Never Say Goodbye (54 page)

Since Bel had helped Josie put together the short piece about her diagnosis, how life had been since and why she was so grateful to Breast Cancer Care, she was able to smile and nod.

‘And she’s not the youngest model,’ Eileen went on, ‘not by a long shot. There’s one poor girl here only thirty-one and mother of three. That’s bloody wicked, that is, innit, someone like her having cancer.’

‘Kids get it too,’ Carly reminded her.

‘I know, but all the same. Anyways,’ she carried on to Bel, ‘there’s some full-page articles in here what a couple of the models wrote, and I reckon our Josie ought to do one next year. She can talk about how brilliant you’ve been with her, and how she wouldn’t of known you if it weren’t for Breast Cancer Care. You know, stuff like that.’

‘Ssh,’ Lily whispered, as one of the celebrity guests took the mike.

Glad to let the subject drop, Bel wondered how much of Josie’s illness Eileen had actually taken in. Surely she must understand there was a chance Josie wouldn’t make it to this time next year. On the other hand, who was she, Bel, to rule out the possibility of a miracle, or to doubt the strength of Josie’s will?

The celebrity was being thanked and applauded now, and after the compère explained about the raffle and silent auction another famous face stepped on to the stage – an actor from one of the soaps, they were told. Though Bel had never seen him before, it was clear from Eileen’s and Carly’s ooooohs that they had.

‘Have you got the camera ready?’ Bel asked Kristina, experiencing a flutter of nerves for Josie as the opening music began. She’d be in the wings by now, adrenalin pumping into her veins as she prepared, with three others, to open the show.

‘Right here,’ Kristina assured her, bringing the camera out of her lap.

‘They ought to be playing “I Will Survive”,’ Eileen declared. ‘It’d be very fitting, that.’

‘It would,’ Carly agreed.

‘Did you get that?’ Bel whispered to Kristina. ‘It’ll make Josie laugh.’

‘Cringe, more like,’ Lily corrected. ‘Oh my God, look, look, here she is.’

Kristina immediately rose to her feet capturing a wide shot of all four women as they emerged, before zooming in tighter to Josie who was second down the catwalk wearing a netted petticoat skirt from George at Asda, a white silk blouse also from George and four-inch stilettos from Next.

‘Blimey, she looks gorgeous,’ Lily gasped. ‘I’ve never seen her in anything like that before.’

‘She’s a bloody marvel,’ Eileen declared, and promptly let rip with a piercing whistle. ‘That’s it, Jose, go girl,’ she cried.

Choking back a laugh, while hoping Josie hadn’t heard above the music, Bel joined in clapping to the beat, loving the way Josie was sashaying confidently towards them, swinging her shoulders and smiling fit to burst.

Looking as though he couldn’t believe this was his wife, Jeff sat staring at her, his eyes never leaving her as she gave a sassy little hip swing in front of them before swivelling round to start back up the catwalk.

Moments later she was gone and Kelly, with two more models, was parading along the runway, designer jeans tucked into leather biker boots, tweed jackets over skimpy silk dresses or fur gilets over vivid sequinned tops. The fact that every single one of them was at one stage or another of breast cancer – Kelly thank God in remission – would never have been known from how confidently and rhythmically they moved. The atmosphere in the room was so powerfully charged with the women’s exultation that many onlookers already had tears running down their cheeks.

Then Josie was back onstage, a heart-stopping vision in a red full-length evening dress, strappy gold sandals and matching gold feather boa, all from QVC. Only Bel knew what difficulty she’d had with the shoes, but there was no staggering or flinching today as she slunk like a panther towards them, earning herself a cheer from the crowd and a burst of laughter from Lily and Bel. At the end of the catwalk, right in front of their table, she treated Jeff to an outrageously saucy wink, beckoning with one finger before tossing her head and turning back to the stage. Whether she heard Eileen’s second whistle only she knew, but she surely caught Jeff’s shocked expression before he broke into an uneasy chuckle.

‘Never knew she had it in her,’ he announced, finally starting to clap his hands.

‘Isn’t she fabulous?’ Lily cried, tears streaming down her face. ‘I’m so proud of her.’

More models were swarming down the ramp now, three men this time, six women in various shades of blue, and all moving like professional dancers to the beat.

‘I can’t believe how brilliant this is,’ Lily said to Bel, as Kristina panned the camera round the table. ‘It’s like a proper show.’

‘That’s because it is a proper show,’ Bel laughed.

‘Bloody hell, is that her?’ Eileen demanded, when Josie returned to the stage all kitted out like a sixties girl in black and white mini dress from Wallis, black slingback shoes from M&S and a black bob-cut wig from Natural Image.

‘Yes, it’s her,’ Bel smiled, tears blurring her own eyes as Josie, one hand on her hip, the other clicking to the beat, wiggled down the catwalk, her inner glow making her so radiant it caught hard at Bel’s heart.
In years to come,
Bel was thinking,
this is how I’m going to remember her.
Not all dressed up and acting her heart out, but happy, thrilled to be taking part and proud for her family to see her.

As she reached them they cheered and applauded with all their might. Everyone was weeping now; it was impossible to remain dry-eyed in the face of so much resilience and courage, particularly when more than one woman on the stage was terminal.

It wasn’t until Josie disappeared for the final change that Bel noticed how pale Jeff had become. Before she could ask if he was all right he was getting up from his chair and leaving the room.

She found him in a deserted hallway, leaning against a wall, his arms circling his head as he sobbed so hard he could barely stand. ‘Josie, Josie, Josie,’ he was gasping. ‘Josie, please don’t leave me.’

‘Oh, Jeff,’ Bel murmured, moving swiftly to hold him.

‘I can’t lose her, Bel, I just can’t,’ he choked wretchedly.

‘It’s not happening yet,’ she assured him, tears starting from her own eyes.

‘Oh God, I don’t want to go on without her,’ he sobbed. ‘Nothing’s going to be worth it. She’s my life, Bel. She means everything to me.’

‘I know, and you mean the same to her.’

Pushing the heel of his hand into his eyes, he said, ‘Why can’t it be happening to me? Everyone loves her, the kids, our mates, everyone . . .’

‘They love you too.’

‘Not like they love her. She’s special, Bel, you know that.’

‘Yes, I do, and I wish to God I knew how to change things, but all we can do is make the most of the time she has left. That’s what she’s doing in there today, and knowing you’re watching means the world to her. Please don’t miss her finale, Jeff. It’s amazing and she’s been rehearsing so hard to get it right, just for you.’

Nodding as he struggled to catch his breath, he took her already sodden tissue to try and dry his eyes. ‘I’m sorry,’ he gasped, ‘it all just got to me, seeing her up there like that and . . . Oh Christ, it’s so bloody hard.’

‘I know, but you can do it.’

‘Dad! Bel!’ Lily cried, running towards them. ‘Oh God, Dad, it’s Mum. You have to come.’

Jeff moved so fast that he was through the door and following Lily round to the back of the stage in seconds. Bel was right behind him. They found Josie, collapsed on the floor in the dressing room, surrounded by two BCC nurses.

Jeff quickly took her in his arms. ‘It’s all right, my love,’ he murmured against her cheek, ‘I’m here, I’ve got you.’

‘What happened?’ Bel asked one of the nurses.

‘It seemed like she had some sort of seizure,’ the girl replied. ‘The paramedics are on their way.’

Kneeling down next to Jeff, Bel took Josie’s hand. ‘Can you hear me, sweetheart?’ she asked.

Josie’s eyes flickered open. ‘Jeff?’ she murmured.

‘I’m here, baby,’ he said brokenly. ‘You’re all right, just a bit of a turn, nothing to worry about.’

‘No, nothing to worry about,’ she assured him weakly. ‘Got to finish the show.’

Bel looked up at the stylist and both women shook their heads. Heartbroken though Josie would be to miss the finale, she simply wasn’t strong enough to go back out there now.

‘Stop fussing,’ Josie scolded, as Jeff and Lily helped her in through the front door. ‘I’m not an invalid. I can manage on my own, thank you.’

‘Do you want to go straight up to bed?’ Jeff asked worriedly, ‘or would you rather sit in the chair for a while?’

‘What I want is for you two to go on with whatever you’re supposed to be doing, so I can do the same.’

‘I’ll put the kettle on,’ Lily told her father, and headed for the kitchen.

‘Then Dad’ll take you to the station so you can get back to that husband of yours,’ Josie called after her.

‘Will you stop being so bossy?’ Jeff chided, plumping up the cushions for her to sit down. ‘You’ve been in hospital for two days, and they told you when you left you had to take things easy for a while.’

Josie regarded him askance. ‘So what, I’ve got to sit around here feeling sorry for myself? It’s not going to happen. I’ve got things to do, people to see.’

‘Like what, and who?’

‘Never you mind. Now give me a bit of peace, please. I need to make some phone calls, and you ought to be out earning a living, especially after spending all that time in a five-star hotel. Honestly, what are you like? We can’t let Bel foot the bill, you know, so we have to find a way of paying her back.’

‘Don’t worry, I will.’

She regarded him suspiciously. ‘How? The same way you managed to pay for our Lily’s dress?’

His face darkened. ‘I borrowed that from your Steve, all right, and he gave me some good terms, so let it drop.’

Deciding she would, since she was more worn out than she was admitting after the long drive, when Jeff had gone off to the kitchen she sank down in her chair and took out her phone. Lots of texts, mostly from her beautiful fellow models wishing her well, bless every one of them; one from her mother saying she wouldn’t sleep a wink until she knew Josie was home; and one from Bel asking her to call when she got in.

‘Hi, it’s me,’ she said, when Bel picked up. ‘Are you all right?’

‘I’m the one who should be asking that,’ Bel protested.

‘Oh, I’m fine,’ Josie assured her. ‘No more fits and raring to go once I’ve had a cuppa. When did you get back?’

‘About an hour ago. I don’t suppose you’ve had a chance to check your emails?’

‘No, but I will as soon as no one’s looking over my shoulder.’

‘So you haven’t told Jeff about his surprise yet?’

‘I couldn’t with Lily in the car.’

‘Good, because I honestly don’t think it’s going to work, Josie. I’ll come over later, if you like, and we can talk it through . . .’

Worried, Josie said, ‘I thought you were all for it?’

‘What I said was I understand why you want to do it, but I think we should discuss it some more. By the way, when you go online you can check out the footage Kristina got of the fashion show. She’s already uploaded it and you, my wonderful friend, are an absolute star.’

Josie chuckled. ‘Apart from the extra bit of dancing I did backstage at the end. Never mind, at least I got to do most of the show, and everyone’s been sending really lovely messages. Jeff’s going to pay you back for the rooms, by the way. Who does he think he is, swanning about the Grosvenor House living the life of Riley while I get stuffed into scanners and hospital beds?’ Her arms were still bruised from all the blood they’d taken, and she’d been warned she would probably have to have more radiotherapy. Dr Pattullo would tell her more when she went to see her next week.

‘I don’t want paying back,’ Bel was saying, ‘and I’m not going to argue about it either. I just want you to rest after the journey and unless you call to tell me not to, I’ll come over around four. Will Lily still be there?’

‘I hope not. She’s got her own life to lead, and . . .’

‘I’m not going anywhere until after you’ve seen Dr Pattullo,’ Lily interrupted hotly as she brought a liquorice tea in from the kitchen. ‘Do you want something to eat? Dad’s making cheese sandwiches.’

‘I’m all right,’ Josie assured her, ‘but you should have a bite
before you go
.’

‘Not listening,’ Lily retorted, head in the air as she returned to help her father.

‘Children, who’d have ’em?’ Josie sighed, and feeling as though she’d like to sleep for a week, she allowed her eyes to flutter closed.

Whether she spoke to Bel again after that she had no idea, she only knew, when she woke up, that her tea had gone cold and someone had turned off her phone. There didn’t seem to be any sign of anyone, either.

Turning her mobile back on, she forced herself up to her feet and looked outside for Jeff’s car. Seeing it wasn’t there, she called out for Lily and got no reply.

Satisfied she was alone, she went through to the kitchen and found a note telling her that Lily had popped over to Asda and would be back in half an hour. Since she hadn’t said what time she was leaving, that could be any minute, so Josie quickly set up her laptop to check her emails.

Floods of them, again mostly from her new friends at Breast Cancer Care who she was determined to stay in touch with, a couple about her hospital appointment next Wednesday and one from Kristina containing the link to the video.

Nothing from Dawnie.

Disappointed, and more downcast than she ought to have been, she spent a few minutes watching the video, which cheered her up no end. She’d had such a lot of fun that day, and all the rehearsal days leading up to it, but now it felt very depressing to know she probably wouldn’t be able to do anything like it again.

Still, the important thing, she reminded herself forcefully, was that she’d done it at all, and all thanks to Bel.

‘I’m awake now,’ she announced when Bel answered the phone, ‘but you don’t have to come all the way over here, you’ve done enough driving today, all the way back from London.’