Nothing Left to Lose (9 page)

He chuckled. “I
know, I can tell,” he answered, grinning. I rolled my eyes at him
and took my jeans off, plopping down on the dock in just my long,
baggy T-shirt. I grabbed an apple out of the bag, nibbling on it
absentmindedly.

When he
stripped down to his shorts, exposing that incredible toned and
tanned body that looked like something out of a celebrity magazine,
I slipped on my shades so that he wouldn’t see my eyes wander in
his direction. I forced my gaze away from him and focussed on my
apple. I actually felt immensely guilty for looking at him in that
way. I had never looked at a man the way I kept looking at Ashton,
not since Jack. No one ever caught my interest, and I felt like I
was being unfaithful to Jack’s memory by looking at my new
guard.

Ashton sat down
next to me, stretching out his long legs. “Let’s start with the
getting to know each other. What’s your favourite colour?” he asked
casually.

“Green,” I
answered, closing my eyes and lying back on the wooden dock. I
loved it out here; the way the dock rocked slightly on the water
was soothing. I often came out here and just lay in the peace and
quiet.

“Favourite
flower?”

“Dandelion,” I
replied, then bit my lip. “I mean roses, white roses,” I amended,
frowning.

“Dandelions?
You like weeds? Why?” he asked, eyeing me curiously.

Oh for
goodness’ sake! Why does this guy want to know everything about me
and always see through my lies?
I sighed. “Jack gave me a big
bunch of dandelions when he asked me out when we were five,” I
admitted, smiling at the memory.

He laughed.
“That’s sweet. He sounds like he was a nice guy.” I nodded, and he
smiled at me. “Maybe he was a bit cheap though,” he added
jokingly.

I smiled and
looked at him. “He was a great guy, you’d have liked him, everyone
liked him.” I rolled onto my front, putting my arms under my chin,
watching the water ripple around the dock.

There was an
uncomfortable silence for a few minutes before he spoke again.
“Favourite food? Mine’s a tuna melt baked potato because that’s
about the only thing I can cook,” he laughed.

“Seriously, you
can’t cook? Do you still live with your parents? Does your mommy do
everything for you? I bet she still washes your clothes,” I teased,
grinning at him.

A sad smile
crossed his face. “My parents died when I was ten, I grew up in
foster homes,” he replied. “And no, I can’t cook. I’m pretty good
at burning stuff though.”

I winced and
looked at him apologetically because of my insensitive joke about
his mom. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I shouldn’t have said
that.”

He smiled and
shook his head, shrugging casually. “It’s fine; it was a long time
ago. Favourite food?”

“Er, chocolate
fudge cake? I’m a dessert girl,” I admitted, smiling, grateful for
the change of subject.

He laughed.
“Right, I should have guessed by the size of you,” he joked, poking
me in the ribs.

“Hey, don’t
make fun of a girl’s weight!” I scolded, trying to look stern. I
knew he was joking though; I worked out a lot, so my figure was
toned, I just hid it under baggy clothes so no one could see.

“Whoa there,
sorry, ma’am,” he replied, holding up his hands in an ‘I surrender’
fashion. My stomach fluttered when he called me ‘ma’am’. From his
mouth, it actually sounded incredibly sexy.

The questioning
continued for about another hour and in that time I learnt a lot
about him. He’d graduated two days ago – this was his first proper
assignment. He’d never been undercover before. He was originally
from Boston but moved around a lot because of the foster homes. He
had no other family or siblings. His best friend from the academy
was called Nate, and he was like a brother to him. They shared an
apartment in LA. Apparently, he
did
know how to wash his own
clothes. His dream job was SWAT Front Line.

He was really
easy to talk to and was actually a funny guy. We ate while we
talked, and boy he can eat a lot! I’d never seen anyone pack away
as much food as he did, not without feeling sick anyway.

“How long shall
we say we’ve been together?” he asked cautiously as he polished off
the last pack of chips.

I shrugged. “I
don’t care.” It honestly didn’t matter how long we said we’d been
together. It wasn’t like a load of people were going to be hanging
around and chatting to us about our relationship.

“I think we
should go for a year. That way we won’t have to be too
touchy-feely. People are usually over that first passion thing by a
year, aren’t they?” he asked thoughtfully. I glanced at him and
laughed as I realised why he seemed so unsure. “What?” he asked,
grinning.

“Have you never
had a relationship before?” I asked curiously. It seemed impossible
that a gorgeous guy like him was without a girlfriend.

“Nope, not
really. I mean, I’ve been out with girls but never seriously.
You’ll be my first,” he joked, winking at me.

I raised one
eyebrow knowingly. “And by never seriously, you mean you screw
girls for fun before you screw them over,” I retorted.

He frowned,
looking a little hurt. “I don’t screw girls over! I just never
really met anyone I wanted to be with properly before, and even if
I had met the right girl, I wouldn’t have had time, my training
took up a lot of my time,” he protested, shrugging.

“You’re a
player.”

“I am not!” he
protested adamantly.

I nodded,
giving him a sarcastic expression and laughed. “Whatever! Wanna
swim?” I stood up, throwing my shades down onto his pile of
clothes.

“Sure. Is the
water warm?” he asked, sticking his foot in. He immediately gasped
and jerked his foot out. “Holy shit! That’s freezing. We can’t swim
in that,” he mumbled, shaking his foot to dry it.

“Oh quit being
a baby, I thought you were a tough guy,” I teased.

“Yeah, I can
fight and shoot bullets, but man, that is cold!” he whined like a
little girl.

I pulled my
T-shirt off over my head. When I looked back at him, he was staring
at me, his mouth was slightly open, and his eyes were wide and
raking over my body slowly. My stomach tightened into a knot when I
realised he was checking me out. I wanted to pull the shirt back on
and run, but there was something in his eyes that made me want to
trust him; I knew he wouldn’t hurt me. So instead of putting the
shirt back on, I folded it up deliberately slowly before dropping
it on top of my jeans.

He hadn’t
moved. It was like he was stuck on the spot, just staring at me.
Taking advantage of his distraction, I stalked over to his side,
smiling sweetly. When I got closer to him, my heart started to
speed up fractionally, but it wasn’t from fear. When I was close
enough, I raised my hands, putting them on his chest, making his
full lips part and his eyes tighten. I grinned wickedly and shoved
on his chest as hard as I could. Distracted, he lost his footing
and stumbled backwards into the lake.

I burst out
laughing as he broke the surface again, gasping and immediately
swimming for the ladder. “Holy shit, that’s cold!” he rasped. I
quickly moved to the ladder, sitting down and dangling my legs into
the cold water so that he couldn’t get out. “Come on, let me out,
it’s freezing!” he whined, half climbing out of the water so that
we were at the same level.

“No way. You’re
in now, you’ll get used to it in a minute or two,” I said
confidently.

A wicked smile
slipped onto his face as his arm snaked around my waist. I gasped,
knowing too late what was happening. His body twisted and he threw
me into the water. The cold shocked my body and made me stiffen
automatically; I kicked for the top and gasped when my head broke
the surface.

“Oh shit,” I
groaned, squeezing my eyes shut, kicking my legs to stay afloat as
the cold water attacked my system.

“Bet you want
to get out now, huh?” he asked from behind me. I looked back at
him; he was standing on the dock, his hair dripping. The sunlight
kissed his wet skin, making him look sexy as hell.

“Oh come on,
Pretty Boy, you afraid of a little cold water?” I jeered, swimming
off.

I heard a
splash and knew that he had dived back in; seconds later he grabbed
my ankle. I laughed as I tried to carry on swimming, but he just
pulled me back to him. I turned around and splashed him in the
face, which just started a splashing war. It was fun and I hadn’t
had fun for years. His easy smile and the beautiful surroundings
made me feel more relaxed and unlike the uptight, frightened girl I
had become. I felt younger somehow.

After a while,
my teeth started to chatter noisily and my body was shivering
uncontrollably. “Come on, let’s get back to the dock and get dried
off before we get hypothermia,” he suggested, turning his back to
me.

I quickly
grabbed around his neck and wrapped my legs around his waist so I
was on his back. “I’m too cold, you’ll have to carry me, tough
guy,” I joked through my chattering teeth.

He laughed
quietly but didn’t protest. As he swam for the dock I could feel
his warmth seeping into my skin from everywhere our bodies touched.
When we got to the dock, I climbed off his back and forced my
shaking legs to climb the ladder. Picking up the two fluffy towels,
I wrapped one around my body and turned, holding the other out
towards him.

When I laid
eyes on him, my stomach dropped into my toes. He was just pulling
himself out of the lake. The water was running down his
goosebump-covered body, and I secretly envisioned rubbing the towel
all over him.
Actually, screw the towel; I want to rub my hands
all over him…

“Great idea,
Anna, swimming in the lake. Next time let’s go to a pool,” he
suggested, roughly rubbing his hand in his hair, flicking droplets
of water everywhere.

I laughed
awkwardly at the thoughts that were playing out inside my head. All
of them involved me being about three feet closer to him. “You were
the one who chose the lake. We do have a heated indoor swimming
pool and a Jacuzzi. If you wanted that then you should have said,”
I countered, grinning.

His mouth
popped open in shock. “Damn it! You have a heated pool yet you’ve
just made me swim in icy water?”

“Oh yeah, but
where’s the romance in a heated pool, huh?” I joked.

He closed the
distance between us and took his towel from my hand. A sexy smile
tugged at the corners of his mouth as he twisted it in his hands
before looping it around the back of my neck, pulling me closer to
him. I gasped and stiffened, shocked by the close proximity. My
heart was beating way too fast as he leant in even closer, my
stomach was clenching. It was one thing for my mind to play out a
little fantasy of our bodies pressing together, but now that it was
real and I wasn’t in control, I started to panic.

As his mouth
inched towards mine and his breath blew across my lips, I jerked my
knee up towards his groin. Obviously predicting my strike, he
jumped backwards, laughing to himself as he avoided my blow.

“You’re right,
a freezing cold lake is much more romantic,” he agreed, still
chuckling to himself. My breathing started to slow down, my heart
rate returned to normal now that he was further away from me.

“You’re an
idiot,” I muttered, taking his towel off my shoulders and throwing
it at him. He grinned and caught it effortlessly, rubbing his hair
with it, making it stick out at all angles while I pulled on my
clothes over the top of my damp swimsuit.

“You ready to
go?” he asked finally, picking up his folded clothes and the bag
containing empty wrappers from all of the food he’d consumed.

“Yep,” I
confirmed, climbing into the boat.

He rowed on the
way back and I closed my eyes, leaning my head back, enjoying the
last of the sunshine. I’d had a nice day. I hadn’t thought that for
a long time.

As we stepped
in through the front door, Sarah looked up from her dusting task,
and a large, predatory smile crept onto her face. Ashton sighed
next to me but smiled back. When she set down her duster and
sauntered towards him, swaying her hips, something settled in the
pit of my stomach, something unfamiliar and unwelcome. My eyebrows
knitted together when I realised that it was actually a slightly
jealous feeling. The feeling actually scared me because in spending
the day with him and getting to know him a little, I realised that
I actually enjoyed his company. That was the worst thing that could
happen to me. I didn’t want to spend time with people, grow to like
them and let them into my life, only to have them march right out
again and leave me. For the last few years, since Jack had died,
I’d deliberately alienated myself so that wouldn’t happen. I
couldn’t get hurt again, so this was like a pre-emptive strike
before they abandoned me.

Clenching my
jaw, I shook my head at myself and forced the jealous feeling away.
There was no way in hell I was letting myself get jealous over a
bodyguard; Sarah was welcome to him.

Needing to
distract myself from the fact that I’d almost done the unthinkable
and made a friend, I decided to go to the gym for a while. “See you
later,” I muttered, stalking off to my bedroom as Sarah twirled a
lock of her hair around her finger and looked at Ashton through her
eyelashes. After changing into workout clothes, I marched
downstairs and into the gym. Not bothering to stretch beforehand, I
stepped onto the treadmill and turned it on slowly while I put on
my iPod and cranked it up as high as I could stand.

My run started
out at a gentle jog but, as usual, quickly changed into something
else entirely. Running was my thing. Running made my body ache and
gave me something to focus on when I was struggling to keep myself
sane everyday. I gritted my teeth as my legs burned from the effort
of running at a flat out sprint for over twenty minutes. I was
going to have to stop soon.