Nobody's Lost (Rescue Me Saga #5) (15 page)

“Ryder Wilson, I am twenty-six years old! Don’t you dare bring my brothers into our bed.”

“We don’t
have
a bed.”

“We will as soon as you admit you want me, too, and drag me into yours.” She smiled. “Or if you’d prefer, we can go to my room.”

“Megan, you know I can’t deny I am attracted to you. But I’m not here to have sex with you. My mission is to protect you.”

“There’s nothing you need to protect me from any longer, least of all you. Unless you don’t have any condoms.” Let him think she was talking about protecting her from STDs.

“I haven’t had sex in a while. I doubt there are any condoms around here, but I always practiced safe sex.”

“Then we can go to the convenience store and pick up some after dinner.”

“I don’t have sex with innocent virgins, especially not one whose big brother is my former master sergeant.”

“Ryder, whatever happens stays between us. My brothers have nothing to do with it and don’t need a report either.”

“No, sex is out of the question. If you won’t see reason, someone here needs to be the adult.”

Now he was saying she was not only a virgin but acting childishly?

She spun away from him. “Excuse me. I’m going to take a walk.”

“Megan, you’re just going to get hurt if—”

Unable to speak, she waved him away and left the kitchen. How could she make him see her not as his master sergeant’s little sister, but as a woman who cared a lot for him and wanted something with him she’d never wanted with any man before? Certainly not marriage. She wouldn’t trap any man in that kind of arrangement unless he was fully aware of what she couldn’t give him. Friends with benefits maybe.

Not that they’d done anything more than kiss. Maybe benefits would be wishful thinking on her part.

Outside, she looked left and right and decided it would be best to stick to the beaten path. Critters tended to come out this time of the evening, and she didn’t want to have any unwelcome encounters. The only encounter she
did
want was with Ryder, but he refused her.

Megan’s face grew warm as she pictured how it must have looked to him with her throwing herself at him. She’d never behaved like that with a man. Why this one? Hormones. She had to blame her screwed up hormones for this.

Obviously having sex with her was the furthest thing from what Ryder wanted. She’d embarrassed the hell out of herself. How was she going to go back in and face him over dinner? God, she hadn’t even stayed to help him finish cooking.

Maybe he was right. She
was
behaving childishly. Spoiled, even, although he hadn’t accused her of that. She turned around and started up the road again. A movement to her right caught her eye, and she turned to see a large coyote staring at her. Her heart jumped into her throat a moment before she realized the animal probably feared her more than she needed to fear it. If only she had her camera. She’d never been so close to one before.

Megan stood still, not wanting to spook the animal. Its cinnamon-brown eyes seemed a mirror to its soul. She wished she could communicate with it in some way.

“Don’t be afraid, Red. I’m here.”

She glanced up the driveway toward the house and found Ryder standing there, knife in hand.

“Don’t you dare touch that animal!” she whispered with great emphasis, but not loud enough to spook the coyote.

“I won’t, unless he attacks you. He’s been coming around here for months so maybe he’s lost his fear of humans. Still, he’s a wild animal and unpredictable.”

Her gaze returned to the animal. “Should we leave some food out for him?”

“No. It would weaken his ability to survive. I won’t be here forever. Not to mention the fact that food would attract other animals we may not want hanging around the house. There is a delicate balance with nature out here and it’s best not to upset that.”

“Makes sense.”

“Turn around and walk toward me slowly. Don’t make eye contact with the coyote. Just look at me.”

She realized staring at the animal probably made him feel challenged, although he didn’t seem to want to attack her when she did so. Megan took one step, then another, never quite meeting Ryder’s or the coyote’s gaze. The animal remained still. Watching. Silent.

When she reached Ryder’s side, he wrapped an arm around her. The coyote turned and trotted up the hillside.

“You weren’t afraid, were you?”

“No. More than a little annoyed that I didn’t have my camera with me.”

Ryder chuckled.

“I’m sure you’ll have other opportunities if you stay out here any time at all.”

“You don’t want to send me packing after that scene in the kitchen?”

He grinned. “Do you know how good it sounds for a beautiful young woman to tell a screwed-up, old Marine like me she’s turned on by him?”

They began walking toward the house. “Well, it’s the truth. I’m not sure I can turn off those feelings. Things might get a little awkward if we spend much more time together.”

“Don’t you worry. I can make sure things don’t get out of control between us.”

Oh, is that so?

What if she turned the tables on him and showed him she could exert a little control herself? Maybe Ryder needed to surrender some of the tight control he had on himself to someone else? She’d read about relationships where men and women who were always in control sometimes liked allowing someone else to call the shots, make the decisions.

She wondered if perhaps he was interested in certain forms of kink. From what she’d read in novels anyway, kink didn’t have to involve sex.

She wished she had an internet connection out here to see if what she read about in romance novels and on erotica story sites had any basis in reality, but her cell phone barely worked out here. Ryder didn’t have a smartphone she could use to surf the web to learn more.

Well, maybe she could learn by asking Ryder questions. Would he be interested in some non-sexual fun and games like the ones she’d read about on a certain erotica Web site. Not that she’d needed that site for sexual stimulation since meeting Ryder Wilson.

She intended to make sure the discussions at dinner tonight were very…stimulating.

Chapter Eleven

R
yder marveled at how Megan fit in out here. He’d thought her a pampered city girl, but nothing seemed to faze her. Sure, she probably wouldn’t buddy up to a rattler anytime soon, but watching her in silent communication with the coyote had impressed the hell out of him. Most city girls would have screamed and run, possibly encouraging a chase by the coyote. Not Megan.

Now, if only he could get her to stop trying to get into his bed. That wasn’t going to happen.

He carried two plates of chicken stir-fry to the table, and she followed with her glass of white wine and his bottle of beer. He missed having a beer with his dinner but apparently her brother preferred wine and harder liquor.

At least the earlier awkward moment seemed to have been diffused. She’d probably only come on to him earlier to divert his attention from his meltdown. Nothing about his post-traumatic stress issues seemed daunting to her, either.

How anyone could be attracted to a man who broke down like that stumped him, though. Definitely had to have been feeling sorry for him.

They ate in silence at first, making him wonder if maybe the scene in the kitchen earlier would cause trouble in their friendship. But Megan managed to get the conversation going again.

“Why did your parents name you Ryder?”

He swallowed a mouthful of food. “You really want to know?”

“Sure!”

“Well, seems they were moving from Idaho to New Mexico when Marcia was about fifteen months old and—”

“No way!” She set her fork down. “You’re named for a Ryder rental truck?”

He shrugged and grinned. “Sure enough. Guess it’s a good thing they didn’t rent a U-Haul.”

She cupped her chin in her hand. “I have to hear the rest of this story.”

“I’m told I was conceived in the back.”

“I thought having another baby would keep your father around, but he planned to leave as soon as we returned the Ryder truck.”

He tamped down the memory and tried to make light of the story for Megan. “They left Marcia with Mom’s mom during the move. Because they couldn’t afford a motel, they slept in the back.”

“That’s too funny!”

Ryder resumed eating although his appetite was pretty much gone. He enjoyed being with Megan, though, talking about all kinds of things or just watching her take photos. Watching her excitement when she discovered new things brought him a lot of joy, too.

“Ryder, have you ever tried kink?”

The mouthful of veggies he swallowed at that moment caught in his throat, and he grabbed his beer to wash it down. When he could speak again, he asked, “What did you say?” How long had he tuned out for the conversation to shift so dramatically?

“Kink. You know, bondage, spanking, things like that. Not necessarily as foreplay to sex, but it can be used as a way to regain control.”

He set his fork down. “What the hell do you know about kink?”

“Well, I’ve read some books.”

“Like the one all over the news lately?”

She raised her chin in defiance. “Among others.”

God save the world from people with enough general knowledge to get them in over their heads. “Listen, there’s a lot of misinformation dispensed in those novels.”

“But some are well-researched and written by people who live the lifestyle or consult with those who do. Don’t worry. I know the difference between what’s realistic and what’s fantasy, Ryder.”

“Do you? Tell me what you’ve learned.”

“That a healthy BDSM or kink relationship involves building a deep trust in each other, open and honest communication, using safewords, negotiating and sharing your hard and soft limits, and always involves activities mutually consented upon between adults.”

Time to see if she truly knew fantasy from reality. “Should I get out a pen and paper and draw up a lengthy contract for us to begin then?”

Her frown indicated confusion. “Of course not. I know a written contract in a kink relationship isn’t worth the paper it’s written on. That’s where trust comes in. You need to trust that your play partner won’t cry abuse later. It’s risky to play with the wrong person because of the societal taboo. There can be serious consequences suffered. That’s where verbal negotiations and lots of communication come in.” She paused for a breath and smiled. “But a checklist might come in handy. I could list my limits and likes, and you yours.”

“I’m impressed you’ve done your homework. But we aren’t drawing up a list either.”

She blushed. “Well, the lifestyle has fascinated me from the moment I read my first BDSM romance novel a few years ago. You have a Dominant and a submissive usually, although there are other combinations. Generally, the Dom or Top acts upon the submissive or bottom, who receives the action.”

“Might I ask which of those roles you see yourself in?”

“Oh, the Dominant, of course.”

“Is that so?” From what he’d observed of Megan he questioned her self-assessment, but she wouldn’t be the first submissive whose judgment was clouded by the way she dominated the rest of her world. All of the subs he’d known had been very dominant in their businesses, even their homes. But in the bedroom?

He’d love to know about her orientation—but had no intention of finding out.

She went on trying to convince him she knew. “I like being in control of everything. It’s why I plan to be an independent photographer rather than work for someone else. It’s also why I chose to apprentice during college to prepare for my career. And—

Ryder shook his head.

“You don’t believe me?”

“Actions speak more loudly than words.”

“What kind of proof do you need?”

“
I
don’t need to know one way or the other. Just keep your options open in case you ever find a safe and experienced Dom to work with.”

Why did the thought of her being with another Dom bother him? She sure as hell shouldn’t learn about kink from him. Well, it couldn’t hurt to talk about it, he supposed.