Need (12 page)

“Good girl. Now, let me tell you some of the things I enjoy and you can tell me if it’s completely distasteful to you.” She didn’t respond, but I knew she was listening. “When I used to come home and you’d be kneeling there waiting, ready to serve me, it would please me to see you there like that. How you smile when you serve me my dinner, or taking such pleasure in doing something for me. I enjoy you sitting in my lap while I pet your hair and caress you. Do those things sound distasteful to you so far?”

She shook her head. “No.”

“Good,” I said, taking the opportunity to act on one of the things I’d just mentioned and ran my fingers through her hair as if she were a pet or a small child.

“But you said . . .”

When she stopped in midsentence, I prompted her. She needed to learn to complete her sentences, but I was hoping that would come in time as her fear subsided. “Continue.”

“What about the cane?”

“That’s something we would work up to as you become more comfortable with me and what we do together.” I brushed the hair away from her face as I spoke. “You seem very scared of sex in general, which given your history is understandable. I think that’s what we need to work on first.” I felt her tense. “Shhh. Relax. I’m not going to jump you.” I chuckled.

Her muscles began to release their tension once again, but I needed to ask. “Is this something you want, Brianna? I can show you that sex can be very pleasurable, but it has to be something you want.”

“I . . . want to know what everyone talks about.” Again, it came out more as a question, but then she added, “I don’t get it. Sex isn’t fun. It doesn’t feel good,” she whispered.

“Oh, but it can be,” I said, tilting her face up to mine. “You know how you feel when I kiss you? That feeling of energy building up inside of you? It feels good, doesn’t it?” I didn’t wait for her to answer. “Just imagine that feeling continuing to get bigger and bigger until it explodes, leaving every muscle in your body feeling as though you no longer have bones to support them,” I whispered against her lips. “It’s an amazing feeling, Brianna. I want to show you.”

My lips brushed against hers. I’d been trying to bring all those pleasant feelings she’d written about in her journal to the surface. It looked as though I’d succeeded. Her lids were heavy. Her breathing was labored. Her body was unconsciously leaning into mine.
Perfect
.

“Have you ever had an orgasm, Brianna? Have you ever felt that
explosion
?” 

It took her a moment. She swallowed. “No,” she whispered. “I don’t . . . think . . . so?” she squeaked.

“Well, we will just have to fix that, won’t we?” I said, placing a hard kiss on her lips before pulling back and getting up from the bed. She looked at me in confusion. “I need to go out for a while. I’ll be back in about an hour. If you need me before I return, call my cell. All right?”

“Okay,” she answered, still plainly confused. And aroused. Just how I wanted her.

I turned on my heel and left Brianna sitting somewhat dazed on her bed. It would be very interesting to read what she wrote in her journal tonight.

Brianna

I was so confused.

    One minute, I was lost in that feeling I got so often when his arms were around me. In the next, he was gone. I felt like something was missing.

I shook my head, trying to clear it. It was silly. Stupid, even. I didn’t understand how or why he made me feel this way when he kissed me or held me.

He walked out of my room, and I listened as the front door opened and then closed behind him. I was alone. The vast amount of empty space that I now felt in his home was hard to believe. It just didn’t feel the same without him in it.

After a few minutes, I got my body moving and walked into the kitchen. It was already close to four and I wanted to start dinner. Actually, I needed to start dinner. I had to have something that would help get my mind off the things running through my brain. When it came to Stephan, I always felt lost and then found at the same time. It didn’t make sense.

I put the turkey breast in the oven and started working on the vegetables. Although it kept my hands busy, it couldn’t completely keep me from thinking. The things he’d said . . . the things he liked . . . they were things I liked, too. I hadn’t expected that.

When I was with Ian, I’d knelt a lot. But with him, it had always felt wrong. With Stephan, it was so different. He made me feel special. Like he cared about me. Like I was able to make him happy. I never felt that way with Ian. With him, it had always seemed like no matter what I tried to do, I was always wrong.

Once everything was cooking, I went back into my room and opened my journal. I needed to write my thoughts down. Maybe that would help me to make sense of them.

I had been writing for about twenty minutes when I heard the door open. He was home. Warmth spread through my chest as I tossed my journal aside and exited my bedroom.

He was standing in the kitchen when I walked into the main room. His back was toward me as I watched him survey what was cooking. I wanted to go to him, but I was stuck, rooted in my spot just outside my bedroom door.

He turned seconds later. A sly smile covered his lips as if somehow he’d known I’d been there the whole time. I gave him a shy smile in return.

Talk
, I told myself. He said he wanted me to talk. I could do that. At least I was going to try.

“Hi,” I said, still a little unsure.

“Hello, Brianna.”

He didn’t come toward me as I’d hoped. Instead, he leaned back casually against the kitchen counter and watched me.

“Um, dinner should be ready soon,” I managed to squeak out.

He nodded, but didn’t say anything. 

Had I done something wrong? He had said he wanted me to talk to him. Had he changed his mind? My eyes lowered to the floor and my hands began to tremble. Did I mess up?

“Look at me.”

He was no longer across the room, but standing directly in front of me. My eyes rose to meet his. They didn’t look angry at all. I started to calm down.

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he whispered, the back of his right hand caressing my face.

“I thought . . . I thought maybe I’d done something . . . wrong,” I whispered.

“Why did you think you’d done something wrong?”

“You didn’t . . . I just . . .” I took a breath, and looked down shyly. “You stayed in the kitchen. And you didn’t say . . .” I shrugged. “I wanted . . .”

“What did you want?” he encouraged.

My brain was shouting at me not to be stupid. But somewhere in another part of my brain, my body was saying to answer him. “I wanted to . . . go to you. In the kitchen.”

He surrounded my face with both his hands, lifting my face upward. “Why didn’t you?”

His voice was gentle. It had my insides doing those funny things they sometimes did when he was near. “I was scared.”

“You didn’t think it would be what I wanted you to do.” 

I nodded. 

“I never want you to be afraid to come to me. I will always be there for you. For as long as you want me.” His voice was smooth, calm.

Our eyes held for what seemed like forever before he pulled me closer to him and wrapped his arms around me. I felt his breath against my hair, my skin. It was comforting.

After a few minutes, we broke apart and he followed me to the kitchen. He sat and talked to me while I put the finishing touches on dinner.

Our conversation probably wouldn’t be viewed as anything special by most standards, but it was to me. He told me he’d talked to Jimmy, the man I’d met at dinner with his aunt and uncle, and that he was meeting with him for lunch Tuesday. He told me more about the foundation he ran. He asked me about my mom. I found that it was much easier to talk about my mother than I thought it would be. She and I had always had a good relationship. At least, I’d thought we had.

She’d taught second grade until she’d gotten sick. At the age of thirty-five, she was diagnosed with stage-four breast cancer. The chemo made her too sick to work. My mom had some great doctors, but in the end, they couldn’t save her.

I hadn’t realized that I’d started crying until he was there holding me. He rocked me in his arms while I remembered my mom and finally, truly said goodbye to her.

The food I’d made burned due to my meltdown and he decided to order out rather than having me make something else or trying to salvage our ruined dinner. For the rest of the night, we sat on the couch and watched a movie and then some television.

The few other times I’d remembered my mom since she’d died I had felt totally and utterly alone. John had never wanted to talk about her, and I knew that the few friends I’d managed to make at my new school didn’t want to hear about it, so I kept it to myself. Stephan didn’t make me feel that way. He acted as if he really wanted to know, and I found that I wanted to tell him. I didn’t feel alone anymore.

Stephan

Even though I’d known Brianna’s mother had died of cancer, hearing about it firsthand had taken its toll. I couldn’t imagine a young girl going through that by herself. She’d been alone. That was never going to happen again if I could help it.

After her breakdown, we had a quiet evening sitting on the couch, watching television and eating Chinese food. It couldn’t have gotten much better.

We talked a little, cuddled, and just relaxed. I’d never really had this with anyone else. Tami rarely came over to the house unless we were playing. Sara, my first collared submissive, was very active. She always had to be moving, unless we were playing and I had ordered her not to. Even then, I could always tell it was taking an effort on her part to stay still. For her to sit and just cuddle with me on the couch would have driven her nuts.

I went to bed that night feeling more content than I could ever remember being. Brianna was tucked into bed next door, and I had real hope for us. She was opening up more with each passing day. Her trust in me was growing. I just had to be patient.

My alarm didn’t even have the chance to go off the following morning; I was up with the dawn. You would have thought, given my peaceful intro into sleep that it would’ve continued throughout the night. It didn’t. As if my body knew what was coming, it woke up alert and ready.

I dressed quickly, ate a simple breakfast, and went in to kiss Brianna goodbye. She was still sleeping since I was over an hour ahead of my usual schedule. Although I would have loved to have seen her beautiful eyes to start my day, I let her sleep. Instead, I left her a note and attached it to her alarm clock where she’d be sure to see it.

When I pulled into the parking garage attached to my office, I saw Jamie walking toward the elevators. 

She saw me and straightened her posture. “Everything’s in place, Mr. Coleman.”

“Good,” I replied with equal seriousness. Although I got a slight sense of satisfaction from what I was about to do, it was not a time for levity.

We rode up to our floor in silence. Two security guards were already waiting as soon as we stepped off the elevator. The sight made me smile.

I took a detour into Karl’s office—or what used to be his office—to make sure everything was gone. Jamie had had everything stripped over the weekend. There was nothing left in the room except a few pieces of furniture and a single box with his personal belongings. After seeing it, I smiled.

All the department heads and executives, minus Karl, were waiting in my office when I arrived, including Lily. Our eyes met and I knew she was behind me one hundred percent. Not that I ever had any doubt about that.

Everyone was briefed on what had happened—although most had heard through the grapevine—and what was going to happen. Not surprisingly, there weren’t any protests.

Karl’s security codes had been deactivated, so he would be unable to use the staff elevator. At seven forty-five, the front desk called my office to inform me that a not-too-happy Karl had entered the front of the building. They’d been instructed to let him pass, but he was being monitored through the security cameras.

I heard the elevator doors open only seconds before Karl responded to the security guards that surrounded him. “I don’t need an escort! What the—” 

“We are to escort you, sir.”

“Karl,” I said as calmly as I could. “Why don’t you come with me?” I turned, and walked toward his old office knowing he would follow. 

“I should have known you’d be behind this, Coleman,” he said as he followed me down the hall. “What’s wrong? Upset that your girls like a little variety?” he taunted.

Karl could taunt all he wanted. I was the one who was going to have the last laugh.

I stepped into the now sparsely decorated room and motioned for him to join me. Max and Ben waited outside. It was obvious the minute Karl registered the changes in the room. 

“You have no right, Coleman.” He was about to launch into a rant that I didn’t want to hear. 

“Actually, I do.” I removed several sheets of folded paper from my jacket. “These are statements from women in the finance department, women who work under you now or have in the past. Once people heard what you’d done over the weekend, it didn’t take much for them to go on record on how you’d treated, and continue to treat, every female that works for you. I also have statements from witnesses and hotel staff documenting what happened Saturday night.” I let that set in for a moment then added, “I have
every
right.”