No Deal Breakers (14 page)

"Thanks for your help, I’m sorry I had to
ruin your surprise." She started making her way back to the bedroom
to hide his present, but he noticed and stopped her.

"It’s fine, I understand why you did. What’s
that?" He asked, pointing to the present she was trying to hide
behind her back.

"Ummm, nothing, we can worry about it later.
Breakfast should be done, do you mind pulling it out of the oven
while I put this away?"

"No problem. Why don’t you do a quick check
upstairs, too, just to make sure I got everything."

She nodded and made her way back to his
bedroom, she put the present in the closet she was using and turned
to leave. She paused when she noticed his dresser for the first
time, she’d been too busy to notice it earlier. On his dresser were
six framed snapshots, one of his sister’s kids, one of him with his
family, and one of him and his sister, of the other three two were
of just her, and the last was of Brian teaching her to ride
Thunder.

It was beautiful, she couldn’t believe she
hadn’t seen it before, the sun was setting behind them, and they
were looking at each other, laughing like fools, her up in the
saddle, staring down at him, and he on the ground, holding a lead
rope. Anna had taken the picture, but for some reason had never
shown it to her, and neither had Brian, for that matter. She turned
to the other two, the first was from her first time on the
Erickson’s trampoline, it was taken midair, her hair flying all
around her and a look of pure joy on her face. The last was of her
cooking, she was wearing an apron Anna had made for her that was
splattered in pasta sauce, but again she had that same look of joy
plastered on her face.

She fought down the tears, when was the last
time she had been as happy as she was here? This was the first time
she could remember that she was truly happy, she loved everything
about this place and these people. Marrying Brian was the best
stupid thing she’d ever done.

She didn’t realize that Brian had these
printed, much less that he’d framed them and put them on his
dresser where he’d see them every day. He must really care about
her, it was such an adorable, sweet thing to do, it brought the
tears back to her eyes. She scrubbed them away with the back of her
hands and went back to the dinning room where Brian was pouring the
coffee.

After he’d asked the blessing she began to
ask him about the photographs, she was curious what his reasons for
not telling her about them were, when they heard a vehicle pull up
outside and Jax started barking.

"Looks like we have company," Brian said
lightly, but when he looked at Aria she had gone pale and rigid;
something that had been her general state of being when she first
arrived, but thankfully this reaction was becoming more rare all of
the time. "Sweetheart, they’re going to love you, just take a
breath and relax, okay? They won’t bite…well, that’s not true,
Julia said that Jonathon was teething and becoming quite the
biter." He shot her a wink as he stood, and was relived to see her
giggle slightly.

They went out the rarely used front to door
to meet their expected surprise guests. Brian was elated to see his
family again after so many months, though they talked and Skyped
several times a week it wasn’t the same as having them here, in the
flesh. They had put them off for the last six months, every time
they suggested a visit Brian and Aria would come up with an excuse.
He hated putting them off, but he didn’t want to push Aria before
she was ready. He prayed she was ready for this visit.

"Wow, what a surprise!" And it was…an hour
ago. "What’re you guys doing here? You didn’t tell us you were
coming!" He said as his mom came running up the walk toward them,
no one else had even gotten past their open doors yet.

She threw her arms around him in a tight hug
that warmed his heart and felt like home, he missed his family. "We
wanted to surprise you for your birthday, well, that’s part of it,
we couldn’t wait to meet our beautiful daughter in law," she said,
moving to hug Aria as everyone else made their way up the walk.

He watched Aria’s reactions as everyone
wrapped their arms around her, she must have been prepared for the
contact, she appeared relaxed and open with everyone, with just a
slight stiffening of her spine that was only visible to someone
that had spent too many hours staring at her and memorizing her
body.

"How long are you able stay?" He asked as he
finished his breakfast, they had all moved inside and talked about
the trip as he and Aria finished their interrupted breakfast.

"Two weeks, we’ll leave on the seventeenth."
His dad said as he pushed away from the table, "Steven, help me
haul in this luggage, Brian, do you care which rooms we take?"

"Not at all, the only two in use are…ours,"
he hesitated over calling it that, "and one of the upstairs rooms
is Aria’s sewing room." Brian helped his dad and Steven with the
luggage, it was astounding how much three small children needed for
two weeks, no wonder Todd and Anna never went on vacation.

Steven, Julia, and the kids took the four
downstairs rooms, and his parents settled in the room that was
usually Aria’s. They spent the morning catching up and getting to
know Aria a little more, she was surprisingly comfortable with
them. She had become more at ease and less jumpy over the last few
months, he was worried that with the stress of meeting his family
she would lapse back into that scared, withdrawn, shell of a woman
she was six months ago, but she hadn’t, she was laughing and
smiling along with the rest of his family.

Ami, who had just celebrated her fifth
birthday, had taken to Aria like a fish to water, within the first
few minutes of meeting her. Ami stuck close to her side and
insisted on helping her make lunch while the adults unpacked and
cleaned up and Brian played with his two nephews. He loved watching
Aria with children, he often got to see her with Anna’s little ones
and knew that she was great with kids, especially Elisabeth, the
newest Erickson.

Something about watching her patiently guide
their young niece through making walking tacos-Ami’s choice-warmed
him completely, but also filled him with a longing more intense
than he’d ever felt before. A longing to have children was
something he was accustomed to, he was even used to longing to have
with them Aria, but this was more intense, and more painful than
he’d felt before. He wanted the boys he was building blocks with to
be their boys, he wanted the little girl she was cooking with to be
theirs, and he wanted the baby that was just starting to show in
Julia’s stomach to be in hers.

He was jealous of his sister. He wanted to
see his wife growing round with his child, wanted the pitter patter
of little feet to never leave, he longed for the laughter and toys
strewn around the house, and they’d only been here a few hours.

As if reading his thoughts he heard Ami ask,
"Auntie Ari," she had been calling her that since they met, no
matter how many times they’d told her her name was Aria, Aria
didn’t seem to mind. "When are you and Uncle Brian going to have a
baby like my mom’s having?"

Brian’s ears perked up, awaiting her answer,
she took her time replying. "Babies aren’t very predictable, some
people take longer to have babies than other people for a whole
bunch of different reasons, and some people are never able to have
babies. So, I guess the answer is; I don’t know."

The other adults had joined them during her
explanation, though she must not have noticed because she jumped
when she noticed the four new pairs of eyes staring at her. By the
looks of pity on their faces, he assumed that they had come to the
conclusion that they weren’t physically able to have children, not
that they hadn’t tried. Before anyone could jump in, Ami trudged
right along with her questioning, oblivious to the watching eyes
and listening ears.

"But you guys want babies right? You’d make a
good mommy." They were bringing the food to the table now.

"Ami, that’s not poli—" Julia chastised, but
Aria cut her off.

"It’s fine," she said with a bright smile,
though he noticed the tears shining in her eyes. "Yes, I want to be
a mommy, and I know Brian wants to be a daddy, but sometimes it
just isn’t that simple." She wanted to be a mom? Really? What was
stopping her? And then he remembered her cautious behavior, the
hurt in her eyes, the stiffness of her spine when he accidentally
touched her, the fear on her face when he was upset, and he knew
that the answer was her past.

Ami seemed thoughtful for a moment and then
asked another too personal, yet innocent question, "Will you adopt?
I have friends that are adopted." Again, Julia began to scold her,
but again, Aria waved her off. He was suddenly jealous of the way
Ami got her to open up so easily, these weren’t things they had
even discussed, other than when she cried and said she could never
give him a family, but that’s as far as it went.

"Maybe, I’ve actually been thinking about
that lately, but it’s something Brian and I need to talk about in
private." He sucked in a deep breath, she’d been thinking about
adopting? Starting a family with him?

At the sound of his intake of breath Aria
looked up and flushed bright red, clearly forgetting they had an
audience. She rushed to begin lunch, letting the subject of babies
and adoption drop. For now, at least, this was a conversation they
needed to have, soon, privately.

"Dad and I have decided that tonight you’re
all going out." Genie Harris stood in the middle of the living room
with her hands on her hips. The two couples were chatting in the
living room, and listening to the baby monitor as the children all
napped downstairs. His parents had gone to their room to rest as
well.

"Mom, we just got here, we can’t ask you and
dad to watch the kids, you’re on vacation." Julia tried, but should
have known better than to challenge her mother.

"You didn’t ask, we volunteered. You two
rarely get a night off, and you’ve never been out with Brian and
Aria, so the four of you have the night off. They’re having the
street dance tonight."

"But it’s Brian’s birthday…"

"Yes, and he’s already had his cake and
presents. What better way to end the night than dinner and dancing
with his wife and sister? We expect you gone by six." She tossed
over her shoulder as she strode out of the room.

"Well, that gives us an hour and a half, just
enough time to get ready, Zimmer's and then the dance?" Julia
asked.

They all agreed and stood to go to their
rooms. They watched Steven and Julia head downstairs, and Aria
started towards the stairs, he cleared his throat and she flushed
bright red again before mumbling an apology and making her way to
the room that they now shared.

*~*~*

"We need to talk." She felt the heat rise in
her cheeks at his words. She knew what they needed to talk about,
she never should have had that conversation with Ami, especially in
front of his family, but she got so caught up in the moment that
she didn't even think before the words tumbled out of her
mouth.

"I'm sorry," she said, dropping her head. She
knew that he would never hurt her, but something in her still made
her fearful whenever he was upset.

"Sweetheart, look at me, please," she was
pasted to the door, and he had gone to sit on the edge of the bed.
When she looked up to meet his gaze she was surprised to see him
smiling that big, dimpled grin.

"Aria, you have nothing to apologize for.
Maybe for telling a five year old, before you told your own
husband, but of course, I forgive you. Why don't you have a seat,
so we can talk?" She moved to the opposite side of the bed, and he
turned so that their bodies were both facing forward with their
backs against the headboard, and heads turned towards each other.
She was relieved that it was a king-sized bed and he stayed on the
edge, leaving plenty of space between them.

"So, you really want to start a family?" She
should have been surprised by the way his eyes danced with
excitement., but she wasn't.

"Yeah, I mean, I had never had any real
experience with kids or babies until I married you, but I've
realized how much I love them, and sometimes, a lot lately, I wish
that I had kids of my own. That's something I had never really seen
for myself before…but now…now, I think I want that. But, I still
can't…um…be with you…in bed," she flushed as she realized that they
were in bed together, but this was the only way she could handle
being in bed with him, she was shocked to feel pain and longing at
that thought.

"Well, in that way, at least…this way is
fine," he smiled and nodded his understanding, but remained silent,
waiting for her to finish. "Anyway, I think I want us to be
parents, but I know we can't do that the normal way, so I was
thinking that maybe adoption might be a good option for us. There
are so many kids without parents, and we wouldn't have to have a
traditional marriage to adopt and raise kids together."

"Why haven't you talked to me about this
before?"

"It's too soon. It's not something I'm
thinking about doing now, but in the future. I don't think we're
ready for that, yet, at least I'm not. I'm still getting used
to…um…" She faltered, she had almost let her past slip, that was
another thing, she couldn't raise kids with him with all of the
secrets she had hanging over her. She wanted to spill them all so
badly but the guilt, shame, and fear that he wouldn't want her in
his life anymore held her back. She searched for a way to finish
her thought. "Life, this new life, I mean."

He studied her for a long moment before
nodding his agreement. "It's good to know that we're on the same
page as far as kids, I'm glad you want them too. We can talk about
it more when we're ready." She felt a sense of relief wash over
her, that conversation had gone much better than she had
anticipated.