Nothing Left to Lose (42 page)

As she sat
down, she brushed her fingers across the lettering of his name.
“Hey. I’m really sorry I couldn’t come sooner, I wanted to, but
it’s just too far away from my new school.” She ran her hands over
the grass absentmindedly. “I’m doing really good. I haven’t said
that in a long time, but I really am.” My heart throbbed in my
chest as I listened to her admit that. “I love my school. The
teachers are great, and I’ve even made some friends,” she smiled
weakly.

“I brought
someone with me today. He’s my new near guard, the one I told you
about the last time I came. He seems to be lasting well so far,”
she joked, laughing quietly. “He’s really great, and I know you
would’ve liked him if you’d gotten the chance to meet him. We’re
going to Los Angeles for the weekend. I always wanted to go there,
remember?”

When she sighed
deeply, my heart started to race. This was it. This was the part
where she would get upset and sob, and I would have to watch it
while my heart broke in two.

“Jack, I know a
lot of stuff has happened that you’ve probably seen from where you
are, and I’m sorry, but I need him. He makes me feel better, so
that’s not bad, right? You forgive me for trying to be happy, don’t
you?” she asked quietly, picking a blade of grass and rolling it
around between her fingers.

I winced,
shifting on my feet uncomfortably. Had she forgotten I was here?
Surely I wasn’t supposed to be hearing this one-sided
conversation.

“People always
say that you wouldn’t want me to be sad, but it’s really hard to
believe that after what happened to you and then… after. I don’t
know what to think anymore. Everything is so confusing now. I hope
you forgive me for letting someone else make me happy.”

I swallowed the
lump in my throat. I couldn’t watch from a distance any longer; I
walked up behind her and sat down, spreading my legs either side of
her and scooting close to her back. As I was doing it, I was
mentally shouting at myself for intruding on her private moment. No
doubt she was going to freak out because I was doing this, being
close to her in front of Jack’s grave.

But, much to my
surprise, she didn’t freak out.

Instead, she
pressed back into me and put her hands on my knees. I literally
stopped breathing because she was showing me some affection in
front of Jack’s grave. Was that supposed to mean something? I
didn’t even know anymore.

“Hey, I’m
nearly done.” She turned her head and smiled at me over her
shoulder, her face inches from mine. I nodded, unable to speak.
Even if I could force a word out, I wouldn’t know what to say. She
turned back to the gravestone. “This is Ashton Taylor; he’s been
looking after me for the last couple of months. He’s a great guy.”
She squeezed my leg affectionately, but I still couldn’t speak.
“So, my dad might get elected in a month and then I could
officially be the President’s daughter. I guess I’d better shape up
my act, huh?” she joked, chuckling to herself, changing the
subject. “And Carter’s trial starts again in three months’ time,
but you don’t need to worry about that, he won’t get out. There’s
still a lot of evidence and stuff, so he’ll pay for what he did to
you, don’t worry, okay?”

I scowled at
the sound of his name. I silently wondered if she realised that she
didn’t mention what Carter had done to her at all. It was a little
scary how she just blocked everything out like that; it couldn’t be
healthy for her.

She sighed
deeply. “I’m sorry that I can’t stay longer, but my parents are
insisting I spend some time with them before we leave.” She leant
forward and trailed her fingertips across his name once more. “I’ll
come back next time I’m here, okay? I miss you. Bye.” She pushed
herself up and turned back to me, holding out a hand to help me
up.

She didn’t look
too bad as we made our way silently to the car. She didn’t look
like the other two times we had walked away from here, like she was
dying inside.

No one spoke as
we climbed in the car, and I signalled to the other guard that we
were ready to leave. After a couple of minutes of driving silently,
she turned to me. “So, are you going to take me to this Denny’s
place that you keep going on about?”

I looked at her
smiling face, shocked. My insides started to hurt. We’d just
visited Jack’s grave, she’d let me sit with her, and she didn’t
look like her heart was breaking. Was she finally letting go of
him? Was she finally ready to move on?

I gulped.
“Yeah, I’ll take you to Denny’s at some point before we leave LA,”
I promised. Anna would love it there; they served the best chilli
cheese dogs in the world. After Nate, it was the thing I missed the
most about not living in LA.

When we got
back to the lake house, her parents had arranged lunch on the
terrace for the three of them. As I was about to leave, Anna clung
to my hand and silently begged me with her eyes, thwarting my
escape. I smiled weakly as I sat down at the table with them,
watching silently as her mother ordered another place setting
because the table had only been laid for the three of them. I
shuffled uncomfortably in my chair, knowing that they would
probably prefer to have time alone with her, but the way Anna was
clinging to my hand told me that she didn’t want me to leave.

For the first
ten minutes, talk was a little strained as they caught up on how
her course was going and what the apartment was like. After that
though, she seemed to relax and her forced smile turned into a
genuine one as her dad reeled off stuff about his campaign and her
mother talked nonsense about the prize begonias she was
growing.

By the end of
the second hour that we were scheduled to stay at the lake house
for, I was slightly less intimidated by her father, and actually
having a nice time. It was heart-warming to see their reactions to
her smile and her laugh. It was like they were seeing her for the
first time in years – well, technically, they probably were. The
happiness that I could see in her mother’s eyes made my skin
prickle.

When the time
was finally up, Maddy called Senator Spencer to tell him that the
helicopter was ready for boarding. As we walked towards the noisy
chopper, her father placed his hand on my arm, pulling me to a stop
and letting the girls go ahead.

“Agent Taylor,
I’ve not seen my daughter this happy in years. I don’t know how
you’re doing it, but thank you,” he said, smiling gratefully.

I grinned and
shook my head. “You don’t have to thank me, sir.” I didn’t do it
for my job. Whenever she was happy, my heart would melt into a
puddle on the floor, it was like this was the reason for my
existence – to make her happy.

“Well, I want
to. Anyway, have a nice weekend, and happy birthday for
tomorrow.”

I smiled
uncomfortably.
Does everyone now remember my birthday?
I
mused. “Thank you, sir. And don’t worry about Anna, I promise to
take care of her,” I vowed, wanting to add ‘forever’ on the end. I
ran to catch up with her, and we climbed in the helicopter, setting
off for the airport, both of us grinning excitedly.

The flight to
LA was good. As we walked through the airport at the other end, I
was careful to keep her close and check for danger. The thought of
not having a far guard was a little worrying, but I didn’t doubt my
ability to protect her. Also, it would help that no one knew she
was here with me, apart from her parents and a few guards. As far
as everyone else was concerned, she’d dropped off the face of the
earth; even the name she travelled under today was fake.

As we made our
way over to the car rentals desk, Anna was grinning like crazy.
“Hi, we have a car reservation under the name of Taylor,” she
informed the attendant.

His face lit
up. “Ah, yes! Very unusual request for a rental. It’s right outside
in bay two. Here, I’ll get the keys.” He turned and fished through
the cupboard.

Once he’d found
what he was looking for, he slid a form across the counter to me. I
looked it over, noticing there were no details other than ‘special
request’ written across the top. I signed it wearily, and he led us
back through the depot. Anna was practically skipping at my side. I
frowned, wondering why she looked so excited.

As we walked
out of the door, I burst out laughing when I saw what she’d done.
She’d rented me a brand spanking new yellow Camaro, an exact
replica of the one from the Transformers movie. That was something
else I had said to her when we’d joked around about buying a car
for us to use at school. The car was beautiful, and my hands were
itching to run across the top and feel the shiny paintwork.

“Seriously? You
rented this for the weekend? Damn, these are expensive!” I laughed,
shaking my head at her thoughtfulness.

“Unfortunately,
it doesn’t turn into a giant robot though. I tried my best…” she
shook her head, faking sadness.

I pulled her
into a hug. “You are too funny. This is incredible. Honestly, I’ve
never met anyone as thoughtful as you. Thank you,” I gushed,
holding her tightly against me.

She hugged me
back. “You’re welcome. No speeding though,” she replied,
giggling.

I grinned and
popped the trunk, putting our suitcase inside. When I went to pick
up the other one containing the ‘girlie stuff’, she pulled it away
and lifted it herself, carefully setting it next to the one we were
sharing. “That one’s mine, so hands off, okay?” she instructed,
playfully tapping her finger on my nose.

“What the hell
is in there?”

“None of your
business,” she replied, grinning wildly.

I frowned but
decided to let it go. “Let’s get to my place then, and we can order
some food.”

She rolled her
eyes. “You ate two hours ago.”

Pulling open
her door for her, I shrugged. “What can I say? I’m a growing
boy.”

She chuckled,
and I pushed her door closed before practically skipping around to
the driver’s side.

As I drove down
the familiar streets, worry started to settle into the pit of my
stomach. My place wasn’t exactly a palace, and Anna was used to
living in luxury, I definitely should have booked a hotel or
something for the weekend. “Um, Anna, my place isn’t exactly what
you’re used to. It’s not really what you’d call a nice place,” I
said, grimacing.

“You think I
care where you live?” she frowned, looking a little hurt because I
was kind of implying that she was shallow.

I shook my head
quickly. I didn’t think of her like that at all. “No, I know you
don’t. It’s just a little embarrassing, that’s all. I mean, it’s
okay, but it’s nothing like our place,” I explained, shrugging and
pulling into an empty space in the parking lot outside my apartment
block. I winced as I looked around at the other cars; this car was
going to stick out like a sore thumb. “This car is insured,
right?”

She laughed at
me. “Yeah, Pretty Boy, don’t worry.”

I sighed as I
climbed out; waving her out of the car after checking it was safe.
When I popped the trunk, she was too preoccupied with looking
around and smiling to notice me get her case out of the trunk too.
My hand closed over hers, pulling her close to my back as I led her
across the parking lot and towards the rickety, old elevator in the
lobby of my apartment building.

When we got to
the third floor, I guided her along and stopped outside the door to
my place. I held my breath as I pushed the key into the lock,
silently praying that Nate had tidied up a little. Once the door
was open, she stepped in first, and I followed behind, barely able
to breathe. Nate was a total slob and liked to live in his own
filth. For the last few years that we’d shared a place, I’d been
the one to tidy up. The images I had in my head of what we were
going to walk in on were horrifying. But, much to my surprise, it
actually didn’t look too bad.

As I stepped
into the lounge, I felt my body relax. There were no dirty dishes
or clothes anywhere, and no slutty magazines on the table; he even
looked like he’d run the vacuum around. It wasn’t too bad at all
for a bachelor pad; I was actually quite impressed with him.

Anna smiled as
she looked around. “I thought you said it wasn’t a nice place, this
is great.” She went straight over to the photos on the wall and
started looking through them. “Are these your friends?” she asked,
motioning to one of me and my boys at the races last year.

“Yeah. That
one’s Nate,” I confirmed, pointing out my best friend.

She whistled
appreciatively. “Right, I can see why he gets the girls.”

My heart
stopped. I hadn’t even thought about the possibility of her liking
Nate. He was a good-looking guy and all the girls fell at his feet.
I felt sick, jealousy coursing through me. What the hell would I do
if she liked my best friend?

She turned back
to me. “What’s wrong?” Concern coloured her tone as she reached up
and touched my cheek.

“Nothing,” I
lied, stepping away from her.

“Hey, don’t lie
to me. I can see that something’s wrong. Tell me,” she demanded,
grabbing my hand.

“Nothing. All
the girls like Nate. He’s your typical heart throb – blond hair,
blue eyes, every girl’s dream. Just your type,” I stated,
shrugging, trying to appear unconcerned.

Understanding
crossed her face as she giggled wickedly. “Are you jealous about
what I said?”

I jumped.
Shit! What the hell do I say to that?
“No,” I lied.

“You’re a
terrible liar,” she teased, stepping forward and putting her hands
on my chest.

I groaned.
“Okay fine. Yeah, I was jealous,” I admitted uncomfortably.

She smiled
again. “You don’t need to be. He’s not right for me at all.
Besides, I already have a boyfriend, and he’s extremely hot,” she
flirted, running her hands down my chest and catching hold of my
belt loops.