Music Notes (Heartbeat #3) (21 page)

I had to leave our house for just a bit as Rand was home and he had so many visitors coming by. I had put myself through so much mental anguish over the past few weeks, and I needed to breathe. I told my mother that I was heading to the store. She wanted to come, but I asked her to please stay and baby-sit. As I backed my car out of our driveway I had to maneuver it carefully as there were still many cars here. Words that Tabby Rae recently said to me showed me that her colorful image and confidence were amazing. She was so young and making her way. She gave me the push to try something different. It was something I always thought about, and I really wanted to. I never got the nerve to pursue it. I knew exactly where I had to go, and the local grocery store was the furthest place from my mind. I would show Rand how far my love for him would go. With a deep breath, I convinced myself that it would be painless as I had endured so much inner anguish these past few weeks. I needed to get these words written as soon as possible, it was always my release. I screamed at each word. I had them written out exactly like I wanted them in bold script lettering. This was like a tribute of my final love note to Rand, and I wanted to surprise him.

“So Madison you finally decided to come see me before I leave town,” a male voice inquired.

“Yes, I just couldn’t stay away. I had to come see you, and I am afraid but after all that has happened with Rand, I need to be here with you and go through this.”

“Well then what do you have in mind?” he questioned. I handed him a piece of paper that I had written, I shook as he took it from my fingers.

“You’ll be just fine…relax, I can tell you are very nervous and just being here with me is out of your comfort zone,” he said softly and then he repeated my written words aloud. “I like this, good choice,” he added.

*     *     *

I was feeling stronger and more like myself with each new day. I stepped out of the house for some much needed fresh air. Our home had a constant flow of people lately as well as some guests staying over. Grace and Jake had just packed up a suitcase and stayed from the night Madison found me on the floor in Mick’s room. I was so grateful for them keeping our house in order and being with the kids. I make it to the barn and find what I’m looking for. I bend over to find the tool box. I rarely work with any tools. My hands mostly work on instruments and Madison. “Got it,” I say aloud as my hand locates the hammer. I head out toward our bench in the yard with my hammer in tow. Just a few hard strokes, and I easily affixed a placard that simply states, “Paul Rand you will be remembered in body and soul and for your ultimate sacrifice of life.” I have now given my father a place to rest. My family and I can reflect on how I survived to continue my life much longer.

I wanted to do this on my own. I needed to say my goodbye to him. My father was cremated while I was in the hospital. As I slowly rise up, I feel a slight tug in my lower back. I still have some recuperating to do. Also I need to get Russ to do some magic on my tattoo that was cut into. I know I was never going to get another tattoo after the proposal to Madison, but when Russ fixes this one I will have him sneak in Maxine’s name near a flower and Mick’s name near an added music note. So technically I believe that a repair of an existing tattoo is not adding a new one. With each step back to the house, I tire. I have exhausted myself with this simple walk. I need to rest. I head upstairs and decide to occupy my mind with creating some lyrics. I grab my notebook and get absorbed in the pages.

*     *     *

I can’t get comfortable, I now know how Rand is feeling. He must have been in pain with his back for so long. My nerves keep jumping inside me. With the first sweep that crosses my skin’s surface, I clench my teeth and wonder how Rand went through this so many times. I can’t explain it, it burns so bad, it really hurts! I still my body anticipating the sensations over and over again, and I am resolving myself that I am not giving up. I seem to be getting used to it each time he moves onto the next position.
Wow that area was way too sensitive
. I have to escape so I won’t give up, and I find only good thoughts to take my mind away from being on this table.

I see myself long ago coming back to my office where I worked at the newspaper. Thomas and I had a nice lunch, always so predictable and business like even though we are husband and wife. My eyes and my attention wander away from Thomas landing on a striking, young man. No he is not just striking, but totally captivating. His head is hung low but I can still see some of his features. As he slowly raises his head he looks away and then he turns in my direction. I am so fixated on him and I almost lose my step walking. Thomas reaches out to guide me. I look back at Thomas who is still continuing his story, and then I turn one last time pretending to check on the heel of my shoe. That incredible guy is looking in my direction. No he is looking right at me, and all I see are the most beautiful blue eyes matching the backdrop of the skies above. For a brief moment I felt an odd connection to this unknown man seated on the bench and then he fades away.

“There you go, that wasn’t so bad…” he says loudly and I need to pause to remember where I am.

“Can I see it?” I ask coming out of my latest reverie.

“Madison, you are gorgeous and it fits you,” he said proudly as he brought over a mirror and turned it toward me.

*     *     *

“Where’s Madison?” I called out after most of my visitors had gone. Meila was still in our living room with her band mates. I looked at her across the room. Knowing I could forgive my father for what he did in all the years, I was coming to grips with what Meila had recently tried to deal me. I was really coming to learn what forgiveness was even in some of my long ago actions. I thought I saw Meila getting very cozy in conversation with Isaac. I know my band mates were pretty ticked off at her stunts and kept distance from her, but Isaac can never turn away a pretty, no make that a gorgeous sexy girl. I wonder if she could tame my man Isaac or if it would be the other way around, him taming her. In the kitchen Madison’s mom Grace had the food under control making certain everyone was eating.

“She had to go to the store for some groceries, but she shouldn’t be too long, it’s already been awhile,” Grace shouted back. I moved around slowly and then found a very comfortable spot on the sofa and stretched out. It was nice to see Meila bring me a blanket. Just the gesture reminded me of Madison, and I was stunned to see her dressed down appearance. I put my head on the pillow and wanted my wife back home with me. My dependency and drug of choice was Madison lately. Even with people still sitting around me, my mind wandered and my eyes drooped and I drifted off to sleep.

“Granddad Archer I like when you tell me stories, please tell me another one.”
I was a child in my dream.

“Well Max, my boy, how would you like it if I taught you a song to play on your new guitar?” my granddad asked me.

“Would you granddad, really?” I was so excited. My granddad played a tune for me and he knew what he was doing, it sounded terrific. “Can I try?” I eagerly asked him.

“Sure Max, come hop up here and sit, and I will show you. You will look so professional,” he smiled and was getting me ready to play.

“What is poohessnal?” I asked.

“Well Max, that is what you will be one day. It means you will be a star. Do you know what that is?” and he placed my hands on the guitar strings. I nodded that I knew what a star was. That they were high in the sky and you made wishes on them with Mommy from your bed at nighttime. At first the music sounded bad. My granddad came up from behind me again, and placed his hands over mine. The next time we played with the guitar it made a better sound. “I told you Max, with practice each time you will get better.”

Now I am much older, and I see my grandfather at the edge of what appears to be my hospital bed. He is smiling so proud. “Remember when you first played a guitar? It sounded really bad,” he laughed quietly, “but I told you it would get better. You see where that took you in life. Now, your body is failing and getting weaker, but I am here again to tell you it will improve and you will get better.

I listened to everything that my grandfather had told me all those years ago, and it really seems like he had come to visit with me in the hospital. I turn in my sleep only to feel a slight pain in my back. I readjust myself and go back to the peaceful thoughts wandering in my head like a slide show.

She was lovely, it was my mother hanging out the laundry, and I was running through it with my twin sister, Ashley. My mother stopped me and said, “Max head inside and wash up for dinner.” Her beautiful eyes looked at me, and I did what she asked. Ashley followed my lead into the house. We were inseparable.

“One day Max, you are going to be a famous singer,” Ashley said as we were setting the dinner table, “and I will be at every show you do.”

“What are you kids talking about?” our dad asked as he just walked in.

The slide has changed in my head and I see her with another man.
Madison Tierney walks toward her car one evening from her office building with another man. I know that she should be with me. I know I am younger than her but I am very mature, and although she doesn’t even know of my existence I feel I know her. All I know is that I want to know her and for some odd reason I can see some future with her. But then I see that Madison and that man have wedding rings on, and I realize this must be her husband. As I watch their interaction, he does not seem affectionate with her at all, but cold. I would shower her with every sort of romance I could
.
She looks so beautiful and should be cherished. I watch as her husband slightly kisses her cheek, a tiny peck, and then walks to the other side of the car.

I now feel very comfortable as I am talking to my mother. I am telling her that she would love my wife, and my life that is all made up of Madison, my Madison.

“Rand wake up you have been shouting my name out loudly over and over. I’m right here,” Madison says looking into my sleepy eyes.

“Where did you slip off to? I waited and then got so tired,” I started to sit up.

“I just had to run some errands. Let’s get you up to bed. You look beat,” Madison pulled me up slowly. I caught her wince and assumed that I was quite a handful for her to be lifting. Gently I leaned on her side, and she balanced me upstairs to our bed. I wasn’t certain if we still had any guests, but my eyes were only on my wife who was now back by my side.

I climbed into bed and asked her to join me. “I promise not to take advantage of you because I am still not myself. My strength needs to come back, but I would love having you right up next to me.” I didn’t have to ask her twice, she went to her dresser and pulled out a tee shirt to change into. As I positioned myself in the bed, and it took a few maneuvers to get comfortable, she was already climbing in under the covers. She slid up close to my body, but she was still so careful not to push on my back. I reached around to cup her ass and I felt something. My hand trailed along the fabric. “What is this?” I questioned without sitting up.

“Well you caught me, so I guess the cat is out of the bag now,” and she rose and turned on the side table light. I was at a loss as to why she would be bandaged. I propped myself up on the pillow and my Madison was now giving me a hard on as she pulled her tee shirt over her head and revealed her lovely naked body to me. I had not been with her since I had gotten sick, and it has been
so long
. With her naked in front of me, I clearly saw a newly taped bandage that covered the entire right side of her body from her chest to her hip.

“What the hell happened to you?” I was going to try to get closer to her to see how she injured herself…and then she took off the bandage.

This was written cascading downward in large bold script along the entire side of her body. Madison had surprised me with a tattoo. “Who did this?” I was happy but then instantly alarmed that some man had to have seen my wife’s breasts in the process.

“Rand, relax, it was Russ…I went to him today and he treated me just like any other client. He said you would love this.”

“Oh, I do.” Madison came closer to me in the bed and left her bandage and shirt on the floor. I was going to comfort her this evening and stare in the darkness repeating the words she had permanently etched on her body for me.

Epilogue – Music Notes Café