My Demon (22 page)

Tears streamed down her cheeks as Alex walked from the bright streetlights and into the comforting darkness of the park. There was no one about, and that’s how she wanted it. No blue smoke to contend with. No Podis stalking her. She walked one slow step at a time into the heart of the park and crept under the canopy of an old oak tree, one with branches spread all around and bowed close to the ground. She nestled down between two giant roots, running her fingers along the smooth wood. How many people had sat here before her, smoothing the wood as she was? So many years of people sat at the foot of the tree.

With her knees tucked up by her chin, arms tight around her legs, Alex remembered the last time she sat here. She had been snuggled up beside Jeremy as he protectively cuddled her, the two of them squeezed between the roots. The autumn sun sprinkled down on them through the thinning leaves. A sob racked her body as her memory flashed forward through the last few hours, the sound of his crunching bones and the rich color of the blood as it dripped slowly from his nose.

“I’m so sorry Jeremy, I’m so sorry.” She curled up tighter and wept. “I’m so sorry,” she cried out. “I didn’t want to. Clive made me, you had been taken, it wasn’t even you, and I’m so sorry!” Confused, Alex buried her face in her knees, rocking sporadically back and forth.

Almost hysterical with guilt, the murder running on repeat through her mind, she screamed as loud as she could then punched at the roots. The pain shocked her, somehow felt good alongside the grief, but that wasn’t enough, Alex flung her head against the rough bark behind her. A dull thud echoed inside her mind, and the sharp ache shot around her skull and became an immediate headache. The pain subsided too soon, so she threw her head back again, cracking it on the wood, savoring the instant of numbness, the echoing thump and finally the ache, the pain. That was what she needed. Alex pounded her head repeatedly until her whole head seized up in agonizing jolts.

She stopped, suddenly aware of the smell of burning sugar. The scent reminded her of the time her mother tried to make toffee apples and drinking as always, she had forgotten about the melting sugar in the pan and it had burnt solid to the bottom. The whole house had filled with the sweet and charcoal smells of the burnt sugar. Lily had thrown the pan away later after realizing even a chisel wouldn’t clean the black remains.

“I’m sorry you had to do that, Alex.”

What did he think? That a few cold words of comfort would convince her he was now sincere? That he cared? Alex ran her fingertips through her hair, gently touching the painful lumps at the back of her scalp and ignoring Clive.

The demon sat cross-legged in front of her. “You need to go home. Honeybun, you can’t stay out here all night.”

“Why, because some mugger might find me and rape and murder me?” She snorted. “You know I might actually be up for that, death could be a good thing.”

“You don’t mean it.”

“I most certainly do. Are you afraid you’ll have to go and recruit another little soldier?” She sniffed, and tucked her face against her knees so she couldn’t see the demon.

“I’m worried about you.” He paused for a moment before saying, “I’m also proud of you for doing what needed to be done. And yes, all for the cause.”

Alex twisted her head so he came into view and she threw a dispassionate glare at Clive. “You have no idea. I killed a person. Not any person, but my boyfriend. Someone who trusted and loved me. He wanted me to go to the doctor to get help, even after I cheated on him in the night club. And you made me…” she sobbed loudly, and sat up, tears running freely down her face. “…you made me do it. You made me run Jeremy over, and when he wasn’t all the way dead, you made me do it again. And I keep hearing the sound of his bones breaking under the wheels of the minibus…” She gasped as her ears filled with splintering and crunching noises. And the final loud snap.

“Come on, Alex,” Clive said, he came over and sat next to her.

Alex squeezed her eyes closed and covered her ears with her hands, and yet the killing sounds continued to echo in her mind.

“You need to go home, your mother’s worried.”

Alex began rocking in slow motion back and forth, forwards and backwards, hands still pressed tight to her head so she heard her heart pounding, her teeth grinding and the last seconds of Jeremy’s life, all jostling about inside her brain. Clive wrapped one of his hot hands around one of hers, and pulled it gently away from her head.

With his other hand, he cupped her chin and twisted her head around a little, so he could look her in the eyes. “Alexandra, babydoll, you’re hurting and I’m sorry.”

Alex’s lower lip trembled, and a gasping sob erupted from her. Clive forced her into his embrace, wrapping his arms tightly around her body. Her heart was breaking, couldn’t he understand?

She glanced up, and through her tears, watched as the demon stared into the distance. Despite everything, she couldn’t fail to notice the smile that flickered across his face.

A cold breeze picked up and spun dust into eddies under the tree and chilling Alex despite the superheated demon next to her. The tears had slowed into a weak rain that no longer carried heaving hiccups. They fell slowly down her face as she stared at the branches. Her body had died, her heart beating coldly in her chest.

“You really do need to go home now,” Clive whispered.

The wind picked up pace, shaking and rustling the remaining leaves on the branches and a light rain of yellow leaves fell around them.

She glanced at him without answering, seemingly unable to speak. As if no words were left to vocalize with. Alex closed her eyes, a slow blink as confirmation, and began to get up. She crept out from under the tree but didn’t look back at Clive. She simply walked. The odd shuffle sounded behind her. He must be following her. Maybe to make sure she didn’t do anything stupid.

A nightmare-fantasy played in her mind as she made her way to the edge of the park, a mugger, large and powerful, leapt out of the bushes and onto her. Helpless, she lay pinned under him, kicking and hitting just enough to enrage him. As he shouts at her to stop, he produces a knife. The blade glints in the moonlight, reflecting in his eyes. He shouts that if she doesn’t stop squirming he’ll have to stick her. So she wiggles more, kicking his shins and biting his face as he bears down on her. He shouts that she’s done it now, and the silvery blade disappears under her shirt and at first she doesn’t realize he’s actually stuck the knife into her, but the numbness in her chest grows as breathing becomes difficult. Relief floods her and she whispers, “Thank you,” as he pulls the blade out, staring horrified as her blood uncorked spurts out. He gets off her body, running now, away from her and her madness, and she smiles as the world fades to grey.

Alex was pulled out of her fantasy as she spilled out of the park and onto a road. Midnight had come and gone, and even the pub opposite was dark. She walked with the sounds of her babysitter’s footsteps behind, until arriving at the top of her street. She stared for a long time before moving again.

“Where are you going?” Clive asked.

Alex ignored him and walked steadily, one foot in front of the other. She couldn’t think. Emotions had run out inside her. Even the tears had stopped. Her expression blank, she kept at a steady pace.

Three streets later, she turned right, finally stopping halfway down. The street was one long row of terraces on either side, and Alex stared at one with an untidy little square of yard and a low brick wall at the edge of the pavement. A light glowed behind the curtains in the front room, and after a moment’s hesitation, Alex walked up and knocked.

“Hello, who’s there?” a familiar voice called out. Someone pulled the heavy drape from across the door and stood up against the frosted glass in an attempt to see who was outside.

“It’s me, Bec. I need to talk.” Tears threatened again, and Alex couldn’t stop the quiver from entering her voice.

“Jesus, Alex, of course you can come in,” Bec said.

A number of locks and chains rattled and clunked as Bec unlocked everything. Then the door opened. Becky stood by the threshold in her nighty and an open dressing gown. With a bottle of white wine clutched in one hand, and puffy faced, Alex guessed she’d heard about the accident. She closed her eyes and corrected her thoughts. Murdered. Jeremy had been murdered. With that, fresh tears fell down her face and she stumbled into Bec’s house.

“What happened—did they hit you too?” Becky reached out to where the demon had hit her.

“No, I don’t think so…” She couldn’t think of a lie, she couldn’t think at all. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Alex repeated, unable to stop, no longer sure to whom she was apologizing. Bec brought out wine glasses and more wine from the fridge.

“Drink this, it’ll make you feel better.” Bec handed over a full glass. “Do you need ice for your face?”

Alex shook her head. “This will be enough.” She downed the wine in one and reached over for a refill. She drained the second but sat clutching the glass as Bec refilled it for the third time. The alcohol hit her fast. She slumped into a seat, the drink curdling in her stomach. For a moment, the room spun. Becky sat next to her, curling her feet under and taking a generous drink from her glass. On the other side of the room, Clive took a seat in a large squishy easy chair. He tilted his head at her, his eyes focused and intense. He ran a finger across his mouth as if zipping the lips then pointed at her.

“I can’t believe he’s dead. Why would someone want to kill our Jeremy, when he’s never hurt anyone?” Bec was crying again. She put down her glass for long enough to light a cigarette then drank another large gulp.

Alex sat silently, holding her glass in both hands, tears dripping down her face.

“Did you see him, will they catch him? I mean what happened, how could you not notice someone creeping across the scrubs?” Becky gulped at her wine and sucked on her cigarette.

Alex looked up at Clive. His presence threatened her. She waited for his shape to fuzz and change, imagined that if she opened her mouth with even a hint of the truth, he would morph into his other form. Swoop over with his bony wings and strips of loose flesh hung from his body as he shed his beautiful skin like a snake and become the horrible thing once again. A demon, Alex reminded herself. Clive is a demon.

“You’re lucky he didn’t get you as well. Did Jeremy save you, did he push you away?”

Becky droned on in the background as the evening flashed before her eyes. Yes, she thought, Jeremy had tried to save her. She should have let Clive rip her apart with his enormous claws. Did he drink blood like a vampire? His rotten
other
face floated in front of her, superimposed over the Clive sat across from her.

“Jeremy wouldn’t have saved you,” Clive said, his evil demon face still floating in the air, tingeing his pretty face green. She saw the teeth now, jagged teeth meant for tearing meat, teeth like broken glass.

“Did you see him run away?” Becky asked again, but stopped talking, as if expecting an answer. Alex continued staring at the demon opposite. For a second, she thought Becky might quit asking, but the wine had obviously loosened her tongue, and so she persisted. “I suppose you were with Jeremy. Did he say anything before he died?”

Alex closed her eyes. Jeremy ran towards the minibus, waving his arms in the air. He shouted at her, “Alex, don’t!” But he kept running at her, never thinking she’d actually hit him. Shades of orange flickered on his skin from the fire in the oil drum, and at the last moment he stopped. His hair was being blown away from his face, long brown ringlets tussling in the wind. If he turned a little more his green eyes would greet hers. They’d be wide and staring, amazed as she bore down on him. His last words were, “Alex, don’t!” Then he didn’t say anything else. He didn’t scream. He just stood in her way for the final few seconds, almost turned towards her, as she slammed her foot down to the floor. Standing firm as she repeated the words in her mind, “Alex, don’t!”

“I suppose he died immediately, no chance for last good byes.” Becky dragged on yet another cigarette as she tossed aside a crumpled pack. She got up, going to where her handbag hung from a peg, and pulled out a fresh pack.

Alex stared at the demon, but not actually seeing him. She may as well be dead, her body numb, like her skin wasn’t hers.

“Why Alex? Why kill Jeremy? What harm did he ever do?” Becky’s voice sounded watery, and Alex turned her head, her face expressionless. “He was such a nice guy, why do something like that, it’s not fair!” She shouted the words, her cigarette spewing ash over the cushions, her wine sloshing onto her dressing gown.

There were no answers on Alex’s lips, no confessions to make, just this horrible dead feeling inside. Alex put her glass on the coffee table and stood up.