No Matter What (38 page)

She gently stroked his fingers with her thumb.
 
“Hey, you ok?”
 
He looked up at her and she leaned over to kiss him.
 
“You’ve gone all quiet on me.”

“I’m fine, baby.
 
I guess I’m still getting used to the idea that you’re here, with me.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“You promise?”

Had he always been this insecure?
 
“I promise.”

And it was a promise she really wanted to keep.
 
She wanted to be with him more than she’d ever thought possible.
 
She’d fallen in love with this man so hard it took her breath away sometimes.
 
When she thought back to that first day she’d seen him, outside the screen-test room at the studios, when he’d smiled at her and she’d thought of him as nothing more than a kind, friendly man, this famous actor she’d seen so many times before on screen but had never thought of in that way before, she could hardly believe that she now spent nights sleeping in his arms and hated being away from him for any length of time.
 
It had crept up on her, this overwhelming love she had for him, it had crept up on her as she’d tried so hard to get over Kenny.
 
She hadn’t seen it coming, she’d had no way of preparing for it.
 
He’d been a friend when she’d needed one and somewhere along the way he’d made her fall in love with him. She couldn’t say when it had happened, couldn’t think when her feelings had started to change all she knew was that she was so happy they had.
 
If she could only get her head around the idea of a baby, and get used to the fact that she’d no longer be number one in his world once this baby was born, because, if she was totally honest with herself, she was finding it very hard.
 
She hated herself for being so selfish, hated herself for not having fallen in love with the idea of this child but that’s how she felt.

“Now who’s gone quiet?” he smiled.

She looked up, into those incredible blue eyes of his.
 
Every time he looked at her it was as though he could see deep inside her soul.
 
Could he see how unsure she was?
 
Did he have any idea how confused her feelings were?
 
She was preparing for the biggest role of her life and it was harder than she’d ever imagined.
 
Within weeks all this was going to be public knowledge, the world would know she was having Michael Walsh’s baby.
 
She was going to have to get used to dealing with this pregnancy in the glare of the media spotlight, and it wasn’t something she was particularly looking forward to doing.
 
She really needed more time to think.
 
More time away from everything.

She held tightly onto his hand as an idea formed in her head.
 
Maybe it was the only way she was ever going to get things into perspective.
 
Maybe it was what she needed to do to get her head straight.
 
A rash decision made on the spur-of-the-moment but it suddenly felt like the right thing to do.

“I’m going to go to
England
, Michael.”

He looked at her, narrowing his eyes.
 
“
England
?”

“For a visit.
 
I really want to do this, Michael.
 
I’ve got a few days spare before I need to be back at work and I haven’t been home in so long.
 
I think it’d be good for me.”

It wouldn’t be the first time she’d been back to the
U.K.
since moving to
L.A.
, but she’d only really been back for promotional work and premieres and it had always been
London
.
 
She’d never been back to
Newcastle
and the
North East coast
, she’d never been back to her hometown.

“But ... on your own?
 
I don’t understand,
India
…”

She stroked his fingers, looking into his eyes, pleading with him to try and get why she needed to do this.
 

“Things are changing, Michael.
 
The baby, us, it’s all changing and I need to take some time out.
 
It’s important I do that, it really is.”

“Is something wrong?
 
Honey, if you want to talk about anything ...”

She hadn’t meant to alarm him, she hadn’t wanted to do that and she reached out to touch his face, smiling.

“No, baby, no.
 
Nothing’s wrong.
 
I just need to get my feet back on the ground for a few days.
 
I love
L.A.
but it’s a crazy place and I need to remember where my roots are.
 
I need to remember where I came from because … look, I know I’m probably making no sense to you but this is really important to me.”

He had no idea where this had come from but he could tell from her face that she was serious.
 
She really needed to do this.
 
And if that’s what she wanted then he’d go with it.
 
He couldn’t say it would make him feel comfortable, or that he was happy about it, but he couldn’t really stop her from doing whatever it was she needed to do.
 
Even if she did feel the need to do it thousands of miles away.
 

“Ok.”
 
He smiled that smile and her face relaxed, her own smile getting bigger.
 
“If that’s what you want to do, honey, then you go ahead and do it.”

She squeezed his hand tight, the smile not leaving her face.
 
“Thank you, Michael.
 
This means a lot to me, it really does.”

“An unannounced visit to the
U.K.
might cause a bit of media attention though, if people get wind of where you are.
 
Are you ready for that?”

She just shrugged.
 
“I’ll deal with it if it happens.
 
It’ll be fine.”

Her sudden excitement was infectious and he couldn’t stop smiling either.
 
“This is a crazy idea, you do know that, don’t you?
 
It’s a crazy, crazy idea.”

“I used to
have
crazy ideas, Michael.
 
In the beginning ...” She’d wanted to say when she’d been with Kenny, but that wouldn’t have been right.
 
It wouldn’t have been fair on Michael.
 
But it was true.
 

Michael leaned over to kiss her gently.
 
“Come on, come and dance with me.”

She looked up at him.
 
“Dance?”

He took her hand and pulled her to her feet, looking her up and down, taking in every beautiful inch of her as she stood in front of him in a simple strapless white dress and heels, her hair piled up on top of her head, loose strands falling onto her tanned shoulders.
 
She wore minimal make-up, just a little mascara, a touch of gold bronzer and pale lips.
 
He’d watch her put it on, watched the way she could effortlessly do it in minutes and he didn’t think he’d ever loved her as much as he did right now.

“I told you we were going dancing, didn’t I?”

She smiled, letting him lead her onto the dance floor, pulling her into his arms, one hand resting in the small of her back as his other hand held onto hers.

“I’m not very good at this, Michael.
 
I’ve never done this before.”

He pulled her closer against him.
 
“You’re doing fine, baby.
 
You’re doing just fine.”

She rested her head on his shoulder, knowing this would never have happened with Kenny, knowing that just a few months ago she would never have dreamed of doing anything like this, it hadn’t been her, but now - with Michael it felt right.

He was singing quietly, his mouth close to her ear, his breath warm on her cheek and she didn’t think she’d ever felt so calm.
 
These past few days in
New York
had been like heaven.
 
It’d put them back in that little bubble she loved to be in when they were alone, just talking, making love, making plans.
 
She wanted it to last forever, but she couldn’t get past the fact that she still wanted it to be just the two of them.
 
And that time was fast running out.

“I love you, India Steven.”

She looked up at him, feeling his fingers tighten around hers all of a sudden.

“You know that, don’t you?
 
You know I love you.”

“Hey ... of course I do.
 
And I love you too, Michael.
 
I love you like crazy.”

He kissed her slowly, their bodies pressed together, and all of a sudden she felt as though they were the only two people in the world.

“If you’re going to desert me for a few days, can you do one thing for me?” he whispered, his mouth almost touching hers as he spoke.
 
“Marry me.”

She looked at him again, studying every inch of his face, looking deep into his eyes, not sure if she was dreaming but if she was then she really didn’t want to wake up. And then she smiled a smile she honestly thought she’d been waiting to smile since that night in
Palm Springs
when she’d first realised she loved this man.

“Ok.”
 
Like the emotional wreck he’d turned her into she felt tears start to cloud her eyes.
 
“I’ll marry you, Michael.
 
Of course I’ll marry you!”

His smile was as big as hers, his face lighting up as she said the words he’d dreamed of hearing her say for so long.
 
Too long.
 
But now she’d said them.
 
She’d said them, here in this perfect place, she’d said she’d marry him.

He held her as tight as he could, their mouths touching in a long, deep kiss, slow dancing to a song he’d been singing along to before but now couldn’t even remember the name of.
 
Because his mind was on overload.
 
India Steven, one of the world’s most beautiful, most talented, most sought after young women was having his baby.
 
And she’d just agreed to become his wife.
 
What else was there to concentrate on?

“You have no idea,
India
, no idea how you’ve made me feel.”
 
She watched as he let go of her hand, pulling a small black box out of his jacket pocket and she suddenly realised now why he’d been so distracted before.
 
This wasn’t spur-of-the- moment.
 
He’d had this planned.
 

He opened the box and there, nestled in black silk, was the most beautiful platinum solitaire ring.
 
One diamond, one perfect diamond, and
India
felt the tears really start to fall now as he took it out of the box and slipped it gently onto the third finger of her left hand, kissing away her tears as he did so.
 
It was a perfect fit and she couldn’t stop staring at it.
 
Despite everything she thought she’d wanted with Kenny, despite the fact that, at the time, Vegas weddings and spontaneity had been all important to her - part of who she’d been back then - she wasn’t that person anymore.
 
She was in a very different place now.
 
With a very different man.

“Michael ... it’s beautiful!”

He tilted up her face to look at him, kissing her mouth quickly.
 
“So are you,
India
.
 
You’re the most beautiful thing that’s ever happened to me and I need you in my life.”

This was like some kind of fairytale and she was right in the middle of it - an English princess who’d just found her American prince.
 
She was going to become Mrs Michael Walsh.
 
Maybe then she could start to believe that this family was what she really wanted because, at the minute, she was still more than a little confused.
 
She loved Michael, she knew she wanted to be with him, she knew all of that.
 
So why was the one person she suddenly wanted to speak to more than anyone else Kenny Ross?

CHAPTER 21

“They’re back,” Kenny said, as Terry closed the door of Kenny’s beach house behind him.
 
They were practically neighbours, which probably went a long way to explaining the reason why they were becoming closer friends.
 
They’d started to hang out a lot over the past few months.

“Who?”
 
Terry knew he couldn’t mean
India
and Michael.
 
They were still in
New York
as far as he knew.

“Charley and Jimmy.
 
They’re home.”

“In
L.A.
?”

Kenny nodded.
 
Terry leaned back against the wall, pushing a hand through his hair.
 
“Ok ... so, what happens now?”