OffsideChanceFormat2 (33 page)

“I
noticed. I also noticed that Levi looks a great deal like Dylan. They have the
same coloring, same body type. They both have enough baggage to bust the tires
on a Escalade. So you’re pissed that Levi is in love and that Dylan had an affair.
And you and Levi had an affair. But Dylan was dead then…but what about when he
wasn’t dead, and you and Levi were still…involved? Or did I guess wrong there?”

“Why
am I even talking to you? It’s not like that. I’m not angry that he was with
other men. We weren’t exclusive. That was the deal. We weren’t going to wait
for each other. If the chance came to get laid, take it. That was the deal from
the beginning. We’d have time later to figure it out. Or we would find someone
else, and that would be the end of it. His enlistment was for eight years.
That’s a long fucking time to be celibate. So he fucked around, and I fucked
around. So fucking what?”

“And
then you both found someone else you could care about. He nearly died protecting
his, and you gave yours up for him. Sounds like a ton of guilt you’re carrying
around, Bo.”

“Fuck
you, Slater.”

“No,
baby, not ever going to happen,” Will teased. “I might be crazy, but I’m not
that crazy. Your boyfriend carries a
Ka
-bar and can
kill me in my sleep, remember?” That’s when the insane part of Will’s brain
kicked in. “Bo, are you afraid of Dylan?”

Bo
was on his feet before Will had a chance to blink. “No. Why should I be afraid
of him? Why the hell would you even ask that, Will?”

“Because
he’s one scary mother fucker, and I wouldn’t want to mess with him. He was
elite special forces, which means he knows how to kill people, I mean for real
kill them without anyone knowing he was ever there. And he comes off as a
walking time bomb most of the time. We joke about it. But you live with him,
you must see more of what’s really going on in his head. The loss of a limb can
be just the tip of the iceberg with someone like him. How long was he held
captive? What did they do to him? A guy who came through all of that could be
just one tick of the clock away from exploding, and you’re right here with him.
If he goes, he’s going to take you with him,” Will explained, happy to have
said out loud what he’d felt for a long time.

“He’s
not like that. He doesn’t have a temper. He isn’t… No, I’m not afraid of him.”
Bo whirled to look down on him. Shock and anger were evident on his face,
making Will think he’d overstepped. He probably had, but it was too late to
back down now.

“Then
explain to me what happened on Sunday if he doesn’t have a temper? The two of
you had to be separated like a couple of mangy dogs. Who is going to drag him
off you when he loses it in private? One day he’s going to use that
Ka
-bar on you.”

“He
would never hurt me, Will. He’d never hurt anyone… now,” Bo defended. His eyes turned
hard as he glared down at Will.

“Now?
What does that mean? Who did he try to… Levi! He found out about Levi and… that’s
what they were joking about? Dylan tried to kill Levi? Over you?”

Bo
didn’t say anything. He paced angrily around Will. “Halloween before last. The
day my dad died. Yeah, it was my fault. We weren’t... I hadn’t had sex with
anyone in months. I was... Dylan was…it was bad. I started it. Dylan wasn’t
supposed to be home for another hour, but his physical therapy was canceled,
and he walked in before anything happened. I was weak, so fucking weak. After
that, everything fell apart. Levi wouldn’t come near me. We were both… all
three so fucked up after that. Next thing I know, Levi is in the hospital, and
I can’t go see him because I’m afraid it was my fault. After that, Dylan got
help. He had known his PTSD was bad, but he thought he could handle it, but
after that, he knew it was time to see a doctor. He’s got it under control now,
with therapy and drugs. He still has nightmares, but when he has them, he’s not
dangerous… He… he’s terrified. And then he’s terrified that I can’t love him
because he’s damaged.”

“But
you do love him?”

“Yes,
I love him. It’ll take more than night terrors to make me stop loving Dylan.”

“And
Levi?”

Bo
stopped pacing as the wind began to pick up. “Yes. I love Levi. I do. But it’s
my fault that he can’t play now. He’d still be with the team if it wasn’t for
that night.”

“How
was the defense tearing through our line that night your fault? Come on man,
we’d played shitty that whole season. And it wasn’t because Levi and you were
having a lover’s spat. Nothing was working that season. Levi was off his game…
Okay, fine that makes sense now, and you were off your game, for the same
reason. What about the rest of us? Keeping the quarterback safe is our job, our
main job, and we didn’t do our job that night. They were gunning for him, all
night long. They meant to put him out of the game. I’m not sure they meant to
end his career, but that is what happened, and there were nine other people on
that field besides the two of you. We all failed Levi that night. And now his
arm is fucked up. But it’s not your fault, Bo.” Will gave Bo the same speech
he’d given himself many times since that night.
It wasn’t his fault. It was nobody’s fault. It just happened. Nothing
can change that now.

“We
let him down when he needed us.” Bo shouted back.

“Yes.
We failed as a team. From Levi on down. Hell, from the coaches on down. All of
us were responsible for the fuck up that season became. No, you know what, it
was from the owners on down. They traded away some of our key players from the
year before and drafted a bunch of rookies to take their place. That’s whose
fault that season was. Your and Levi’s relationship had nothing to do with it.
Any more than winning the year before was all on the two of you. That was all
of us. We were on fire that season. We had those two seasons back to back, and
we have the rings to prove it.”

“And
now Levi is going to have a risky operation that could leave him paralyzed, all
because we failed him,” Bo said regretfully as
he paced around Will.

“What
are you talking about? He’s fine. He looked really good at the party. He didn’t
say anything about being in pain or about any surgery.” The shock of the news
didn’t sit well with Will, but he’d taken himself out of the loop so he had no
one but himself to blame for not knowing.

“He
hides his pain. He’s good at hiding pain. He couldn’t lift his arm on the ride
home. Tracy spilled the beans about the surgery after we dropped you and Jude
off. He’s going to have that procedure Manning had done in April. He’s going to
have his spine fused in two places. It’s bad, Slayer, they fucked him up bad
that night.”

It
was Will’s turn to jump to his feet and pace. “Why didn’t he tell me?”

“I
think he was waiting until he’d talked with Jude. And Jude was preoccupied with
you. Levi didn’t want to get in between the two of you that night. He wants to
protect Jude, but he’s never seen him like this. You didn’t see his face when
you pulled him into your lap. My god, Will, he looked so happy and relaxed.
Levi didn’t want to mess that up. So he kept his mouth shut.”

“He
didn’t want to mess what up?” Will didn’t want to hear what Bo was telling him.
“There’s nothing to mess up.”

“Will,
Jude is falling for you,” Bo said as if it was common knowledge. Will snorted.
They were all so fucking out of their minds if they thought for a single minute
that Jude Brody had the ability to actually love someone. “He’s not falling for
me. He can barely stand me. He calls me a Neanderthal.”

“Well,
look at you. You’re a fucking monster compared to him. A short monster but
still a monster. And you’re head over heels in love with him so you let him call
you names. It’s sweet.” Bo had the nerve to actually laugh as he punched Will
in the upper arm.

Suddenly,
Will couldn’t catch his breath. It wasn’t the playful punch to the arm that had
him grasping for breath, though; it was the verbal punch to his gut. No. This
was bullshit. There was nothing going on but a convenient friends with benefits
thing while they… No. Absolutely no. “He’s a…he’s a man. I’m not falling in
love with a man. That can’t happen.”

“Why,
because you think you’re straight? Because Jude thinks he’s straight? You…I
think you’ve been lying to yourself most of your life. The women, the
commitment issues. I don’t think you have commitment issues because you’re
afraid of turning into your father, Will, I think you have commitment issues
because you’ve always been looking in the wrong dug out.”

“I
am not gay!”

“You
set of my
gaydar
the moment I met you.”

“I
did not. You don’t have
gaydar
or you would have
known about Levi years ago.”

“Who
says I didn’t?”

“Because
he’s better at hiding secrets than anyone I’ve ever met. I’ve known him for More
than fifteen years and he never did one thing that would make me suspicious. He
dated women. We partied together. He never looked at a dude. Always everyone’s
best friend. The good old boy from lower Alabama. With the… Stop grinning at me
like that.”

“You
crushed on Levi, didn’t you? You did.
Awwww
! He’s
your hero. You’ve put him on some pedestal, and you don’t know how to deal with
what you told yourself to forget. You wanted to be with Levi.”

“I
never wanted to be… What the hell are you talking about? He’s my friend.
Probably the best friend I’ve ever had.”

“And
Jude looks just like him. A younger version of him. Maybe a little more like
Levi looked as a freshman. You’re getting a second chance at Levi through his
brother.”

“You
fucking asshole. It’s not like that. Sure, Jude resembles Levi, some. They have
the same eyes. Same hair color. They’re the same height but that’s where the
similarities end. Jude is… he’s smart in a way that Levi isn’t. But he doesn’t
beat me over the head with how smart he is. He doesn’t care if I’m famous. He
doesn’t tell me how to play my position or if it was him how he would have
played that game. He cooks. He talks to me like I’m not some dumbass jock.” Bo
was smiling now as they paced together in a circle. “What the hell are you
smiling at?”

“You’re
in love with him, Will. With Jude and you don’t even recognize it. The next
thing you’re going to say is he doesn’t want you for your money, he is
comfortable being with you for you, blah, blah, blah. You found someone who is
the perfect match for you, and the sex is killer, but you’re fighting it with
everything you have because it turns out that the perfect woman for you isn’t a
woman at all, and you can’t take him home to meet your mother.”

“Why
does everyone keep telling me that I’m in love with Jude Brody?”

“Because
we
see it. We see the way your face
lights up when he comes in the room. We see the way you smile. The way you talk
about him even when you’re denying the attraction. You won’t say a bad thing
about him. You defend him. You did it a few minutes ago when I called him cold.
He let you in, and he gives you something you’ve never had from anyone—respect.
He respects you.

And you like that.”

“While
he calls me a knuckle dragger?”

“That’s
your weakness, Slayer, he found it early, and he uses it the same way you use
his against him when you call him ‘Judy.’ He isn’t Levi, but you know that
calling him that puts him in Levi’s shadow. And he lets you because it makes
him feel included in our ritual of giving everyone a nickname. I bet you he’s
never had a male friend treat him like one of the boys. He’s too smart

and too reserved. I
bet he was the kid that was pushed in lockers and called ‘four-eyes.’”

“And
you would know all about that because you were that kid?”

“Nobody
ever dared push me into a locker. I was blessed with brains same as Jude, yes,
but I was also blessed with brawn and a father who coached football to toughen
me up. When they pushed, I pushed back. When they pushed Dylan, I broke their
noses. I’d do that for him now. Same as you’d do it for Jude.”

“I’m
pretty sure Jude can take care of himself.” Will snorted at the thought of
anyone even trying to mess with Jude Brody. “He’s so fucking full of himself,
he glares at you as if to say ‘I will cut you if you even think it.’”

“He
keeps you in line, I bet. Somebody needed to.”

“Nobody
keeps me in line. I do as I damn well please.”

“Yeah?
When was the last time you went out? The guys are talking, Slayer. They’re
saying you’ve found some girl who takes up your nights and keeps you warm and
cozy at home. They’re taking bets on when you pull a Levi and get engaged.”

“I’m
not…” But he was. He was spending is nights at home now instead of going out
with the guys and picking up women. He was taking out the trash and washing
laundry and cleaning the kitchen. The only housekeeping he’d paid for recently
had truly been for housekeeping and no extras. Just last night he’d gone up to
bed instead of out. “Oh, my god.”

Bo
just stood there grinning like a fool. “Welcome to being in love with one person.
Isn’t it wonderful?”

“No.
No. This isn’t happening.” Will spun on his heels and started back for the
house. It was Bo’s turn to tackle him by jumping on his back to try and drag
him down. “Get off me ‘Cephus. I might not be able to outrun you, but I can
throw you across this fucking yard.”