Authors: Shiloh Walker
Tags: #Fiction, #Romance, #Contemporary, #Contemporary Romance
No Longer Mine (24 page)
“We will. Eventually,” Wade whispered, following her retreating mouth with his own.
“Wade—”
He cut her off with a soft, slow kiss that had her blood sizzling its way throughout her body. “We’ve always communicated so much better when we didn’t use our mouths to talk,” he murmured as he pulled his mouth from hers, lowering his head to nuzzle at her neck.
As his hot mouth blazed a trail down her neck, Nikki stifled a whimper by biting the inside of her cheek. He moved closer and closer until she was caught between a hard male body and the rough wooden wall at her back.
“Wade,” she said shakily. Squirming weakly, she tried to loosen his hold. “Wade, this is not going to solve anything.” The last word ended on a gasp as she tried to suck in much needed air.
“Yes,” he countered, his voice guttural. “It will. Damn it, woman. I should have done this from the beginning. We get along fine as long as you aren’t thinking.” His dark head dipped as he spoke, so that the final words were spoken against her mouth. His tongue thrust between her lips, past her teeth, to steal the air from her body.
Hot hands moved down her torso, to her hips, sliding beneath the waistband of her jeans, shoving the material out of the way. Her boots, never tied from the first time in the truck, fell easily from her feet as he lifted her, pinning her body to the wall with his own. One jean-clad leg came between hers and he bent his knee, bringing it in contact with her exposed flesh.
Planting his foot in the crotch of her jeans, he shoved them the rest of the way down, kicking them away in a tangle. His hand came up between them, hooked in the neck of her sturdy button down flannel.
Nikki felt a hard jerk as he rent it down the middle. Buttons went flying as he lifted her up, moved between her dangling legs and closed his mouth around a lace-covered nipple.
Slowly, oh, so slowly, he eased his hold until her weight came down. Nikki gasped as it brought her up against his groin. The rough material of his jeans chafed against the inside of her thighs as she arched her hips and shuddered, trying desperately to get closer.
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And then she was. He freed his erection from the confines of his jeans and then adjusted her position.
Wade slowed his hands as one hand strayed to the juncture of her thighs, tested her flesh. “I don’t want to hurt you,” he murmured.
“Wade,” she whimpered, rubbing against him, pleading.
Moisture flooded his hand and hot satisfaction gleamed in his eyes as he petted the slick flesh with a feathery light touch. He shifted, grasped her hips and filled her as his name fell from her mouth in a rippling gasp. She was still so tight. His hands went to her buttocks and cupped them as he worked her up and down.
Her legs closed around his hips like a vise while she panted and twisted her hips until he buried himself to the hilt with a groan.
Flesh slid against flesh. Stifled mews of pleasure and whispered exclamations filled the air. His hips hammered against hers, her hot tight flesh rippling around him. She arched back with a gasp as inner convulsions started, caressing his shaft until he thought he would go mad with the pleasure of it.
With a muttered oath, he pushed away from the wall and stumbled the three feet to the bed. He came down on top of her and thrust violently into her once before pulling out, away from her clinging hands.
Wade put his mouth against her, tasting the spicy sweet tang of her as she climaxed against his mouth and hands. He rose and stared down at her, his chest heaving, while he waited for her to calm.
Her breathing started to slow and sense began to gather within her eyes. He wanted to watch her eyes go blind again. He stripped off his shirt, came down on her and drove in. He pushed her quickly toward another orgasm, had her hovering on the brink, then changed his rhythm and withheld it from her. He shuddered when she locked her arms around his neck, gasped his name and pleaded with him.
Beneath him Nikki clenched tightly around his cock, her flesh convulsing, her nails digging into the ridge of muscles at his shoulders. “Wade, oh, Wade, please,” she whimpered, her head thrashing back and forth.
“Nobody else can make you feel like this,” he rasped against her ear, settling into a hard driving rhythm.
Her hips bucked against his as he thrust against her, driving deep within the wet well of her body. One hand raced down, cupped her buttocks and squeezed, his fingers digging into the soft flesh, the dark crevice. “Nobody,” he repeated, thickly.
She screamed, her eyes blank as a massive orgasm ripped through her, leaving her weak and shuddering as Wade, savagely triumphant, found his own release. Closing his eyes, he anchored her hips against his, rode it through to the very end as her body milked his, demanding everything he had to give.
With a shudder, Wade collapsed against her, body numb from pleasure. Mind numb from shock. And his heart was aching.
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His name. She had screamed and whispered his name as her flesh had shuddered and heaved around his. And right before a sob had torn through her, Nikki had gasped out, “I love you.” Ragged breaths sawing in and out of him, Wade closed his eyes, now in despair.
Because Wade Lightfoot had finally realized that no matter what he did, or what she did, it wasn’t the end of things. Nothing would ever completely end things.
Because he would never be free of her.
She wore a wristwatch that had a damned annoying alarm, Wade realized. It went off at ten o’clock, and he watched as a dull blush stained her cheeks red, watched as she clambered out of his bed and fumbled with the watch, silencing the alarm.
“What’s that for?” he asked.
“A reminder,” she said, forcing a smile. She grabbed her purse and disappeared into the bathroom while he sat in the bed brooding.
When she returned to the bed, sans the watch and wearing nothing but the rather battered shirt from earlier, he took her in his arms, held her close. His mind raced and spun in dizzying circles.
Damn it.
What in the hell was he supposed do now?
The cabin was dark, lit only by the fire. She was cuddled close to him, warm, soft, everything he held dear. Turning lambent eyes to his, she smiled and her lids lowered slowly, closing, before opening to reveal something that made his blood run hot. As he struggled to find his tongue, Nikki shifted and straddled him.
Her shirt fell away with a graceful shrug of her shoulders, revealing skin made golden by the firelight.
As it flickered and danced, highlighting hollows and curves, Nikki skimmed hands up her sides, licked her lips and whispered against his mouth, “I’m feeling…hungry.” He cracked a smile and found his voice as his hands reached up to close around her waist. “I’ve made a monster,” he whispered. “You’ll be the death of me.” His eyes nearly crossed with pleasure when her talented fingers slipped below his waist, inside his jeans after making quick work of the zipper.
“I can’t think of a better way to go,” he admitted weakly as she closed her hand around him and she sank to her knees before him, lowering her head until the soft heat of her mouth enclosed the head of his cock.
Hours later Wade lay wide awake while she slept curled against his side.
What kind of monster have I become?
he wondered.
The red haze that had clouded his mind and fogged his vision for weeks had suddenly and completely cleared, leaving him sick with guilt.
Wade had no claim on her, had lost all rights the minute he had gone to bed with Jamie.
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God above, she had lost her baby. It bore too much pain to think of—he couldn’t imagine losing his little girl. He wouldn’t have wanted to live.
Who in the hell was he to blame her for anything? To want any kind of retribution. Any imagined slight was nothing compared to the agony she must have gone through. Yeah, she might have used him as a punching bag, lashing out at him, but so fucking what? She’d told him to keep his distance and when that hadn’t worked she’d used whatever weapons she had—the most efficient being the guilt he still had over what he’d done to her.
Slowly, carefully, Wade rose, slipping from the bed, not wanting to disturb her. She looked so exhausted, needed her rest so badly. He got dressed and headed for the door, pausing long enough to slip his feet in battered work boots. Cold air hit his face and chest as he headed for the railing of the tiny porch deck.
What in the hell was I thinking?
If he could reach his own ass he would kick it from here to Tokyo. Slumping against the rail, he called himself every name he knew, berated himself for being such a fool. Then he repeated himself. Twice.
Nikki had lied to him by omission, and she had misled him all these weeks, not telling him about her son, letting him think he was the reason she’d been so miserable all these years. But considering the grief she lived with he couldn’t blame her for not wanting to talk about it.
Plus, she’d warned him. More than once, she’d told him to leave her alone. To leave her be. And she had meant it. It had all been done out of self-defense in effort to protect herself from further pain. From letting him cause her any more pain. From letting
life
cause her any more pain.
It kept kicking her anyway.
When he’d first seen her, all those months ago, the last thing he’d thought he’d ever do was hurt her again…and look at him. Look where he was, what he’d done.
He remembered how she flinched, how her body had tried to retreat from his, and he could still see the flash of pain in her dark eyes when he had entered her that first time.
And then his thoughts turned inward as he thought of the hill by her family’s home.
He knew exactly where the crash had happened. Had driven there, climbed from his truck and looked around, not expecting to see anything. But more than three years after it had happened, one could still see the path her truck had taken down the incline. Patches of bareness, branches broken off long ago due to impact with a large object. Metal, steel and earth weren’t a pretty combination. He would know, considering how many accident victims he’d tried to keep alive over the years. Most often he succeeded, but often enough he failed.
She could have been killed. It was a miracle she and Shawn had escaped with their lives.
Nikki was so lucky to be alive.
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And so miserable for being so. She had been grieving for far too long. Hurting over what he had done to her, then hurting because life had ripped her only child from her. She had told him, time after time, that she wasn’t strong enough to handle it.
What had she said?
You can’t make it up to me
, her voice whispered in his mind as he remembered.
You have no idea how
badly I was hurt, how much I lost.
Nikki was right. He was completely clueless.
They were finished. He knew that. There was no way they could have a life together, not with all the anger and resentment that swirled in him, despite all his attempts to drown them. She may not know it, would not be expecting it because he had just told her in graphic detail that he wanted her back.
But there was no way he could stay.
Wade was selfish. He was a bastard, a Neanderthal, and he knew it. But it would eat him alive to stay here, trying to make it work, knowing she had been with another man. His jealousy would be like acid, eating away at him until one day when the poison would erupt and destroy everything in its path.
He wouldn’t let his own anger, his own jealousy, hurt her again.
Never again.
His emotions were illogical, unjustified. But he knew it was a fact. Not liking it didn’t make it any less true. Wishing it were otherwise couldn’t change how he felt.
A numbness settled around his heart, growing until it encased his entire body. He could not possibly stay with her now. God only knew he’d hurt her enough already. What else was there left to do but leave her in peace? That was what she wanted to begin with.
Nikki came awake slowly, stretching her body and smiling at the pleasant aches that made themselves known. She didn’t know exactly what was going on, but it was looking fairly promising.
Maybe they were going to get that second chance after all.
She hummed deep in her throat as she rolled to her back, hugging the pillow to her chest. Her eyes caught a motion outside and she turned her head.
Wade.
He stood outside, staring off into the distance, his head bent, shoulders slumped, looking utterly defeated. She had only seen him look like that two other times. That day he had come to her home after that fight in the grocery store parking lot over a boy whose face she barely remembered. And that day when she had learned about Jamie and the baby.
Dread filled her.
Nikki sat up slowly, tugging the blanket around her.
Maybe they were going to get a second chance.
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But they were going to have to be honest with each other first. Starting with her. Eventually Wade would find out about Jason. And if he found out from somebody other than her, it would ruin whatever they had made.
Her pleasure faded to a dim glow as she drew in a shuddering breath. How did one go about telling a man he had a child he had never known, and never would know? That the child had been killed in an accident years earlier?
Clutching the blanket tighter, Nikki was amazed to discover she felt relief beneath the dread. She was scared about his reaction, hated the pain she knew this would cause, but deep inside, she wanted to do this, had to do this. She wanted to tell Wade all about his little boy and she wanted to grieve with him.
But how did she tell him? How did she explain why she didn’t tell him before now?