Off the Cuff (16 page)

 

Guys should also think about the scale of their watch in ratio to the size of their wrists. You don't want a big hunking piece of metal if you have a skinny little chicken-bone wrist. You know what they say: big wrists ... big watch. Once again, invoke the head rule: If the watch is bigger than your head, it's too big. Actually, it should never be bigger than a half dollar.

In the last few years, there's been a subtle shift in men's fashion. Because a lot of guys aren't wearing suits—or even ties—every day, the shirt itself has now become the canvas for self-expression. Everywhere you look, you see beautiful striped woven shirts that look cool whether you wear them with dress slacks or with denim.

 

With great thanks to our friends across the pond, a lot of the wonderful shirts out there, from Thomas Pink to Paul Smith to moderate American designers, now have French cuffs. And American men are baffled by them. They leave the cuffs hanging all the way down to their fingertips or they roll them up. Wrong answer. By doing that, you're not making the most of what can be a great look—all it takes is a simple investment in a great pair of cuff links. Don't be afraid.

 

Adding a cuff links can really personalize your wardrobe. They can say a lot about your personality and add a lot of sass or class. They can act as a nod to a favorite hobby, a zodiac sign, whatever. They shouldn't be too big and you should avoid being too whimsical: Teddy bears and bunny rabbits might not be the best choice for attracting a mate.

 

For a classic look, I love a nice sterling silver oval from Tiffany's. If you want to do something funky or fun, and you don't want to spend a lot of money, flea markets and secondhand stores offer an amazing array of cuff links for next to nothing. Problem solved!

I can't say enough about the importance of sunglasses. They protect your eyes, keep you from squinting, and prevent the need for botox in the future.
And
they make you look like a movie star. What more do you want? It's the easiest fix in the book. When I put a great pair of sunglasses on somebody, it's
always
transforming.

You've now heard me say this a million times, but when looking for sun-glasses, keep it simple. If you go crazy with sunglasses, you'll look like Elton John or somebody from MTV's
House of Style
or like you just got back from Ibiza. We don't want that. No colored tints, either, or you'll risk looking like Anastacia. I love her music, but it's not the right look for most men. Bone structure. Go figure. You want classic sunglasses, like Ray-Ban Wayfarers, which Tom Cruise wore in
Risky Business
. Aviators also look hot on almost everybody. (Hello! Tom Cruise in
Top Gun
!) In fact, when in doubt, just try to look like Tom Cruise.

 

Sunglasses are artwork that frames your face. And, um, hi?! It's your face! Take it seriously. You want to be concerned about scale and fit, and make sure that the frames balance out your face. If you're fair with pale hair, a black frame might be too severe. Try a tortoise in softer, warmer brown or gold tones. For dark hair, silver is an excellent choice.

 

We all know that you can find really cheap sunglasses on the street or at the dollar store. And that can sometimes be appealing because a lot of us tend to lose them, sit on them, whatever, and we don't want to make a big investment. But I think quality is very important when it comes to sunglasses, so it might be worth it to spend just a little more. Proceed with caution when purchasing sunglasses at a place that also sells hemorrhoid ointment, because we're talking about your eyes here. Make sure that whatever you buy is UV resistant. If you doubt how important that is, let me just remind you that German shepherds are expensive. So are canes. And just imagine never being able to indulge in the visual pleasure of your next visit to Hooters.

In this era of laser eye surgery and disposable contact lenses, don't forget that glasses can be hot and very sexy. They're not just for geeks anymore. People do make passes at guys who wear glasses. Trust me.

 

When choosing a pair of glasses—or maybe while complaining about how expensive they can be—remember one thing: You should never slap just anything on your face. You're not welding here, people. You're going to be walking around all day and night with these glasses on. It's the one accessory that stays with you all the time, which makes glasses probably the most important thing you have in your wardrobe.

 

I trust you're working with a top-quality optometrist who will ensure the safety of your peepers. Beyond that, glasses are a fashion item, subject to old domestic partner tales à la “Pleated pants will hide my spare tire.” People fall prey to believing things like “I'll wear glasses with clear frames. They'll recede from my face and will look like I'm not wearing glasses at all!” Here's the snafu: The rest of us aren't blind. We know you're wearing glasses. And clear frames went out with earth shoes, okay?

 

It's always best to buy a simple frame that flatters you. Avoid any kind of fashion frames. You don't want to look like Sally Jessy Raphael. There are some classic frames that always look great on everybody—preppy styles and simple wire frames are always good choices. A sleek but still classic option is the rimless frame. A total oxymoron, but doable nonetheless.

 

Just like sunglasses, pick your glasses carefully. Do they
fit
your face? Do they flatter you? Do they balance your look? Are they too big? Too small? Made of good materials? Do they work with your coloring? Do they make your butt look huge?

 

As with everything else in your wardrobe, you need to buy new glasses every couple of years or so. You buy new shoes and new clothes from time to time, so why would you keep wearing glasses from 1984? If you can afford it, why not get two pairs? That way you can switch up your look and always keep it fresh.

 

I always say you should never shop alone, but that's particularly true when you're investing in something as important as eyewear. It can cost hundreds of dollars, and it's framing your most important feature. Okay, well maybe your second most important. Faces are overrated. Nonetheless you should have someone there to give you a second opinion, because you can't see everything accurately. Here's my Mr. Wizard science lesson for today: When you look at something in the mirror, you're getting a two-dimensional image. But you're a three-dimensional person, so the way things look in a mirror is not always the way they look to other people. And voilà. That's where your trusty second opinion comes in.

I hesitated to even include belts with accessories, lest you underestimate their importance and think of them as optional. Belts are not accessories in the truest sense of that word. Belts are
requirements
, people. You should probably be wearing a belt about 90 percent of the time. Have at least one for every day of the week—just as long as they don't s
ay
the names of the days of the week on them.

 

Why are belts so important? Well, I always like to say that personality starts in the crotch region, and why not draw attention to it by wearing a fantastic belt? Since men wear so few accessories, a belt can say so much about you and add flair to otherwise boring looks. Even if you only have one or two great leather straps, they're versatile. Change out the buckles, and get that much more use out of them.

 

A bad belt, on the other hand, is like a bad pair of shoes—you can spot poor quality a mile a way. If your belt is vinyl or vegetarian leather with a cheap aluminum buckle, people can tell. They notice that you're not paying attention to detail. They might not even realize it consciously, but in the back of their minds, they'll see you and think, “Hmmmm. Something just isn't right here. There's big trouble in River City.”

 

Heather has two mommies ... and you should have two different types of belts: dressy and casual. Generally speaking, skinnier belts are dressier, meant for suits and dressed-up sportswear, while chunkier, thicker belts are for wearing with casual pants—denim, cargo, roughwear, corduroys.

 

The belts that you wear with a suit should be sleek and simple. The whole point of wearing a suit is having a sophisticated, luxurious uniform that's about understatement and elegance. The belt you wear should add to that feeling. This is where you should invest in a couple of great pieces like a crocodile strap and an engine-turned buckle. Diminutive hardware in nickel, sterling, or unpolished brass on a simple leather or alligator strap is always best. These really are investments, so don't balk at spending a little more for quality. The classic styles don't change too much with the times, so if you invest in a couple of good ones now, you'll have them for the rest of your life.