OffsideChanceFormat2 (29 page)

 
“I gave her a hundred told her to keep it…so
what if Mother was right handed?” Levi picked through the food without looking
at him.

“Nothing,
I was just wondering where we got it from. It’s rare in one child, but for two…
never mind it’s stupid don’t worry about it.” Jude took a burger and opened the
wrapper. He picked off the lettuce and onion. Levi took his vegetables and
handed him his tomato. They’d done it a million times as kids.

“Same
place we got our height and our coloring. You have Mother’s face, I have his. I
don’t know where you got your brains, maybe the mailman, who knows?” Levi
smiled and bit into his burger. Jude left his burger in the box; he definitely
wasn’t hungry. “He does things to me. I can’t explain it.”

 
“Who?” Panic filled Levi’s eyes. He stopped
chewing and tried to swallow but choked instead. “Who did something to you? Our
father? I’ll kill him.”

Jude
reached across the table and took Levi’s hand in his and held it. “Our father
didn’t even know I was alive, Levi. He never did anything to me. Or for me. He
is nothing to me. At most, he’s a bad dream that comes back sometimes. I
remember the last time I saw him, but mostly I remember the blood running from
your nose. Both of your eyes were black. He did things to you. And you’re
terrified of him. But I swear, he never laid a hand on me. If that’s any
comfort to you.”

Levi
held his hand but wouldn’t meet his eyes. He stared out over the river and the
rainy weather rolling over the water. A tear dripped from his eye, catching in
the pale light. “It is. My worst fear was that he came back after I left. She
wouldn’t have protected you from him. I know I shouldn’t hate her for it. I
know she was a victim. But I was so afraid that every time the phone rang it
would be news that he’d come home and… I hated leaving you Jude. But I couldn’t
stay. You have to understand that.”

“I
do understand. You got out. And you got me out. I know what you did to get me
through the court system. I know your coach pulled strings to help me get into
school. I know he wanted you to play out another year before you went for the
draft, and you would have if I hadn’t dropped out of school. But deep down I’m
still so angry.” Jude had never admitted any of that before. “She wouldn’t be…”
He shook his head and blinked back the tears that threatened to spill. Jude was
not Levi, and he just did not cry at the drop of a hat. “I’m giving up my
practice. I’m…I don’t know what I’m going to do, but you were right, I’m burnt
out, I can’t do this anymore.”

“And
the classes? Are you dropping out of school and coming home?”

“It’s
just junk classes. A couple of business classes to possibly pave the way to an
MBA. Do I need another master’s degree? I don’t know. Maybe I’ll go back
full-time next term. Maybe I’ll take your advice and take an extended vacation.
Maybe I’ll turn pro.”

“God
help the golfing world,” Levi laughed, the smile that followed filling his
eyes. “What about Slayer?”

“What
about him? He’s got another couple of years ahead of him, if he wants to play
golf professionally then that’s up to him. Football probably pays better.”

“That’s
not what I meant and you know it,” Levi stopped laughing at him. His gaze
turned serious. “He’s not acting right. Neither of you are acting right.”

“How
should we act? It’s just sex, Levi. You should know all about that.” It was his
turn to stare unseeing out the window.

“You
meant Will when you said he does things to you. Don’t pretend that didn’t slip
past your lips. Will does things to you and now you don’t want to discuss
this.”

“What
are we? Girls? I don’t make it a habit to gossip about my sex life.”

“But
it’s good sex. He makes your body crave things that you never knew were
possible. It’s rough, and there are no apologies. And you want more.”

Jude
pretended that Levi wasn’t staring into his fucking soul at that moment, and he
tried not to show that Levi had come so close to the truth. “He made me come
without actually… he… it feels so fucking good, Levi. Everything he does to me.
Everything I do to him. I have no idea what I’m doing. I try to pretend it
never happened. He looks at me and… I want to touch him. I think I kissed him
this morning. Oh fuck, I’m so fucking screwed.”

“It’s
called your prostate, and it’s a happy little bundle of nerves that can do the
most wonderful things, and if you had a prostate orgasm then I’m thinking you
were screwed very well indeed.” Levi let his hand go and leaned back…. laughing,
the bastard was laughing at him.

“Asshole,”
Jude fought the urge to smile, there was nothing funny about it.

“Something
else must be genetic. Sensitive assholes. Just make sure he uses a condom, and
deal with it when you’re ready. I see nothing wrong with a little recreational
fucking between two grown adults. When it’s time to move on… What’s wrong with
you? You look like it’s the end of the world.”

To
Jude, it suddenly felt somewhat like the end of the world. “He didn’t. Not last
night. No condom. Just me.” He then finally said out loud the second part of
what was worrying him. “He’s slept with at least four different women since
I’ve been here. Not that they slept, not with all that noise. He’s… tell me
he’s not stupid, but he is if he didn’t bother with one with me.”

Levi
sat for a long time, his lips parted as if he meant to say something but
couldn’t think of the right words. “Pregnant… he can’t get you pregnant. He’s
terrified of being one of those men with five or six kids by different mothers.
It happens way too often around us. So… I know he’s never forgotten with any of
his women. The question is are—”

“Am
I his first…experiment? I should get tested anyway. It’s been years since I
thought about it. After Tiff… what am I going to do, Levi?”

“For
what it’s worth, I think you are his first. But if you’re asking me what to do
about falling in love… then fuck if I know, I haven’t figured that out for
myself.”

The
words were like a pick ax through his chest. Falling in love? With whom? What
the hell? “I’m not falling… are you crazy? He’s… and I’m… and no… and that’s
the problem, isn’t it? You’re in love for the first time in your life and you
think everyone around you needs to be just as sickeningly happy as you are.
Well… I’m not happy… and if you think that a knuckle dragger like William
Slater is going to make me… I just don’t want to talk about it.”

Levi
sat across from him with a look of confusion on his face as Jude avidly denied
everything he could think of to deny. A small smile curled up the corner of
Levi’s lips, but then he cleared his throat and the smile was gone. “Denial is
not just a river in Africa it seems.”

 
    
“Jesus,
Levi, will you please just forget about me and Slater and anything you think… just
wipe it from your mind, because I am not going to talk about this with you
anymore.”

“Okay,
fine. Forgotten. It was kind of icky anyway, the mental image of you riding Slayer’s—”

“Levi,”
Jude growled in warning. He wasn’t in the mood to play games anymore. “Are you
serious about buying the club from last night?”

Levi
opened his mouth to say more, but closed it. But he eventually found his words
and explained, Jude could have sworn he saw the mental gears shift as Levi went
from one topic to the next. “I am. The owner is a friend of mine. He was the
first person to discover Liv’s secret and he kept it for years. His partner is
ill. They want to sell and, well, they want to spend what time is left without
having to worry about money, and he knows I won’t change things too much. I
want this Jude.”

“Give
me the contact info and his agent’s name and I’ll see what we can do,” Jude
said, happy to finally have a topic that they could speak about without one or
the other losing it. Real Estate. This he knew. This was home territory. Buy
and sell, the art of the deal.

“I’ll
text it to you.” Levi pushed his food away without taking another bite; he
seemed nervous again. “We set the date for April when Tracy is out for spring
break,” Levi confessed, abruptly switching gears.

The
date? “Oh, okay, that was fast. I mean you just proposed last night. I thought…
okay where? Hawaii would be good, we could fly his family out. Or New York or
California.”

Levi
didn’t seem to follow. He was staring at Jude as if he’d lost his mind.
“Wedding…?

Oh,
my god, I forgot all about that. Yes. Going to marry Tracy. Just not…
Christmas, I want to wait until Christmas. I want to… Maybe Aspen in the snow.
I love the snow. Do you think Colorado will legalize same sex marriage by
December?”

“Okay,
now I’m confused, what’s in April if not that?”

“The
surgery. The surgeons and I set the date for mid-April. It will be here, the
surgeon is flying in, he’s the best in this field.” The wedding confusion was
gone, but the nerves were back.

Levi
was scared.

“Is
it risky?” Jude knew this type of surgery would be, but Levi had played down
his concerns earlier as if there was no risk at all.

“They’re
going in from the front, there’s all kinds of risk. I have two herniated disks.
They are going to remove the cartilage between them and fuse my spine together
in those spots.

It’s
close to my brain, my throat. Hell, anything can go wrong, my heart could stop,
I could be paralyzed for life… That’s what I want to talk to you about.”

“Tracy
should be the one.” He didn’t want to have this discussion. They’d made it
through Levi’s entire career with only a couple of incidents. “He should be
the—”

“You’re
my next of kin, Jude. It’s just me and you right now. He has enough to deal
with… I’m not ready for him to just jump right in and make huge decisions when
we’re still so new. I don’t want him to have to… if I don’t make it.” Levi
turned in the chair and pulled one leg up. He wrapped his arms around his knee
and rested his chin on top.

Jude
watched him dig his fingers into his jeans until the knuckles turned white. “I
had a will
drawn
up. I consulted your partner in
town, he has the original. I put instructions in my security deposit box here
in town, and I gave Tracy’s parents a copy to be opened in the event that I
don’t make it. Well, a living will that is relevant to Tracy, anyway. I don’t
want to live as a vegetable, Jude, if it goes bad, if they mess up. Just
promise me that much. No life support.”

“They’re
not going to mess up.” But they both knew the reason he was even in this
predicament was because a doctor messed up the first time. “It will be fine.”

“I
left enough money to see to Mother for the rest of her life. There’s a fund,
you won’t have to worry about it yourself. And Tracy is my partner, Jude, make
sure he’s taken care of. And I want to be cremated. I don’t want to be put in
the Alabama ground. The Royal Street house is yours, my car is Tracy’s. I want
him to have my half of our property. ”

“I’m
sure you covered it all, Levi, we don’t have to talk about it. Tracy is a good
man. I’ll take care of him.” Terror raced through Jude, and the slightly sick
feeling he’d had all morning became a case of extreme nausea. Or maybe it was
just fear.

“There’s
something else you need to know,” Levi said so softly that Jude winced.

“What
could possibly be worse than what I already know?”

Levi
squeezed his leg with all ten fingers, yet his face remained impassive, as if
he needed to hurt himself in order to get through this next part. “Her name is Annalise
Sullivan. You, Tracy, Annalise and my charities are my heirs. She won’t want
the money. But it’s hers.”

The
skin around his Levi’s lips went white as the blood drained from his face. Levi
couldn’t meet his eye. He continued to squeeze his leg, inflicting more pain to
the point that Jude could tell he was on the verge of a complete panic attack.
Jude knew he shouldn’t ask. He knew he should just nod and fall back on the
everything is going to be fine and they shouldn’t do this now mantra he ran
through his head when dealing with Levi. “Who is she?”

“I
met her at camp.” Jude barely heard him. Camp? What camp? “She was sent there
by her parents to be reformed. I found her again after I made the team,
because… I can’t… I’ve never told anyone. I… she was…” Levi closed his eyes,
his lashes were damp but no tear fell
.
 
“There was only one way they let us go home.
Only one way to prove that we were fixed. We had to prove that we weren’t gay
and there was only one way to do that.”

“Oh
my god!” Levi seemed relieved that Jude figured it out without him actually having
to come out and say it. “You were twelve years old.”

“She
was sixteen. Neither of us wants to remember. I… the things they made me do to
her.” He raked his hands through his hair and hunched over the table. “They fed
me crap to give me an erection and put us in a room together. I was twelve. I’d
never… I’m not sure I’d ever even masturbated up to that point. You asked if
they raped me, but you never asked the right questions.”