My Rock #4 (The Rock Star Romance Series - Book #4) (7 page)

I shrugged. “I’m okay,” I said.

“I was afraid you’d be having a hard time after the
group session. That was pretty intense.”

I dropped down into the chair across from him and
said, “Any time spent with my parents is intense. Now maybe you at least
understand why I didn’t want them here.”

He was nodding and then he said, “Yes, of course.
But sometimes what we want isn’t always what we need. I think a lot of your
troubles are tied up in how you feel about your parents and how that all made
you feel about yourself.”

“I’m fine with myself,” I told him.

He raised an eyebrow and said, “Are you really,
Tristan?”

“Yeah, really,” I told him.

He leaned towards me. “I believe that you believe
that, but what I see when I look at you and hear when I talk to you are a lot
of insecurities and unresolved issues.”

I couldn’t stop my eyes from rolling. “Wow, you can
see and hear all that? You must be psychic.”

He knew I was being sarcastic. He smiled and said,
“No, just observant.” The rest of the visit went on like that. He was trying to
“strip off” my defenses, he said. He was starting to get to me, I had to admit.
Either that or I was just so bored in that place that even talking to him was
preferable to another hour of staring at the wall in my room. I wished
Elly
could have stayed there with me—I’d never have left.
My cock jerked in my pants just at the thought. I replaced
Elly’s
naked image with the image of my father. That did it—instant cock-block.

When the therapist was finally finished with me, I
said, “
Elly
is coming by today to practice the song
we’ll be singing together this week. Can she bring my guitar in?”

He sat back in his chair and gave me a long look.
Then he said, “I grant you quite a few favors, Tristan. When am I going to get
something in return?”

“What is it you want, doc?”

“I want you to talk to me, honestly for once.” Shit!
I didn’t know if the guitar was worth all that, but I finally agreed that if he
let
Elly
bring my guitar in I would open up to him
about something in my past at our next session.

I used my phone call again to call
Elly
and ask her to bring the guitar. She’d taken it that
day that I’d thrown it. She said it didn’t look damaged, which was good since I
couldn’t afford a new one.

Elly
got there around ten that morning, my guitar in hand. We used one of the empty
dayrooms to practice. The lead nurse told me the walls were thick, so our music
wouldn’t bother anyone. The door also locked from the inside so no one would
bother us. There were windows that faced out to the nurses station, so that
meant I wasn’t getting laid. At least the memories of our last fuck would last
me a day or two.

“Aren’t you just a little bit nervous about this?”
she asked me once we were behind closed doors.

“Not at all. If we blow it away and I win, the
producers won’t be able to do shit.”

“I wasn’t talking about that. Of course, I am
nervous about that too; but I was talking about me singing. You’ve never even
heard me sing. What if I open my mouth and something terrible comes out?”

“Is it going to?” I asked.

She clasped her hands together. “I hope not.”

“Can you sing?”

“Yeah….”

“Okay then, here’s your music.” She looked down at
it, and I watched her face while she read the lyrics. I could see her mouth
moving already. She’d do fine. This I knew because the day I dropped her off
for chorus I actually followed her in and listened. If
Elly
had been my competition on
Fresh Voices
show, I’d have lost, easily. I was a little bit too arrogant to admit that to
her, though.

CHAPTER
TEN

ELLY

I can’t remember ever being so nervous in my life. I
was shaking so hard I was afraid if I tried to sing my voice would come out
sounding like an eighty year old woman. Tristan and I had gone over and over
it. It was fun practicing with him, and although he didn’t say it, I got the
impression that he was happy with my voice. We were singing a duet that Chris
Brown and Jordin Sparks had made famous:
No
Air
. It was a love song. Tristan had, of course, changed the music so the
tempo was more rock and less pop. I liked it though. He was genius when music
was involved.

“Hey,
Elly
!” I jumped
about six feet off the ground.

“Geez, Molly! You have to stop sneaking up on me
like that.”

She laughed and said, “You should stop being so
nervous all the time. What’s going on?”

“Nothing,” I lied.

“You look really pretty tonight,” she told me. I was
wearing one of the dresses that I always wore for the live shows, but I’d taken
extra care with my hair and make-up. Singing in front of millions of people was
bad enough; I didn’t want to worry about what I looked like, too.

“Thanks,” I told her.

She got closer and in a whisper she said, “Have you
talked to Tristan?”

Keith was not far away, so I only nodded. Again,
Molly whispered, “Do you know who he’s singing with? The drummer from the band
said it’s a chick.”

“You’re gossiping with the drummer now?” I asked her,
my eyebrow rose.

She giggled and said, “No, just talking during lunch
hour. You ditched me yesterday.”

“I’m sorry. Clint said you guys didn’t really need
me.” Molly stopped me; she could tell that I really felt bad.

“No worries. Work was fine; I just missed you at
lunch. I was forced to gossip with the drummer.”

I laughed, “So sorry you had to endure that,” I told
her.

“Don’t let it happen again!”

“Since we only have two weeks left, unless I get
fired, I can commit to be here all two weeks.”

“Unless you get fired?” she said, with a distressed
look.

“Figure of speech,” I told her. “We better start
setting up.”

The first two contestants were there early, before
Tristan, of course. He always slipped in at the last minute, but that night I
was glad. I knew everyone was curious who he was singing with and the longer it
took him to get there, the less chance they had to ask him. The contestants had
been given special passes for their co-singers who would sit in the front row
of the audience until it was their turn. There would likely be a lot of
speculation when the cameras panned across them, revealing one empty seat.

I tried to shake all of those thoughts off because
they were making my anxiety even worse. I helped Molly finish getting
everything ready and then I stood at the stage entrance and watched the first
duet. It was Ethan and he had brought his girlfriend. They sang a love song
from the eighties, from
Dirty Dancing
or something. It was sweet and they did a good job harmonizing….but it sounded
like a boyfriend and girlfriend singing to each other. There was no real ‘wow’
factor to it, and the judges told them so.

Rosa went next. I was trying to get my breathing
under control. The closer to time it came for me to go out there, the more
nervous I got. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, so I was gulping in big
mouthfuls of it. I knew that wouldn’t do while I was on stage. I needed to get
it under control; I needed to blow them away. If I was going to lose my job, I
wanted to go down fighting.

Tristan arrived during Ethan’s song. He was sitting
alone in the back. He hadn’t made eye contact with me at all. I wondered if he
was as nervous as I was.

Rosa sang with her brother and they did a fast,
upbeat song. Again, it was sweet, but I wasn’t blown away by it. When I heard
Molly tell Tristan that he was up, I casually took off my nametag and sat it
down on the snack table. Tristan came over and took my hand and I walked out
with him. When we got to center stage, I could see Molly’s shocked face looking
at me. I could only imagine what my parents were thinking as they were sitting
in their living room.

The judges hadn’t had any more than a passing
contact with me, so they had no idea who I was. The host looked at me a little
strangely. I’m sure he at least thought I looked familiar. Tristan introduced
me as a friend and just gave them my last name. I was thankful for the bright lights;
they kept me from really being able to see the audience that was looking at me.
I was going to have to completely forget about the cameras; every time I
thought about them zooming in on my face, my insides would quiver and I would
feel like I wanted to throw up.

“You ready?” Tristan whispered in my ear. I nodded.
He handed me my ear piece and I put it in. Then we both took a seat on the tall
stools that sat facing the microphones; we were seated facing each other. Tristan
strummed his guitar and then nodded at the musicians. I wondered if it was too
late to back out now.

I kept my eyes on Tristan’s face and when the note
was right, I opened my mouth and the words just came out. They came out clear
and in tone and I surprised even myself as I sang.

If
I should die before I wake. It's cause you took my breath away
.
Losing you is like living in a world with
no air, oh . . .

Tristan looked happy and when he opened his mouth
for his part, his lyrics came out beautifully as well.

I'm
here alone, didn't
wanna
leave
.
My heart won't move, it's incomplete
.
Wish there was a way that I can make you
understand.

After the initial lyrics, I forgot that I was on stage
in front of millions of people. It was like it was only Tristan and me again,
back in that group room at rehab. I forgot about the producers, the judges, and
the host. I forgot about the rest of the world.

When we got to the end of the song and we were singing
the chorus together I got the strangest feeling. It was a vibe from Tristan—one
that I’d never felt before. The only way it could be described was passion. He
was looking at me with real passion in his eyes. It was different that the lust
he usually gazed at me with…and I liked it.

As the music ended, I started to turn towards the
judges, but Tristan stopped me…with his lips. He kissed me in front of the
judges, the producers, my parents…and eight or ten million other people. It was
a soft, sweet kiss, and in my head, we were suddenly in a vacuum. It was void
of all the other people and all the troubles. It was just me and him and the
song we’d just sung.

When he stepped back, my whole body was tingling and
there was a white-hot flame burning in the pit of my stomach. I wondered what
the producers thought; then I realized that the best part was I really didn’t
care. I wished that he would do it again. His kisses had been filled with lust
up until then with sex being the end game for him. I hadn’t fooled myself that
it was anything other than that….until that moment. That one felt real.

The judges were on their feet, applauding us. When
the noise settled down, Diva said, “She’s amazing, Tristan! Where have you been
hiding her? I want to see more of you, sweetie. The two of you sing together
like angels. I loved it. That was the best of the night for me.”

The country singer simply said, “Best of the night
for me, too.”

The producer looked at Tristan first and said, “If
you learn how to manage yourself, you’re going to go far. Take this girl with
you.” I saw Tristan smile as we gave the audience a little bow and ran off the
stage. Molly had her eyes on the television set. She turned when she saw me but
I went around behind Tristan and out the door. I felt bad, but I still couldn’t
talk to her about it.

I went into the employee room to get my things, and
I probably should have still been worrying about what the producers were going
to do, but I just couldn’t stop thinking about that kiss. I decided that I needed
to talk to Tristan about it before I let myself make it more than it was. I
grabbed my purse and sweater and I went back out to find him.

He was already gone.

CHAPTER
ELEVEN

TRISTAN

After the show I went straight back to the rehab. It
was part of the deal that I’d made with them; no lags in between. They made me
pee in a cup every time I came back, anyways, just to make sure. It wasn’t a
big deal since I was starting to feel better. Every little thing didn’t annoy
me like it had the first several days I was getting the shit out of my system. What
was bothering me that night, was that kiss.

Our duet had been fucking awesome.
Elly
was an amazing singer and our voices sounded great
together. I’d gotten so caught up in that, and the lyrics…fuck, the truth was I
kissed her because I wanted to and I actually felt it that time. She was in my
head and making me feel all kinds of things that I didn’t want to feel. I
didn’t need anyone, and I didn’t want to need anyone emotionally. I was pissed
off at myself for letting her get to me.