(Never) Again (13 page)

Sadie let herself into my room without knocking. Once we’d started living together, any and all boundaries had disappeared.

“Why don’t you wear that racer back top you got at the mall? The one with the silver sequins and embellished v-neck. It makes your boobs look huge. Not to mention purple looks good on you.” She walked over to my closet to retrieve it.

“I forgot about that top, I never had a reason to wear it,” I said, happy she was there to help.

“What better reason than a party—a party
you
are throwing. You need to be the belle of the ball. This shirt is perfect.” She reached into the back of my closet, found the shirt, and tossed it at me. She followed it with a pair of dark-wash skinny jeans and black leather round-toe pumps, which barely missed my head.

Unfortunately, my hair was still up in a ponytail from when I had showered earlier and I had no makeup on. Sadie came to my rescue again and took the black elastic ponytail holder from my hair, shooting it across my bedroom before grabbing the hairspray off of my dresser.

“Flip,” she said, motioning wildly with her hand.

“Excuse me?” I cocked my eyebrow at her.

“Flip your head so I can spray. You have that natural wave thing going on. It looks really good. I just want to make sure it stays.” I did as she said and she sprayed and fluffed. “Okay, flip back.” I threw my head back and shook it until my hair fell naturally into place.

“Wow,” I said to Sadie’s reflection. The style made the blond highlights more noticeable against my natural boring brown. I’d gone from plain Jane to shampoo commercial hair in seconds.

“Told you. Now get me your bag. A smoky eye would work perfect with this outfit.” She placed my desk chair directly in front of my bed.

“Sit.” She pointed her midnight blue nails at the chair.

Twenty minutes later we stepped out of my bedroom looking like we were walking the runway at Bryant Park.

Not like anyone was there to notice. The band was arguing about what song they would lead off with, but no one else had shown up other than Matt, who was trying to help them come to a compromise.

“I’m going to see if I can help out,” Sadie said.

“Help out, or flirt?” I asked, looking to Matt and then back to her.

She batted her eyelashes. “Maybe a little of both.”

“Maybe it’s time you told him how you feel,” I said, hoping she would listen to me for once.

“Maybe.” Sadie walked away with the fiercest strut imaginable. She was definitely feeling good.

I didn’t want to hear the band have the same argument for the hundredth time, so I scanned the area for Josh. I found him in the kitchen with Zach. When had he gotten here?

Zach wore a nice pair of black resin jeans with a light gray t-shirt beneath a dark gray leather jacket. He looked like he’d just walked off the pages of a men’s fashion magazine spread for casual chic. Especially next to Josh who wore basic jeans and a gray thermal.

“Hey,” I said, letting my presence be known.

“Hey, Liz.” Zach turned to reveal a freshly shaven face. His eyes caught mine and his mouth parted. For a second I could see the boy he used to be. But a glance down to his black leather sneakers and it was obvious he was no longer that boy anymore. The crisscross lacing was tied neatly at the top instead of untied, frayed and dangling from the sides like his laces always used to be.

“Where’s Tanya?” The words were out before I could stop them. I knew they weren’t dating, but the way she hung around him . . . well, she was acting like his girlfriend.

“She’s meeting me here. She and Vicky wanted to get ready together.”

The fact that he knew her plans cut into my heart. Stupid, considering my boyfriend was in the other room.

An awkward silence filled the air. I hated that I felt uncomfortable in my own apartment. A loud bang followed by a cymbal crash disrupted the silence.

“What the . . . ?” Josh pushed off the counter. “I swear, your friends are morons. No offense.”

“None taken,” I said, holding my hands up.

“I’m going to make sure Sades doesn’t have her claws out. I’ve caught her wrath over a pillow. Could you imagine if they did any real damage? I’ll be right back.” Before I could volunteer to go for him, he was in the living room shouting questions. And I was alone with Zach, in the only spot in the kitchen not visible from the living room.

I took Josh’s spot, leaning against the counter. Zach didn’t look nearly as uncomfortable as I felt. I couldn’t figure out why I felt so awkward in the first place. It’s not like this was the first time I was alone with him.

“You look good,” he said, studying me closely.

Three words. The same three words I’d wanted to hear from Joe, but he was too busy fussing with the band to even notice me.

“Thanks. You do too. Since when do you dress like you’re posing for a
GQ
cover?”

He scratched his chin and cocked the corner of his lip. “And she has jokes. Double threat.”

“Shut up.” He turned his chin up and tilted his head as if he was taking my words seriously. “Cut it out,” I said and reached out to push his shoulder.

“What is it? Shut up or cut it out?” he asked.

I rested my chin on my hand. “Seriously, where’d you get the clothes?”

“Seriously?” I nodded my head in response. “Mom. She stopped by to see Mimi last week and she shops a lot when she’s upset. Kind of like when you used to bake. It’s her escape.”

I knew exactly what he meant, but I wouldn’t let him know that since it would risk bringing up the baking topic again, and that was one thing I really did not want to discuss.

Instead I asked, “How is Mimi?”

“She’s still having her good days and bad days.” I could sense by the look in his eyes that there were more bad days than good.

“Has she asked about me?” I felt guilty for not going back to visit again when I had promised her I would.

“No, but even on her good days she’s not completely there. And you haven’t been around in a while so . . .” He didn’t have to finish—I knew the rest. I hadn’t been around and because of that I wasn’t worth remembering anyway.

“Does she remember Matt?” In high school Matt spent a lot of time at Zach’s. Mimi loved him. I looked up, catching Zach’s eyes.

He looked down at his hands. “I haven’t brought him by to see her.”

That was not the answer I expected. They were pretty much best friends. Why wouldn’t he bring Matt with him sometimes?

“Why not?” I didn’t want to pry but my curiosity was piqued.

“I don’t know. I just don’t want people to know, I guess.”

“But you told me.”

“You’re different,” he said his voice rising slightly.

“Why?”

He pinched the bridge of his nose before dropping his hand and looking directly at me. His lips parted and just as he was about to answer Josh came in like a wrecking ball, jumping between me and Zach and breaking our gaze.

“So what’d I miss?” he asked.

“Nothing,” Zach said almost defensively. “So everything okay out there?”

“Yeah. Liz’s dumbass boyfriend tripped on Evan’s guitar cable and fell into his drums. Then the cymbal toppled over.”

Zach laughed, but stopped when I gave him the evil eye.

“He’s not a dumbass,” I said in a sad attempt to defend Joe. Though, after hearing that story it was hard to justify, and when both Zach and Josh raised their eyebrows at me I knew it wasn’t even worth the effort. “Is he okay at least?”

“He’s fine. Charlie helped him up. I also helped them settle on a set list, so the commotion should be down to a minimum. Hopefully. I mean, if they plan on making it they really need to get their shit together.”

“Some of the most popular bands are or were completely dysfunctional,” I said, defending the band since they weren’t in the kitchen to do so themselves.

“She has a point,” Zach said. “Oasis, the Beatles, Guns N’ Roses. You want me to keep going?” I could not believe he was helping me out.

“Please don’t,” Josh said.

Zach and I started to laugh when Sadie barged in. “Liz, I need you for a minute.”

“Okay.” I held up my finger. “I’ll be there in a sec.”

“No. I need you now!” she said through gritted teeth.

“Okay. Okay.” I pushed off the counter and looked back at Josh and Zach. “I’m being summoned. Talk to you guys later.”

I followed Sadie past the living room and into the bathroom. It must’ve been serious. Bathroom meetings were in the red zone of our emergency alert system.

“What’s going on?” I asked as she shoved me in and shut the door behind us.

“Matt looks so good tonight,” she said, shoulders slumped as she leaned against the sink.

“Okay. Would you like to elaborate? Or did you shove me in here just to drool?” I put the toilet seat down and took a seat.

“I think he might have been flirting with me, like seriously flirting with me, but I’m not sure.” She bit her nail and I knew she was analyzing every gesture and every facial expression he’d made during their conversation.

“What did he do?” I asked, wanting her to get out of the dangers of her own mind.

“He rested his arm on my shoulder and told me I was the perfect height. So I laughed. Then he said my laugh is cute. I said thank you, because let’s face it, I didn’t know what else to say. What do you say to that? Anyway, then Scott asked him if he could go to his car and get him his lucky scarf, you know the one he uses to wrap around the mike as if he’s Steven Tyler or something. And then Matt asked me to go with him.”

“And?” I asked, moving to the edge of the toilet seat.

She tossed her hands up in the air. “And I ran in the kitchen and grabbed you.”

“Why would you do that?” I asked. Was she crazy? It’s not like they’d never been alone together. Hell, they texted on a daily basis and carpooled all the time.

“I panicked. I didn’t know what to do.” Her head dropped into her hands and bent forward, black hair falling over her knees.

She was beautiful and usually confident, strong, and smart, yet she was letting a longtime crush get the best of her. This girl with her head hanging in defeat was not the vibrant, flirtatious Sadie I knew.

I stood up and pointed to the door. “Go with him to his car.”

“But then we’ll be alone and . . .”

“Sadie, you guys have been alone before,” I said, hoping she would catch on to how ridiculous she was being.

“I know, but . . . I don’t know what I’m doing. It’s like I’ve never flirted with a guy before. I’ve had a bunch of boyfriends.”

“Yeah, you’re a whore,” I said with a smile.

“Shut up.” She shoved my shoulder.

“Sade, you like him. All those other guys you dated, you liked the way they looked and that was it. Probably why none of them stuck around long. Matt’s more than that to you and that’s why you’re so unsure of yourself. You’re scared of losing him. But don’t be. You are beautiful, intelligent, and just plain awesome. And besides, I know he likes you too.”

“Really?” Her gray eyes widened.

“For the gazillionth time, YES! Now go!”

“Okay, I’m going. Thanks, Liz.” She threw her arms around my neck, her bracelets jangling.

“You’re welcome. Now please just go.” I opened the door and pointed my finger outwards.

“Love you,” she said as she skipped by.

“I know. Hurry before you lose your nerve or your chance.” Before she disappeared behind the living room wall she rolled her eyes in my direction. I had to love her.

With Sadie on her mission, Joe still setting up with the band, and Josh talking video games with Zach, I really had no one to talk to. It was already ten p.m., and other than the band and my friends, not a single person had shown up. How pathetic do you have to be to have a party and not have anyone show up? I mulled the question over in my head while I sat on the couch across the room from the bickering band.

When at ten thirty hit, there was finally a knock at the door—I couldn’t jump off the couch fast enough. Maybe I wasn’t as pathetic as I thought. I opened the door to find Tanya and Vicky. Okay, maybe I was. I didn’t close the door when I saw our neighbors’ doors were already opened.

“Hey guys,” I said. “Party’s this way.” When they stepped in, I felt the need to say, “Still waiting for everyone to show up.”

“See! Even when we try to be fashionably late it backfires,” Vicky said, her newly manicured hand resting on the waist of her designer jeans.

“Well, we tried and besides, it’s not like we were the first ones here.” Tanya tossed her head in the direction of the band, then looked back to the far corner where Sadie and Matt were laughing. I gave an exaggerated smile when Sadie turned my way, which she acknowledged with an eyebrow-raise then quickly dismissed before Matt could notice the two of us communicating.

“Yeah, and you have first dibs on drinks,” I said, trying to be a good hostess.

“See, Vicks, she has a point,” Tanya said. “A good one. What do you have to drink?” She walked towards the kitchen as if she had been in my apartment before.

“Beer, beer and more beer, but I also have a few hidden bottles of wine that I’d be willing to share.” There was no reason for me to hold anything against her. Why wouldn’t she be crushing on Zach? He was a good catch. At least until he stopped calling.

“Oh, I would love some wine,” Vicky said, catching up with Tanya.

Tanya looped her arm through Vicky’s. “Me too.”

“Then follow me.” It was perfect timing. The band had just started tuning up, and I didn’t know how much of that my ears could take. I gave Sadie a wink as I walked by, but she was too engrossed in Matt to notice. “It’s right in here,” I said, stepping into the kitchen, where Zach and Josh were still discussing video games. Seriously, how long can two relatively grown boys talk video games?