with me. I’m certainly glad I gave him the benefit of a doubt.” I laughed and so did she in soft bursts of cute little chuckles. This definitely broke the ice between us.

Tabby Rae said I could just call her Tabby, and she laid out how she thought she was going to run her story based on our first telephone conversation prior to this meeting. She was spot on with the social media craze and all the young fans. She had a plan and she seemed much more mature when she spoke than what you would expect given the image of this young vibrant girl seated before me. We chatted a lot about how Rand and I met, and our love story. We soon began to speak about the crisis with his kidney. As my eyes began to tear, Tabby quickly changed the subject. “I love your children’s names. I read what you named them in a recent announcement.” I smiled and was content that she would put out a good story. Here I was, the writer, and I wasn’t able to compose a single word right now.

“So Tabby do you have a special man in your life?” I was curious and wanted to continue to make small talk. I am always looking for storylines. It was so refreshing chatting with her instead of listening to all the medical conversations lately.

“No, I can’t seem to find a nice guy to accept me for who I am. Most see my colors and shy away.” I caught the shimmer of a tiny piercing in one side of her nose and glanced at the piercings on her mouth. As I looked at the one tiny, sparkling jewel it reminded me of that gorgeous young man…Tristan was his name, from
Wicked Bites
in New York City. He also had a piercing through his lip that had caught my eye. I wasn’t remembering him for me. I was more thinking in the direction of matchmaking. Then I quickly reminded myself that he was all the way in New York, oh well, it was worth a moment of a romantic thought.

What was such a sad story as most thought Rand had passed away was about to change to joyous. The news that spread from Tabby Rae’s fingers to her cyber world brought about the most rapid turn around. Tabby had been sitting in the corner of the waiting area pounding at her keyboard for hours. As she rose, she smiled, “I guess I am done here for now.” Her face, illuminated by a beautiful white smile surrounded by her personal rainbow of color, was confident. Coming up past her in the hallway were hospital volunteers bringing in colored balloons, flower arrangements, and food trays that were all beautiful expressions from so many adoring fans that heard Rand had not died.

So many cards were being piled for me to read to Rand later. I was sending the deliveries of the balloons to the pediatrics floor to brighten the children’s faces. The flowers we aligned on the nurse’s stations. We offered the food to everyone, and it was graciously accepted in the waiting room area by many.

With the media uproar tamped down quickly, Rand’s reported death and now the story of his recovery was yesterday’s news to the fans. I had kept the newspapers from Rand as I wanted him to rest. Today as I entered his room, there were several papers on the floor beside his bed.

“Love, I got bored so the nice nurse brought me a ton of reading material,” he winked from the top of the newspaper. As I pulled the chair closer, I saw that he was intently reading something.

“What are you reading there, Babe?” I was curious.

“Madison,” and then he cleared his throat, “Madison, it can’t be, I am reading this article and he died…”

“Rand, yes it’s true the public thought you actually died in the operating room, we know you are here and alive so don’t put any more thought into that. Besides I hired a blogger who put out this whole media blitz on your being alive and getting better.”

“No, you have to see this…” he broke his concentration and turned the paper toward her. Madison’s eyes focused in to the area that Rand bent back for her to read.

*     *     *

“Oh my God,” escaped her lips.

As I turned back the newspaper to reread the obituary it read, Paul Rand. My father had passed away the same day as my surgery took place. It stated that he had died suddenly. It listed Paul Rand husband of the late Angela Rand and father of the late, beloved daughter Ashley Rand and father of Max Rand and his wife Madison Rand and two grandchildren Maxine and Mick. “No I won’t believe this is just a coincidence.” I reached over to my bandages and spread my fingers across the white fabric over my surgery site. Holding my hand fanned out all I can scream is “NO!!!” and then so many images rush through my head. I close my eyes and see my father before me looking so young, and remember there were some happier times back when I was a child.

He would let me carry the large bucket filled with all the stuff to help him wash the cars. I could see us getting into a water fight and it was a fun one as we laughed until my mother appeared at the door calling us to dinner. Then, another time I see my father out on the yard and waving at me to come from inside the house and help him rake the autumn leaves. He is now asking me to help him with the giant green plastic bag and before we open the bag to fill it with leaves, somehow we both decided to run through them and play. He said that they would eventually blow to the neighbor’s lawn, so we didn’t really have to clean them all up. He sang to me. He would come into my room in the dark and sing me several bars of the same song over and over.

I later found out it was a song that his mother and father sang to him. Perhaps that is where I developed my musical talents. There were some good memories before it had all gone bad between us. I obviously locked them away, but now I remembered them so vividly.

Madison’s graceful touch skims my forehead and sweeps my dirty matted locks out of my eyes. She places a kiss onto my forehead and holds her lips to mine. She then slowly starts to peel back my fingers one by one away from the newspaper. She glances at the
In Memory
area and she knows; women just know this shit right away. “What can I do now? I am forever grateful knowing he saved me.” I look to her to have the answer.

“Rand we will find a way to honor him in the days ahead and in our children’s lives. His grandchildren will know the ultimate sacrifice he made for you.” She was right. We would somehow make this something good moving forward. I now knew that I would continue to live, and part of my father would stay with me forever. I shut my eyes as the moist drops were starting to form. I felt Madison lean over me, and she kissed my bandages and said so lightly, “Paul Rand, I thank you for saving your son and keeping him here with me and our family.” My eyes were barely open, and I pulled her near. “Babe, when you’re feeling better, you could put a nice placard in remembrance of your father on our special bench, or put something in the flower garden. Either way we will not forget him.”

Maxwell entered the room at the end of our endearing moment and said cheerfully, “How is the patient?”

Madison turned and replied, “He is going to be just fine.” Maxwell glanced at the piles of papers and then Madison handed him one crumbled section.

His eyes began to glaze and he knew…he may have never agreed with Paul or liked him, but Maxwell said aloud, “Thank you for giving me Rand for so much longer. I have always felt this boy was a son to me, and I am so thankful to you Paul for coming through for him in the end.” Maxwell continued to talk, and all our eyes started to tear. “I knew he wanted to donate his kidney to you when I was unable to. We would have done anything to save you, boy. I was informed by the doctor that a blood clot formed during surgery, and Paul died in the operating room after they had taken his kidney for you.”

“You know, I now remember passing him briefly here in the hospital one morning in the hallway. I thought he was just showing up to take a peek in on Rand. I didn’t want to mention it because there was no way I wanted you upset before the surgery,” Madison informed us and then she continued with, “Often he would pop up at Rand’s shows and our home, always watching him from afar.”

My eyes opened as I wanted to get angry at my father for coming around randomly, but how could I ever be furious with a man that gave me life twice. I didn’t have to be a rocket scientist to connect the dots here on what happened. My father Paul was my donor. He was the Rand that died the other day that the media thought was me.

“Can I interrupt this private party? I hope all these tears you are shedding are happy ones.” Grace was entering the room holding Maxine with Jake following behind her with Mick tightly held to his shoulders. Maxwell turns and smiles and says to the children in cute baby talk, “I believe Granddad Max still has to hang another musical mobile above your play area, since I don’t see Rand here moving around any time too soon.”

Chapter Thirteen – Words Can’t Say