Nobody's Lost (Rescue Me Saga #5) (13 page)

“No, I’d protect you no matter what. You’re my guest.”

She nodded. “Let’s walk some more.”

Her mood remained somber. He wasn’t sure what he’d said to put a damper on things, but he wanted to return to the way they were a moment ago. Ryder reached for her hand, and she accepted it. They walked side by side where they could, and he preceded her on narrow stretches, keeping an eye out for anything that might hurt or scare her. Man, she was terrified of snakes.

He remembered coming face to face with his first rattler, though, and understood. But after watching Carlos participate in a snake dance once, he’d lost his fear. He still knew to respect the creatures and kept antivenom on hand, just in case.

Another ten minutes hiking and he pointed toward a rock. “Let’s sit a minute. There’s something I want you to see.” Hoping to increase anticipation, he placed his hands over her eyes. “Trust me. I want it to be a surprise.”

*     *     *

Ryder’s warm hands covering her eyes sent her body aflutter. The heat from his body standing so close behind her only increased her excitement. Her heartbeat raced faster. Her belly turned to molten fire. Her nipples hardened. Thank God he was behind her and couldn’t see the effect he had on her.

He inched her along the path. “That’s it. Almost there.” She remembered seeing an outcropping of rock before he had shut off her vision. The sounds around her magnified. Birds mostly. Wait. Was that something slithering in the dirt? She reached up to move his hands away.

“Shhh. Don’t be scared. I’m here. You’re safe with me.” His whispered words sent a tingle of awareness down her spine.

“I wasn’t scared. Just surprised.” His words calmed her enough to take another few steps before he stopped walking.

“Prepare to have your breath stolen away.”

Her first thought was that he was about to kiss her—again. Oh, she hoped so. Kissing Ryder was her new favorite pastime. Then he lowered his hands, and the valley opened up before her, with more mountains far in the distance. While the view from her bedroom window had been spectacular, being surrounded by the panoramic view without intrusive walls left her speechless.

“Breathe.” His whisper in her ear sent a tingle down her spine. True to his promise, he had left her breathless, too.

“I…don’t know what to say.”

“Shhh. Don’t try to speak. Just feel. Experience.”

The reddened earth of the ground, mesas, and mountains was dotted with dark green vegetation, as well as lighter-green sage bushes. She didn’t see a single manmade structure. This must have been what it looked like thousands of years ago.

She knew she would need a wide-angle lens to capture even a tiny bit of this view, but the thought of moving away from Ryder held no appeal. His breathing was slower than hers. He must not be feeling the same current of electricity sparking between them.

Why was she trying to sexualize an innocent scene? He’d just wanted to show her his view from on top of his world.

“Thanks for bringing me here, Ryder.”

“My pleasure. Believe me. Thank you for letting me be the one to introduce you to it.”

Once again, her thoughts went astray, and she wondered what it would be like to let Ryder introduce her to another wonder of the world. She wanted nothing more than to be initiated to sex by Ryder, but that wasn’t why he brought her here. The man preferred no human attachments—and you didn’t get more attached than when having a sexual relationship.

Still, the need for his lips on hers, his hands on her—

Megan turned around, her face mere inches from his. “Kiss me, Ryder.”

A fire burned hot in his brown eyes before he doused the flame. “I don’t think that’s a very good idea.”

She reached up to frame his face with her hands. “Don’t think. Just feel.” She pulled his face toward hers and placed her lips on his, tentatively. In an instant, the flames ignited in him as well, and with a groan, he opened his lips to her allowing her tongue to slip between them and explore his warmth.

One of his hands that had somehow wound up on her hips—probably prepared to push her away—moved from her hip to her side, skimming upward. She couldn’t breathe, but didn’t want to break the spell either. When his thumb skimmed the side of her breast, she gasped. Her clit throbbed as if she’d pressed her vibrator on it, and he hadn’t even touched her there. Yet.

Rather than pull away, he wrapped his other arm around her waist and pressed her lower body toward his where she felt his hardness against her belly.

Oh, God. This was becoming too real, too fast.

Then why didn’t she stop him?

*     *     *

Megan’s tongue darted in and out, teasing him into engaging. He knew he had no business kissing her again, but couldn’t for the life of him remember why not.

His fingers grazed up the side of her tank top, and he fought the urge to cup her breast and pinch her nipple. What the hell had set her off like a firecracker? He tried to remember what they had been doing just before she turned and started kissing him. They’d been looking at the valley, one of his favorite places. He hadn’t been able to wait to show her—

His hands over her eyes. Had that done it? Would she be interested in a little kink?

She’s Top’s sister.

He froze then placed both hands on her hips to push her away. Staring down at her swollen lips, he almost lost himself again, but blinked away his inappropriate passion.

“We can’t do this.”

“Why not?” The hurt in her voice made his heart ache.

“You’re Top’s sister.”

“So?”

“He entrusted me to protect you, not molest you.”

“I think I was the one to initiate that kiss. How is that molesting me?”

“I didn’t have to respond.”

“But you did.”

Yeah, did I ever.

He’d have to be a eunuch not to respond to Megan. He took a step back.

She reached out to grab him. “Careful! Don’t get so close to the edge.”

He turned to see he was only a few feet from the ledge and a very steep plunge. Not feeling particularly suicidal today, he sidestepped away from both dangers—Megan and the fall.

Ryder ran his fingers through his hair, trying to reinvigorate the cells of his scalp, if not his brain. She’d only been out here a few hours, and already he had the hard-on to end all hard-ons. How the hell would he survive a few days with her like this?

“Megan, you’re the most beautiful woman I know. Inside and out. But I’m not interested in a relationship, and you’re too sweet a girl for anything less.”

“How do you know I’m so sweet and innocent? I know what I want. I want you.”

“I doubt you’ve slept with anyone except maybe that boy in college.”

She remained silent. The moments stretched out. He hoped she was coming to the realization Ryder was nothing like her former boyfriend.

“I’m not the man you need, Megan.”

She squared her shoulders. “I don’t
need
any man. But I
want
you.”

“What could you possibly want with me?”

Her features softened, and she took a step closer. He fought the urge to step back, but if she came any closer, he would.

“You’re brave. You have integrity. You dropped everything to do a favor for me, a total stranger, even though I’m sure it was because a friend, my brother, asked you to help.”

“I wouldn’t exactly call him a friend. He was my master sergeant.”

“He’s become good friends with others who served with him. I know he’d count you among his friends if he got a chance to know you in civilian life.”

If anything could douse the flames of his arousal, those words could. He turned away and faced the view that usually gave him peace, but now looked desolate, lonely.

“No, I don’t think so. I let him down once—no twice.”

“How?”

He wasn’t going to talk about Kandahar. That pain was still too raw. Fallujah was marginally safer. “We came under fire on a rooftop in Fallujah, and I didn’t do my job.”

“I’m sure things become chaotic during combat.”

“Yeah, but we’re trained to focus on our duties—especially during combat. I was supposed to call for artillery and air power, but seeing Sergeant Miller’s…” He wouldn’t say brains. He just fucking wished he didn’t see them whenever he thought about his recurring nightmares from that horrific scene. But once he heard Orlando scream ‘Grenade!’, his only goal had been to get Grant away from danger. She’d been assigned to his unit temporarily, but—

Megan’s body pressed against his, and she wrapped him in a hug. “Please don’t beat yourself up. I’m sure you did all you could under the circumstances.”

His throat closed up, and he let her hold him but showed no outward sign of weakness.

“Shake it off.”
His mother sounded in his ears.
“Big boys don’t cry.”

He cleared his throat. “My corpsman almost died because I was too busy trying to help Grant evacuate Orlando whose…”
foot had been blown off
.

“Let it out, Ryder. Don’t keep stuff like that bottled up. You know Damián and Marc both survived that firefight. Maybe you tending to the wounded was more important than calling for fire power that probably couldn’t have arrived in time to keep Marc from being injured anyway.”

She was right, but tell that to his guilt-ridden conscience.

He blinked, hoping the wind would pick up and dry the embarrassing moisture from his eyes. Then again, maybe if she saw how weak and hopeless he really was, she’d end her naïve attraction to him.

Ryder turned and took her upper arms in his grip. “I screwed up. I had a job to do, and I screwed it up.”

Megan’s hand lifted to his cheek and stroked him. Not the response he’d expected.

“If Adam thought you were a screw-up, do you really think he would have called on you to protect his only sister?”

Ryder blinked. That had bugged him from the moment he’d answered the phone the other night. It made no sense. A man died because of him. “Maybe there just wasn’t anyone else around on such short notice.”

She smiled. “You don’t know my brothers. Neither of them would send someone in for them unless they had absolute trust in that person.”

Could she be right? Hell, Top
had
sent him onto that rooftop in Fallujah with his best sniper and their communications expert because he trusted him to do the job. Hadn’t he? Even after he’d royally fucked up in Kandahar.

“Why do you think Adam doesn’t trust you?”

He turned away, staring at the ground instead of the view. “I screwed up on a mission. I’d been trained to do a job, and I fucked up.” He closed his eyes. “Excuse my language.” His emotions simmered on the surface. Raw.

“When someone in a stateside job screws up, the ramifications are perhaps missing a sale or causing equipment to break down. You had so much pressure on you and in the middle of a war zone no less. Cut yourself some slack, Ryder. No one expects people to perform flawlessly under fire.”

“A lot of people were counting on me. Hell, my Marine unit in Kosovo wasn’t even involved in any combat situations, so Kandahar would have been—”

Her hand on his sleeve jolted him back to awareness. He needed to keep his distance. “Let’s head back, Red. You’re probably hungry by now.”

He gestured for her to precede him, but she took his hand instead to walk beside him where they could on the sometimes narrow path.

The woman brought out his protective instincts like crazy.

But could he protect her from himself?

Chapter Ten

M
egan chopped the bok choy and mushrooms while Ryder prepped the carrots, broccoli, and chicken. Cooking with him was a good change of pace from working at her computer. Editing on a laptop screen also hurt her eyes, so she welcomed the break when he asked if she’d like to help him prepare dinner. While she had been here only a few hours, the man was so easy to be with, it felt as though they’d known each other much longer.

Even so, he drove her insane. Despite her attempts to show she wanted him to look at her as more than his master sergeant’s little sister, he kept pushing her away. After their walk this afternoon, she’d complained of a headache just to go to her room and relieve her frustrations with her Hitachi. She’d never experienced this kind of attraction before.