Never Say Goodbye (50 page)

‘And I searched high and low,’ Nick assured him. ‘Come on now, it’s time for bed.’

‘But only pretend,’ Oscar reminded him as they started inside.

‘Aha, here he is, the dishiest bloke at the party,’ Eileen slurred, sinking down in the chair Nick had vacated, ‘apart from my new grandson-in-law, of course. Got yourself a real looker there, my girl,’ she told Bel. ‘If I was ten years younger I’d be giving you a run for your money.’

Torn between embarrassment and laughter, Bel said, ‘But I know you’d win, Eileen.’

‘Well, I’m not so sure about that,’ Eileen mumbled, ‘because you’re a bit of a classy bird, but I’ve had a few lookers in my time, I can tell you. Anyway, hasn’t it been a lovely day? Our Lily’s a proper picture, isn’t she, and she couldn’t have found a better bloke.’

‘What are you rattling on about over here?’ Josie demanded, coming to join them. ‘I hope you’re not showing yourself up,’ she said to her mother.

‘I wouldn’t be having a good time if I wasn’t,’ Eileen retorted.

As Harry and Bel laughed, Jeff and his brother Phil rolled up, followed by Richard, Jasper’s dad, and another man Bel thought was Jasper’s uncle. It seemed everyone wanted to talk to Harry, so leaving them to it for the moment she went inside to check everything was OK with the caterers.

‘This is the best wedding ever,’ Lily announced, appearing, Bel presumed, from the downstairs loo. Though she’d obviously downed several glasses of champagne by now, she still looked as radiant as the sunbeam her mother called her. ‘I feel so lucky to be having our reception here,’ she hiccuped. ‘It’s much better than the golf club, with all those crusty old blokes and toffee-nosed Marjories strutting about with their silly bats and balls.’

Bel had to laugh. ‘We don’t have quite as much space here,’ she said, returning Lily’s hug, ‘but I think we’re doing OK.’

‘More than,’ Lily insisted. ‘I swear I’ve never been this happy in my entire life, I just wish my brother was here to share it, but he’s not so there’s no point going on about it. What really matters is that Mum’s OK now, or getting better anyway, and she looks so gorgeous today, doesn’t she?’

‘Absolutely,’ Bel agreed, turning to where Josie was laughing at something Harry was saying. He was always so good with people, she was thinking, and to look at the two of them now no one would ever guess how they’d come into each other’s lives.
Please Lily, don’t ask me anything about your mum’s condition. I don’t want to lie, but there’s no way I can get into the truth today, and definitely not without Josie’s permission
.

‘Oh my God, listen to Nan,’ Lily groaned, as Eileen gave a raucous shriek of what was probably laughter. ‘She’s had way too much, as usual, bet Mum and Dad end up carrying her home. Unless you’ve got room for her here?’

Catching Lily’s mischievous twinkle, Bel raised her eyebrows. ‘Where are you and Jasper spending the night?’ she asked. ‘Or is it a secret?’

‘No, we’re booked into the the Grand, down on the seafront, until Monday, then we’re going to look at a new flat in Bristol before flying off to Tenerife for a week.’

‘So you’re staying in Bristol?’

‘For the time being, yes. Jaz is up for an internship with the MOD at Filton, which’ll be brilliant if he can get it, and I’ve got an interview with the Crown Prosecution Service at the beginning of September. They’re taking on apprentices at sixteen grand a year, an amazing amount when just about everyone we know is having to work for nothing. Fingers crossed I get it. Oh my God, what is Jasper doing? Excuse me,’ and lifting up her dress she went charging back to the top table, where her new husband and his best man were attempting to hoist two bridesmaids on to their shoulders to begin some sort of bunfight.

Returning to her own table, Bel slipped an arm round Josie’s shoulders as Eileen said, ‘So what are the chances of you getting us all tickets to this fashion show, Bel?’

‘Mum,’ Josie protested.

‘Well, we don’t want to be missing your big day, do we?’ Eileen pointed out.

Amused by the thought of Eileen at the Grosvenor House Hotel, Bel said, ‘I was thinking I’d find out how much they want for a table . . .’

‘It’s about ten grand or more,’ Josie cried.

‘Well, Eileen’s right,’ Bel responded, ‘we all have to go, so if there are ten of us . . .’

‘We can get ten people together,’ Eileen piped up. ‘There’s me, you, Lily, Carly . . . I expect Miriam will want to come, and our Steve’s wife, Mandy . . . How many’s that so far?’

‘Six,’ Josie told her, ‘and I hope you’re not forgetting Jeff, because I definitely want him there . . .’

‘Where?’ Jeff demanded, breaking off a football chat with Harry.

‘At the fashion show where she’s modelling,’ Eileen told him. ‘You’re coming, aren’t you?’

Jeff looked doubtful.

‘You have to go,’ Harry insisted, ‘it’s a really big deal for Josie.’

‘I don’t want to be the only bloke there,’ he protested.

‘You won’t be,’ Bel laughed. ‘Lots of men go to support their wives, girlfriends, mothers, sisters, in some cases husbands or brothers . . . Nick came when Talia took part and if you talk to him, he’ll tell you he wouldn’t have missed it for the world.’

‘What’s that?’ Nick asked, bringing a fresh bottle of wine to the table.

When Bel enlightened him he immediately said to Jeff, ‘Don’t even think about not going, mate. It wasn’t at all what I was expecting. I mean, it’s dead glamorous and glitzy and everything you’d expect from that sort of event, but the women that take part . . . Well, go, see for yourself and you’ll know why I’m telling you you have to be there.’

‘I’ll come with you, Jeff,’ Lily’s new father-in-law offered.

Clearly surprised and pleased, Jeff held up a hand to high-five. ‘You’re on,’ he told him.

Glowing with pleasure, Josie said to Harry, ‘And what about you, can we invite you to join our table?’

Glancing at Bel, he said, ‘I’ll have to check my schedule. When is it?’

‘October 2nd,’ she provided. She’d enjoy having him there; he might even be prevailed upon to give a short talk, as he sometimes did on these occasions.

‘It’s during Breast Cancer Awareness month,’ Josie announced, in case anyone had forgotten, ‘which obviously is what it’s all about.’

‘But you don’t have it any more,’ Eileen pointed out.

Ignoring her, Josie said to Bel, ‘Do you think Kristina would like to join us?’

Feeling guilty that she hadn’t thought of it herself, Bel said, ‘If she can find someone to look after the children, I’m sure she would.’

As Nick began to speak a sudden blast of music drowned him out, and even when the volume was brought under control it was still difficult to make himself heard. In the end he gave up and went to help Kristina, who’d started lighting the candles.

A couple of hours later, with the karaoke in full throat and the dancing powering on, Bel and Harry were smooching to one of the few lazier numbers being performed by Jeff’s brother. It was the first time, she couldn’t stop herself thinking, that they’d actually touched, apart from swift kisses on meeting and parting, and either because she’d had a bit to drink, or because the atmosphere was so romantic, she was wishing he’d hold her even closer.

Did he have any idea, she wondered, how attractive she found him? Was it possible he might feel the same way? He’d never given any sign of it, but there again, nor had she. Indeed, they’d gone out of their way to avoid anything at all of an intimate nature, whether a touch, a look, or even the slightest innuendo. Yet there was a chemistry between them that she couldn’t deny, and this evening it felt particularly insistent.

Earlier in the day she’d promised herself that if he tried to initiate something tonight she wouldn’t allow herself to pull back, and if he didn’t she might indicate that she wasn’t averse to a relationship developing between them. She wondered if he could already feel it in the heat between their bodies and the gentle sway of their hips. His fingers were loosely in hers; the male scent of him, mingled with the warm, salty air, was as heady as wine.

As he moved in closer to her she felt her breath flutter inside.

‘I have some news,’ he murmured in her ear. ‘I don’t know if you’ll be happy for me. I think you will.’

Trying to imagine what it was, she waited for him to continue.

‘My wife wants to try again,’ he said.

The words hit her like blows.

Somehow she managed to go on dancing, to smile and say, ‘That’s wonderful. Of course I’m happy for you. The children will be pleased.’

‘Yes,’ he agreed, ‘yes, I’m sure they will.’

JEFF’S FACE WAS
taut, ashen, as he watched Josie settling into her chair. They were in the living room, just the two of them, after spending the afternoon barbecuing with a few neighbours.

She could tell from the look on his face that he had an idea what was coming, and she’d have given anything to be able to prove him wrong.

‘You’re going to tell me it’s back, aren’t you?’ he blurted, before she could begin.

Back, spread, what difference did it make?
She nodded and watched the colour flush across his neck. ‘I bloody knew it,’ he said tightly. ‘I’ve been watching you . . .’ He smacked a hand on the arm of his chair. ‘I bloody well knew it!’

‘I’m sorry, love, I wish it wasn’t happening . . .’

‘What are you sorry for?’ he snapped. ‘It’s not your fault, is it?’

‘It’s no one’s fault,’ she replied, though she wished there was someone to blame, if only to allow them a rant against something more accountable than God, or fate, or whatever the heck was driving this wretched disease. ‘It’s gone into my bones,’ she told him, ‘which is why I’ve been getting a lot of backaches.’

He stared at her hard, clearly thinking of the Pilates board, the change of mattress that had never happened . . . ‘So what are they doing about it?’ he demanded, almost belligerently.

What, indeed? ‘Well, you know they’ve changed my medication,’ she began. ‘I’m taking these bisphosphonates now. It’s a lot better than chemo.’ The side effects were still bad, especially the headaches and nausea, but at least she didn’t have to keep going to the hospital for treatment, only for blood tests and scans.

‘And what are they supposed to do, these bisphopherates or whatever they’re called?’

Taking a booklet she’d secreted down the side of the chair, she put it on the coffee table.
Secondary Breast Cancer in the Bone, Factsheet
. ‘It’ll tell you all about it in there, but basically these pills help to slow things down.’

His eyes were sharp as they came back to hers, his face still pinched. ‘I thought you were getting better,’ he said, accusingly.

Though he was doing his best not to show it, she knew the bluster was to hide how scared he was; she was, too, but she needed to stay strong or they’d both end up in a mess.

‘What’s our Lily going to say?’ he growled. ‘This isn’t what she’s going to want to hear when she gets back from honeymoon.’

‘Of course she won’t, but we’ll have to tell her.’

Getting to his feet, he walked into the kitchen and grabbed a beer from the fridge.

Josie looked up as he came back, and reached for his hand as he passed. ‘It’ll be all right,’ she said.

Using the back of a hand to wipe his mouth, he continued staring at nothing as he said, ‘Will it?’

Her heart contracted. No, it wouldn’t, but she couldn’t bring herself to destroy what little hope he might have flickering under his fear.

‘You have to be honest with him,’ Bel had told her yesterday. ‘Try not to hold back this time, because you need his support every bit as much as he needs yours. More, in fact.’

‘It says in that factsheet,’ she said to Jeff, ‘that people can go on for a long time, years, with a secondary cancer in the bones, and I’ve been chatting to people online who have it and they’re doing really well.’ She wouldn’t bother mentioning those who were having a rough time, because she wasn’t one of them. In fact, apart from the headaches and nausea, she hadn’t felt this up together in months. Physically, that was; mentally she’d been a bit all over the place since the wedding, but Bel was probably right when she’d said she was coming down from an emotional high.

‘We can go on with our lives like normal,’ she told him as he sat down again. ‘Nothing’s changed, not really. I might even be able to go back to work.’

He glared at her as if she’d gone mad. ‘Don’t talk daft,’ he snorted. ‘I’m not having you out looking for jobs when you’ve got all that going on inside you.’

Since they had more income now she was on the social than when she’d worked she didn’t argue, though she felt tempted to ask where he’d got the money he’d given to Lily for her dress. It could wait for another time, but she needed to know, especially if he’d gone to one of those payday loan sharks. It would end them up in a whole heap of trouble, never mind debt, if he had, so hopefully he’d had the sense to borrow it from Steve.

‘Shall we watch a bit of telly?’ she suggested after a while. He probably needed some time to adjust to what she’d told him, then they could talk again later, if he wanted to.

It turned out that he didn’t, although he did take the factsheet up to bed with him, and by the time he switched off the light he seemed to be breathing a bit easier.

‘Come here,’ he said, raising an arm for her to rest her head on his shoulder. ‘You’re going to be all right,’ he told her, once she’d snuggled in. ‘We’re not going to have it any other way, so I don’t want you worrying yourself silly. We’ll get through this.’

Loving the words almost as much as she loved him, she curled a hand into his and found herself remembering the surprise she wanted to give him. She still hadn’t done anything about it yet, but she would, probably after they’d been up in the balloon. Come to think of it, it might be a good idea to wait till after the fashion show, given how busy she was going to be between now and then. It was probably going to take it out of her, travelling up and down to London for the fitting and rehearsals, but Bel was insisting on driving her so they could stop any time she liked, whenever she liked.