Naw Much of a Talker (16 page)

How wis ah supposed tae reply tae that? Ahd the jitters masel, ye cannae be afraid ae summit afore yiv even fuckin started but. So ah tellt her, ivrythin wid be fine. It wid aw be fine. Tae hiv
a guid sleep. An’ that ah loved her. An’ she wis happy wi that.

The next day, a registered letter arrives. Ah fetch it fae the post office in the evenin an’ open it tae learn ahv won the car, the wan in the competition ah done in a stupor thon time. Ah
wis hardly able tae remember. Ah dae they competitions ivry noo an’ then – an’ ye end up naw knowin which wan ye done when.

The answer hid been S
TATUE OF
L
IBERTY
, that’s whit brung it back. Ahd been hopin tae win second prize, a trip tae New York. Noo but, it wis
first prize: a Ford Fiesta. Naw bad eether, if ye think aboot it. Gets ye ootae the hoose occasionally. Ah take the car as a sign ma winnin streak his noo officially started. That things wi Regula
will work oot an’ aw. Soon as ahv done aw that needs daein, they’ll hiv seen the back ae me here. Aw in aw, a minor loss, jist, tae the local community. Naw, naw, it’s true. Losin
a cunt like me? They’ll get over that wan nae tother a baw.

Since ah left the Fog, things hiv went doonhill again. Naw badly, it’s still undeniable but. Ah wis nivver someone who imagined a new place wid make a new person ae ye.
Ye need tae face the facts but. At the place ah left, nae cunt misses me – an’ where ah noo hing oot, nae cunt wis waitin fur me eether. Those ur the realities. Aye.

Jist as ah wis mair or less done daein up the flat in Berne, ah smashed the Ford Fiesta ah won straight intae a tree. Naw faur fae Ittigen. Shit happens. Major shit happens. Ah wis lucky. The
damage tae me masel wis less than the damage tae the car. So ahm back tae bein a pedestrian.

Regula’s naw in touch any mair, naw this long while. Paco – the guy in charge at the Spanish Club, back in the Fog – said, when ah bumped intae him in Berne,
he thought he’d heard her an’ Buddy hid made up an’ she’d moved back in wi him. Still workin fur Pesche, she wis. Pesche, incidentally, hid re-did Cobbles. He’d went
fur modern: anthracite an’ that.

How d’ye know aw this, Paco?

Ah wis there, wasnt ah?

Naw, ah mean aw that aboot Regula an’ that cunt Buddy, who his nae sense ae fuckin decency.

Didnt ah know that, in the Fog, ivrywan knows aw there is tae know aboot ivrywan else, says Paco.

Ahm happy tae believe whit ye say aboot Cobbles. Ahd like tae know but how ye know Regula’s back wi Buddy.

Vox populi.

Whit dis that mean?

It’s Latin fur: voice ae the people.

Vox populi? A bit high-falutin, that. Watch oot, Paco. Folk’ll think yir a snob.

Whit tae dae? News like that jist wears me fuckin doon, mair than anythin else. Sad? A bit, aye. The Regula story makes me sad, aye. Like ah say: sad an’ tired. Ah close
ma eyes briefly an’ kin see her before me an’ ah think ae oor short trip tae Spain, think ae her beautiful eyes, they Russian ice-skater eyes, think ae the only evenin we kissed
an’ ahm soon lost in thought. Regula widda been guid fur me, naw: really guid. She’s probably thinkin: the ither way roon, it wis diffrint. If a normal woman his tae choose between a
drug addict like me an’ a violent nutter like Buddy, she hisnae exactly the best ae options, his she?

If ah wis Regula, ahd hiv decided diffrint. Ahd at least hiv gi’en someone like Goalie a go. It kid hiv turned oot well. An’ if ah think aboot her movin back in wi that cunt, the
beauty she hid at mine back loses its shine a bit.

If ahv naw learnt much in life, ah hiv learnt this: if a woman disnae want ye an’ you cannae accept that, yir done fur. Ye hiv tae be able tae lose an’ aw. Especially in love.

Ahm lost in thoughts like that when Paco says an’ aw that Uli his completed his rehab at the farm an’ is noo workin at the Maag print shop insteid ae me. His
faither’s lookin oot fur him.

Guid tae hear. Let’s hope fur the best. Uli his a guid faither an’ that’s naw tae be sneezed at. He’s got Marta an’ aw. She dis whit she kin. Credit where
credit’s due.

An’ you, Goalie?

Ahv nae faither an’ nae woman in ma life.

Naw, that’s naw whit ah mean. Ur ye still in touch wi Uli?

At this minute, aye – through you.

Naw in direct contact but?

Ye know summit, Paco, naw ivrythin in life his tae be direct. Ahv learnt a loat mair on detours than oan any direct route.

Yir dead complicated, Goalie, sometimes.

Disnae matter. There ur enough ithers who arenae. Take Uli, he’s hid a complicated life fur years, isnae complicated himself but.

Ah feel sorry fur Uli.

There’s nae reason tae, Paco.

Wee Stofer writes me a postcard ivry noo an’ then fae Spain. He’s normally there noo an’ goes fishin ivry day. He cannae write, naw really. It’s a sign
ae life at least but. Mibbe if ah ivver hiv some money, ah’ll take a trip doon tae see him. Ah know the way, eftir aw. Ah kid still be fuckin ragin at wee Stofer, ahm arenae but.
There’s nowt tae be gained by bein bitter. An’ if ye examine things closely, wee Stofer isnae the worst ae them. He’s a gangster, aye, who isnae? Of aw the gangsters ah know,
anyhoo, he’s by far naw the worst.

An’ you, Quiper, whit ur you daein?

Me, ahm here an’ hivin a drink wi you. Feel free tae pour me mair, by the way.

Naw, says Paco, ah mean joab-wise an’ that.

Ahv a joab in a school.

You? In a school?

Ye dont believe me, dae ye? It’s true but.

It’s true?

Aye, it’s true.

Dae ah want tae hear a truth fae him an’ aw, Paco goes oan tae ask.

Naw necessarily, ah said, if he absolutely his tae get rid ae a truth but, that’s fine an’ aw.

Ah look the wey ah used tae before, he went. Like someone daein too many drugs, i.e. ill.

Ah felt sorry, but naw fur masel but, mair fur Paco. Cos ah reckon he wis genuinely worried aboot me.

Ah wisnae lyin. Ah really am workin in a school noo. As a deputy jannie, or assistant gardener, or whitivver ye want tae caw it. Ahd like tae know masel how ah ended up wi this
joab. Ah dae whit ah kin but. Ah git oan well wi the teachers. Wi the weans an’ aw.

The ither bit’s true an’ aw. Noo an’ then, at weekends, ah dae some drugs. Some smack here. Some smack there. Aye makin sure ah hiv it unner control. Ah hope so, anyhoo. Wi
that stuff, ye nivver know. Ahm naw gaggin fur it but. Ah jist take it fur that warm feelin jist. If it starts suckin me in again, ah’ll dae summit aboot it.

Aw in aw, ah cannae complain. Or mair like: ah kid complain a hale lot. Specially if ah think aboot the future. Whit’s the point but? Yiv got a past fur a reason. True,
it wisni aw guid. Least ah kin tell it but whitivver way ah want. An’ who knows: mibbe wan day, eftir aw, a guid baw in will faw fur me.

In 2004 and 2005, Donal McLaughlin and Pedro Lenz were the first writers to benefit from a literary exchange between the cities of Berne and Glasgow, administered by Peter
Schranz (Berne), and David Kinloch, Catherine McInerney and Simon Biggam (Glasgow). Donal McLaughlin also wishes to thank Raphael Urweider for his generous support of his work.
Der Keeper bin
ich
(bilgerverlag) – Raphael’s standard German version of Pedro’s novel – appeared in 2012, but draft versions were exchanged as early as 2010. Extracts from
Donal’s translation first appeared in
New Swiss Writing 2010
(ed. Martin Zingg, Solothurner Literaturtage 2010) and
12 Swiss Books
(Pro Helvetia 2012). Donal completed this
translation during a residency at Ledig House (Art Omi) in upstate New York.

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