My Bittersweet Summer (16 page)

I didn’t remember the last time I’d felt so stupid.

My shoulders relaxed, his grip on my arms following suit.
 

“Are we cool then?” Zach said.

I met Matt’s venomous gaze with cold calculation. “Fine.”

Avery chuckled quietly. “And here I thought it’d be another boring birthday on the beach.”

“You should know better when Zach’s involved,” Lance punched Avery in the arm. “You already forget what happened at the after-Prom?”

Avery let out a loud laugh. “Oh right! The epic shouting match culminating in Hillary dumping his ass. Yeah, that was one for the ages for sure.”

Matt broke off our staring contest and circled around, slapping Zach on the back. “Good to see you finally picked a rebound. Probably better to get it out of your system with one of these instead of the real deal.”

“I totally get why you’ve been hiding her,” Avery said, grinning. “I wouldn’t want to share, either.”

Zach didn’t say a word. I watched him, waiting, hoping he’d say something. In my head I railed at him, screaming for him to stand up to them— to stand up for
me
— for one damn second of his life.

But he didn’t. Zach stood there, the same bored look on his face that I’d seen hundreds of times when we were kids. It was like everyone and everything was happening around him, completely detached from whatever reality he currently occupied.

Something in me cracked at that moment. I didn’t know what it was, but the sudden, overwhelming pain was so great I went numb, like my body shut off so I wouldn’t have to feel it. God, I was so tired. I just couldn’t do it anymore.

Without a word, I turned and walked away. If anyone was watching, I didn’t care. I thought I had a pretty good idea of what apathy was, but I was almost in awe of the new level of not caring that settled over me as the distance between me and the bonfire grew. It was both freeing and really depressing at the same time.

“Margie, wait,” Zach’s voice called after me, but I wasn’t about to stop.

He caught up to me and set a hand on my shoulder. “Margie, please, just give me a second to say goodbye to them and we can go.”

I looked at him, completely stunned. “Are you joking?”

“They were assholes, I get that. Just wait one minute and—”

“Why would I do that?”

His hand fell away. “What?”

“Why would I wait for someone who doesn’t give a flying flip about me? Stop wasting my time, Zach. We’re done.” One foot in front of the other, I headed for the parking lot. If memory served, there was a place there to wash your feet when you left the beach.

“No. Margie, please stop.” He caught me again, but I couldn’t even muster the give-a-damn to slap him for touching me. “Look, I know you’re angry. I messed up. I thought maybe they’d be okay now. I shouldn’t have—”

“I’m not angry,” I said, meeting his eyes. “I really, truly don’t care any more. You want to be a better person someday, great. Good luck with that. Not sure how far you’ll get hanging around those guys, but that’s your problem, not mine.”

“But Margie—”

I shrugged out of his grasp. “No. No more arguments. No more pretty words. I’m done. I thought for a minute you might actually mean what you said, but that was my fault. I know better. I bought into the hype, and now I’m owning the mistake. I’m done.”

“Can I at least take you home?”

“Because I’d be safer with you than a stranger I hitched a ride from?” I chuckled. “Maybe I’ll save myself the trouble and throw myself into traffic instead.”

Rummaging in my purse, I pulled out my phone and swiped at the screen. Lucky for me, Des had sent a text checking in, so it took two little movements of my thumb and the call was on its way.

Zach ran a hand through his hair, pacing the sand in front of me. “Please, Margie. Please don’t do this. I’m really sorry.”

“Hello?”

“I need a ride.”

“Uh-oh, what happened?”

“Pick me up at the parking lot by the beach on Oceanside Drive.”

“Is he still standing?” I heard the jingle of keys on the other end.

I continued my trajectory, ignoring Zach’s silent pleading. “More like flailing helplessly, but yeah, more or less.”

“Margie, come on. I’m begging you here,” he hissed, trying to keep Destiny from overhearing.

“Beg all you want,” I said, turning the phone away from my face. “I’m done with you and your jerk-off friends. Go tell them whatever you want. Tell them you hit it ten times and got sick of me. I. Don’t. Care.”

“Stay on the phone with me, Mighty Mouse,” Destiny said. “I’ll be there in five minutes but I want to keep you on the line just in case.”

“Thanks, Des,” I said. “Can we swing by the store or something on the way home?”

“Margie, I don’t want to lose you.”

That stopped me, and I turned. “What did you say?”

Zach sank to his knees, head hung in total shame. “I said, I don’t want to lose you. I can’t.”

I stared at him, confounded by his arrogance. “Lose me? Good lord. You’re really full of yourself, you know that? You can’t own a person, and certainly not this one, so how do you lose something you never had to begin with?”

“Margie, what the hell is going on?” Des said in my ear.

I ignored her. “I’ll tell you what you lost, Zachary. You lost my trust. You lost the little sliver of faith I had in you that maybe you weren’t completely full of crap. You lost my deluded notion that maybe, just maybe, you might grow a spine and be there for another human being when it mattered, and not only when no one else could see or hear you. You lost that tonight when you let your asshat friends walk all over me and you. I’d say you lost your self-respect, but I don’t think you ever had any to begin with.”

I turned and started walking again. He didn’t follow.

“Jesus, Margie,” Des said as the steps up to the parking lot came into view.

“How far away are you?”

“Just pulled onto Oceanside. One minute away.”

“There’s a spot by the steps. I’m right there.”

“Margie?”

“What?”

“On a scale of one to one hundred, how mad are you right now?”

I stared at an orange streetlight as it flickered on, watching the moths flock to it, batting uselessly against the light.

“I’m not mad at all, Des. Just sad I get to tell you that I told you so.”

Destiny’s ice cream was half melted by the time I finished the story.

“Why he wouldn’t want to share? Did he seriously say that?”

I fished a chocolate chunk out of the peanut butter river running through my pint and stuck it in my mouth, sucking on the spoon. “Mmm-hmm.”

“And you didn’t flatten his face?”

I shook my head. “Nope. I walked away. That’s not my fight anymore, Des. If he won’t even try to take on that battle, that’s not the kind of person I want to be around. I’m just…” I stuck the spoon in what was left of my ice cream and pushed it away. “I’m just so damned disappointed. I can’t even get mad about it. I really wanted to be wrong about him. For a split second, I thought maybe I was. It’s not even like I set him up for some big test, or whatever. He totally did it to himself. The last thing I wanted was to run into those guys, but maybe it’s better we did. It probably saved me from bigger mistakes.”

Her eyebrows shot up her forehead. “Wait, are you telling me that you were actually that close to…”

I took back the ice cream and stabbed at it again. “Maybe. I dunno. If we hadn’t been interrupted, I might’ve let him kiss me. Could’ve been a hormonal moment, or something, but I just feel so freaking stupid I bought into at all.”

“At what point did you call me?”

“Eh, maybe five minutes after I walked away from the jerk show. I got a good ways down the beach before he finally came after me. He’d been pleading with me for a minute or two before I dialed your number.”

“And that’s when you ripped him a new one.”

“Right. He was literally on his knees, Des. I just couldn’t make myself care.”

She tapped her spoon against her lips. “Think the other guys saw?”

I shrugged. “Don’t know, don’t care.”

“You basically gave him free rein to tell them he was sleeping with you. Why would you do that?”

“You clearly missed the part where I said I don’t care anymore.”

“Yeah, but—”

“Des,” I leaned forward on the kitchen table, trying to get her to understand, “I’m out of here in August. I’m not coming back. Whatever they say about me, so what? Once I’m gone, they’ll find some new distraction to occupy their tiny little brains, and I’ll be completely rid of them. I survived them until I was twelve, I think I can manage a few more weeks.”

Destiny opened her mouth to respond, but the sudden sound of branches breaking outside stopped her. “What was that?”

“Maybe a deer or a raccoon or something. It happens.”

More noises came from the backyard.

“You locked the doors, right?”

That was one habit I never broke from when I was a kid. “Always. And I checked them three times.”

More twigs snapped, and this time voices came with it. I listened, trying to figure out how many. From what I could tell, it was at least three guys, definitely attempting to be quiet and failing miserably.

“You think it’s them?”

I rolled my eyes. “Of course it is. Who knows what Matt put them up to this time.”

She looked nervous. “Should we… call someone, or something?”

I’d already picked up my phone and was dialing my mom’s cell. It was only midnight, so they were probably still dealing with bar customers. She didn’t answer on the first call, so I tried my dad instead.

“Margie?” he said. “Everything okay?”

“For the moment, but I think the dumbass brigade is in the backyard.”

Destiny giggled.

“Excuse me?”

I sighed. “Zach, Matt, Avery, and Lance were all on the beach tonight, probably drinking. It’s ninety-nine percent likely they’re outside the house right now.”

“Are the doors locked?”

“Of course. And Destiny is here with me. Can I call the cops, or would you rather call Mr. Robinson?”

“Mighty Mouse!” The slurred words of Zach Robinson as he leaned up against the back door sounded like he pressed his mouth between the door and frame. “Hey, I really gotta talk to you.”

“Dad, Zach’s at the back door. Permission to engage in threats and warnings?”

“Hold on, your mother’s calling Olivia.”

“Oh good,” I said. “I’ll keep him busy so his mom can bust him properly.” I held the phone away from me and covered the microphone. “You have reached the life model decoy of Margie Walsh. The real Margie is too busy not wasting her time to speak with you right now.”

“Margie, come on. I just wanna…”

He paused for so long I thought maybe he passed out.

“I just wanna tell you some stuff.” His voice took on that pressed-against-the-doorframe quality again. “It’s really super important.”

“Sorry. Currently engaged with company who also doesn’t like to share.”

Destiny burst out laughing then slapped a hand over her mouth.

“Margie,” my dad’s voice came through the phone.

“Yeah?”

“Don’t rile them too much. Olivia is on her way with Terrence to round them up. Don’t agitate them to a point where we have to replace the door, okay?”

“Okay. I promise.”

“Mighty Mouse, are you on your way? Please come out and talk to me.”

At that, I actually laughed. “Are you out of your mind? Maybe I wasn’t clear before, so let me put it in writing for you.”

I dug out the tape and a leftover piece of cardstock from the junk drawer, writing my message to him in black permanent marker. Snaking my hand between the curtain and the window, I managed not to have to look at him to hang the sign.

“No spine…” he read aloud. “No time. What does that mean, Mighty Mouse?”

“It means a jellyfish has more courage than you do, Zach. Get it? If your friends don’t understand why I’m completely and totally done dealing with your crap, please feel free to explain it on your own time. Maybe when you’re sober and can form a coherent sentence. And preferably nowhere near me.”

“But Margie, I just have to tell you this one thing. It’ll only take a second.”

“They’re on their way, Margie. Hang tight.”

I put the phone back up to my ear. “Oh, I’m not scared of them, Dad. It’s actually really sad. This is probably the most interesting thing they’ll do all summer.”

“Have I mentioned what a great kid you are yet?”

“I’m eighteen, Dad. Hardly a kid. But thank you. I love you, too.”

“Zachary Robinson, what in the hell do you think you’re doing?” a really displeased Terrence Robinson called from one end of the yard.

“They’re here, Dad. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome, sweetheart. Is Destiny staying over tonight, then?”

I tilted up the phone and looked at her. “My dad says it’s cool if you want to crash here tonight.”

She snorted. “Like I’m going out there before morning. Thanks.”

“She says thank you. What time do you think you’ll be home?”

“The last of the stragglers are leaving now. Maybe by one if we’re lucky.”

“Okay. Drive safe.”

I hung up the phone and sat back down at the table. I was about to say something to Des, when there was a loud thud on the back door.

“Margie!” Zach again. Did he not realize how much trouble he was in? “Margie I just want to tell you that I love you, okay?”

I whipped around in my chair, staring at the window. “You what?”

“I love you! For real! Damn. I gotta go! But I said it, so don’t forget, got it?”

The sounds of someone being hauled away followed, and there was nothing more after that.

“Holy crap, Margie,” Destiny said, giggling. “What did you do to that boy?”

I frowned at the back door, irritation creeping in on my apathy. “I’m so calling the cops next time.”

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My parents’ eyes tracked me as I walked into the kitchen the next morning, humming to myself as I got coffee for me and Des. The world felt so much lighter to me once I started not caring about a few things.