No Matter What (37 page)

“It might not be that easy.”

“I know.
 
I know that but ... well, like we said before, anything’s worth a try.”

Kenny smiled.
 
He was really warming to
India
’s brother.
 
He was a good, down-to-earth guy and he deserved better than Charley.
 
But who was he to take away his hope?

“We’ll find her, Terry.
 
She’s out there somewhere and we’ll find her. Anyway,
India
won’t let it lie so we’ll have to now.”

It was Terry’s turn to scrutinize Kenny.
 
“Do you miss her?”

Kenny picked up his beer and took a drink.
 
“
India
?
 
I see her all the time, Terry.
 
How can I miss her?”

“You know what I mean.”

Kenny stared straight ahead, and because he said nothing for a few seconds Terry knew he’d hit a nerve.
 

“I miss her every day,” Kenny went on.
 
“Every single fucking day.”
 
He turned to look at Terry.
 
“But I blew it.
 
My fault.
 
I lost her.”

“Because of Charley.”
 
It wasn’t a question.

Kenny nodded slowly.
 
“Yep.
 
Because of Charley.”

“So, why go to all this bother for the woman who caused that?”

“I’m not doing it for
her
and you know that, otherwise you wouldn’t have asked me the question.
 
Like you, I’m doing this for
India
.”

“Are you still in love with her?”
 
Terry didn’t know why he’d asked that.
 
It had just kind of slipped out.

Kenny turned to look at Terry again, feeling slightly agitated now.
 
“Look, what do
you
care?
 
You never really liked the idea of me and
India
anyway, did you?
 
You never really got what we had.”
 
He took another drink and looked straight ahead again.
 
“Nobody did ... nobody understood.
 
Not even me.”

“Hey, Kenny, look ... I’m sorry.
 
Really, I’m sorry.”

Kenny sat back and pushed a hand through his hair.
 
“I screwed up and I lost her so yeah, I miss her.
 
Am I still in love with her ...?”
 
He shrugged and took another swig of beer.
 
“I think I probably am, yes.”

Terry clasped his hands together and stared at his feet.
 
“I didn’t realise you had it so bad.”

“Why would you?”
 
Kenny’s voice was calmer now.
 
“Why would anyone?
 
I’m an actor, and the hardest role of my life right now is pretending that I don’t care that she’s in love with another man.
 
And she’s having his baby ... Jesus ...”

“I shouldn’t have brought it up, Kenny.
 
I’m sorry.”

“No.
 
No, it’s fine.”

Terry looked up and Kenny smiled.
 
“Really, it’s fine.
 
It’s good to get it off my chest if I’m honest.
 
I’ve kept it bottled up for so long.
 
I always ... I always thought, y’know, that maybe one day ... one day she’d see that what we had was special, different.
 
I kept hoping she’d forgive me for that one stupid mistake and come back to me.
 
I kept hoping but, well, then there was Michael Walsh.”
 
He looked at Terry.
 
“I think he had his eye on her even when we were together?”

“What?
 
You reckon Michael fancied her well before you two broke up?”

“Jesus, yes!
 
Absolutely!
 
I could see the way he looked at her.
 
I could see it all over his face.
 
That’s why I had all sorts of reservations when they made that movie together.”

“Didn’t you say anything to her?”

“How could I?
 
All it would have done was make me sound like some sort of jealous boyfriend.
 
But I got the feeling, somehow, that he was just waiting for me to screw up, to make a mess of things and guess what?
 
That’s exactly what I did. Leaving the way wide open for him to walk right on in there.”

“But he didn’t exactly jump straight in, did he?”

“No.
 
He’s cleverer than that.”

“I’m getting the feeling you don’t like him much.”

Kenny drained his second bottle and slammed it down on the table.
 
“It’s not that I don’t like him ... I don’t like that he’s with
India
and that I’m just out there on the sidelines but that was my fault.
 
I don’t
trust
him, Terry.”

“Why?
 
What’s there not to trust?”

Kenny shrugged.
 
“I don’t know.
 
It might just be me, I don’t know.
 
Forget it, I just can’t get used to them being together, that’s all.
 
But that’s
my
problem.”
 
He smiled at Terry.
 
“Forget I said anything.
 
Maybe I
am
just jealous after all.”

Terry finished his bottle too and stood up.
 
“Do you want another?”

Kenny shook his head.
 
“No.
 
Look, I fancy going to a club or something.
 
I’m really in the mood to cut loose for a bit.
 
Do you wanna come?”

Terry smiled at him, glad they were getting on better now.
 
Better than they ever had when him and
India
had been together.
 
“Why not?”

 
“Come on then,” Kenny said, picking up the keys to his bike.
 
“I know a great place not far from here.
 
I think it’s about time I showed you some of the more interesting places
L.A.
has to offer, don’t you?”

***

LAX was crowded and noisy and hot and Charley regretted not wearing something more practical for their return to L.A. than the fur coat Jimmy had bought her for Christmas and insisted she wear.
 
They’d just flown in from
Aspen
, where they’d been spending Christmas and New Year with an old friend of Jimmy’s.
 
Charley had hated every second of it.
 
She’d smiled her way through it, pretended everything was fine, but all she’d wanted to do was close her eyes and pretend she was somewhere else.

She’d read that India was in New York with Michael and she couldn’t help but feel that pang of jealousy again as she’d looked at the paparazzi pictures of them, all wrapped up against the cold, Michael’s arm protectively around her shoulders.
 
They were laughing, they were happy.
 
She
wasn’t happy, and she couldn’t remember the last time she’d laughed.
 
She only hoped that
India
had got the letters she’d sent.
 
She really hoped her old friend would come through for her because she was tired of the life she had now.
 
She wanted her old life back.
 
She missed it, she missed normality, she missed being ordinary.
 
She missed Terry.
 

She knew he lived in
L.A.
now, knew he worked in
Beverly Hills
, and she wondered if
India
had said anything to him about her.
 
She wondered if he still cared.
 
But what she’d done to him hadn’t been fair and she couldn’t blame him for not wanting to know anymore.

Jimmy grabbed her by the waist and roughly pulled her towards the airport exit where a large black limo waited outside to take them back home.
 
Back to hell.

“Jimmy!
 
That hurts!”

“You need to keep up, sugar.
 
We’ve got work to do tonight.”

“Jesus, can you not give me a break?
 
It’s almost nine 0’clock!”

Jimmy stopped dead and swung her round, his face just inches away from hers as he spoke, his hand gripping tightly onto her arm.
 
Too tightly.
 
“Now listen to me, sweetheart.
 
You do as
I
tell you and if
I
say you’re going to work tonight then you’re going to work.
 
Have you got that?”

She’d started to answer him back maybe more than she should have done lately, and if she did it at home she paid for it with a slap or a punch, but he was careful not to damage her face too much, although make-up had got used to covering the odd bruise or two.
 
But if she did it in public, like now, then all she got was a snarled reply, although she’d doubtless get some form of physical punishment once they were back home.
 
He didn’t forget.
 
He never did anything in public to attract attention but she was starting to wonder if maybe that’s what she should start doing.
 
Attracting attention.
 
If people knew what a pig he was, if they knew what he did to her behind closed doors, knew what he made her do for his sick and twisted films, if she could just try and get someone to notice.
 
But in reality she knew she could never be that brave.
 
He’d kill her.
 
He’d threatened it and she didn’t really want to see just how much he meant it.

She just stared at him, wishing he would go away and leave her alone, find someone else to destroy.
 
But then, nobody deserved to be treat the way he was treating her.
 
Nobody.

“Now get in the car.
 
We’re going straight to the studio.
 
I’ve had this night shoot planned for months now and you’re gonna do it whether you’re in the mood or not because you, my angel, have no choice in the matter anymore.”

He spat the words out and Charley felt tears prick the back of her eyes but she wouldn’t cry.
 
She’d never let him see how much he hurt her, that would give him too much satisfaction.

All she could do was hope and pray that somewhere, an old friend was doing their best to get her out of this life she’d created for herself, this life that she hated beyond anything she could ever imagine.
 
And all she could do was hope that it happened soon because she was getting tired.
 
So tired.
 
And the other route out of this wasn’t one she really wanted to take, but if she had to she would.
 
Because if it was the only way she could see of getting away from Jimmy then that was the only option she had left.

***

The restaurant was busy but it didn’t feel crowded, despite the fact it was a very small and intimate place. The lighting was low and the majority of tables were set around a small dance floor with a pianist at the far end.
 
It was different to anywhere
India
had been to before, but then Michael was introducing her to so many things that were different.
 
A new world almost.

Nobody bothered them, which was lovely, for a change.
 
Michael was obviously known to the staff in the restaurant because they knew he liked the table they’d reserved for him, they knew the wine he liked and they were very informal with him whilst he in turn greeted them like old friends.
 
She felt instantly comfortable in a world where before she would have felt out of her depth.

“It’s a real find, this place,” Michael smiled.
 
“I got to know it when I lived here and the family who owned it then is still here now, which is what makes it what it is really.”

India
smiled too.
 
“Do you bring all your girlfriends here then?”

He gave her that movie star grin he was so famous for, and she couldn’t help laughing.
 
“Is that an admission there, Mikey?”

He took her hand and squeezed it gently.
 
“You’re the first one that’s ever meant anything.”

“You know just how to say the right things, Mr Walsh.”

He looked down at the table, still holding onto her hand.
 
He seemed almost nervous tonight.
 
He’d been in such a good mood when they’d been out that afternoon, making her laugh constantly as she’d watched him signing autographs and having his photograph taken with fans, making them laugh too.
 
He had an amazing personality, making anyone he spoke to instantly comfortable and she loved to watch him in action.
 
But now he seemed quieter, distracted almost.